Sitting in the waiting room at the dance class studio while my daughter was taking ballet, after arriving rushedly a few minutes late, I looked around at all the other parents around me. Most of them were moms, and most of them, were looking slightly, or very…tired. It was 6pm, the class went until 7pm, which means for many, if not most of us, we were grappling with the thought of picking some quick food on way home, or trying to desperately remember if there were any leftovers in the fridge. And yes, most of us probably do this more than once a week, in addition to handling the household load and professional obligations…’Tis the era of the successful, glass-ceiling, concrete-wall breaking, but oh so tired working Supermom!
I was raised by a single working mom, so from a very early age, I already was all too-well acquainted with the challenges of what I would always think of as “complicated motherhood”. The kind that requires one to be a mom and a dad, to work and clean the house and cook the meals and balance the checkbook…Yet, even for non-single working moms, when you fast-forward to the present times of “leaning in” and “sitting at the table”, you quickly realize that in some way modern moms have also signed up for “complicated motherhood”, the SuperMom kind. Except after dropping off the kids to school, commuting to work, holding her own at work, picking up the kids, driving to extra-curricular activities, figuring out dinner, bedtime, and everything in between, SuperMom gets seriously tired…
The amount of obligations and requirements the popular modern definition of success for working moms has heaped on our plates is astounding. What’s even more astounding, is that we still bravely, fiercely, and sometimes unconsciously, strive to check in all the boxes, satisfy all the requirements, and play all the parts we’ve been assigned and have assigned ourselves as well. That’s how our SuperMom capes get so heavy, as they fill up with social activities, personal and professional responsibilities, and worse of all, the ever-looming sense that as our to-do lists get longer and less effective as ever, we are not enough. And in turn, we teach our daughters and our sons to have the same unrealistic and destructive expectations we, and the rest of the world, throw at ourselves.
In the modern era of the working mom who can have it all, it may be high time to opt for having all that matters instead, and ditch our super-sheroes capes in favor of our fulfillment, purpose and sanity:
Assess what’s truly IMPORTANT and IN ALIGNMENT with you and your family:
When you’re a working mom, everything seems important, from the kids’ lunch menu form to the meeting at work. It’s as if we had this “IMPORTANT” basket right on top of our heads, day in and day out, that we desperately try to keep in balance at all times. We’re trying to devise the dinner menu while on the conference call, checking the time to make sure we’re not late for after-school pickup and the kids’ dance and soccer practice. Too much!
What is truly IMPORTANT to you and your family? What are those non-negotiables you need to agree on with your partner and your children? After hectic months of running around in sheer exhaustion between work, home and school, we had to have those important conversations in our household. Without agreement, alignment, and a sense that we’re all in alignment with our current purpose and goals, it doesn’t work…
Recognize your limitations
Moms are powerful. Like everyone else, they also have limitations. It’s called being human, which also means making it to the 8am meeting after dropping off the kids probably won’t leave room to wash all the dishes in the sink. Or that not having a minute to yourself as you try to climb the corporate ladder will not let you enjoy family time.
Admitting that in each season of your life and work, you will have limitations, is key. Not as an admission of guilt, or a sign you’re giving up, but as a gentle reminder slowing down is a blessing. What are the limitations you know you’re facing? Where can you cut down on time and effort? What can you take off your plate?
Be more present
The problem with overachieving is the more you try to fit into your busy schedule, the less you’re able to be present for it all, mentally, physically and spiritually. Are you barely listening to the kids as you’re trying to make dinner and be on the conference call all at once? Do you notice your temper getting shorter by the second as you try to do three things at once? It may be time to invest in less busyness and more actual presence…
I remember the feeling of being engrossed in a book for hours, enjoying every single sentence, treasuring every single word as I l crouched hidden as a child in my closet with a candle on to finish (or start) a book. If you are a book lover and bookworm like myself, you know the feeling. And then life happened, kids happened, pick-ups and drop-offs along with work schedules and the whole “adulting” thing, took over. Gradually, as a working mom, I was barely getting to one page a day, then a week, then the babies started ripping pages off my favorite books, when these would not accidentally slip in the toilet as I struggled to hide in the bathroom to sneak some personal mama time. Before I knew it, I had almost given up on books as a source of learning and as pure, unadulterated joy, for lack of time to read.
