by Solange Lopes | Jul 9, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
As busy working women, it can be a challenge to find the time and energy to shop for the right products for us. Taking a trip to the store when you’re struggling with your to-do list or getting the kids from school can be nearly impossible at all times. Hence, monthly subscription boxes to ease the shopping process.
The principle is simple. You basically pay a monthly fee, which allows you to sample products without having to commit to the full price at retail. You also don’t have to leave the privacy of your home to get the best items fitted to your lifestyle, at your convenience. While there’s always the risk that you may order something that doesn’t fit you, or looks different than advertised, the overall positives outweigh the cons.
After marriage, kids and career, my days of leisurely shopping and comparing prices as I strolled through malls and boutiques were definitely over. I frankly had no desire to drag my babies to stores filled with people. Neither did I want to spend extra time looking for what I needed. That’s how I fell in love with subscription boxes. Plus the fact that you kinda get a surprise every single month in your mailbox…
Here are my 10 favorite subscription boxes for working women:
- Sparkle, Hustle & Grow
If you’re a female entrepreneur, or have a side hustle, the Sparkle, Hustle & Growmonthly box is for you! Every month, you get four to six items, including fun and chic accessories, desk supplies, as well as books to help you be more productive at work. You also get access to powerful online resources along with being automatically added to their Facebook group.
- ShoeDazzle
I admit, I’m shoe-obsessed! While parenting and the need for more conscious budgeting has slowed my shoe habit down over time, I’m still very much into beautiful yet practical footwork. ShoeDazzlehas been my go-to for shoes for quite a while now. The principle is simple. For a monthly membership fee of $39.99, you get to pick a pair of your favorite footwear among the selection offered every 30 days. Pretty convenient and a nice treat for shoe-lovers like myself!
The website also offers a selection of apparel, accessories and bags to choose from as well. As a monthly subscriber or VIP member, you also save on the prices of items you choose to purchase.
- JustFab
JustFab is similar to ShoeDazzle, as it works on a monthly membership basis as well. In the same way, you get your own personalized shopping boutique along with VIP credits to allow you to purchase the items of your choice.
Similarly, it offers apparel, accessories and bags. One additional common feature is your ability to “skip the month”, or elect not to pay the monthly fee and purchase a new item during the month of your choice.
- Fabletics
Fableticsis the athletic alter ego to Just Fab created by Kate Hudson. It works on the same monthly membership system. However, this is all about athletic wear for women and offers plus-size options as well.
- Adore Me
Adore Me offers affordable quality lingerie on a monthly membership basis as well. The principle is also pretty simple. You take a quiz to assess your lingerie needs, and get matched with various options personalized for you.
As a member, you get to pick a lingerie set of your choice every month. Your 6thmonth is at no cost to you, and exchanges as well as shipping are also free.
- Curlbox
Calling all curly girls! Founded by entrepreneur and thought leader Myleik Teele, Curlbox’s goal is to help curly girls find the best products for their naural hair, one monthly box at a time. For $20 a month, curly girls get to try various products from established brands. All you have to do is get on the list.
- Home Made Luxe
If you’re into crafts and are a Pinterest addict, then Home Made Luxeis right up your alley. This monthly craft subscription box delivers your favorite Pinterest-worthy craft projects right to your doorstep. You’ll get all the supplies you need to create outstanding home décor projects, plus a small bonus craft for you to enjoy.
- Birchbox
If you’ve ever searched for the right mascara or night cream for weeks on end, then you know that finding the right beauty product can be a challenge. EnterBirchbox! For $10 a month, you get your own personalized mix of skincare, fragrance, hair and makeup samples delivered right to you.
- CauseBox
If you love to spend your money towards good causes, you will love CauseBox! This monthly subscription box is filled with seasonal items produced by companies to empower women, be socially conscious, and create jobs. It’s a great way to get nice products, but also give back!
- Scentbird
For the woman who loves to smell good, this monthly subscription box offers 30 days worth of brand names perfumes. For $14.95 a month, you can pick a new scent every single month through Scentbird.
Bonus:
MMLafleur
Take the work out of your workwear!MMLafleursends you a professional wardrobe that will not only fit you to a T, but also fits your style. However, this is not a subscription service. You can simply order your style Bento box whenever you’d like.
What are your favorite monthly subscription boxes for women?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Jul 6, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
When you’re a busy working woman, cooking healthy and delicious meals can be a challenge. Between running out of work to get home on time, remembering to defrost the meat or fish, and simply having enough time to shop for the right ingredients, it can be downright mission impossible.
