You may have heard the saying: “Turn your wounds into wisdom”. Or that “your mess is your message”. When you hear these, or actually experience the wounds or go through the mess, you may not exactly see them as gifts. As a matter of fact, you may resent the obstacles and challenges you may be facing in your career, business or life in general, counting down days and hours until you no longer have to deal with them. It may be that you’re dealing with a challenging boss or toxic environment, or that your marriage is in shambles, or even that being a working mom is taking a toll on you.
There were (and still are) times in my life and work when I just could not seem to see the forest from the trees. Coming to the United States to complete my education, alone, with limited resources, and facing all sorts of odds, was one of these. So was dealing with toxic work environments as a woman of color, and learning to stay sane as a working mom. While I was going through these challenges, all I could think about was how unlucky I was, or ask myself why that was happening to me. It wouldn’t occur to me at the time that my struggles were actually a springboard to my greatest accomplishments.
Very often, while we’re in the midst of challenges, we don’t often see the point, or that there is any point at all for that matter. In the same way, when we face failures, we are quick to disqualify ourselves rather than use these as opportunities for growth. Instead of using the power of the accumulated lessons and insights we gain over time, we ignore them and keep repeating the same mistakes, slowly getting ourselves in an undeniable rut.
You may have made a career mistake that set you back temporarily, but now you’re shying away from using the lesson learnt to reach higher. You may have missed the promotion, but now are stuck in a rut rehashing what you perceive as a defeat rather than focusing on your goal. You may be overwhelmed as a working mom, yet not using the leverage you have to re-purpose the leadership and management skills you’re naturally using at home in your career. Basically, you may just be wasting the incredible power of the struggles in your work and life to propel you closer to your objectives and help you maximize your potential.
As a CPA and auditor by trade, I’ve learnt that every client, engagement and project builds upon the previous. It’s a common practice for managers to leave their staff coaching notes aimed at helping them correct their mistakes. The mistakes many staff members make, which I also did make, is limit these coaching notes to a particular engagement or project, instead of using them as a foundation for the next one. The point is, each set of coaching notes is meant to help you better yourself, so you can re-purpose your mistakes into assets for your next project. What if this simple analogy can be applied to our entire careers, businesses and lives?
Struggles are not only inevitable, they are necessary. The toxic boss or work environment will happen at some point. So will the betrayal, the business failure, and career mishaps. They should happen, not so you can be punished though them, but so you, and all of us, can learn from them. The few who see them as learning opportunities are also those who make the most progress, and are able to exceed their goals and objectives, reaching the summit of the mountains of their potential and purpose.
I get it, it certainly stings at first. “I love failure”, said no one ever. It may take some time to lick your wounds, drown your sorrows in a pint of sea salt caramel ice cream, and come up gasping for air. Yet, there are ways you and I can learn to not just recover from these, but actually use them to succeed at work and in life:
Acknowledge your struggles
The first step is to acknowledge you’re even struggling or have areas of improvement. I had to come to terms with some of the challenges and obstacles I faced in my work, whether through my corporate career or business, before I could overcome them. My ego would often get in the way of recognizing that I needed to develop in certain areas, which in turn prevented me from progressing and learning what I needed to.
What areas of your career, business or life in general are you struggling in? Where are you facing the most obstacles and challenges? What do you dread doing or working on the most?
To Do: Take some time out to identify those areas in which you’re facing difficulties. You can also ask people around you, especially managers and peers, for constructive criticism to help you improve your performance or habits.
Focus on the WHO, not the WHAT
Repeat after me: You are not your mistakes or failures! Often, we focus on the WHAT, identifying with our struggles in a negative way. Before we know it, we have already determined that we’re not good writers, or that we have no skills at project management, or that our parenting skills are not up to par.
I’ve learnt that the process of growing through my struggles involves separating my WHO from my WHAT. The WHAT is the experience in itself, the mistake, the area of development, the mishap. The WHO is the more experienced, savvier, better person you are becoming by virtue of learning through the experience.
