Welcome to the Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
This week, we’re sayin good-bye to one classy and beautiful actress, as Black Enterprise is remembering the legacy of Diahann Caroll who passed away this Friday at 84. May she rest in power!
In positive news this week, Forbes reports that this merger leads to a top-women led, minority-owned investment firm on Wall street;
Fall is upon us, and Working Mother lists the 10 best Fall festivals for families all across the country;
Time’s up for the pay gap, and Recruiter tells us how we can avoid waiting another 200 years for pay parity;
Zen Habits breaks down why we never have enough time and what we can do about it;
On The Corporate Sister, we’re confirming that for us working moms, it’s not the physical, but the mental load that is really getting to us;
Financial Inequality starts at home, and Business Insider tips us off on how to combat it as parents;
Want to reduce, re-use and save more cash? Making Sense of Cents has a few tips for you;
Worried about protecting your personal time? Corporette lets you in on a few tips;
Fashion alert! Fashionista lists the best 93 online sales in the next 48 hours and you don’t want to miss it.
Sometimes, the path chooses you. Sometimes, it’s not just you putting your ducks in a row, carefully planning for your future, dressing up your 5 or 10-year plan, and getting your coins in order. Sometimes, you seem to stumble upon a career and life path you may not even have seen coming, treading on waters you never suspected you’d be even touching…Many refer to it as the accidental career, the road less traveled they ended up traveling on, when it appeared as though they were destined for something entirely different. Or so they thought…
As a self-proclaimed introvert, it seemed as if I stumbled upon a path of teaching and writing that often made me more visible than I thought I could handle. For someone who enjoyed peace and quiet, and was often told as a child that I was too “timid”, stepping in front of a classroom or an audience felt strange at first. Sharing written words would feel awkward too. After all, I had initially picked a safe, reliable accounting career that would allow me to quietly work behind the scenes while providing me with a comfortable financial cushion. Over time though, my business and writing career expanded and morphed into a path that chose me more than I picked it…Or so I thought…
If you’re reading this, and are unsure as to where your career and life path is taking you, you’re not alone. As a matter of fact, you may just be in the right place at the right time. You see, very often, the path that chooses us has been in us from the beginning. However, it may have been clouded by the words and intentions of otherwise well-intentioned adults, who may at some point or another, have told you that you were made for this and not for that. That you were too much of this and not enough of this…Maybe a teacher told you you weren’t smart enough, or too slow. After all, Einstein aka the synonymous to genius, didn’t speak fluently until he was nine, prompting his educators to believe he was slow…Think of that…
When the path chooses you, the truth is that it’s always been in you. It may have been hidden by the culture or environment you were in so early on that you forgot who you truly were made to be to. It may have been silenced by well-intentioned, or not so well-intentioned critics, who didn’t see in you what was really there. However, if you turn back and retrace the steps of your life and career path, you may find that there were clues leading you to this not-so-accidental career after all. I can re-trace my steps and find the stories I used to share with my classmates. I can walk a few decades back and see the admiring look on my face whenever I saw my mother dressed up for work. I can look over my shoulder and see the little girl reciting speeches and poems to the plants in our small apartment…
When you’re at a crossroads and it seems that the path chose you, that you have to now answer this call that may disrupt your life and bring chaos to the carefully orchestrated order you were desperately trying to set, don’t be afraid that the path chose you. Maybe you just got fired so you can start the business. Maybe the job didn’t work out so you could step into your purpose of helping others through the gifts and talents you’ve been sleeping on all along. Maybe the path choosing you is not so accidental, and is instead the blessing in disguise that is leading you to realize the full potential of who you are….
When the path chooses you, allow it to disrupt your five or ten-year plan. Let it pull you towards the purpose that has always been brewing inside of you. Open yourself up to discovering where this not-so-accidental work is taking you, what it stands to teach you, and how it will help others find the courage to tread on their own path as well…
Welcome to the Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
Happy Labor Day weekend! Food52 is listing 10 Labor Day deals that may actually be well worth you time (and hard-earned dollars);
In “Let’s do better” news this week, Forbes reports that only one woman of color (Colombian-American actress Sofia Vergara) made the 2019 highest-paid actresses list, and we need to do better;
In other “let’s do better” news, the Amazon is on fire, and we should all understand why and how to help;
CNN reports there have never been as many single working women in history than now, and it’s changing the face of the economy;
On a different note, the New York Times answers the question as to why there aren’t more women working. The answer is that they’re caring for parents;
In more comforting news, Business Insider reports that women are actually getting ahead at work. The caveat is that the workplace culture has to be built for it;
Got a new job offer? The Muse tips you off on how to negotiate paid parental leave (even if you’re not expecting);
Don’t want to go to college? Inc. lists 3 things you can do instead;
As a disclaimer, this is not your typical (read: practical) career advice. There will be no fool-proof tips and tricks to climb the corporate ladder or reach the million dollar mark in your business. If you’re looking for a get-rich-or-successful-quick scheme, this is also not it.
What this is rather, is a testimony to one aspect of our careers, and our lives in general, that is too often overlooked, at the expense of technical know-how and practical advice.
