In this episode of the TCS podcast, I discuss 10 tips to become a PhD mama, if that is your wish or if you’re currently going through the process yourself, or know someone who is…
Enrolling into a PhD program and actually completing it while raising kids, taking care of the home and being in a relationship or partnership is not for the faint of heart. As a matter of fact, it requires the kind of resilience, dedication and heart many are not prepared for…And this is exactly what I’m chatting about here….
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In it, I discuss the 7 principles outlined in the book, from welcoming and embracing disruption and change, to managing progress. These are also the 7 principles guiding the mission of The Corporate Sister.
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
Going back to school as a working mom is a challenge. Enrolling into a PhD program and actually completing it while raising kids, taking care of the home and being in a relationship or partnership is not for the faint of heart. As a matter of fact, it requires the kind of resilience, dedication and heart many are not prepared for…
When I first began my doctoral program, I had not the slightest idea what it would really entail. Having made the transition from the corporate world to academia, the doctoral world was a foreign space for me. Needless to say, the learning curve was not only steep, it also seeped into every single area of my life and career, especially as a working mother. Hindsight being 20/20, I wish someone had prepared me for this uniquely challenging, but also uniquely rewarding journey. This is exactly the reason why I’m sharing these ten tips to successfully completing a doctoral degree as a working mom.
Choose a doctoral program aligned with your career plans
A PhD program is a substantial investment in time, energy and often monetary resources. Such a significant investment also means you must choose a path that is in alignment with your future career plans and your general life purpose. If, like myself, pursuing an academic career is of interest to you, then completing a doctoral program in your discipline of interest may make sense. If you’re also interested in doing or continuing research in a field of your choosing, a PhD may also be the best path. Lastly, if you prefer working in industry in a more analytical, research-based, and technical capacity, a doctoral degree may also be in the cards for you.
It’s a journey of resilience and dedication more than it is one of smarts!
Completing a doctoral program is a journey that will test you on more than one level. More than an intellectual accomplishment, it is a taxing marathon requiring courage, resilience, and dedication. This is where mindset plays a crucial role, as being prepared mentally and renewing your mental stamina over and over again is half the battle!
Keep an attitude of humility and gratitude!
One of the most challenging, yet most attractive aspects of completing a doctoral program is the almost infinite amount of knowledge you’re exposed to. The sheer amount of research and literature in existence around a given topic, and the amount of knowledge still to be created can be overwhelming to say the least. It really humbles you and fills you with gratitude at the prospect of contributing to creating knowledge through your own research. It’s also this attitude that keeps you on your toes and passionate about the work, even when the going gets tough.
It will seep into every other part of your life One lesson I learnt is that a doctoral program will seep into every other area of your life and career, mostly due to the sheer amount of work involved, the mental energy as well as the time required. A typical doctorate program lasts four to six years, however it can take longer to complete depending on the subject area, as well as the program and institution you’re in. As a busy working mom, this also means it will interfere with raising kids, doing your work, being in a marriage, and every other facet of your life and work. You can expect it to affect and impact your life in positive ways, such as an increased sense of achievement and purpose; but also in negative ways such as overwhelm and even burnout at times.
Learn to maximize the time you have!
No one knows better than a working mom how precious time is, especially when pursuing a terminal degree while raising kids and working full-time. This is where learning to maximize your time comes in handy. For me, it meant taking my laptop with me everywhere to fit in some time to study here and there. It also meant being willing to ask for and receive help, whether it was with childcare, housework, or even at work. Most importantly, it’s never underestimating the power of doing a little bit at a time. For a massive undertaking such as a terminal degree, it’s literally like “eating an elephant” bit by bit. Every little bit counts, and consistency is key to getting to the finish line.
Create pockets of rest and self-care
You may be wondering how you’ll ever find time to rest and recuperate when pursuing a PhD as a working mom. The trick is in creating pockets of rest and self-care each and every day, rather than waiting for an elusive block of time to recharge. The reality is, much of your downtime will be used to study and catch up on dissertation work, not to mention everything that just comes with being a working mother.
