In episode 34 of the podcast, I’m starting a series on “leading like women”. Here, I’m chatting about what characterizes women’s leadership, and how to embrace it to lead authentically and powerfully.
This podcast refers to research from the Business Journal from the Wharton school of the University of Pennsylvania: “The Masculine and Feminine Sides of Leadership and Culture: Perceptions vs Reality”.
If you have any insights as to this episode, please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com.
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During a workshop I had the pleasure of leading on working with purpose, most of the women in the group listed the same or similar strengths. Among these, were innovation, creativity, effective crisis management, to cite just a few. As we looked at each other, we not only realized we bring similar assets to the workplace, but that these assets are also some of the most, if not the most, important in businesses and organizations today. Yet, what we also realized, is that many, if not most of us, do not value these assets as much as we should. Instead, we tend to place much more emphasis on traditionally masculine leadership qualities such as assertiveness, competitiveness, or ego-driven dominance, for instance.
Research and experience both show there are definitely more “masculine” and “feminine” styles of leadership. These are as much fueled by employees’ perceptions, as they are by the reality of the individual leadership styles of men and women in the workplace. While most of the differences in leadership between men and women are attributed to the social construct of gender, many are also due to how we perceive how men and women lead. While male leaders tend to be associated with strength, arrogance, intelligence, and power, to cite a few qualifiers, women leaders tend to be associated with multi-tasking, empathetic, compassionate and collaborative.
At the end of the day, it’s really about what we think about leadership rather than what leadership can truly accomplish. As a matter of fact, role congruity, or the expectation that people will act according to their gender, changes how leaders are perceived regardless of how effective they are. As a result, women tend to be considered less effective as leaders, and
tend to be more influenced into adopting more of a masculine style of leadership, which is not effective either as not aligned with their natural skills and talents…
So how are women leaders affected by gender-based perceptions of leadership to lead effectively? The answer, or least one of the answers, lies in self-awareness. Women leaders need to cultivate a stronger and deeper awareness of their style of leadership, in conjunction with the culture of their organization. This also means assessing their strengths, opportunities for improvement, opportunities and potential threats, akin to an individual SWOT analysis. However, the fit between women leaders and their organization’s culture is an important factor to consider. As self-aware as women leaders can be, without a proper fit with their organization’s culture, their effectiveness is limited.
Organizational fit can be measured by the alignment of the mission and values of the company, with that of its leaders and employees. Values such as integrity, corporate citizenship, and diversity and inclusion for instance, tend to foster more gender-inclusive styles of leadership. According to Stanford University’s research, organizational culture is measured against two dimensions, including values, as well as how these values are distributed throughout the organization, also known as value crystallization.
For women leaders, at the end of the day, this represents a precious, albeit still underestimated, opportunity to lead as themselves. To lead with increased self-awareness, according to their values, and with a better cultural fit. In other words, to lead like women…
Do you get overwhelmed when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?
Do you feel the need to take breaks during busy days to get some relief?
As a child, were you perceived as “shy”, sensitive or introverted by your famiy and friends?
If you’re reading the above questions and nodding your head, you may very well be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). And you, like so many of us, may know it comes with a lot of beautiful rewards, but also some undeniable challenges…
In a Western culture built on external assertiveness, reward-those-who-speak-the-loudest kind of attitude, being sensitive or hyper-sensitive is often considered a weakness. In other cultures, such as in Japanese, Swedish and Chinese cultures for instance, sensitivity is highly valued. In the workplace in particular, and depending on the type of industry and business you may be in, it may even be construed as a serious hindrance. You may be asked to speak up more, or be more assertive, or judged as being anti-social or not sociable at all. Much of this is because very little is known about highly sensitive (HSP) people, and what is known tends to be mostly inaccurate…
According to acclaimed HSP research pioneer Elaine Aron, the HSP trait (yes, it’s an actual trait, NOT a disorder) is innate and occurs in 15 to 20% of people. HSP individuals’ brains tend to process information in a deeper manner, but also tend to get overstimulated in the face of chaos or intensity. Due to their natural caution and reflective attitude, HSPs are often falsely labeled as “shy”. This is actually inaccurate as unlike shyness, which is a learned trait, high sensitivity is an inborn trait. HSP individuals are also not introverted or inhibited, as can be commonly misconceived. As a matter of fact, 30% of HSPs tend to be extroverted. Due to gender socialization and conditioning, women HSPs can appear to display the trait more so than their male counterparts.
