In this episode, we’re discussing as part of Women’s History Month, the maternal wall bias, or the bias many, if not most working and expectant mothers are seen as less competent, regardless of their actual abilities.
Read more on this on the blog…
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Generally, this may sound like a kind compliment, especially as niceness and warmth is often traditionally expected of women. However, in the workplace, it can have a different meaning, one that may disregard or downgrade the perception of working women and mom’s competence, thus preventing them from ascending to positions of leadership.
So are women too nice to lead? Or rather, should warmth and friendliness be so readily associated with lack of competence on the part of women? Certainly not. However, the reality is that it does. As working women, being aware of this biased reality is the first step to fight against it. Over time, this realization has made many professional women adopt more masculine behaviors and attitudes in the workplace, in an attempt to dispel this stereotype and perception. Yet, what we’re coming to realize is that these qualities, falsely labeled as “soft skills”, are actually critically needed in the workplace.
As such, here are 3 tips for women who may be considered too nice to lead:
Don’t give up on warmth and kindness…
The temptation for many working women and moms faced with the pressure of patriarchal professional environments, is to give up on warmth, kindness and nurturing qualities such as compassion and empathy. Or at least to hide them away as much as possible, from their facial expressions to their speech and even their way of dressing…Even as so -called “soft skills” such as social skills, critical thinking, teamwork and interpersonal skills, just to cite a few, are in higher demand than ever, there are still negative biases associated with women displaying kindness and warmth in the workplace.
However, denying these interpersonal skills is a surefire way to let go of being authentic at work and in life in general. Leadership, true, genuine, and most importantly, effective leadership, requires unapologetic authenticity. And leading like a powerful woman is first and foremost leading authentically, which means embracing and sharing the power of compassion, warmth and kindness.
Focus on impact not appearance
Instead of focusing on the appearance of leadership and success, much of which is largely determined by patriarchal stereotypes and parameters, focusing on impact can make a real difference. And true, effective impact is achieved through authenticity. Bringing all of who you are to work and life in general may not be popular at first, however it will create long-lasting, effective impact.
What kind of impact can you create by being just yourself, instead of denying parts of your identity? Who can you help? How can you generate results for your organization by being exactly who you are?
Use the power of data
Measuring impact also means using the power of data to do so. Very often, women’s achievements are downplayed because they are not measured. Much of the labor of working women and moms goes unnoticed and discounted for lack of reliable and measurable data to document it. Even when the data is present, the documentation part tends to sorely be lacking.
What metrics can you set in your group, department or organization to measure your impact? Can you set processes and systems to consistently document all aspects of your performance? Most importantly, can you build the habit to share this data?
All in all, the niceness stigma for working women and moms, while being a pervasive bias, is one that can be demystified through awareness, unapologetic authenticity and action through data and documentation. There is no shame in bringing warmth, compassion, kindness and other similar positive interpersonal attributes to the table of work. To the very contrary, these are powerful assets for individuals, groups and organizations alike. Instead of fighting these to better fit into a falsely effective patriarchal mold, embracing them and showing up as a genuine leader, while measuring impact through data and documentation, is key to powerfully leading like a woman.
Key Ways to Maintain Balance as a Work-From-Home Mom
Working from home has become an increasingly common option at companies. For busy moms, working from home might be a great way to maintain a full- or part-time while taking care of your kids and your home. Without a long commute or the time it takes to get ready for the office, you may have more time to get your kids to the bus stop on time or make dinner in the evening. However, work-from-home moms can find it challenging to balance their work and home lives — especially if your kids are home during the day.
These tips should help you figure out how to find that perfect balance.
Don’t Divide Your Focus
We like to think that becoming moms gives us superpowers — and in many cases, it does. Unfortunately, that list of superpowers doesn’t include multitasking. The human brain just isn’t designed to focus on more than one thing at a time. It takes 23 minutes and 15 seconds for the average person to get back on task after a distraction.
Trying to juggle several different things simultaneously is just going to make it harder to get anything done. Stop trying to divide your focus and instead work on completing one task at a time. That may mean finding child care during the day or, if you have older children, setting up boundaries with them to protect your working hours.
Prep as Much as Possible
They say we all have the same 24 hours in the day, but it’s easier to cram more into that time if you’re not responsible for one or more young human lives. Take one day a week to prep as much as possible. Lay out clothes, prep lunches or dinners, and update your schedule for the week. This way, you don’t have to spend time each day on these more mundane tasks, freeing you up to work on more important things.