To Do: Ask yourself WHAT you are struggling at in your work or life. Now ask yourself WHO you have allowed yourself to become because of these struggles. Have they made you more unsure of yourself, more bitter and critical of your performance and others’? Or have they turned you into a more astute entrepreneur, a more strategic professional, more resourceful parent, etc? Ideally, the latter should guide you going forward.
Create your own crisis strategy
One thing that is as sure as death and taxes, is that you’ll be faced with obstacles and challenges in your work and life journey. As you climb the mountains of your potential and purpose, in whatever area of life this may be, you will struggle here and there.
Part of using these challenges to succeed further at work and in life is to allow them to inform your future experiences. I’ve learnt to create my own, self-customized crisis strategy. Think of it as using the coaching notes I was referring to earlier. The combination of these coaching notes, or the lessons you have learnt from the mistakes made, and the refining of your own approach to the crisis that will inevitably happen can only set you up for success in the future.
To Do: Ask yourself what you have learnt from the struggles you’ve faced through a particular experience, project, or even relationship. Also, review how you’ve addressed these situations. How can you better respond to a similar, or even different, challenge in the future? How can you refine your approach in addressing it going forward, taking into account your unique personality and circumstances? As you go, this will be your personal crisis strategy. The good thing about it is, as much as it will empower you with the right tools to face upcoming obstacles, it will also keep getting better with time.
Seek help when needed
One of the most important lessons that struggles allow us to get, in life and at work, is to seek help. Don’t shy away from benefiting from others’ assistance, guidance and mentorship as you face your own personal and professional storms. These challenges are actually presenting themselves so you can learn from others about the best ways handle them. The point, many others have been through these difficult times and learnt from it, so they can save you the time and energy to do so.
Building success in our careers and lives, whatever this definition of success may be for us, takes a village. So does raising a child, building a legacy, and doing work that matters. This is the reason why it’s important to allow yourself to rely on the right people as you overcome your own challenges, so you can let others rely on you when it’s time for them as well.
To Do: Seek the right mentors and guides in your career, business and/or life. The people you look up to have certainly gone through the same struggles you’re facing and come out on the other side. Learn from them. Seek out trusted peers and colleagues as well, in whom you can confide in and from whom you can get the support you need.
Don’t forget to celebrate!
Every struggle you overcome is cause for celebration. While you may feel that you’ve barely made it, or that the sting of failure is still very much present, remember that it happened in order for you to grow through it.
To Do: Take the time to stop, and ponder on the difficulties you’ve faced, and how far you’ve come to get to where you are on the way to where you’re going. This will give you the strength, motivation and inspiration to keep pushing through your next mountain.
All in all, changing your perspective when it comes to facing obstacles and challenges in your work and life is crucial. Without this change in perspective, you may be stuck at the same level, in the same position, with the same weaknesses, missing out on opportunities to expand and attain your true potential. Every successful person has had to fail and struggle. Every CEO is hired and paid to handle complex obstacles and challenges. Every new level requires that you upgrade in order to deal with tougher odds. Yet, at the same time, it is those mountains you have to climb that are allowing you to reach the next level, and the next level, and the next level…
Are you using your struggles to succeed at work and in life?
If you ask me, job seeking has changed quite a bit. Remember when all you had to do was polish your resume, find a semi-decent clean suit, and make sure you showed up to the interview on time? Well, not quite anymore…Social media has become an increasingly important part of our careers and businesses, and also an crucial aspect of job searching.
Not only is it possible to find your ideal job by leveraging the power of social media, but it’s actually recommended. According to this study by the Society of Human Resource Management, 65 percent of companies used social media to help them hire their employees. More specifically, 57 percent of companies used Linked for their hiring needs, while 19 percent turned to Facebook.
While being on social media can mean looking at memes all day long and getting updated on Beyonce’s latest fashion hit, it can also mean making yourself more marketable. Which in turn can help you land the job of your dreams (and justify those late nights watching natural hair videos on Instagram).
Here are 7 tips to use social media to find your ideal job and stand out in an otherwise crowded job market:
Clean Up Time!