As a working woman and mom of two who does not have any particular cooking talent, I know it all too well. However, there are great meal kits now available that can help make weeknights, and even weekend, meals a breeze.
Here are 10 of my favorite meal kits, perfect for the busy working woman in you:
5 dollar meal plan
$5 Meal Plan: For just $5 a month (yes, $5 a month), you can save on weeknight meals. You basically get delicious meal plans with meals costing about $2 a piece. The best part? You get a free 14-day free trial.
Hello Fresh
HelloFresh: You can get pre-measured ingredients to make delicious and healthy recipes right at your door every single week. All you have to do is pick your recipe, order and cook!
Blue Apron
Blue Apron: Get all the ingredients you need, already prepped and measured, to create delicious, chef-worthy recipes at your doorstep. You won’t have to suffer through the same boring weeknights recipes again.
Take Out Kit
TakeOut Kit:Scared that your meal kit will expire before you’ve had a chance to prepare it? These meal kits offer a 2-month self life and can be transported all around the world.
Gobble
Gobble: Ever wondered how you could make dinner in 15 minutes, minus the hassle and last-minute aggravation? Gobble is a cooking service that allows you to choose your meals from their diverse weekly menus. The chefs at Gobble will do all the heavy lifting, that is chopping, measuring and prepping all the ingredients. Your fresh 15-minute dinner kit will then be sent to your doorstep in a refrigerated box, and voila!
Platejoy
Platejoy: If you’ve ever wanted personalized meal plans and healthy, time-saving recipes to fit your busy working woman lifestyle, this is it! Based on advanced lifestyle quiz, custom meal plans are made for you. You can either have the necessary list of ingredients sent to you via phone or delivered to you for more convenience.
Sun Basket
Sun Basket: If you’ve been looking for a healthy meal kit service that uses organic ingredients, then you’ve found it.SunBasket will help you save money, time and energy, while cooking healthier. It also accommodates Paleo, gluten-free, vegetarian, Lean & Clean, and family plans.
Sakara Nutrition
Sakara nutrition: This service delivers plant-based nutrition as meals, supplements and snacks. Their mission is to use food as medicine through the power of plant-based eating.
Marley Spoon
Marley Spoon: Want to enjoy seasonal ingredients and some delicious Martha Stewart-approved recipes? You can order and let your tastebuds dance every time you receive your prepped meal package.
Home Chef
Home Chef: Want a healthy and delicious meal cooked at home? Give it 30 minutes from your doorstep to a fully-cooked dinner with Home Chef.
What other meal kits would you recommend?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 22, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
For many, if not most of us, summer equates with travel time. From weekend getaways with the family to girl trips, it’s a great time for working moms to get their relaxing on and spend precious quality time with family and friends. It’s also a time that can be quite expensive, because, well…traveling costs money.
Although I look forward to summer, I’m careful to be smart about budgeting my expenses as it often turns out to be the most expensive time of year for our family. Between summer camps, impromptu outings and trips, vacation and summer events, it’s easy to lose track of your budget, especially as a working mom. By the time my little ones bribe me into buying them ice cream every other day, and all the mini-trips to keep them entertained, I’m checking into my budget in sheer disbelief.
If you’re a working mom who likes to keep the reins on your summer spending without having to sacrifice all the summer fun, here are a few tips you may find useful:
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Search for the lowest flight and hotel rates with comparison sites
Repeat after me: I will never pay full-price for another flight or hotel again! When you add to it your two or three (or more) little ones paying full-price only to end up on your lap, you realize how important it is to save money on your flight prices.
Use comparison sites such as Trip Advisor, or Pricelineare great for finding reasonabley priced flights. Other well-known comparison sites include Hotwire, Cheap Flights, as well as Trip Advisorand Expedia. CheapOAirand Travelocityare also some of my favorites.
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Take up road-tripping
As a non-adventurous mom, I never thought going on road trips would be remotely fun for me. However, after being coerced into a car with two little humans, I have to admit it can be quite the interesting adventure. It allows the entire family to experience various areas, cities and states, while still being able to observe pit stops and go at a reasonable pace.
I would advise taking advantage of some amazing car rental rates to save money on road trips. Companies such as Dollar Rent-a-carand Thriftyare reasonable options price-wise.