Reading has been proven to have a plethora of benefits, from mental stimulation that can slow the progress of dementia and Alzheimer’s, to reducing stress, increasing knowledge and vocabulary, to improving memory, concentration and focus, to cite a few. Many of the most successful and influential individuals, from Oprah to Bill Gates, credit reading for much of their inspiration and achievements. For me, it’s always been a source of escape, and my favorite way to learn about anything. As a student, it has allowed me to grasp the most complex concepts. As a working woman, it’s been my saving grace to acquire the skills I needed, and as a writer and teacher, the fuel to my inspiration and the essence of my life’s work.
Giving up on it as the pressures of life, parenting and work accumulated felt like an unfair punishment, in addition to a blatant disadvantage as a working woman and mom. The more intentional I decided to be about how I spent my time and what to say yes to, the more it became crucial to re-establish reading as a part of my schedule. Here are some ways that helped me do so, and that may help you as well as you make more time to enjoy the pleasures and benefits of reading:
Make reading a part of your sacred time
When I started re-prioritizing my time and how I spent it, I began to re-classify some of what I call my pillar activities as my sacred time. These include my prayer and worship, meditation, family, exercise and reading time, as my sacred time. By sacred, I mean non-negotiable, at all. For me, it means reading for 30 minutes a day at the very least, usually early in the morning or at bedtime. It also means letting go of non-sacred activities, such as browsing social media, or watching TV, in order to fit some yummy book-reading in. At the end of the day, it’s all a matter of priorities.
One effective way to make more time for reading is to make it a family activity. I love public libraries, and as a new mom on maternity leave, I would often sit at the local library for hours with the babies reading while they would play or nap. It later turned into a regular family activity, which also instilled in my kids a love for reading. As they carve out their own time to read, I also now take it as an opportunity to enjoy a good book myself. And voila, it works for everyone!
Consider technology as a way of reading too
I recently started listening to audiobooks and to my surprise, I really enjoy listening in on a good book on my long commutes to work and school. It’s another way I found to get some reading in, especially when driving, doing laundry or cleaning the house. Granted, I still prefer my good old paper books (blame it on habit), especially when it comes to fiction books. I find it easier to listen to a non-fiction, practical book than a fictional account, but it’s mostly personal preference.
If you’ve been considering giving up on reading, or have been struggling to fit it in as part of your schedule, I hope these suggestions motivate and inspire you to continue to invest in yourself through books.
How will you make more time to read as a working mom?
As busy and at times overwhelmed working moms, thinking further than the next drop-off or pickup, the next meal, or the next school form to fill out can be far-fetched. We’re so often caught with the demands of the moment that long-term planning can fall by the wayside. Especially when this long-term planning involves uncomfortable, and downright somber possibilities such as the case in which something should happen to us, and we could no longer be around our families and children. This falls under the definition of estate planning, which while sounding like a dark topic, is also one that working moms like you and I should get familiar with, and take action on.
According to Investopedia, estate planning is the “preparation of tasks that serve to manage an individual’s asset base in the event of their incapacitation or death.” This includes the guardianship of any living dependents, such as children, naming beneficiaries of insurance and retirement plans, naming executors and power of attorney to oversee and direct assets in the process, and many more planning tasks.
I remember meeting with my first financial advisor, and broaching the topic of estate planning. Saying it was a highly uncomfortable conversation is nothing short of an understatement. The prospect of anything happening to any of us is a rather terrifying one, let alone having to plan for it. However, life happens, circumstances are often out of our control, and may end up leaving our loved ones in dire straits for lack of adequate planning and preparation. This is actually what happens to 70% of Americans who leave this Earth without a will.