What does this mean in a work setting, especially for women HSPs?
While certain work settings such as loud meetings or stressful feedback settings can be overstimulating for HSPs, the latter tend to actually have qualities that make them assets to any organization. These qualities include exceptional visionary abilities, creativity, innovation, compassion, conscientiousness, loyalty, to cite a few. However, and unfortunately so, many, if not most organizations, undervalue and sorely miss out on these qualities by continuing to be culturally-biased against sensitivity. Assertiveness, boldness and rapidity of thought and action, which can lead to errors in judgment and performance, tend to be overly favored over empathy, depth of processing, and creativity, as well as innovation, all prerequisites of success in today’s more conceptual era. As a result, HSP employees are often falsely perceived as weak, slow, even “deficient”, and generally shamed. These types of negative treatments are often inflicted by managers with poor emotional intelligence, low self-worth, and lacking interpersonal skills, thus engendering toxic environments, cultural prejudice and bias.
If you are an HSP, you may have endured these types of situations, and hopefully have healed or are healing from these. The good news is, far from being a liability, your hyper-sensitivity is actually a precious asset to leverage in the workplace as well as in life. Here are some of the ways you can maximize the power of being hyper-sensitive in the workplace:
Focus on being self-aware
HSPs have an uncanny ability for self-reflection and self-awareness, both of which reinforce optimal performance and adaptability in the workplace. This is especially relevant after the COVID-19 pandemic, as adaptability is quickly becoming indispensable at work.
Use your critical thinking abilities
Research has shown that with sensitivity, comes the ability to process large amounts of information in deep and complex ways. This is an important advantage when it comes to strategizing, collaborating, organizing, and managing information in general.
Foster a team spirit
HSPs tend to show remarkable empathy and understanding of others’ behavior, due to active mirror neurons that literally help mirror others’ emotions and mental states. This is particularly helpful in a team context where emotional needs may impact morale, productivity and outcomes.
Keep your eye out for innovation!
Attention to detail and subtlety make HSPs particularly apt at highlighting opportunities for improvement and innovation, allowing organizations to improve, while generating additional revenue and saving money and resources.
Use your intuition!
HSPs have strong synthesizing minds and are able to identify patterns based on the amount of data they collect and process, thus leading to higher levels of intuition. This in turn plays a crucial role in making optimal decisions at the individual, team and organizational level.
Your thoroughness is one of your competitive advantages
Dedication, commitment and thoroughness are the hallmarks of HSPs. The latter are known for displaying exceptional professionalism and excellence in and outside of work.
But don’t lose sight of the purpose behind it all
HSPs tend to focus more on the big picture, drawing the “why” behind everything. As such, their leadership helps unearth the purpose, meaning and fulfillment needed to motivate others, while keeping organizations solid in the face of change and uncertainty.
Your integrity is key!
As they value equity, fairness and justice, HSPs tend to provide the support and foundation to create positive change and make a difference in any environment. Their word and commitment can also be counted upon and trusted, in and outside of the workplace.
Keep learning and growing
HSPs are renowned for their appetite for learning and growth. They are often the ones enrolling in continuing education, and always looking to acquire more skills and knowledge throughout their careers. As such, they’re assets to businesses and organizations, especially as change and uncertainty require increased and evolving skills.
Overall, being hyper-sensitive in the workplace, while potentially being an under-valued and even misconstrued quality in many workplaces, is undeniably a powerful asset. As such, it’s important for organizations, teams and individuals to understand and leverage the qualities that come with sensitivity.