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Save on transportation costs with Uber
When visiting a city, take advantage of the low prices and convenience of Uber. It has become my transportation of choice when I travel, as I can find Uber drivers pretty much anymore. There are many cost-effective options available, from being in an Uber pool with other riders to more exclusive ridership options.
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Stay at an Airbnb
If you don’t want to pay hotel rates, how about considering the Airbnb option? These accomodations are rented out by their owners and usually come at a less expensive price than regular hotel rates.
Besides, it’s fun to visit a place by staying in a local home and experiencing what living like a local feels like.
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Cruise it up
If you don’t want to fly anywhere, cruises can be a good, and less pricey alternative. With the cost of flights constantly increasing and no longer including certain amenities such as snacks, meals, or Wifi, cruises end up being more economical.
Companies such as Princess Cruiseshave a strong reputation for fun and price-conscious cruises. Sightseeing cruises provided by companies such as City Cruises are also economical and fun to experience.
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Use credit cards for travelers
There are many cards that offer numerous travel advantages. However, as a working mom, there are some in particular that are best for traveling families because of the great rewards they offer.
I particularly like the low-fee cards such as the Capital One Venture One Rewards card which keep your annual fees low. In addition, these cards tend to also offer access to car rental and accident protection, as well as emergency travel assistance.
Another good option consists in branded airline and hotel credit cards. These allow you to accrue points based on your mileage, which can even end up getting you some free trips. A popular one is the Gold Delta Sky Miles credit card.
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Travel during off-peak seasons
Costs can creep up pretty significantly as the family grows. This is why it may be more beneficial for families to make travel arrangements during off-peak seasons. The prices tend to be more affordable then, and there tend to be less crowds as well.
Another option is to purchase your tickets well in advance to lock the best prices. The longer you wait, the more the prices creep up.
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Check rates around 4:30pm EST on Tuesdays
Interestingly enough, it appears that rates tend to be lower on Tuesdays at 4:30pm. Many customers report paying significantly lower prices for flights and other travel accomodations then. In any case, it’s good to check on the fluctuation of prices often so as to catch any decrease in rates.
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Pack snacks and food
You can never go wrong packing your own snacks and food, especially as you travel with kids. Having fruits, vegetables, and other healthy foods on hand will save you lots of money (and time) on the road (or in the air). You can easily spend hundreds of dollars on fast-food and other snacks as you travel if you don’t take earlier precautions.
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Take cash with you
In general, taking physical cash helps curb excessive spending, especially when surrounded by children asking for the next snack or toy around. As you’re traveling, make sure to carry cash with you. This will not only serve in case of emergencies, but also to limit your expenses to what you have on hand.
Over to you: What are your best tips to save money on travel as a working mom?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister
by Solange Lopes | Jun 20, 2018 | Career, Working Mom & Woman Tips
It takes a village. Not just to raise a child, but to live our best lives as women. It’s challenging to be truly successful alone, if possible at all. As much opposition that there seems to be among women, in and outside of the workplace, the truth is, we need each other to be fully flourishing and successful, whatever our definition of success is. As working women, we do need a tribe of supportive women to surround and accompany us on our personal and professional journeys.
As the proverbial independent woman, I was taught that you can accomplish success alone. However, the more I was around other powerful and strong women in their own right, the more I realized that our impact is not diminished but rather multiplied when we’re in the right tribe of women.
Yet, it can be challenging to find the right tribe for us, especially considering the barriers and obstacles imposed on women in and outside of work. From the “Queen Bee” syndrome, which mandates that only one woman can hold the power in a given organization, to the many false stereotypes and preconceptions about women being unable to collaborate and work together, there are indeed many challenges. This is not about being part of a clique or exclusive group of women reminiscent of high school. Rather, it’s about building an empowering circle whose main goal is to help the women in it maximize their potential and fulfill their God-given purpose.
Through my discussions with my women friends and many working women around me, and by experiencing myself the power of being part of a tribe of supportive women, I learnt about what it takes to build it for ourselves. If like me, you’re always looking to build or strengthen a tribe of supportive women around you, these pointers may help:
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Work on yourself first
Any relationship you may have starts with you! Before even thinking of entering or building a tribe, you must first consider working on yourself. You can’t pour out of an empty cup, neither can you be a full part of any relationship unless you are full yourself! When I say full, I mean filled with your own authenticity, purpose and worth. This is not to say that you must be perfect, no one is. However, you must work on yourself to clean up any mental or spiritual clutter that may affect your relationships with other women, and be accepting of yourself so you in turn can accept others.