This may sound obvious, but we don’t do it quite often enough: Clean and update your social media accounts. This includes ensuring that your social media pages and channels are squeaky clean, which also means removing any profanities, risky party pictures, or politically-charged and offensive content.
Don’t get me wrong, you are certainly entitled to your opinions and using your social media accounts as you wish. However, keep in mind that in order to increase your chances to be hired, it’s best to keep a clean profile. You can use apps like Simple Wash to clean up your Facebook page, for instance.
Look Professional!
You know those blurry profile pictures snapped by the hubby on a rainy afternoon? Yes, those…They’re not exactly what you should use as profile pictures if you want to leverage your social media accounts for work.
Instead, invest in clear and professional pictures that clearly show your face, preferably smiling. Your pictures should convey your professional persona, in addition to a friendly, approachable appearance. You can use apps like Photofeelerto determine whether your pictures look professional enough. You can also get inspired by other professionals in and outside of your field.
Mind your keywords
Many do not realize that companies use automated searches on Linked In and in resumes for their hiring needs. This is why it’s important to capitalize on the power of keywords when using social media to find your ideal job.
Make an inventory of the job descriptions that are of interest to you, and research the keywords used in these. As you list your skills online, make sure to include them as part of it, as well as on your resume.
Networking is key!
It’s important to keep connecting and networking with the people and companies linked with your ideal job, especially the hiring managers of the companies you dream of working at. You should be open to accepting most professional connection requests on social media. You never know who you can meet through social media.
Blog Away!
Blogging is a powerful way to establish your authority and share your knowledge in a certain field or area. Every time you write an article on a topic relevant to your ideal job or company, you increase your chances of standing out among a sea of candidates.
Whether you blog on your own website or guest-post on different sites, share fresh and relevant content in your field or industry. A great place to publish your writing and get noticed by hiring managers is LinkedIn Pulse.
Showcase your work!
You can also include a link to your best projects from current or past jobs on your social media pages or channels. You may also want to link your website, if you have one, to your social media profiles.
The point is to showcase your work and position yourself as an expert in your field. Think of it as your professional media kit shared on your social media platforms.
Develop your personal brand!
Develop and grow a consistent personal brand across all your social media platforms. The goal is to get people to know you, know what you do, and identify with your goals and objectives. Lastly, make sure your personal brand matches your social media profiles
How do you use social media to find your ideal job?
If you’ve ever unexpectedly lost your job, you know it’s certainly not a good feeling. If you haven’t, it’s probably one of the most painful experiences you’ll ever go through. It’s especially true when it’s unexpected and through no fault of your own. Although for some, it can be one of the best things to happen to their careers, the initial hurt is hard to avoid.
According to career placement firm Challenger, Gray and Christmas, job cuts soared 218%in the month of January 2016 . No wonder the fear of losing their jobs is haunting so many professionals at work. After all, it means not only losing your paycheck, but also foregoing your daily routine, your health benefits, work perks, and the friendships you may share with co-workers. Despite the traumatic consequences of losing one’s job, there are a few things you can do to lessen the negative impact.
Here are 7 steps to follow when you unexpectedly lose your job:
Give yourself some time and space
Losing a job is a painful experience. It requires time and space to get over it and start fresh. The point here is not to transfer the potential resentment, discouragement and bitterness you may have felt into your next experience. Take some time to reflect over what has happened, and make a commitment to let go of the negative part before embarking on your next professional adventure.
File for unemployment
If you have been let go from your previous position through no fault of your own, you may be eligible for unemployment. However, even if you have been fired, there are instances in which you can claim unemployment benefits. Carefully research your options and start filing as soon as possible.
Explore health insurance and retirement plan options
Make sure to check with Human Resources or with your manager for options to continue your health coverage. Otherwise, research new options to cover you while you’re out of work. You may also want to check on available options to maintain your existing pension plan or 401k.
Mind your budget
Even when you get unemployment benefits, these will most likely amount to less than the paycheck you used to get. Start thinking about ways to save money or build alternative sources of income while you look for another job. Keep in mind that many states have shortened the length of unemployment benefits, so plan for it as well in your budget!