Are you an HSP and have you worked with an HSP before?
Do you have the tendency to put others’ needs before your own? Do you feel like in order to gain acceptance, approval and even love from others, you must bend over backwards for them? Or do you overly focus on others more than you do on yourself? If you’ve nodded while reading this, chances are you are or have been a people-pleaser. Chances are also that it has negatively impacted your career…
People-pleasing is often the sign of low self-esteem or high self-doubt, often learned in childhood from difficult relationships with parents and caregivers. It often manifests through an over-eagerness to please, a tendency to over-explain or over-apologize, and an overwhelming sense of guilt or fear at being disliked or disapproved of, among other symptoms. While these characteristics are not exclusive to women, the sad reality is females tend to be socialized as such in many cultures and societies. Although this is slowly changing, little girls have been raised to be compliant, quiet, pleasant, and attuned to others’ needs rather than their own. Research has shown more women (54%) exhibit people-pleasing behavior than men (40%).
As a matter of fact, women who exhibit these so-called selfless, borderline sacrificial, tendencies, tend to be praised and lauded for these. Especially in a society where women are still being torn between motherhood and career, often under the false pretense of “having it all”, the pressure to people-please can be particularly damaging to women, most of all those with perfectionist tendencies and low self-worth.
In a work context, these people-pleasing tendencies can be exacerbated by the professional pressure to fit in, be agreeable and foster a harmonious work atmosphere. Gender stereotypes perpetuated in the professional world also contribute to these expectations being placed more on women than on their male counterparts. Here are some ways it can manifest for working women and what we can do about it:
Over-commitment
If you’ve ever felt over-committed and over-burdened at work, chances are this may be caused by people-pleasing tendencies. Being eager to please also means being afraid to say no, which may cause you to take on more assignments, agree to aggressive deadlines, and attend redundant meetings. Most of it stems from a fear to be rejected, punished or not well-thought of. The result? Burnout, exhaustion, anxiety and even deep-seated resentment and ager at oneself and others.
What to do about it: Practice the art of saying no! For a people-pleaser, this can be the ultimate challenge. However, you can start by affording yourself more time and space to make your decisions, rather than rushing into a premature “yes” that leaves you over-committed and anxious.
Lack of boundaries
If you find yourself working through lunch or late in the evening, not taking breaks, answering emails after-hours consistently, you may need to re-adjust your boundaries. In the post-COVID era where so many of us work from home and the lines between work and personal life have been deeply blurred, this can be challenging. However, it can also be a dangerous trap for working women and moms with serious people-pleasing and perfectionist tendencies.
What to do about it: Practice setting and communicating healthier boundaries. While this can be a scary process for recovering people-pleasers, it can be made easier by starting with small steps. Start by taking back a few minutes of your time spent working during breaks and after-hours, and slowly graduate to having a more fixed and healthier schedule for yourself. Practice communicating your boundaries to your colleagues and co-workers, and sticking to them as much as possible.
Inability to take up space
Last but not least, a hallmark of people-pleasing is the inability to take up space. Whether it’s speaking up, expressing a need, taking a compliment or acknowledging a victory, people-pleasers have a hard time asserting their presence, accomplishments and overall worth. This can manifest through extreme quietness in group settings, fear to ask for opportunities or raises, or not stepping up for positions of leadership.
What to do about it: Start by targeting your mindset. What are the beliefs and thoughts you harbor that make you believe that you ought not to take up space? Identifying these through journaling or therapy can help reverse your internal dialogue, and instead replace negative, disempowering thoughts with empowering ones.
All in all, people-pleasing, which can be exacerbated and more pronounced in working women due to social and behavioral conditioning, can pose significant obstacles to career advancement for women. This is where awareness, conscious healing and support can help working women get mentally healthier, and thriving more in their careers and lives.
Have you suffered from being a people-pleaser at work?
