Do you have a vision for your life? Do you sense a higher purpose for yourself? Yet, are you finding that the various parts of your life, including your family, career, passions and interests pull you into too many directions to allow you to bring this vision to life? Maybe you always dreamt of opening your own gym, yet life seems to have taken you in a different direction, and now you feel stuck splitting your time between your job and family, even as you hustle to hold on to your dream. Or maybe you were aspiring to advance to the C-suite, yet your career progress so far and the limitations of your schedule as a working mom have you settling for way less than you deserve. If so, you certainly are not alone.
Pulled between the demands of motherhood, caregiving, and work, many, if not most working women and moms have a hard time even having a vision and focus for their lives, let alone nurture it and bring it to fruition. Many end up even giving up on their dreams and long-term vision, instead living with a sense of failure and regret. As time goes on, many wonder if they truly can achieve their dreams , or if they have to give up on them in part or completely to put food on the table, be good mothers, or fit into their communities and families. Despite the common refrains in the media touting the misleading message that we can do and have it all (certainly not at the same time), there are still too many of us left in the trenches of working womanhood and motherhood.
One of the biggest misconceptions out there is that your day job is incompatible with your day dream. Unless your dream is aligned with your career, and is to climb the elusive corporate ladder, break the proverbial “glass ceiling”, or shatter the “brick wall” for women of color, that is…
Yet, this could not be further from the truth. Research shows that even when it comes to jobs, women hold an average of 12.1 jobs in their lifetime (compared to 12.5 jobs for men), which suggests a myriad of changes and transitions professionally. Throughout these changes, as well as all the other transitions working women and moms go through, from getting married to giving birth and caring for older parents among others, many lose sight of the vision for their lives, the dreams and ambitions they had in their hearts when they first started out. Yet, what if it were possible to navigate these life transitions, and still hold on to our day dreams?
While it’s certainly far from being easy, it is possible, and here are a few ways to do it:
Clarify your vision and purpose
What did you want to be when you were younger? What was the dream in your heart back then? What is it now? How can you translate this dream into a vision for your life?
If you’ve lost sight of your dream and vision because you had to “grow up”, make money and become a responsible adult, it’s not too late to remember it and bring it back to life. Neither is it an exercise in futility or an indulgence. To the very contrary, it is oftentimes the motivation, drive and inspiration you need to keep being your best self and doing your best work.
Channel your dreams into action
Bringing your vision into life requires some action on your part. It doesn’t mean you necessarily have to overhaul your entire life and start from scratch. Most often, it simply means looking at what you already have going on, especially in your career, and look for ways to integrate your dream into the structure you already have in place. For some, it’s adding a dimension of service into their careers, or volunteering for a cause at work, or even making a lateral move or change companies or industries. I know a woman who is a survivor of breast cancer, whose dream is to spread the message of wellness and healing to as many women as possible, who brings her vision to life by volunteering through her company for instance.
Use your career to fuel your dream purpose and vice-versa
Last but not least, you can also use your actual day job and career as support for your dream and life vision. Financially, your career can help support your side hustle, or any other activities you may engage in to achieve your dreams. Having the peace of mind provided by a regular paycheck and health benefits can relieve a lot of the pressure associated with starting your own business, while giving you the opportunity to work on your dream during off-hours. What you learn in your career also can provide you with the skills you need to do so, from management skills to organizational and technical knowledge, within ethical limits of course. Lastly, the network you build in your career also comes in handy when it comes to promoting your business, book, venture or activities as well.
In the reverse, your side hustle and other activities you engage in to pursue the vision or purpose for your life, can bring added benefits to your career. Among these, are the invaluable leadership, management, and even technical skills you develop in the process. All in all, it’s a win-win situation, in addition to being a great way to add to your personal growth and fulfillment.
So no, you don’t have to give up on the vision and purpose for your life on account of being a mom, having a job, or being pulled in too many directions. To the contrary, you can combine what you have and what you aspire to, into the highest, most fulfilling expression of your potential for your benefit and that of those around you.