Clean up and Revamp your Resume, Linked In Profile and Social Media accounts
Don’t wait to update your resume and Linked In profile before applying for available positions. As you apply for jobs, highlight your most relevant qualifications and skills. Don’t forget to also revisit your Linked In Profile, and ensure it matches your resume. If possible, seek out additional recommendations to add, and infuse a touch of originality with your particular skills and abilities!
Employers do research potential employees online, including their social media accounts. You may want to remove any questionable content or pictures on there, or adjust your privacy settings at the very least.
Reconnect with your network
It’s easy to forget all about networking while you’re employed. However, losing your job unexpectedly makes you realize how much you need to re-connect with it. Go ahead and contact past colleagues and managers, sign up for networking events and ask your contacts to let you know of any job openings in the future.
Get Your Job Search Underway
Only focus on job listings that match your interests and skills. Save your precious time and avoid positions that aren’t a good fit. Prepare to write targeted cover letters in which you present a compelling case for yourself. Don’t forget to practice your negotiation and interview skills as well!
Whether it’s for a better opportunity or to leave an unfulfilling, or even toxic, situation, walking away from your job is no easy task. It almost always requires some form of adjustment of one sort of another. There are may reasons why you may be thinking, or may already have, quit your job. Despite these, it’s always best to quit a job, any job for that matter, without burning bridges.Or at least without burning too many bridges…
You may be called to remain in the same network, or may even have to come back to the organization you’re leaving in the future, or keep in touch with the people there. These individuals may also serve as references for you in the future. Which is exactly why it’s always best to say goodbye on professional terms.
Here are 5 tips to reflect on and use as you plan on or act upon quitting your job without burning bridges:
Be flexible
As you leave your job, you may want to show some willingness and flexibility to finish your work and train the next person. While two weeks is customary, you may consider offering a longer resignation period, unless you’ve already committed to a start date at your next job. It really depends on your prior commitment, your agreement with the next ob or project you’re moving on to, and your relationships in your current work environment. In any case, be as considerate and show as much flexibility as you can.
The only caveat in this case is that you may want to avoid giving too much notice. The minute you decide to leave, you’re already perceived as an outsider anyways. Think about it when working to strike a balance between enough notice and too much notice as you quit your job.
Let your boss know first!
After deciding to resign, you should announce it to your manager first. The last thing you want is for your boss to hear it from someone else before it gets to him/her. Not only is it a sign of respect, but it allows you to have the initial conversation with him/her directly and avoid any “he says/she says” surrounding your departure.
After you’ve told your manager, you can then decide how your resignation gets communicated to the rest of the office. Whether it’s in an email, during a meeting, or personally informing key people, it’s up to you to pick the best way to inform others at your workplace.
Express thanks!
Being grateful for the time you’ve had in a certain position goes a long way. It shows that regardless of what may have transpired, you are professional enough to end your tenure on a positive note. Whether it’s a general thank you email on your last day, or personalized thank you notes, don’t forget to thank those you’ve worked alongside of throughout your time at the company.
You can even go the extra mile by mentioning particular things you’re thankful for, such as a mentor taking time to guide you through your tenure, or a co-worker assisting you on multiple projects. While you may not need to broadcast these specifics, you may want to tell these particular people how they’ve affected your career. Not only is it considerate and touching, but it’s also just great karma!
Let it go and don’t leave on a sour note!
You may be prompted to leave bad managers or toxic wok environments during your careers. Whatever the case may be, it’s important not to leave on a sour note. While there may have been challenging situations in your work, avoid dwelling on the negative as you quit your job.
If asked about issues that occurred during your tenure, spin these as learning opportunities rather than complaints. Refrain from speaking negatively about anyone, especially during your exit interview. Always ask yourself: “What positives have I learnt from the situation?”, and present it instead of exiting on a bitter and resentful note. Be as professional and positive as you, and karma will do the rest!
5. Don’t be a stranger!
Regardless of the circumstances of your departure, don’t be a stranger! The last thing you want to do is lose the network you’ve grown and built already. Professional contacts can help you expand your network, and tap into new opportunities as you move on to new ventures.