Eat a Healthy Diet
Setting up your menu for the week with quick meals makes it easier to say no to takeout and other junk food during your workweek. Improving your diet has other benefits, too. Many studies show that eating one to two servings of fatty fish weekly reduces your risk of dying from heart disease by up to 36%. Adding salmon, shellfish or other seafood options to your diet can help you change things up while making it easier to make healthy choices. Balance the protein with proper servings of fruit, vegetables and grains to maintain high energy levels throughout the day. That way, you won’t suffer the afternoon slump, and you’ll be able to get more done by 5 p.m.
Use Time-Saving Tools
Does your local grocery store offer grocery pickup? If so, try it out instead of writing a weekly trip to the store into your schedule. You can save a lot of time by putting in your order. Plus, if you’re an impulse shopper or tend to go to the store hungry, it can be a valuable tool to help you save money. There’s no risk of buying snacks just because they happen to cross your line of sight.
Stay Connected With Your Partner
Your kids aren’t the only ones you need to consider when building your work/life balance. Take the time to make sure you’re staying connected with your partner, as well. This could mean making time for a date night or just sitting down and conversing without interruptions. Put the kids to bed, put the phones down, open up a bottle of wine if you feel so inclined and talk to one another.
Ditch the Mom Guilt
Many moms feel that if we’re not doing something beneficial for our families, we shouldn’t be doing it. It’s led to an entire generation of women that are only just beginning to learn how to put themselves first. Ditch the guilt. Working is part of taking care of your family. Don’t feel guilty for your career, whether you’re working in the home or out of it. It’s not a bad thing to take care of yourself so you can care for others.
It’s a Balancing Act
Working is always a balancing act, but this is especially true if you’re a parent. When working from home, you may feel the need to multitask or put your job responsibilities on hold when your kids come knocking on the office door. On the other hand, you might be tempted to work overtime and miss out on quality time with your family. Use some of these tips and tricks to help you find the perfect work-life balance.
Author bio: Cora Gold is the Editor-in-Chief of women’s lifestyle magazine Revivalist, and she has spent over five years as a freelance writer covering life, happiness and wellness. She has a passion for sharing her experiences and learning from other inspiring women. Follow Cora on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest.
As we emerge out of a global pandemic, more and more working women and moms are questioning the existence, purpose and legitimacy of their careers. Under the pressure created by this generalized health crisis, the lack of adequate childcare and the unequal gender division of labor at home, to cite a few of these obstacles, women are leaving their careers in troves. While many are re-inventing themselves through business and entrepreneurship, others are left disoriented and in search of purpose in their lives and work.
It’s in the midst of this global health crisis and a general sentiment of exhaustion and burnout among working women and moms, that more and more conversations are emerging about re-imagining what our ideal careers look like. Gone are the days of subscribing to the traditional, patriarchal view of careers governed by glass ceilings, concrete walls and painfully lacking diversity. Working women and moms are now seeing past the illusion of traditional representations of success, and instead opting to re-define their own ideals of purpose, fulfillment and balance.
Where the cult of the hustle culture was prevailing not too long ago, we’re now seeing the rise of movements like slow living, or the Nap Ministry, which are advocating for more present, healthier and less pressure-ridden lifestyles. This includes a more holistic and saner way to thrive, and not just barely survive, in our careers, as more employees are choosing, even requesting to continue working from home and companies are feeling the strain of un-motivated and burnt-out workers.
What all this is pointing to, especially for us as working women and moms, is the urgency of re-imagining the way we work and live. It’s a loud call, if there ever were any, to be active agents in the future of the world of work. And as we collaboratively craft our ideal careers, here are three tips that may help us get started in this endeavor:
Re-packaging and re-purposing our skills
As working women and moms especially, we never quite start from scratch, but always from experience. The breadth and wealth of life experience brought on by working women and moms, also translates into an abundance of personal and professional skills that can be re-packaged and re-purposed into powerful careers.
It’s not a hazard, for instance, that so many working women and moms are re-converting into entrepreneurship, where their managerial abilities, natural empathy and compassion, are allowing them to start and nurture successful businesses.
Tie in your passions, interests and dreams
Passion is fuel. However, in the pursuit of a traditional depiction of success, we often end up pursuing someone else’s goals for us, whether it’s a loved one’s, a boss’s, or even just someone we admire and wish to emulate. Yet, the real question is: What are our true interests, dreams and passions? Not just other people’s, not just what’s popular on social media, not just what others envision for us, but what we have the ability to see in the eye of our minds and the depths of our hearts…
How can we use our skills, whether formal or informal, innate or learned, at the service of the dreams, passions and interests we’ve always had? Ultimately, these point us towards our purpose, however it may manifest in different seasons of our lives and work.