If you’ve ever experienced stress, anxiety or even depression from experiencing or being exposed to gender-based violence or discrimination, you’ve experienced some of the psychological effects of gender inequality. Indeed, gender Inequality is not only bad for business and life in general. In addition to creating significant gaps in our economy, well-being and overall stability as a society, gender inequality is bad for our mental health. More specifically for women’s mental health…
From increased levels of depression, stress and anxiety, to acute instances of post-traumatic stress disorder, its psychological effects are profound, and profoundly widespread. This has only been disproportionately inflated by the COVID-19 pandemic, with women more likely to report poor mental health and well-being, along with increased household responsibilities and caregiving loads.
Women and girls are primarily impacted by gender inequality, which centers around genders’ differences related to status, health, power and employment. The unfair and avoidable nature of these differences is referred to as gender equity, which comes from sexism that is anchored in sex or gender-based discrimination. The latter translates into less pay for equal work, more unpaid work, lack of representation, and lower employment and schooling rates. It can also manifest as discrimination in the workplace and sexual harassment as emphasized by the #metoo movement, all of which severely affect women and girls’ mental health. For instance, a 2016 study by Columbia University revealed women earning less than their male counterparts are 2.4 times more likely to be depressed and 4 times more likely to experience anxiety.
As such, research has shown women tend to suffer more from mental health conditions than their male counterparts, including general anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and eating disorders to cite a few. Despite the impact of biological differences on the incidence of mental health conditions, research has further demonstrated a correlation between discrimination and mental health factors. For instance, trauma, which can cause symptoms such as panic, anxiety, or insomnia, is considered a psychological side effect of sexism. In addition, it appears women tend to suffer more from chronic stress than men, caused by stressors such as domestic and caregiving responsibilities. Poor body image and lower self-esteem also contribute to mental health troubles for women.
Overall, gender inequality and the resulting gender inequity are just bad business for women’s mental health. Awareness of this fact can help women, and society at large, prioritize the importance of mental health. In this sense, an increased focus on ( and the removal of the associated stigma) mental health as one of the measures and solutions to gender inequality, along with preventative and healing measures such as therapy and mental treatments for instance, is no longer optional but absolutely crucial. Talking about, and finding ways to relieve the burden of gender inequality on women, can go a long way towards improving their mental health outcomes.
Do you agree that gender inequality is bad for women?
In this episode, I discuss the world of work changing for working women and mothers with the advent of the pandemic and the numerous challenges it has brought on…
Through this episode, we chat about how the workplace was not made with women and mothers in mind, and why it’s high time to re-evaluate the way we think and do work.
Listen in!
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
Someone once said, in order to remove the dirt and unwanted substances from a rug, you have to shake it. So it is of society. It often takes a hard shake to first uncover, and then remove the deep inequities and inequalities plaguing our ways of life and work. To clean and refresh existing structures of domination and submission into more equitable places of humanity and growth. Just like we’d clean out a closet filled with antiquated, ill-fitting clothes and shoes no longer belonging to the times and spaces we live in.This year’s Spring cleaning is no exception. Except it’s like no other for working women and moms at this juncture of history and time.