Want to know more about starting and growing your own side hustle? Check out my e-book and accompanying workbook: Girl, Get Your Side Hustle On!
What do the most successful businesses have in common? They’re run efficiently like well-oiled machines. Most importantly, they use systems and processes to create efficiencies and minimize time waste. As busy working women and moms, whose most precious commodity is time, that sounds pretty appealing.
At some point in your career as a working woman and/or mom, you may start asking yourself what the most efficient ways of running your career and life are. You also may begin to wonder how to get the most return out of the time, energy and resources you invest in your work. You’re not alone, I certainly did and still do every day to keep my various life and work ducks in a row. As an accountant by trade, I’ve had the opportunity to study and see what differentiates successful businesses from unsuccessful ones, and have thought of the many ways the same principles can be applied to our careers as business working women and moms.
After all, running our careers in the midst of all our other commitments and duties, from motherhood, marriage or partnership, to household management and relationships, is no easy feat. As work is an important part of our life, it becomes so important to set the appropriate foundation and systems to be successful on our own terms, without jeopardizing or sacrificing the rest of our lives.
In my experience, and from the strong tenets of managerial accounting (who knew you could mention accounting in your day-to-day life), here are three principles that may help:
Plan: Have a vision for your career
Successful businesses have one thing in common. They plan, and they plan well! This means having a solid, effective and feasible vision for the future. The same can be done in our work. How many of us begin careers without a solid plan, out of a vague belief that we may be successful at it, or at least make enough money to pay the bills? Without vision, our careers are doomed to fail, or at the very least fall short of our expectations.
What is the vision for your career for the next month, quarter, year or even a decade? Where do you see yourself in five years? How can you align this vision with your life?
Another thing effective businesses have in common, is the ability to monitor their progress and adjust as needed over time. Too often unfortunately, especially as busy working women and moms, we allow our careers to passively drift along, as we desperately try to pull the various pieces of our lives together. Ultimately, this makes up for growing dissatisfaction and even resentment in our work. Having checkpoints that go beyond performance reviews, such as personal self-evaluations, for instance, can help.
Do you monitor your career progress every so often? What are the career checkpoints you keep an eye for? What are your non-negotiables and other parameters you measure your career progress against?
Make the optimal decisions for your career
Last but not least, running your career effectively also requires you to make the optimal decisions for it. This means switching from a passive professional stance to a more active one, where you take control of your work and decide what is best for you. Too many working women and moms allow society, organizations, institutions or self-deprecating beliefs to take this power from them and make decisions on their behalf. These decisions can range from where to work, to the amount of flexibility you need, to even whether or not it’s time to change the course of your career.
Are you empowered to make the optimal decisions for your career? What are the best choices you can make for yourself when it comes to your work?
Overall, for working women and moms, running our careers as efficiently and effectively as possible is not an indulgence, but a necessity. To this end, having a solid career vision, monitoring your progress (or lack thereof), and being empowered enough to make the best decisions for yourself, are essential.
Are you running your career like a successful business?
Have you ever hit a wall in your career where you were just too exhausted to keep going?
Have you ever wondered how to create more hours in the day to get all your work done?
Have you tried many different ways to get more done and have come up with abysmal results?
I remember staring at my to-do list, and feeling a sense of mixed dread and anticipated disappointment at the thought of not even being able to get through the first half of it. As the archetypal overachiever, of course I wanted to do it all, and… of course, I’d come up short every time! As the accountant I was trained to be, my math was definitely not working…Too much to do, too few hours in the day…
Talking to fellow working women and moms, I quickly realized I was far from being the only one in this predicament. Combining motherhood, household duties, work, social relationships, and everything in between, has been mission impossible for most women for the longest time. Despite the many attempts at increasing gender equity in and outside of the household, as well as in the workplace, the reality is change, real change, is going to take some time…In the meantime, most of us still don’t have a choice in the matter. We’ve got to do what we’ve got to do, which means creating and implementing solutions to the problems we face day in and day out, including facing our to-do list every day…
This is nothing new…Women have for the longest time pondered the question, as to how to do more with less. More with less time. More with less money. More with less resources. And they certainly have managed to do so, often at their own purpose’s, sanity’s and fulfillment’s expense.