Building a career that works for us
Last but not least, building a career that works for us, rather than one we desperately chase after and constantly work for, is the goal here. We tried the hamster wheel of modern success, exhausted ourselves on the never-ending corporate climb towards an unbreakable glass ceiling, ran towards an ever harder concrete wall, all in the midst of a pandemic, in between school and daycare closures, unending Zoom calls and piling dishes… And we’re tired…
We want careers that work for us, as working women and moms. Careers that don’t require us to shut off any part of ourselves, or restrict the authentic fullness of who we are. Careers that don’t require us to choose between motherhood, marriage and a well-paying job. Careers that don’t force us to leave our sanity, health and authenticity at the door, to prove we’re worthy of sitting at the table. Because we are, we always were…
At the end of the day, crafting our ideal careers is not about settling for the lesser of the evils we may encounter on our professional and personal journeys. Neither is it about picking the safest options for ourselves and our families. What it really is about, is understanding and owning the magnificent extent of the power and influence we hold as working women and mothers, to use our skills, talents and abilities to build a better world of work.
This episode is part of our “Black Women at Work” series in honor of Black History Month.
In this episode, I’m exploring how we, as working women and moms, can navigate and combat racial trauma in the workplace.
Listen in!
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
Dear Working Mom is our periodic love letter to working moms everywhere, where we deal with and unpack the challenges facing mothers and offer encouragement and support…
Dear Working Mom,
Are you doing too much?
If you’re reading this, you may feel a twinge of anger as you wonder if you really have a choice to do less. Wouldn’t you take the opportunity to lessen your burden if you could? Maybe, but then again, maybe not…
In this modern era, almost post-pandemic era of the “supermom”, the mother who can defiantly do it all, is it possible that working mothers have taken on too much, willingly or not? Is it possible that after all, mothers have resigned themselves to carry an excessive burden that was always too heavy for them? And most importantly, is it still possible to put some of this burden down?
If you could only open your to-do list, and look at it with fresher eyes, with eyes outside of the harsh, demanding, and ultra-competitive reality you’re accustomed to, maybe you could see that not everything on it is truly needed. If you could take the exhaustion you feel in your body and soul, the hint of resentment and anger you experience all too often, as serious signs of imbalance and excess, you could see that what you’ve come to consider as your normal pace is actually burning you out. If you could understand that what the world considers to be a superwoman, a “successful” working mom, is a grossly ridiculous modern exaggeration of women’s and mothers’ roles, then you may be inclined to consider that maybe, only maybe, you are doing way too much…
In between all the ultra-positive messages of female independence and #girlpower, the hyper-visibility of women’s accomplishments, and the transformation of motherhood into a competitive social media-fueled performance, it’s no wonder too many working moms are overwhelmed. It’s also no wonder you feel the all too heavy pressure to do it all at the same time, from breaking the glass ceiling, raising model children, keeping up a spicy partnership, to maintaining the perfect girl squad too…Even as you’re advocating for increased gender equity, adding more action items to your already packed to-do list, you’re carrying burdens that never belonged to you entirely. All the while, you’re signing up for more kids’ activities, volunteering for additional benevolent activities, and trying to keep up with a smile on your face and a paralyzing fear of failing in your heart…
While you certainly have a lot on the various plates you’re juggling, you’re still adding on more, for fear of saying no, disappointing your loved ones, or just not being up to par. The reality is, as much as you have to do, what you don’t have to do is slip into the dangerous trap of excess, whether it’s excessive commitments, demands or challenges…
It may be time to pause and listen to your body, soul and mind, as they first whisper, then start loudly yelling, warning you of impending crisis. These warnings are not a sign of weakness or calls to increase your stamina, as you compare yourself to other working mothers who seem to do it all at all times, in the most flattering Instagram filters too. Instead, they’re nudges to ask yourself: “Am I doing too much?”
Is that extra project absolutely necessary? Are the extra kids’ activities a must? Are the extra volunteering activities on three boards, two parent-teacher associations, plus the neighborhood council indispensable? Is taking on all the grand family holiday celebrations a must?
Are you doing too much? And if so, it’s ok to release all the extra, focus on what truly matters, and breathe again, even if imperfectly so…
This episode is part of our “Black Women at Work” series in honor of Black History Month.
Today, we’re discussing the 7 most common struggles faced by Black women in the workplace. From lack of representation to lack of access to higher levels of management, there are many hurdles in their path. However, shedding light on these allows us to be more educated about these, and also to heal and bring effective solutions and strategies to these issues.
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