As working moms, it’s also our responsibility to help plan for the future and well-being of our children and families. If this is something you have thought about and would consider, here are a few steps to help us get started:
Introduce and continue the conversation
This is hard to think about, let alone talk about, so it is understandable that you may feel awkward and even stressed broaching the topic. However, keeping in mind the well-being of your family can help in the process, and you can start with your spouse, significant other, or a trusted loved one. It need not be an elaborate discussion, but rather the honest asking of questions such as: “Who would take care of the kids if anything happened to me/us?”, or “What would happen if I fell ill?”, or “How will things and assets be divided up in case of unplanned circumstances?”
This also means continuing the conversation with the people you and your partner, or you on your own, if you happen to be single, have picked to fulfill various roles as part of your estate planning. These may be your potential executors, children’s guardians, or individuals to be entrusted with power of attorney. It would make sense to first discuss with them the possibility of their fulfilling these roles, and whether or not they agree to do so and are aware of what it entails.
Begin the process
The most immediate basics that most people start with when it comes to estate planning consist in setting up a will and establishing life insurance. Many have life insurance already set up from their workplaces, however it is important to check whether those insurances do indeed cover all foreseeable needs should something happen. This is especially relevant if your family is dependent on your income.
As for a will, it can be easily done online, although you may want to check with a professional as well, and consider a “living will” as your healthcare directive for your medical and financial wishes.
Also be sure to consolidate all your paperwork and documentation, and inform your executor(s) of their location and how to access these, should anything happen.
Seek professional help
If you’re afraid you may not be familiar enough with this process to undertake it alone, or your estate is larger or more complex than average, or if you possess investments, you may want to seek professional advice.
Despite the fees charged by attorneys (which may range from $500 to multiple thousands of dollars), setting up your estate plan appropriately will save you not just money, but your dependents much heartache and stress in the long run. Besides, peace of mind is worth every penny!
Have you thought about estate planning as a working mom?
As working women and moms, the reality is we often neglect our mental health. Faced with all the responsibilities and duties imposed (and self-imposed as well) on us, we tend to put this part of self-care on the back burner a lot. This is especially relevant when we consider the dark stigma around mental health and therapy, especially in minority communities. I grew up in Senegal, West Africa, where the entire concept of mental health was (and in many ways still is) ignored altogether.
Back then, we didn’t talk about mental disease, only pitying the “crazy” men and women abandoned on the streets for lack of better care. Despite the existence of mental health hospitals, there was a strong stigma on mental health, or the lack thereof. As a result, for me, the necessity of caring for one’s mental health was non-existent. You just had to cope with whatever came your way in life, and that was that…
It wasn’t until later in life, after experiencing the heart-wrenching blow of suicide, loss and grief, that I started wondering about mental health. As an immigrant in a different culture that was more open to considering the importance of mental health and therapy, I had the opportunity to learn more about it. First, from books, then through conversations, and ultimately through experiencing the benefits of therapy myself at a turning point in my life and work.
Like many, I felt the stigma and the associated sense of shame around it initially, especially as a strong Black woman who was taught to “handle my business privately”. Yet, what I learnt about myself, my beliefs, values and story, and the deep process of healing and freedom that ensued, absolutely amazed me, and prompted me to share my experience with fellow women and moms:
Going to therapy is an act of bravery and NOT weakness
One of the main reasons why so many women, and people in general, avoid therapy (or any form of mental health care) is because of the stigma of weakness associated with it. For many, to go to therapy means admitting to being weak, to not being able to cope with life, or being unable to “handle your business”.
As a result, the rate of suicides and depression have been climbing at an alarming rate, as individuals are left to struggle alone. On the very contrary, taking care of one’s mind is an act of courage, an act of bravery that says: “I want to be whole, so I can in turn help others be whole”.
Your mind is your most important asset, and you should care for it
The most important asset we have is our mind. It’s the battleground where our thoughts define the way we see, and act towards, the world. It can literally make or break us. So why wouldn’t we, especially as women and moms who are in charge of so much of the world’s education through our influence on families and children, care for it as well as we do our bodies?