This is where creating pockets of rest and self-care over time is so important, whether it’s designating specific days of the week to study, or turning in early and reserving early mornings for doctoral work.
Create and nurture a like-minded community
Community is key to pursuing and completing a doctoral degree. Far from being an individual endeavor, it’s one that requires the support of like-minded individuals. Not everyone will understand, or care about, the challenges you may be encountering as part of your doctoral journey. As a matter of fact, the road to your PhD may feel very lonely at times.
However, surrounding yourself with people who have been through a similar journey, are going through it, or understand what it entails, can make all the difference. Even better, connecting with members of your own cohort may help in creating a sense of shared community, help with assignments and comprehensive exams, and provide a source of invaluable support during the dissertation process. This community also makes for lifelong friends and collaborators who can become co-authors of future publications and esteemed colleagues in the academy as well.
Less competition, more collaboration
In line with creating and nurturing a like-minded community, prioritizing collaboration over competition is key. This is especially relevant with a long-term endeavor such as a doctoral degree. In an environment that favors research and knowledge-sharing, collaborating with colleagues is more beneficial to everyone in the short and long-term.
Communication is key!
One of the most underrated skills when pursuing a doctoral degree, especially as a busy working mom, is the ability to communicate effectively. Communicating well with faculty and colleagues, especially at the final dissertation level, is key to saving precious time and reaching your goals faster and more effectively.
Don’t stop at graduation, stay open and curious!
Last but not least, a doctoral degree is a lifetime accomplishment and endeavor that doesn’t just stop at graduation. It’s a lifelong quest into learning and knowledge that can and will enrich your career and life in purposeful and meaningful ways.
All in all, completing a PhD as a busy working mother is certainly a challenging endeavor. However, with dedication, resilience, and an open perspective, it’s far from being impossible. It’s certainly a journey that has changed how I look at education and being a working mom.
Are you pursuing or interested in pursuing a PhD as a working mom?
When we think about building a great career, fulfillment and authenticity are usually not the first things that come to mind. I remember while growing up overhearing adults around me talk about what makes a great career. What I heard, and what stayed with me for the longest time, was that a desirable career was all about prestige, perks and of course, lots of money. And if you know African parents, it almost always meant you had to become a doctor or an engineer…What I didn’t hear was anything about building a fulfilling and authentic career on purpose. On the very contrary, it almost seemed you had to become someone else, someone different than who you were, in order to build the career of your dreams…
Like so many other working women and moms, I took with me the various pieces of well-intended career advice I was given while growing up, as I was starting to build my own career. As I was told, I looked for places of prestige, perks, and well…money. It wasn’t until years later, when disruption hit my life and the virulent itch of disruption and change took over, that I started questioning myself about what “having a great career” really means.
That’s when I began battling the call of my purpose with that of a well-padded paycheck…
When I began wondering if having to choose between my family and my work was really sustainable…
When I became clearer about the life and career I wanted to build for myself, my family and my community…
It’s also when I started wondering about what it means to build a fulfilling and authentic career as a working woman and mother…
As working women and moms, many, if not most of us, care about building a fulfilling and authentic life and career. A recent 2021 Gallup study shows while better compensation and work-life balance appear to be top priorities for both men and women, women rank factors such as work-life balance, the ability “to do what they do best”, and greater diversity and inclusion as most important. This is especially relevant after the COVID pandemic as women have been getting back to work more slowly than their male counterparts, as a result of lack of flexibility and caregiving support. Generally, employees all over the world are seeking more purpose and personal value in their careers nowadays, especially after the pandemic. More and more employees are engaging not only in what has been dubbed as the “Great Resignation” or this massive movement of employees out of the workplace in search of greater life and work meaning; but also in a process of “Great Reflection”, reconsidering what matters most to them in life and at work.