One recurring message I heard throughout my youth is that you cannot trust other women. As a result, I grew more distrustful of my peers, which created a block in my relationships with other women for a long time. It took self-exploration and self-work to understand these mental patterns, and eradicate them from my mind. It also took working on my self-esteem and self-worth in order to accept myself as I am, so I in turn could be more accepting of others.
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Look for leadership characteristics
Building or strengthening a tribe of strong and powerful women requires certain leadership characteristics in all parties involved. You cannot build strong relationships based on weak character. This is the reason why relationships and friendships are so crucial, as they mirror who we are and help us develop into the people we need to be in order to have healthy and fruitful interactions.
This is also why it’s so important to look for leadership characteristics in your fellow tribe sisters. The goal here is to empower each other, so we must all do the work on ourselves. Unfortunately, we also all have seasons during which we may not be a right fit for each other, and it’s ok.
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Be open-minded
Very often, we miss out on wonderful connections and relationships because we’re not open-minded enough. A tribe of supportive women is made out of all different women with different tastes, likes, dislikes and abilities. The more open-minded we are, the more we can build fruitful and positive relationships that help us empower and strengthen each other.
The most positive relationships are most often those in which opposites are connected and help strengthen each other through their differences. Be open-minded enough to get to know women who do not look like you, do not move or think like you. You may find out that there is such a wealth of perspectives, knowledge and wisdom to be found around us.
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Don’t be afraid to walk away from relationships that don’t fit
Building a tribe of supportive women also means knowing when to walk away from interactions that are simply not the right fit for us. This is not to condemn anyone, or cast a judgment upon anyone. The reality is we all need to work on different areas of our lives. As we go through different seasons, we must also realize that some relationships and connections, and by extension some tribes, are just for us. We must also muster the courage to walk away from these and seek the tribes that are truly for us.
There’s always some level of guilt associated with walking away from certain relationships. However, it doesn’t have to be a conflicting situation. Rather, it can simply be a peaceful understanding that it may be better to explore other relationships for the time being.
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Support, not competition!
The point here is to foster a supportive, not a competitive community. Unfortunately, we’ve been conditioned as women to compete against each other, as we were made to believe that there is only room for one of us at a time. This is one of the greatest fallacies of time, which seeks to pin women against each other, and thus diminish our influence and impact.
Instead, seek to build a tribe that is focused on supporting each woman reach their potential and accomplish their purpose.
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Honesty is key
Honesty is crucial when it comes to building such a tribe. Often, in attempts to protect others or ourselves, we shy away from being our most transparent selves. A solid tribe of women who support each other is one where honesty is the rule and not the exception. Dare to speak up and confront your fellow sisters when necessary, and establish a foundation of trust.
While certain conversations can be hard to be had, it’s important to get past the initial discomfort to address potential or existing issues. It’s also one of the best ways to get to know your fellow sisters and learn to face challenging situations together.
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Honor yourself
Last but not least, always honor yourself. Being part of a tribe of women doesn’t mean denying oneself. On the contrary, it’s an act of self-love and communal love that says: “I value myself enough to surround myself with strong, supportive women whom I support and who support me in achieving my God-given purpose.”
Now your turn: How have you built your own tribe of supportive women?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 19, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
As a working mom, summer can be interesting juggling acts. You may have to combine your work, with the kids being out of school, vacation planned, and the inevitable slowdown that comes with the warmer months. While it may seem like it’s all about weekend getaways, tropical vacations and happy hours, the reality is that summertime is also a serious balancing exercise for most working moms.
I used to dread summertime, wondering how to keep the kids entertained while working, packing the right way to go on vacations, having a good time, and not breaking the bank in the process. The result? Instead of relaxing and taking advantage of the summer slowdown, I would be exhausted come September.
What I learnt after many overly packed summers is to actually use a few key tips to manage my career and life as a working mom:
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Mindset first
It always starts with your mindset. If you anticipate that your summer will be exhausting and packed with to-do’s, chances are it will be. Start by taking it easy on yourself, and envision yourself actually having a good time. Let go of the anxiety of controlling every single detail, and instead allow for spontaneity and surprises to come your way. The point is, you must decide ahead of time that this will be a great summer!
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Let go of perfection and guilt
I know as a working mom, I tend to want everything perfectly organized and planned. I also tend to experience guilt when I’m not as productive as I thought I would be, or when the kids aren’t as entertained over the summer. The result is usually a lot of stress stemming for unrealistic pressures and expectation.