The COVID-19 pandemic has brought on more than a global health, economic, and political crisis. It has stirred more than a “Great Resignation” movement for businesses, organizations and individuals. Rather, what it has ushered with its great wind of change, shock and dismay, is a great reckoning of the urgent need for a serious refresh of the world of work, especially as it relates to and concerns women and mothers. The reality is, this crisis has been the ultimate straw that broke the camel’s back in the long, sadly still unresolved saga of deep inequities between men and women both on the work and home front. And now it’s time for a good, deep, hard, honest Spring cleaning…
Every year, and also through every milestone, upheaval, or change, I shed a part of my closet that is no longer “me”, no longer adapted to my passionate, busy, imperfect life of woman, working mom, wife, friend, sister, and whatever other hat I, like so many others, wear…As I get closer and closer to the most authentic version of myself, shedding layers of social conditioning, false knowledge, and inadequate influences, as well as reflecting and taking on fashion that literally “suits” me best, my closet is but one of the reflections of the changes occurring on the inside. A mirror to the evolution of a person, a woman, a mother, a sister, a friend, a human…Now this may sound shallow to some…until we all start considering how we’ve replaced polished, uncomfortable work slacks and skirts, with elastic waist sweatpants, albeit hiding under Zoom-ready, professional-looking tops…Or how the fashion industry has been reflecting the world’s crisis through an increased focus on sustainability, comfort, and powerful diversity, equity and inclusion statements on racial justice, voting rights, and female solidarity, to cite a few… I rest my case…
Like many of our ever “transitioning” closets, the world of work, and society at large, has been ill-fitting for working women and mothers for the longest time. While it has been shedding very few of its inadequacies, inequities and inequalities over time, there is still much work to be done. As the pandemic swiftly, violently, irrevocably pulled and shook the rug from under what has been an antiquated society, in terms of gender equity and inequality for quite some time, it has also created a precious opportunity for much-needed change. Yes, research says COVID-19 has sent women’s progress back at least a decade. Millions of women have, and still are, exiting the workforce in droves, fueled by lack of childcare, burnout, and a painful re-evaluation of their values. That, and other similarly hard to fathom facts, are true…Yet, two things can be true at once. While the pandemic has certainly set women and mothers back, it has also brought about the Spring cleaning we all needed, and the beginning of a crucial conversation and work towards gender equity and equality. This has also spurred many “firsts” that, although long overdue, we must acknowledge, celebrate and keep the momentum of going, including the first female head of the World Trade Organization Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, the youngest U.S. inaugural poet Amanda Gorman, the first woman of Asian descent to win the best Director Award Chloe Zao, as we await the confirmation of the first Black woman U.S. Supreme Court Justice, among other historical wins…
At the end , it really starts with the realization that some things have changed, yet will need to further change, including:
The world of work as we know it, was not built for women
However, as society shifts through shake-ups like the COVID-19 pandemic, these inequities and gaps are made more blatant and more urgent to solve. No longer can we pretend that all is well in the world of work when gender biases are being so painfully and visibly exposed through the cracks of unavoidable change and disruption.
So it’s time to re-imagine and create a working world that includes women’s values, lifestyles and priorities.
Change and disruption are not only forcing us to stop, whether out of necessity, survival, exhaustion or burnout. They’re also pushing us against the wall of our own denial of a gender-biased reality that has existed for too long, and can no longer go on as such. In a progressively hybrid working world fashioned by the necessary appeal of flexibility, the urgency of affordable and available childcare, and most importantly the prevailing of true humanity for all, the patriarchal, antiquated norms of the past no longer have a place. Instead, they are to be replaced with the authentic, full, human values of individuals, including working women and mothers. The same values, such as equity of time, labor and pay, that have been overlooked and ignored for far too long…
Truth is, the 9-to-5 grueling rat race, the limiting (and limited) maternity leave and maternal wall bias, all the way up to the corporate ladder, were created as hurdles and limitations for working women and mothers in a world designed for men. As such, it’s high time to re-imagine and finally create a working world including women’s time, priorities and values. A working world where women do not have to choose between motherhood and career, apologize for the flexibility to be their entire selves, or abdicate purpose at the altar of servitude.
It’s time for women to re-evaluate and re-invent themselves
In the same way, as organizations, businesses, companies and society as a whole are called upon to re-imagine their foundations and structures, working women and mothers are also called upon to re-invent theirs. And this time around, to do so with the bold authenticity, the daring truth, the unapologetic presence they were not at liberty to exhibit in times past.
There is a portal, albeit a risky and precarious one, that just opened, by virtue of a global health, political and economic crisis, that is lifting the curtain to reveal a fairer, more equitable, other side to work and life. And we must be willing and daring to cross the threshold of our conditioning and old mindsets, and do the work to get to the other side…