So how do we go about building more fulfilling and authentic careers as working women and moms already faced with so many constraints, biases and opposition in and outside of the workplace? How do we manage to work in more authentic and more fulfilling ways? Here are three tips from my own experience changing careers towards more authenticity and fulfillment of my purpose, which I discuss in my latest book “More: The Journey of Unleashing More of Who You Are”:
Awareness is key: Know who you are in each season
In order to build an authentic career, you’ve got to know who you are! As easy as it may seem, it’s actually the task of a lifetime to figure out who you are and who you keep evolving into, as each season of life is different. As a working woman and mom, it’s an even more daunting task to sift through all the clutter of societal and cultural gender conditioning and biases to uncover who you really are and what you really want out of your life and work in this current season. This is why developing consistent habits of awareness and mindfulness, and making a regular practice of checking in with yourself are so important!
Allow for disruptions and change
Crafting an ideal career aligned with who you are and your purpose also means taking the less-traveled road, often the one filled with uncomfortable disruptions and changes. As such, building a fulfilling and authentic career, and life in general, especially as a working woman and mom, is also about answering the call of change when it knocks on the doors of our comfortable lives, and being willing to be uncomfortable in order to accomplish our purpose. Paradoxically enough, it’s this very discomfort that allows us to grow into the most fulfilled, authentic and purposeful versions of ourselves.
Start where you are and use what you have!
Last but not least, starting where you are and using what you have is how you set the foundation of a more fulfilling career. This also means leveraging all your experiences, wins, setbacks and everything in between, from being a mother to failing in your latest work or business project.
All in all, building fulfilling and authentic careers as working women and moms is about being aware of who we are, allowing for disruptions and changes, and starting where we are and with what we have. While the process may be unpleasant at times, it’s what ends up leading us to crafting the work of our lives, on purpose.
Are you ready to build a fulfilling and authentic career as a working woman and mom?
This is a question that many Black women, and women of color in general, ask themselves in the workplace. A rather difficult one that may awake some of the most primal fears in them, from the fear of not belonging to that of not having much value…
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines tokenism as “the policy or practice of making only a symbolic effort”. It’s further defined in the Cambridge dictionary as “something that a person or organization does that seems to support or help a group of people who are treated unfairly in society”. “Tokenism” as a concept has been used for a long time and quite widely to explain, and somehow justify, the barriers women face in traditionally male occupations. However, research shows African-American women tend to experience less satisfying social relationships, less supportive colleagues, and higher levels of stress when faced with instances of tokenism.
Tokenism can take many forms in the workplace, from hiring minorities to fill diversity quotas, to asking a minority to represent or speak on behalf of an entire group or race. The impact of tokenism is certainly multiple-fold for Black women and women of color in the workplace. From feelings of guilt and inadequacy, to over-extending oneself, not to mention feeling demoralized as a result, its consequences are painful and far-reaching. Tokenism also deeply affects one’s mental health as it may lead to isolation, stereotyping and increased pressure on those who are being its objects. As a result, it may also be conducive to mental illnesses such as depression or burnout.
Yet, this “token” impact can also be viewed from a different lens, one that may offer Black women, and women in general as well as minorities, something akin to a competitive advantage. A study co-authored by Harvard Business School’s Assistant Professor of Business Administration Edward Chang shows women and Black professionals being more likely to choose predominantly male or Caucasian teams as long as it would allow them to stand out from the competition, even if it means being a “token”. Despite the painful consequences of it, including isolation, high pressure, as well as mental and emotional pressure, members of under-represented groups may be willing to put themselves at risk in order to advance professionally.
“Am I a token?”
A difficult question to ask oneself for anyone in and outside of the workplace. For Black women at work, one that may prompt inner turmoil, hurt and mental anguish, yet one that may very well be the reality, even when hiding under layers of positive diversity and inclusion messages and initiatives. It’s also a reality that may be used as a competitive advantage to forge one’s advancement in the workplace. Two sides of the same harsh yet very real coin…
Overall, tokenism opens the door to difficult questions, and even more challenging answers for Black women, and women of color in general in the workplace. There is no good answer when it comes to even questioning being a token at work. However, it’s also an opportunity to face the lack of diversity, inclusion and equity plaguing too many institutions, companies and workplaces, and challenge the status quo.
“Am I a token?”