Instead, let go of perfectionism and guilt. Yes, there will be times when the kids will be bored, and it’s actually good for their creativity and overall balance. Yes, you might miss a deadline at work, or the vacation may not go as planned. It’s ok, it’s called life.
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Set expectations
While you may want to let go of unrealistic personal or professional expectations you or others may impose on you, you also have to set your own so as not to end up overwhelmed and frazzled. If you’ve asked or are planning to ask for a flex schedule at work because you have to pick up the kids at certain times, make sure to set some clear expectations as to your availability with your team and management. If you have vacation time scheduled, or need to start later or leave earlier, be sure to communicate it early enough and stand by it.
In the same way, set expectations with your family in terms of what you can and cannot do. There is no use driving yourself insane serving as the chauffeur, vacation planner, playdate facilitator, if it’s going to leave you begging for your sanity at the end of the summer.
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Have some REAL downtime
How about having some REAL downtime? Not the kind of downtime when you bring your laptop with you, or grab some unfinished work to tackle as you’re sitting poolside. Not even the kind of downtime when you check on your family and friends, scroll through Instagram, or catch up on email. I’m talking about the kind of downtime when you do absolutely NOTHING!
If you must, pencil it in in your calendar, enlist the help of your hubby or a trusted friend to watch the kids, and enjoy the pleasures of doing absolutely nothing, nada, ziltsch! The other day, I caught myself sitting at the park while the kids were busy drenching themselves in sand, and for once in a while, it was pure bliss to not do anything (and not feel guilty about it)!
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Automate, automate, automate!
Repeat after me: Technology is your friend! Which means, whenever you can, you should seek to automate as much as you can. From your bill payment, to your appointments and even certain services you get, automate, automate, automate! Not only does it free up precious brain space, but it also allows you to re-purpose all this administrative time into pure fun or well…a nap!
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Set reminders
Summers are busy for working moms! In between camp activities, vacations, work, playdates and other fun mommy activities, you’re bound to forget something. Set reminders as much as you can to help you keep track of what you have to do. I remind myself that I have kids and they must be bathed and dressed daily, because: full brain!
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Seek help
It takes a village, even in the summer! Don’t hesitate to ask for help this summer as you handle the kids, your work, the vacation planning, and everything else in between! You don’t have to do it all. Leave the kids with the hubby for an afternoon as you go read a book at the local café. Enlist the help of your family so you can take off for a girls’ getaway. Look for a kids’ daycare at the vacation resort so you can enjoy that spiked margarita poolside. Or just hide out in the bathroom and read a page of your favorite summer read. Whatever the case is, consider seeking help so you can recharge over the summer, minus kids’ cries that is.
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Turn off social media
Unplug, unplug, did I say, unplug! There is no true relaxation unless you turn off social media. As entertaining as it may seem, it nevertheless keeps putting added pressure on us to keep informed of what everyone else is doing. Which also takes additional space in our already busy and crowded minds. This summer, challenge yourself to unplug at least once a week, and use this newfound brain space to relax!
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Stop comparing
Along the same lines as turning off social media, refrain from comparing your summer with every other working mom around. Yes, you may be vacationing locally this year while your sister is jet-setting on a yacht along the Amalfi coast. Or you may be working your behind off to launch your business while everyone else is lounging on the beach. The point is, you don’t have to do what everyone else does. You don’t really know what they’re going through, so stop comparing yourself to them. Instead, enjoy what you have, make the best of your summer, and find joy in all you do.
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Be present
Last but not least, simply enjoy the moment and be present. When you’re at the beach with the kiddos, be at the beach with the kiddos. When you’re answering that email before taking off for the day, be there to answer that email to the best of your abilities. My point is, instead of looking forward to the next moment, the next vacation, the next quiet moment, just be there enjoying the present time!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 8, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
The need for validation is one that many, if not most of us, experience in our work and life. After all, it feels good to be recognized and validated at work and in life by our friends, family, peers and others. In your career, this need for validation may express itself in your need to have your work and accomplishments recognized by your team, managers and others around you. In our personal lives, it comes most often as a need to have our choices, ideas and even personality accepted and validated by others, especially those who are closest to us.
However, this need of validation also comes at a cost, especially for us as working women. It makes us vulnerable to criticism, negative comments, and even jealousy and ill intentions from those around us. In the era of social media especially, where most people sometimes share the most intimate parts of their lives expecting clicks and comments signifying approval, admiration and even envy at times, it can be difficult to escape this need for validation. We feel like if our parents and siblings are not on board with our careers or our next entrepreneurial idea, that there must be something wrong with us. We think that because our personal lifestyle choices, from the way we dress to the relationships we choose to have, are not widely approved, they must not be that great.