Imagine dealing with everything you deal with as a working woman and mom, and not stopping to wonder if you’re ok mentally? It’s with our minds that we raise our children, follow purpose, help others, build striving lives and careers, and they deserve the best care.
Your growth and healing affect others
We all carry baggage from our pasts and present. From childhood on, we are shaped by beliefs and values transmitted to us by well-meaning parents, family members and communities who themselves carried negative baggage from their own experiences. As such, we’re not always responsible for the cards we’re handed in life. Yet, what we are responsible for is our own healing and growth as individuals. Without it, we run the risk of stagnating and not evolving ourselves, not to mention bleeding on and hurting others who may not be able to defend themselves, including our children.
As moms especially, our mental health deeply affects our children, and we are the ones instilling many of the values and beliefs they keep for most of their lives. It also affects our marriages, couples (hence the importance of couple therapy as well) and relationships. That is a heavy responsibility that we must be aware of and heed carefully.
All in all, caring for your mental health as a working mom is far from being an indulgence. It’s actually a necessity that doesn’t just impact you, but whose benefits extend to everyone and everything around you. However, it requires courage, commitment and the willingness to preserve one’s mental well-being.
Have you been considering your mental health and ways to better care for it?
When you hear this phrase, you may picture someone at their desk, holding their cup of coffee, seemingly pumped at the prospect of a productive day ahead. Right? Well, not exactly for everyone, and certainly not for working moms…
By the time many, if not most working moms reach their place of employment, they would have been up for at least two hours, busying themselves to get the kids ready, lunches prepared, and other logistical details all set. This is before frantically jumping in the shower, swiping on a bit of lipstick while doing the kids’ hair, and rushing out the door to fight traffic and beat the clock for kids’ drop-off. Then, only then, do they finally get to make it to what I lovingly call our “second shift”, where we now are expected to conduct business as usual, as if we didn’t just wage a full-on war on time, roadways and the sheer meaning of life itself. The best part is that these same working moms get to do it all over again, in reverse this time, at the end of the day, braving questioning bosses, delays, and exhaustion to pick up tired kids, only to head to more work at home. And it starts all over the next day again…Are you tired reading this yet? I know I am…
As a working mom, like so many others, this is my life. When I consider the ordeal that some of my fellow sisters find themselves in, just to keep their family and work afloat, I consider myself lucky. One of my readers posted earlier today that she has to bring her kid in to work every day, before dropping her off in time increments, so as to be able to put in some hours at the office. One of my friends had to go part-time entirely, while another was forced to make the heart-wrenching decision to give up on the job of a lifetime. And there are so many other similar stories of working moms out there, whose unpaid labor is so costly, yet is not being acknowledged, appreciated or recorded for that matter.
In her book “Invisible Women: Data bias in a world designed for men”, author Caroline Criado Perez illustrates the real cost of unpaid labor for women, brought on by a society historically built for men and as such without women’s input, with staggering statistics that brought tears to my eyes and indignation to my heart. Not only is this unpaid labor, from childcare to elder care and household chores, literally killing women, it’s also destroying our economy. Studies have shown that if the cost of unpaid labor for women were properly accounted for, it would positively affect the GDP of many a country in amazingly positive ways. Most importantly, it would allow for better physical and social infrastructures for women, which in turn would create more opportunities for the latter to be more productive thus improving the performance of businesses and the economy as a whole. Can you talk about a ripple effect?
As working moms, this catastrophic, and worsening, unpaid labor, translates into high costs we should all be aware of, if we want to begin to turn the tide around:
Unpaid Labor for women means lost wages and a rising wage gap
Having to take care of children or elderly parents, which is often women and moms’ burden, translates into women having to decrease their working hours or leave their jobs altogether. This also means lost wages for these working women and moms, which in turn widens the wage gap in general. According to a recent Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) December 2014 survey, the gender pay gap is noted to be higher in countries where women spend more time on unpaid labor.