It is a hard question to ask of oneself and others. Yet, it’s one that should bring about increased accountability on everyone’s part. It’s a question that should be followed by other questions such as:
“Why am I the only Black woman or minority in the room?”
“How can we work together to bring in and retain more minorities?”
“What do diversity, equity and inclusion really mean in terms of values in our organizations?”
“How can we begin and continue the work of changing minds, attitudes and actions towards race and gender relations at work?”
In her book “ The Light We Carry”, Michelle Obama discusses the many challenges of navigating being a black woman in any type of workplace, many of which she experienced herself in her professional life and as First Lady of the United States. She refers to being a double minority in the workplace as navigating different worlds, their worlds of origin and the professional and/or social worlds they’re entering as minorities. This is something most Black women, and most minorities, can certainly identify with. It is this duality of experiences and being that has given rise to code switching, which as draining as it may be, is also a survival tool for many.
Being a minority in the workplace, at times the only minority or one of a very few, definitely means moving between different worlds. Many come from environments where they may be “the first”. The first to go to college. The first to attain a certain type of career success. The first to think, behave and grow differently. This already creates a chasm in their environments of origin, making them stand out, often alone. As they get into environments where they are “the only” or one of a very few, they also stand out, often alone. What we often don’t realize is that many, if not most minorities in the workplace, stand out in both their worlds of origin and their professional worlds, making it even more challenging for them to show up authentically and overcome the obstacles on their way, from discrimination to blatant inequities. Not only do they stand out in both worlds, but they often also feel a sense of needing to satisfy both worlds through performance, sacrifice, even rebellion…
For many, if not most Black women at work, making it professionally then becomes a matter of sheer survival. Many find themselves barely keeping their heads above water, as they tirelessly work to address the pressures from the inside, i.e. their personal and social environments, and those of the outside, i.e. their professional environments. This often results in an excruciating and toxic push and pull between where they are going in terms of professional, even personal, emotional and all around spiritual growth, and where they’re coming from.
So how does one reconcile this pull between worlds as minorities, more specifically as Black women in the workplace, without losing one’s authenticity? How does one achieve a sense of wholeness when pressures keep building in opposite directions? Most importantly, how does one authentically thrive, instead of barely surviving while standing out and often being isolated? It’s certainly a tall order, a dilemma for the ages that is going to require more than an article to solve. It’s also part of an ongoing conversation for us all to have. As part of this conversation, the concept of “agile authenticity” emerges, which combines the value of authenticity or knowing oneself with that of authentically adapting to the various seasons and environments we’re exposed to. As part of this, three principles arise, which I like to call the “AIM” framework of agile authenticity:
Awareness
When it comes to authentically thriving in the workplace as a Black woman, or any person of color at work, awareness is key! It begins with self-awarenessat the core of it, rooted in a solid and continuous understanding of one’s core values. Asking questions such as: “What are my core values in this season of my life and work?”, goes further than just identifying what is important to us. It digs deeper into our growth and current state as individuals, and also provides more information to build upon.
It also involves being acutely aware of one’s environments. Each environment, whether personal or professional, has its own implicit and not-so-implicit rules, processes and systems. Understanding our environments of origin and those we evolve in professionally is crucial to remaining grounded and agile as people and individuals. This is when we know when and what to share, how to present ourselves, and what boundaries to draw.
Impact
“What is the impact I can and want to have in my environments at this very moment?” This is a question that often eludes as minorities in the workplace, as the focus is often put on performance. Yet, even more than performance, impact is what helps us make a difference. If our performance does not positively impact our communities and those around us, what is the point?
Switching the focus from performance to impact, more specifically timely impact, then radically changes the way we think about work and life. Instead of endlessly measuring productivity on others’ timetables, we can measure the impact we have, whether in terms of cultural change, education, or increased equity.
Building a Master Plan
Last but not least, combining awareness and impact allows to build a master plan to thrive in, and even outside of work as Black women, and minorities in general. Being aware of oneself and one’s environments helps identify areas of strength and improvement, while allowing to assess which environments are best for us, and how best to operate in them. Thinking in terms of impact rather than performance gives an evolved perspective of the work we do and the real change we create. All this ultimately contributes to building an evolved career master plan that can help, rather than hinder, navigating the various environments around us.