As a working woman and a working mom, I’ve often struggled with this need for validation. I was born and raised in my beautiful home country of Senegal, where women unfortunately did not have much of a voice back then, pretty much like in the world. In addition to this, cultural values and traditions also imposed on many of us, from the right age to be married, to the right choice of work, to the right age to bear children and how to raise them, there were and still are many precepts according to which women are expected to live. I grew up then believing that there are right to do as a woman and other things to be avoided. Which is fine, until you start believing that the differentiator between these right and wrong things is rooted in other people’s opinions and validation.
As working women and mothers, it can be easy to fall into the validation trap. After all, it’s more comfortable to be validated and appreciated by those around us. It’s less demanding to do work that is likely to gain widespread approval than to stand behind a controversial piece of work. It’s easier to be the woman and mother that everyone expects to be rather than apply your own beliefs and opinions to your personal journey. Yet it is only easier on the surface. The cost of needing validation is letting go of your authenticity and of the limitless possibilities that lie ahead of you. It is abdicating your powers to shape your success the way you define it and understand it rather than to base it on external expectations.
So how do we rid ourselves of this need for validation as working women, without losing our sanity, our networks and our professional significance? How can you as a smart, ambitious and thriving working woman, preserve your right to do work and live a life that you truly enjoy without the pressure of seeking validation, is a question I have often asked myself. The truth is, striking out on your own and making peace with the fact that you will not have the comfort of external validation, is difficult. However, there are steps to empowering yourself and taking the right actions towards turning this need for validation most of us experience, into a powerful tool for self-development.
Always to knowledge the problem.
Look at the way you react in professional and personal settings. Are you the one waiting and looking for approval before you can add your own stamp of originality onto a given project? Does the sting of criticism pierce you so much that it paralyzes you to the point of lessening your powers of initiatives? At work and in life, are your relationships based on whether others approve of you are not? Are you unable to function when you face rejection and discipline?
This may translate into too much time seeking others’ approval, time that you can instead use to develop your own talents and abilities. If you answer yes to two or more of these questions, the need for validation is a real threat in your personal life. However, it is certainly not an insurmountable problem. What it does is teach you about some of the inaccurate and hurtful beliefs you may have about yourself. Beliefs such as “you are not enough“, “you can’t do it on your own”, or “you don’t have what it takes”. It is not so much the validation-seeking behavior that you should target, as the beliefs buried under this behavior. In order to change the way you approach your work and life in terms of seeking validation, you must learn to recognize these false beliefs first.
Change the way you see yourself.
Confidence, as I have learned, it’s not a skill you must be born with. It is one that you can acquire by challenging yourself to stretch beyond your own limitations and do those things that you don’t think you can or are not equipped to do, in order to reach the goals and objectives you have set for yourself. It is a process that involves taking action and growing by doing. When it comes to releasing your need to be validated others, it’s a matter of doing the inner work first..
I was recently listening to an episode of the Redefining Wealth with Patrice Washington podcast, more specifically to an episode in which she was interviewing Essence’s Senior Editor and author of Boss Bride Charreah Jackson, and discussing the concept of the “Crazy 8”. It’s the exercise of jotting down the eight craziest things you dream to have happened in your life and devising action steps to get there. It’s in my opinion such a powerful way to see yourself as a victor rather than a victim over your circumstances, in addition to speaking your own miracles into existence. There are other ways that you can learn to see yourself differently by projecting yourself into the future and actually devising and executing action steps to help you achieve your most ambitious goals and objectives. Allowing yourself to see yourself as this woman who can score the promotion, write the book, start the business, and achieve so many other great things, will help release you of the need to seek approval.
Understand that others are not required to support you.
Your ideas, personality, looks or vision were given to you for a reason. Most often, this result has nothing to do with what others think about you. Many will not like or support the person you are, or the ideas and vision that come from you, because they are not you. I have learned that acceptance and validation is not only an exercise in time-wasting, but is also one of the biggest deterrents of dreams and innovation.