However, for me, as for most working women and moms, the COVID-19 pandemic marked a turning point. All around the world, working women and mothers hit a wall, as their already meager resources and insufficient time were drastically depleted to make up for a dire lack of parental, economic, political and social support. And again, as always, women turned a disastrous situation into opportunities for change, rethinking the way they work, mother, lead and care for themselves and others into a not-so-quiet feminine revolution of our modern times…
Part of this revolution has been around re-conceptualizing what work means to us, and how we can better do it for the good of all. In the advent of remote work and digital nomadism, many women are reinventing the meaning and context of work. At the heart of this re-invention, is the vibrant heart cry to reclaim women’s time, so precious a commodity that’s been taken for granted, interrupted, used and mis-used with too little care and too much abuse.
As I’ve been reflecting on this in my own work, I have resorted back to my business training to find solutions to this age-old, yet currently so urgent problem. After staring at death in the face for over two years of pandemic, doing the impossible as mothers, wives and women in general, how can we manage to create the systems and processes that will help us work less, yet achieve more in our careers, and by extension in our lives? When I say “working less”, I’m certainly not appealing to the lazy, comfort-seeking side in all of us, but rather to the self-preserving, wiser side that cautions us against expanding too much of our precious resources without regard for ourselves, others and our future.
To me, it means starting to look at our careers as businesses, and ourselves as entrepreneurs in our work. Most importantly, it means looking at our time as our most precious commodity, and always keeping in mind ways to spend it in the most impactful manner. Here are a few ways to do this:
The Impact Principle: Make a mental shift from doing to impacting
One of the first changes I’ve had to do was to consider how I was thinking about work. Rather than seeing it as a series of to-do’s, work became about impact. Who could I impact the most through my work? How could my work, even in the most mundane of its aspects, impact my department, division, company? Most importantly, how could it impact my purpose, my sense of fulfillment, my growth and evolution?
Shifting from a to-do perspective, to an impact perspective, helped me regain a sense of purpose and engagement in my work. I was no longer just there to do a job, I was there to make an impact. This thinking expanded to how I tackled my daily, weekly, monthly, and even yearly planning. I switched from pretty planners to intentional ones, which allow me to think in terms of impact and structure my to-do list accordingly.
The System Principle : Create and document your own system
It took me a long time to learn the power of having your own work system. Like many other working women, I wanted to do it all, perfectly, all the time. Except I did not have a system of my own…
Each one of us has our own way of processing and managing our work. As women, we process information and approach tasks in a different manner than our male counterparts. As such, having a system of our own allows us to apply our own, optimal way of working to our career, while setting up and improving over time a process that is uniquely ours.
I’m a writer, teacher and researcher, who works best in outlines and themes. This is also how I structure my system and processes, from my career to my family and home life. What is your system?
The Repurposing Principle : Harnessing the power of templates
There is nothing new under the sun. Pretty much everything is an iteration or improvement from a prior version. Hence, the power of repurposing. I went from trying to do everything from scratch, to purposely finding or creating templates. This also meant spending more time upfront setting up and updating these templates, from emails to meeting agendas and calendars.
As an educator, I use and re-use templates, which also allows me to improve them over time, saving me significant time and effort in the process so I can focus on more impactful tasks. I also bring this approach to my family and home life with planning, calendar and other administrative templates.
Thinking in terms of impact, leveraging the power of systems, and repurposing through templates, have helped me achieve more in less time and with less resources, from going back to school as a working mom to making a career change a few years back . Most importantly, it’s helped me put my own stamp on the work I do, while being more intentional about the impact and the purpose I desire to achieve.