Unpaid labor for working moms means declining physical health
Women in general work more than 40 hours a week, which takes a toll on their physical health. Although women tend to live longer, they tend to be sicker than men towards the end of their lives, which puts into question the number of hours working women and moms put into both paid and unpaid labor. A 2011 study published in Psychological Medicine reports that working more than 50 hours translates in heightened risks of anxiety and depression for women. Moreover, a 2016 U.S. study published in the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine found that women’s hospitalization and mortality rates increase with longer work hours.
Lastly, unpaid labor for women means lost time
How many hours would working women and moms gain if they could only recoup some of the precious time they spend on household chores, childcare and elderly care? This lost time can amount to days, weeks, months, and even years in the long run for women, creating a massive loss of time. Additionally, working women end up in occupations below their skill level in order to get the flexibility they need to carry out their unpaid care work, which also lengthens the time women spend progressing in their careers.
All in all, unpaid labor stands as a major obstacle for working women and moms. Ultimately, we have to be aware of it so as to make others aware of it, in order to turn this unfair share into a more equitable one.
2020 doesn’t just mark the start of a new year, but that of a decade. That’s 10 whole years of life, work and everything in between. Whether you’re eagerly looking to step into this new decade, or are nostalgically reminiscing over the highs and lows of the past few years, you can’t deny that whatever has happened during this time has taught many a valuable lesson, some more pleasant than others. For the bulk of the past decade, most of my life has been defined under the label of “working mom”. Granted, all mothers are working moms, from the stay-at-home mom who juggles household chores, homework and being her family’s moral anchor, to the executive who has to make tough choices between after-school pick-ups and late afternoon networking get-togethers at work. For many, if not most of us, our lives are defined along the ever-moving lines of self, motherhood, and work, whatever work may be made out of for each one of us. Along these lines, many hard lessons are learnt, some of which leave us with an indelible mark to be carried over the length of our lives.
As I reflect on this past decade, alternating between smiles, all-out laughter, and ugly cries, I’ve gathered a few of the main lessons I’ve had the opportunity, or rather I should say the privilege, to learn. Most of them were born out of adversity and struggle, as the best teachings are, and are also those that have made me grow the most, in the midst of frustration, tears, and also fun laughter. Some are simple, others took me a long time to learn, others I’m still working on. Yet, all of them have shaped my path, as I nostalgically and happily share them with you:
It was never about WHAT YOU DO, but the WHO YOU’RE BECOMING
One of the biggest lessons I’ve had the opportunity to learn has everything to do with what really matters when it comes to work and life as a working woman and working mom. The first half of my career was devoted to the WHAT in what I did professionally. After all, the barometer set for most of us is regulated in terms of degrees, certifications, accolades, promotions and other educational and professional achievements. Rarely do our own personal growth processes come into the equation of what is considered as “success” by the masses.
Yet, personal and professional growth go hand in hand and complement each other. One can never be truly successful if one of the two dimensions, either personal or professional, is left hanging by the threads of neglect and unfulfillment. This is especially true for working moms, for whom the definition of fulfillment is truly a holistic one, that not only encompasses professional achievements, but also a strong sense of integration of all the other areas of their lives. I learnt that true success is achieved from the inside out, from the personal growth journey that inevitably leads to professional fulfillment, and ultimately, success, as defined individually.
Your purpose is in what you love
Like many, it took me a while to understand that purpose is the guiding force behind true meaning and significance in our lives and work. Figuring out what purpose even meant, how to find it and what to ultimately do with it, was a whole can of worms I banged my head against for longer than I wished. Ultimately, it was in what I loved doing, in the gifts and talents I was born with, in the quirks and particularities that make me who I am, that I found it. After all, it didn’t matter as much what title I carried, or what organization I found myself in, as it did whether or not I got to practice and share my own gifts, talents and abilities, both natural and acquired.