If the idea were to be executed by everyone else, then it would’ve already been. If the product were to be created by everyone else, then it would’ve already been. If the job were for everyone else, then it would have already been as well. You are in this seat, this position, this business for a reason. You are faced with this opportunity, this challenge, because you are the right person entrusted to bring it to life. As such, you cannot demand or expect that others join your ranks and validate you in one form or the other, simply because it is not their responsibility to do so. Does it feel comforting to have the support and approval of those close to you? Certainly. Is it absolutely necessary for you to slay your goals and become the best version of yourself? No. The process of life and the journey of rising up to become the best version of ourselves is one that can be lonely, so pick your battles, do the work, and clap for yourself. The point is, validation is for parking tickets, not you.
Last but not least, step up to be the leader of your life.
Remember that this is your life, your career, and ultimately the decisions that lead to the best version of yourself. While well-meaning family and friends may also want the best for you, that is their version of what is best for you. As enticing as it may be, your version of what is best for you is based on who you are and what your dreams are, and is always best.
At work, managers and executives are not picked based on their ability to be validated, despite the sometimes negative impact of office politics. Their leadership is measured by their ability to stand up for the mission of the team, department and company as well as their own personal mission. It is this the ability to stand behind their work and at times challenge the status quo, as opposed to going the conventional route of popularity and public validation, that separates effective leaders from their wannabe counterparts.
In the same way, as you step up in your career, business and life, it’s crucial that you reject the idea that your best achievements are based on public validation. The need for validation has killed more dreams and held back too many successful careers. Remember the only validation you need is yours.
With love,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | May 24, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it’s got me thinking about how we, as working women, face mental health challenges at work and in life. As I did some research, I found out that according to the National Institute of Mental Health, there were over 44.7 million adults over the age of 18 suffering from a mental illness in the United States. Of these, 21.7% affected were women, as opposed to 14.5% being men.
Yet, women, especially working women, are among the least likely to admit their mental health struggles. So many of us are socialized to appear a certain way and play a given part, whether at work or in life. We’re expected to be the nice, caring, supportive ones, who take one (or many) for the team. Yet, we’re also supposed to be resilient, strong, and virtually unbreakable in the face of the many demands and pressures placed on us, whether professionally or personally. In other words, we’re expected to have it all together, and keep it that way. From the working mother who plans the perfect birthday party while managing to finish the audit report, to the mompreneur up until 2am while the kids are asleep, not to mention the stay-at-home mom juggling meals, laundry and soccer games, while still looking human.
In the midst of our unending to-do lists, un-folded laundry and big projects, it can be easy to forget our mental health. Truth is, it’s more convenient to do so. After all, who wants to admit that they don’t have it all together? How many can honestly admit to grappling with bouts of depression or anxiety? Not many. Society, especially this social media obsessed, appearances-minding, keep-up-with-the-Joneses, all-is-well-in-the-best-of-worlds, society, doesn’t exactly cast a kind eye on people, and women in particular, who are not strong enough.
In my native Senegalese culture, the Wolof term “sutura” alludes to this need to keep face, even when submerged with issues, out of human dignity and honor. While this was an honorable concept back in the days, It has slowly turned into a “saving face” contest. Many resort to putting themselves in debt, or pretending to be well off and happy, more out of a sense of personal pride than dignity. In the same way, some spend thousands of dollars to “stunt on the ‘gram”, and impress others with what they don’t really have. As a result of all this, taking care of one’s mental health, especially as a working woman, has become a tremendous challenge.
As a working mom of 2 and a budding entrepreneur, I have experienced, like so many other working moms, times when I was mentally at my worst. Those were times plagued with fatigue, insecurities, and high personal and professional stress. Yet, it took me a long time to give myself permission to acknowledge the importance, and at times fragility of my mental health. It has taken me even longer to commit to proactively protecting it. There are so many taboos and silences around mental health issues, from depression to anxiety and suicide. This is especially prevalent at work where many working women have to put on a professional mask, which perpetuates this culture of mental health avoidance.
What can you do as a busy working woman to take care of your health in a proactive, dignified and most importantly effective manner? It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times. Along my personal and professional journey, I’ve been fortunate to find and receive some guidance in this area that I’d like to share.I’ve also been comforted by the fact that we’re never alone in our own journey when it comes to caring for our mental health. We’re walking alongside so many other women who are trying their best, and also striving to protect their own mental health.
Here are some tips on taking care of your mental health as a working woman:
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Acknowledge your mental health struggles
It begins with being honest with yourself, and more particularly the struggles you’re encountering with regards to your own mental health. If you’re not feeling like yourself, are unusually tired and sad, or continuously feel a sense of impending doom, chances are your mental health is seriously suffering. Consider discussing this with your doctor, and getting a recommendation for a psychologist. Do not just dismiss your symptoms, self-medicate or wait for it to pass.