Can you change your mindset from doing to impacting?
Can you create your own system?
Lastly, how can you repurpose all the hard work you already do through templates?
If you’ve ever felt trapped by motherhood, somewhere between unloading the umpteenth load of laundry and answering the last email of the day on the kitchen table, you may have also felt like you should have never felt that way. You may have experienced such strong sense of guilt at the very thought of it that you may instead have sought to bury it in the deepest recesses of your mind, and never let anyone know you ever had this thought. After all, we live in a society where motherhood is revered, celebrated and embellished in all ways possible. All you have to do is click on your social media app to encounter loads of filtered, blissfully happy working family photos in picturesque backgrounds of all sorts…Yet, like many working moms at one point or another of their parenting journey, feeling stuck in a circumstantial prison of some sorts is common and nothing to be ashamed of…
In a society still reeling from the deep wounds of the COVID-19 pandemic, along with an ongoing political, economic and social latent crisis, working moms are at an all time high disadvantage. From dealing with the compounding weight of childcare, eldercare and household responsibilities, to facing the heavy toll of disproportionately lagging gender equity in the workplace, not to mention the increasingly restrictive laws against women, many, if not most working mothers are at a loss.
When there are no viable alternatives between home and work, feeling trapped is the inevitable result for too many working moms. Often, this presents itself as seemingly impossible dilemmas requiring us to make drastic, difficult choices between work and family, and even give up on our own fulfillment and purpose in a sacrificial manner.
So what can we do as working mothers to disentangle ourselves from these types of dilemmas? The answer is by creating more freedom in your motherhood process. Wherever you are in your mothering process, you don’t have to feel stuck, even if and when external circumstances tell you the very opposite.
Here are some tips that may help:
Start with your mindset
If you’ve been feeling “stuck” as a working mom, chances are your mindset has something to do with it. Thoughts such as “I don’t have a choice”, or “I’m a mother, so I can’t do this or that”, are the same thoughts that may keep you in a vicious cycle of disempowerment and self-victimization.
Changing the way you think of your circumstances can go a long way towards not only changing your attitude, but creating better opportunities. Replacing old, negative thought patterns with new ones by seeing opportunity instead of lack is key. Where you may think you have no choice but to leave your current role in order to care for your children, there may be an opportunity to start that online business you’ve been thinking about. Where you may feel like you can’t afford to apply for a more advanced position at work, there may very well be a chance to ask for a schedule more suited to your needs. Opportunity is everywhere!
Be clear about your brand of motherhood
Very often, we feel trapped because we’re applying someone else’s rules or version of what should be to our own lives and careers. Taking the time to gain clarity around who we are in every season of our work and life, helps us reframe our own brand of motherhood.
When we own who we are as working moms, we’re better able to navigate our circumstances in a more forward-looking and positive manner. What this also allows us to do is to adapt our choice of careers, businesses and schedules, to our own optimal brand of motherhood.
Streamline and prioritize!
Changing your mindset and gaining clarity about your own brand of motherhood allows you, in turn, to streamline and prioritize. This means eliminating what does no longer align with who we are and the kind of mothers we truly want to be.
When we’re not filling our minds, emotions and calendars with false beliefs, expectations and commitments that are not in alignment with our true selves, we’re better able to streamline our schedules, careers and lives by eliminating what no longer fits. We’re also able to prioritize what truly matters, thus creating more space and freedom as working moms.
All in all, feeling trapped by motherhood as a working mom is far from being uncommon. It is a reality so many working mothers face day in and day out. However, it doesn’t have to be a permanent situation, and can be alleviated by changing our mindsets, being clear about our own brand of motherhood, and streamlining our schedules, work and lives.
Whether you’re working in the office or from home, the feeling of being trapped in your career is one you may be all too familiar with. It’s this sense of not having agency over the very work you do, or even worse, how you spend your time at work. Even worse, it can be this insidious feeling of having no control over your time at all. As a working woman and/or mom, it can all feel all the more oppressive as your time is also overtaken by parenting, household and other duties and commitments.