As working moms, we often feel stifled in the expression of who we truly are, as we tend to wear so many hats that turn into the masks that ultimately hide our authenticity. We are women, wives, moms, employees, business owners, navigating the various spheres we’re called into and code-switching ourselves into the oblivion and neglect of what really sets us apart as individuals. That is exactly where it becomes crucial to awaken and re-awaken the purposes that have always been inside each and every one of us by simply focusing back on those things we love doing.
Being a mom will change you for the better
Being a mom is a GIFT, and one that keeps on giving at that. Most of the precious lessons I’ve acquired through life have been through motherhood, when changing diapers, questioning my baking abilities, answering my kids’ questions, and building a life that would serve my children well. It’s after becoming a mom that the urge to follow my own purpose grew louder and louder, so my children would see through their parents that it’s ok to fight for your dreams, to be different, and to be beautifully flawed and imperfect.
While one of the most prevalent misconceptions about motherhood is that many moms find themselves having to abandon their careers (which is true for many), I’ve also found that it also provides mothers with the gift of and desire for growth. I write, teach, cry, learn, stumble, get back up, and generally grow, so my daughter and son can see that while none of it is perfect, it’s ok for them to fight to become their best selves.
You get to define your own brand of success
Success is an elusive concept elusively defined through elusive iterations of what popular culture considers to be the pinnacle of achievement. Yet, what does really success consist in for a working mom who juggles opposite worlds , from home to work, day in and day out? It can be quite complex, if you ask me, especially for working moms whose professional ambition may be frowned upon or misjudged.
While the normative view of success, predicated upon the male bias around it, may look like the picture of a wealthy man at the top of his career, for working moms and women in general, it is quite different. Earlier this year (2019), Inc. magazine featured the first visibly pregnant CEO, Wing’s co-founder Audrey Gelman, on its cover, as a clear confirmation that the norms of success are quite different for men and women. Success for working moms may include the C-suite, but will also have at the front and center of it a healthy family and society, which is why it is so important for us to define what it means to our own existences. For me, success is growth, both personal and professional, and ensuring the well-being of my family and society. What is it for you?
Stop trying to be like a man
If you’ve read any of my earlier articles, you may have caught on to the fact that earlier in my career, I was trying to apply one of the worst pieces of advice when applied to working women: “When in Rome, act like the Romans”. For working women like myself, it meant pulling all emotions aside, not showing up as attractive, and displaying masculine traits of achievement. As it’s been proven, not only does this approach not reduce the bias against women at work, it also deprives both working women and professional environments of the very gifts and talents, such as acute intuition and soft skills, that female personalities tend to bring to the workplace.
I’ve since learnt to not try to act like a man, or like anyone other than the best version of myself at the time being, which may or may not include a dark shade of red lipstick and a feminine dress.
Being present is the best gift you can give yourself
One of the most shocking (and exhausting realizations ) I made when I became a mom, was the sheer number of hats we wear all throughout the day, from moms to leaders to servants, friends and so many more. The biggest downside to this (and to the inefficient art of multi-tasking) is that we end not being present much of the time. This means trying to answer emails instead of enjoying the kids at the park, thinking about dinner while at the board meeting, or leaving the baby in the car seat at home and driving away.
For me, being present has become the best gift of self-care and love I can offer myself and others. It means shutting off the phone sometimes, or leaving on time despite the flow of work piling up at the office. Most importantly, it means choosing quality over quantity for my life
Your relationships will make or break you
Developing and nurturing healthy relationships as working women and working moms is a well-known challenge. In between all the obligations we attend to, the changes we go through, and the demands of our careers and personal lives, catering to relationships, both personal and professional, becomes a daunting task. Yet, it’s the same relationships we may neglect, or wrongfully choose, that can make or break us.
As a working mom, I learnt that whatever my definition of success may be, it can seldom be accomplished alone. Which means surrounding myself with like-minded people, and women in particular, whom I accept, love and support, and who reciprocate similar acceptance, love and support. It also means releasing relationships that I or the other party may have outgrown in order to make room for continuous and fruitful growth for all. Easier said than done in most cases, and certainly always a work in progress, but one that remains one of the most important processes of life…
The point was never to remain the same!