If you ask me, I think every single person should see a psychologist at least once. As a matter of fact, everyone should periodically check in with a psychologist. The reason for it is that we all go through complex experiences and face dire challenges and obstacles in our work and life. We all process them differently, not realizing the heavy impact they may have on us. Being able to speak to someone who is detached and qualified enough to help you come to terms with your own experience is key.
To Do: Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your mental health struggles, if only to yourself at first. You can’t solve an issue you won’t recognize. Understanding that your mental health is one of your most important assets goes a long way in being purposeful, successful and happy at work and in life.
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Stop the elephant in the room syndrome: Talk about it
Mental health is the proverbial elephant in the room for many working women. As an introvert and a pretty private person, simply admitting that I was stressed was a challenge. Never mind sharing some of my difficult moments with others…
As working women, especially as women of color, talking about our mental health struggles feels counter-intuitive. For many of us, the way we were raised and our cultural environments also preclude us for discussing the elephant in the room. Instead, we tip toe around it, pushing ourselves to be strong even when we need to heal and take care of ourselves.
To Do: Find trusted friends or colleagues to confide in, and release the tension that may be accumulating inside of you. Consider consulting with a mental health professional as well to learn ways to cope with your particular sources of stress.
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Set some boundaries!
Have you found yourself over-committed, burdened and as a result, depressed and anxious? Or do you take on so much (and so many people) that you end up losing your own sanity? Even better, do you allow life, work and its circumstances to overwhelm you to the point of sacrificing your own mental well-being? I know I have…We may all have at some point of another. After all, it comes with the territory, as a woman, wife, mom, sister, etc…
I was having a conversation earlier with a sister friend of mine, and both of us were discussing how challenging it is for us as working women to say no. Whether it’s declining yet another invitation to help on a project because we already have so much on our plates, or saying no to a commitment we cannot afford to take on, or even refusing to be treated a certain way, setting clear boundaries is key to our good mental health.
To Do: Learn to say NO! Don’t feel guilty for declining a commitment, staying away from someone, or simply taking the time to care for yourself. Without the proper controls on your work and life, you’re putting your mental health at risk.
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Take some time out
Sometimes, you’ve just got to bow out and take some time out for yourself. As a matter of fact, you should do it regularly to avoid burnout and mental exhaustion. As working women, we tend to run ourselves ragged in search of the perfect work-balance, which by the way doesn’t exist. We feel guilty for not being more accomplished at work. We feel guilty for not being the perfect wives, mothers, friends and sisters we believe we should be. By the time we’re done completing all our projects, fixing the perfect dinner, answering all our text messages and returning calls, we’re on the verge of losing our edges. I know I am…
I’ve now made it a tradition to take some serious time out, including from social media, constant work and even my own kids and family. The hubby and I manage our schedules so that each of us can spend some time alone on weekends or on some week nights. It’s not just about balance, it’s about sanity!
To do: Schedule some time out for yourself and pencil it in your calendar just as you would any other important commitment. Steer away from work, family and social media, and use this time to refresh and do something you really enjoy. It may be a mani-pedi, reading a book or just staring at the ceiling, your choice!
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Help eliminate the stigma around mental health
As working women, we unconsciously tend to repeat the mental health stigma around us by not showing ourselves the grace needed to care for ourselves. It’s by allowing yourself to be honest enough to recognize mental health is important, and that we all may suffer from issues around it, that you allow other working women to do the same. By the way you care for yourself, set boundaries around your life, you also inspire other working women to do the same.
Most importantly, by being willing to talk about it, you also contribute to destigmatizing the issue of mental health among working women. It takes being vulnerable to show the power that exists in healing so we can be the best version of ourselves.
To Do: Stop and pay more attention to the other women around you. Be willing to be vulnerable and share some of your struggles, not as a sign of weakness but as a sign that we all go through similar struggles and need to support each other in the process. Last but not least, refrain from judging another working woman who’s struggling at the moment, as you may have already been in her shoes.
All in all, taking care of your mental health as a working woman is a priority you should devote your time, attention and energy to. Being honest and forthcoming about the issues you’re facing, sharing them with the right people, setting boundaries and taking some time out can help. By taking care of your mental well-being, you can also help empower other women and reduce the terrible stigma around mental health.
Now your turn: How do you take care of your mental health?
To Your Success,
Solange.