This sense of lack of freedom was even more pronounced for working women and moms during the COVID-19 pandemic. In the aftermath of this global healthcare, economic and political crisis, so many working women and moms saddled with remote work in addition to childcare and household chores, have been looking for more freedom in their work and lives. As a result, over a million working women have had to resign from their jobs, many due to lack of available childcare. As we emerge from this crisis, many are asking the question: “How can I be freer in my work and life?”
For the longest time, women have been assigned much, if not most of the responsibilities around childcare, eldercare and the household. As women have started to fill up the professional ranks in larger numbers, they’ve still had to fulfill childcare and household-related roles on the home front. Where their male counterparts had the freedom to focus on their careers and outside pursuits, women have had to contend with almost insurmountable obstacles and inhuman demands on their time. Now more than ever, working women and moms are reclaiming their own time, a commodity that has for far too long been taken for granted by societies and institutions alike.
How can you regain more freedom in your career then, when you’re already struggling with owning your time as it is? Here are some tips that may help:
Change your mindset
Time is your most precious commodity. However, as a working woman and/or mom, you may have been taught to sacrifice your time instead of owning it. As little girls, you may have been told to be pleasant, giving up your time and energy to care for, satisfy, and fulfill the needs of our families, partners, friends, associates, etc….As an adult, you may have struggled with reclaiming your time, especially as the added responsibilities of marriage, parenting, family and even friendships, and accepted this as a way of life.
This is where changing your mindset about truly owning your time can make a world of difference. Replacing toxic thoughts and beliefs around not having a right to your own time, with healing principles such as: “I have a right to use my time in ways that are healthy to me”, for instance, can rewire your thinking in more positive ways.
Tie your work to your purpose
Creating more freedom in your career also means reframing the “why” behind the work you do. In this sense, tying your career to your purpose in every season can be particularly powerful. For instance, if your purpose is to help businesses obtain secure loans as a banking officer, then your career in banking may give you an added sense of fulfillment and direction.
Who are you helping in your career? How can you tie it to your purpose in this season? The more of a sense of purpose you get through your work, the more fulfillment you get, and the less you tend to feel trapped and lacking freedom.
Lessen the impact of money
Too often, we feel tied to a particular job because of the paycheck. As bills pile up, we think there is just no other option for us to meet our financial obligations. You may have been, or may be, in this very predicament, and may feel trapped in your current career or business.
The more you can lessen the negative impact of money, the more you can create more freedom in your work and life. What if money were no object, or were less of an object? What if you didn’t have to work so many hours? How can you create more freedom by lessening the impact of money? This can be done by creating systems in your work, including delegating, eliminating, or re-purposing tasks. Generating multiple streams of income is also another way of lessening the impact of money and feeling freer in your career and life. Last but not least, making your money work for you, through mediums like investing for example, also goes a long way towards increased freedom at work and in life.
Overall, creating more freedom in your work and life is a matter of changing your mindset, tying your work to your purpose, and lessening the impact of money. The more you can apply these principles, the more freedom you can have in your work and life.
Have you ever used a SWOT analysis in the business you serve, or in your own business?
If you have, you may know it as a powerful tool of business evaluation, whereby an organization evaluates its strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats (SWOT). However, you may not have used it for your own purposes in your career or business.
One particularly powerful exercise I encourage my audiences of working women and mothers to perform during corporate trainings consist in conducting their own personal SWOT analysis. Whether I’m speaking to career women or women entrepreneurs, the results are always astounding and rich in knowledge at the individual and collective level. This is especially powerful for women as our strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats tend to differ from our male counterparts’, which have served as the standard for quite some time.