As you quit, exchange your contact information with your peers, colleagues and managers. Connect with them on Linked In, and periodically keep in touch to keep your network fresh and engaged!
Leaving your job on a positive and professional note is a great recipe for career progress and fulfillment. It shows your maturity, class and professionalism, and continues to set the foundation for your career success as you move on to bigger and better opportunities!
What would you recommend to quit your job without burning bridges?
As working moms, it can be challenging not to face the “mommy bias” at work, especially when we have to make special arrangements in our careers and businesses. Early pickups, flexible work arrangements, or impromptu family-related emergencies, are all par for the course when it comes to being a working mom. This may also resulting in a mommy bias at work when co-workers and even managers begin resenting the flexibility or circumstances of a working parent.
As a working mom, I often felt scared of asking for flexibility at work. While I was fortunate to work with understanding co-workers and managers when it came to having work-life integration, there was always a fear of the “mommy bias”. What if leaving on time or early would keep me from getting a promotion? What if my colleagues would think I’m a slacker? Speaking to other working moms, I realized that in certain environments, the “mommy bias” could lead to women being ignored, resented, or flat-out punished for being parents.
As much as we may think that our society has progressed and mentalities have evolved, the truth remains that the traditional role of moms caring for their babies at home is still largely upheld. This underlying bias is real, although often denied. More often than not, women with children or expecting babies, are deemed to be less competent. It is assumed that taking care of a household and family is incompatible with excelling at work, which results in many women being taken off the leadership track or simply relegated to lower-profile assignments.
As archaic as it may sound, this reality is prevalent for many, if not most working moms. However, there are ways you can fight it in your workplace or business.
Here are some tips to fight the “mommy bias” at work:
Be strategic!
Since you already know the reality of the working mom bias and how it can affect your career, you need to be as strategic as possible about your career, especially as you approach maternity leave. Before leaving to give birth, make sure to have a conversation with your manager and team to ensure that there is a clear understanding that this new phase of your life does not alter your career.
Have a plan in place for your return to work, and as much as possible, work to have your manager and team commit to it. It’s important that all parties understand what is on the table, and prepare accordingly.
Keep showing your ongoing interest and commitment in your work
Even after having children, post-maternity leave and an ongoing basis, keep showing how committed you are to your work. While there exists an assumption that working moms may be less effective at their jobs, do not let it derail you from your career goals.
Set up regular meetings with your team and management to reiterate your commitment to your work, and set clear goals for your career. The last thing you want to do is be discouraged and throw in the towel.
Be prepared to fight for opportunities!
Along with showing your commitment, you also want to motivate yourself to fight for the career opportunities you deserve. Many working moms are unfortunately at a disadvantage when it comes to being considered for high-profile assignments or positions. However, this shouldn’t keep you from defending the work you have done, demonstrating excellence and arguing your case.
Don’t let the fact that you may be overlooked at times deter you from seeking the right opportunities for your career. Instead, use it as fuel to do your best work.
Take it easy on yourself
As much as you should be prepared to fight this mommy bias at work, you also have to keep in mind that you have a lot on your plate. It’s challenging to deal with children, the household, your relationship, and be a beaming light of hope at work. Can you do it with flying colors? Yes, certainly.
However, you should be mindful of prioritizing your self-care and checking in with yourself as often as you can. Being a committed employee does not mean sacrificing yourself in order to keep everyone comfortable. Decide how much you’re able to give and what you need to keep yourself at the top of your game and happy.
Now your turn: How do you fight the mommy bias at work?
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As working women, it’s so important to cultivate the self-confidence we need in order to reach our goals and dreams. Without self-confidence, we also cannot face the many challenges and obstacles that come with being a working woman. From the pay gap to not having access to the decision rooms in our careers and businesses, it’s crucial for us women to harness and leverage our self-confidence.
In this video, I recap some tips to build more self-confidence in our careers, businesses and lives:
Now your turn: How do you build more self-confidence as a working woman?