All in all, thinking in terms of, and practicing agile authenticity as Black women, and minorities in the workplace, can help one thrive, instead of barely surviving in between different worlds. While it requires an acute sense of awareness and impact, it certainly can contribute in building one’s own master plan of success at work.
It’s one thing to set career goals at the beginning of the year. It’s another to actually devise a plan to reach those goals, especially as busy working women and moms. Many of us set ambitious goals as a new year, or even a new season begins, only to get stuck because we don’t have the blueprint to actually achieve them and we’re way too busy and spread thin anyways. I know I’ve certainly been there…
So how do we actually put together a plan that works for each and every one of us, in terms of achieving our career goals, whatever these goals may be? How do we get that raise this year? How do we manage to snatch that promotion? And most importantly, how do we set an approach that fits into our particular set of circumstances, lifestyle, environments, relationships, etc? I remember reading about all these highly successful individuals in the corporate and entrepreneurial world with incredible goals and habits, and not having a frame of reference to apply what I was learning. How was I to wake up at 4am when I had been nursing my newborn two hours prior? How was I to attend networking events when I was barely making it to pick up my kids? You may have probably felt the same, in addition to being intimated by the sheer monumental appearance of the tasks at hand…
What I didn’t realize back then, is that many of the successful women and men we look up to, have systems in place, people to help them, and entire infrastructures supporting them in accomplishing their objectives. That working mom killing it on social media also has a full-time nanny and a personal assistant. That newly minted managing director’s husband is a stay-at-home parent supporting her on the home front. For many, if not most of us, especially as working women and moms, these systems are non-existent, the support is quite scarce, from childcare support to financial support, and the resources are tight to begin with…
This is where a sense of purpose has to take over to build a plan that actually works for us as working women and moms. As many of us have already noted, what works for our male counterparts does not exactly work for us. What society, and many of the mainstream self-help and strategy books tell us, may also not apply to our lives as women and mothers. What works, what really works for women, is an approach that integrates the various aspects of our lives, regardless of our personal and professional circumstances.
As I worked to devise steps towards planning my own career amidst the changing winds of my own life, I kept focusing on what would bring me more of a sense of purpose. The word Purpose itself started speaking to me, so much so that I drafted seven (7) steps for career planning following the PURPOSE mnemonic, that I’m happy to share in this post. Here is the PURPOSE approach to planning your career:
Picture WHO you desire to be (not what you have to do): There is power in creating and honoring a mental image of the woman you know you can and are meant to be. This is not just in terms of career title, position, or possessions. This is in terms of the essence of WHO you are. Do you see yourself as fulfilled, powerful, creative, satisfied, rested in your career?
Use what you have. Next, consider what you do have in terms of qualities, strengths, attributes, as well as your current lifestyle, family, relationships. Make a list of these and reflect on how you can use them in your career this year.
Readjust your goals as necessary and often as needed. I remember hearing Christian author Joyce Meyer say in one of her podcast episodes when asked how she keeps her priorities straight, that she basically keeps straightening them out. Goals are not static monuments to worship at the feet of. Instead, they can be adjusted and readjusted as needed.
Make a realistic Plan. When I say realistic, I mean by this a plan that fits into your current reality. If you cannot realistically attend every after-work happy hour or networking event, do not include it in your plans.
Get Outside of your comfort zone. Commit to getting outside of your comfort zone as often as you can. This may mean asking someone to mentor you, starting a new side hustle, or volunteering for a project at work…
Take the next Smallest step. Goals are not accomplished through big, inconsistent steps, but rather through small, consistent efforts. What is the next smallest step you can take? It may be to write a sentence to begin that report, research paper or book, or to make that phone call, or hit “send” on that email you dread sending…
Execute! Commit to executing on your goals, even if imperfectly. Remember, done is better than perfect!
Planning your career at the beginning of the year goes beyond just setting goals. It’s also and most importantly about having a solid approach to becoming the person who actually achieves the best goals for themselves and their communities at large.