One of the reasons why the SWOT analysis is such a powerful tool, for businesses and individuals alike, is that it forces us to conduct a periodic self-assessment. Most importantly, it urges us to question and challenge the status quo, and re-assess where we stand in our work and lives. Research shows we should re-assess our lives and hence careers every 7 years, as our circumstances, mindsets, and entire beings change. Unfortunately, too few of us realize this need for re-calibrating, especially as working women and mothers buried in unending to-do’s and commitments.
This is where the personal SWOT analysis can help:
What strengths do you possess, natural and acquired?
This is the number one question I ask of most women who attend my trainings. It’s a seemingly simple, but oh how loaded and even triggering question for so many working women. As we have been socialized to value more male-oriented qualities, such as assertiveness, domination, or stubbornness, many, if not most of us, have forgotten to recognize and tap into our own strengths. For the sake of breaking the glass ceilings and concrete walls in our careers, many have silently abdicated our own power in favor of more recognized and celebrated success values.
However, what we’re coming to realize is that the values brought on by women in the workplace,such as effective crisis management, consensus-building, innovation, creativity, and so many others, are just as, if not more effective than those brought on by their male counterparts. As a matter of fact, an increasing amount of research is clearly demonstrating that the presence of women on boards and in the management of companies, boosts their profits and sustainability in the long run.
Valuing and assessing your strengths as a working woman is the ultimate competitive advantage, for yourself and the organizations you serve. These are natural as well as acquired strengths from experience, education and/or other mediums. Not only do these set us apart, and So let me ask you again: What are your strengths as a working woman and mother?
What are areas of weaknesses and do you need to improve on these?
We all weaknesses. These are not just areas of improvement, as often deemed in a politically correct tone. They are actual areas where we do not thrive as well, and that do not put us in a position of advantage in our careers or lives. It’s important to be brutally honest about our weaknesses, not just in an attempt to improve or correct them, but also and most importantly to clearly recognize what is NOT in our zones of genius.
How many of us have been prompted to get into careers and work that did not correspond to who we are? Actually, how many of us are now in careers that cater to our weaknesses as opposed to our strengths? Yes, many of us may not have had a say in the matter. However, as we grow and evolve, it becomes crucial to really understand where we’re not at an advantage, so we can focus on our strengths as we work to improve our weaknesses. In other words, increased self-awareness helps us avoid majoring in minors.
What are the opportunities you can currently take advantage of?
One of the main obstacles in the way of many, if not most working women and moms, is lack of opportunity. However, much of this lack is also fueled by the fact that we’re not always aware of what these opportunities are. Yes, very often, they are hidden from us. Other times, we could not recognize them if they were right in front of us.
It could be as simple as the opportunity to volunteer for an assignment at work, or as complex as starting a business in one of our areas of genius. However, not taking the time and making the effort for conscious self-awareness can make us blind to what is for us.
What are threats surrounding you?
Lastly, as in business, many threats also surround us in our work and life. These can range from threats to the industries or businesses we serve, to impediments to our time, effort and energy. Stopping to assess the obstacles and barriers on our path does not just help us avoid these, as many of them, such as the advent of artificial intelligence replacing certain jobs, for instance, are unavoidable.
Being aware of threats in our work and life also help us in developing the mindsets, skills, and tools to better adapt to and grow through change, even if adverse. These are ultimately the mindsets, skills and tools that will stay with us, and positively impact others as well.
Overall, while the SWOT analysis is just a tool, the real power we have as individuals, particularly working women and moms, is that of self-awareness. Yet, as powerful as it is, it requires the willingness, discipline and focus to make it a regular practice. Only then can we truly thrive in the complete fullness of who we are…
When was the last time you conducted your own SWOT analysis?
In episode 34 of the podcast, I’m starting a series on “leading like women”. Here, I’m chatting about what characterizes women’s leadership, and how to embrace it to lead authentically and powerfully.
This podcast refers to research from the Business Journal from the Wharton school of the University of Pennsylvania: “The Masculine and Feminine Sides of Leadership and Culture: Perceptions vs Reality”.
If you have any insights as to this episode, please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com.
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