“You have changed!” As I’ve grown and evolved, I’ve often, like many of you, heard this phrase. Like many, I’ve questioned it, felt guilty about it, pondered over it and am still making peace with it. Yet, in the beautiful mess that growth, both personal and professional, creates, one thing is certain; “The point of this thing called life was never to remain the same!” It is to grow, evolve and continue to become the best version of yourself.
As you go through your own evolution process, as you leave and start jobs and relationships, as you change your mind, release some and adopt other patterns, keep reminding yourself that the point was always to grow.
You never start from scratch, you always start from experience
In the past decade I’ve had two careers, changes jobs, become a mom, failed and succeeded at the same time, and am still here to tell the story. What I’ve learnt through change, transition and failure, is that especially as working women and moms, we never start from scratch. One of the biggest advantages of wearing so many hats is that we’re constantly learning and acquiring new skills, from soft skills to management and leadership abilities.
As we tread on new paths or get exposed to new environments, we are able to re-purpose these skills and turn them into our ultimate competitive advantage. Working moms have been proven to have excellent management and leadership abilities, and most companies with women at their helm tend to be more successful. It wasn’t until I realized this that I’ve more confidently faced unknow territories and known fears on my own path.
It’s never too late!
Last but not least, another great misconception of our times is that we’re all under some form of deadline to achieve or accomplish our goals in life. This is especially prevalent for working women and working moms, who are subjected to the pressures of having to have a career by a certain age, have families by another milestone, be part of this squad or that group by a certain time. This all contributes to a general sense of failure and discouragement, especially among working moms who are already so pressured both personally and professionally.
What I’ve learnt from starting a new career, speaking and writing, and going back to school in my late thirties and now early forties, is that it’s certainly never too late to begin anything. That we all have different paths and that honoring our divine timing and purpose is one of the best gifts we can offer ourselves and the world.
The past decade has been pretty amazing if you ask me! Here’s to another decade of lessons, joys, achievements, laughter, some (happy) tears and much more!
Like many of you, books are both my escape and a great source of learning. On my personal journey of self-love, they’ve been, and still are, some of my favorite go-to’s. As a matter of fact, the sheer fact of burying my head in a book for those rare moments of quiet, especially as a working mom, constitute the best acts of self-love for me.
I’ve been fortunate to be exposed, over the course of my personal and professional experience, to books that have changed the way I see myself and the world. When it comes to self-love, here are 10 books that have radically transformed both my understanding and application of self-love:
So Long a Letter by Mariama Ba: Written by Senegalese award-winning novelist Mariama Ba, this book exposes the reality of women from the perspective of an educated Muslim woman as part of her road to self-love.
We should all be feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: In this eloquent essay, famous author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie explores what it means to be a woman by offering a very unique definition of feminism.
Rising Strong by Brene Brown: Social scientist Brene Brown lifts the curtain on vulnerability and courage, and uncovers the meaning of rising strong as the ultimate path to fulfillment.
I know why the caged bird sings by Maya Angelou: Beloved classic writer Maya Angelou takes us on a journey through children’s loneliness and the unfairness of bigotry, into freedom and self-love.
Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes: Mega-talented writer Shonda Rhimes writes about the transformative challenge of committing to say yes to unexpected opportunities for an entire year.
Beloved by Toni Morrison: This haunting masterpiece by iconic writer Toni Morrison is a call to return to love, despite the trauma of slavery and human abuse.
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill: Anyone wanting to improve their lives and thinking must have this book on their reading list!
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz: In this simple, teaching-filled book, teacher and healer Don Miguel Ruiz offers readers simple secrets to positive life changes.
The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte: This holistic life-planning tool is a revolution in chasing what really brings you happiness and joy in life. A must-read!
You are a badass by Jen Sincero: Hilarious and filled with light wisdom, this book is all about creating a life you love abandoning negative self-beliefs in the process.