Listen to the average employed person talk about their work, and you may more often catch them rant about their horrible bosses and atrocious workload, than you would about their growth potential. Try and catch a session of “office watercooler gossip”, and you may be in for a serious re-run of “The Desperate Housewives of the Cubicle Next Door”. Truth is, the majority of people constantly complain about their jobs, from dreading the Sunday night blues to despising their annoying co-workers. Those who don’t? Well, who wants to chat with anyone who loves their job, anyways…
Many, if not most, aspire to the next best thing in their careers, whether it’s the next promotion, the next job, the next boss, or the next coffee machine to survive the day (hello work-induced caffeine addiction)….Few stop to be truly grateful about where they currently stand in their work journey, or any other positive side of their current occupation. Besides, all this positivity wouldn’t make for juicy watercooler talk…
In the much acclaimed book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill reveals how a change in the way you think in general, and in particular your level of faith, desire, and resilience, can propel you to success. As it did for millions, this book, among others, revolutionized the way I envision success. While I was raised in a household that valued hard, tireless work, and academic excellence, I realized in the course of my career that these, although invaluable, are far from being enough. The modern cult of the constant grind and overachiever mentality, so prevalent among entrepreneurs, is also leaving us with an insatiable thirst for more that is ever so unquenchable. As a result, purpose is eluding us at the expense of grandiose status and bottomless FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). We then find ourselves in this unending quest of closing yet another gap or smashing yet another ceiling.
What I’ve found through my own trials, errors, failures and successes across jobs, careers, and through fulfilling my own purpose, can be summed up in a few words: Less doing, more thinking and being. Could it be that after all, the secret was never to work harder, but to think better? Could it be that we all can manifest the career of our dreams by switching the quality of our thoughts? It has certainly been my experience, and is now my testimony, based on these few yet powerful principles:
An abundance mindset creates opportunities
One of the main obstacles to career success is the belief that there aren’t enough opportunities to go around. This scarcity mindset is often at the core of competitive and toxic behaviors and environments, not to mention at the root of Impostor syndrome and slef-doubt.
Developing a mindset rooted in abundance means recognizing opportunities even where there seems to be lack. Sometimes, it may mean creating those opportunities for yourself. It’s also learning to celebrate others as we build our own successes.
Gratitude is a multiplier
Manifesting the career of your dreams begins where you are, which means it starts with showing gratitude for the job you have now. It can be difficult to fathom when work doesn’t inspire you more than the prospect of a somewhat generous paycheck, or that of a juicy gossip session in the deli section of the cafeteria.
Expressing gratitude for where you’re at in your career (and life in general) is also recognizing the positive in your current situation. Whenever you see and acknowledge the positive in anything, you’re also multiplying it!
No amount of work can supersede your thoughts.
However you may define success for yourself, and regardless of the amount of work you put in, you must believe it to be achievable for yourself first. Self-doubt and lack of confidence will rob you of the positive outcome of your hard work, unless you commit to believing in yourself.
It is no surprise that millions of dollars are wasted each and every year in process inefficiencies, as employees literally waste precious time, energy and money on unsuccessful pursuits. It’s the lack of intentionality and purpose behind so many business initiatives, rather than the lack of work, that really explains their failing.
So yes, hard work, shiny credentials, unwavering dedication, discipline, smart goal-setting, and a good eye cream are important to career success. Yet, none of it is truly effective until we begin to think and see ourselves successful, on our own terms.
Have you ever looked at your schedule and felt an “Auntie Maxine” “Reclaiming my time” moment? Whether it was because your goals seemed too far-fetched or that you could not possibly see how you could accomplish them all, at one point or another, you might have felt the need for refreshing your schedule.
I’ve learnt over time to periodically take a good, hard look at my schedule, especially as a working mom. Not only do circumstances constantly change in my family, from school schedules to vacations and doctor’s appointments, but my growth and evolution as a working woman and mom also mean that the way I organize my time is bound to change. What were priorities last year or even last month, may now be relegated to the bottom of the to-do list, and vice-versa. Emergencies or new priorities may also come along, thus changing your whole outlook on your schedule. Overall, it’s just good practice to re-evaluate your schedule on a periodic basis, re-organize your priorities and refresh your use of time.
If you’ve been thinking about updating and refreshing your schedule, here are 7 ways you may consider:
Check in with yourself: Re-visit your why
It all starts with you, from your schedule to how you choose to live your life. It makes sense then check in with yourself first, more specifically with what motivates and drives you, that is your “why”. Has your “Why” changed over time? Have you changed in a way that no longer accommodates your current schedule? If so, what are your new priorities and how do you envision your new schedule?
Check in with your loved ones
We don’t build alone, whether in life or at work. Most likely, your schedule doesn’t just revolve around yourself, but also around your loved ones. Check in with them and have an honest conversation about where you see yourself spending your time, given your particular circumstances. However, beware of not building your schedule based exclusively on the needs of others, which may leave you drained and unfulfilled.
Use a time tracker
One of the best practices I was introduced to in one of the productivity masterminds I attended, is the use of a time-tracker. As its name indicates, it’s a document in which you track how and what you use your time on. Documenting your daily schedule goes a long way towards clarifying where your time goes, which in turn helps you re-adjust where needed.
Find what brings you joy
One of the aspects of the time trackers I used revolved around documenting the activities that brought me joy. Doing so helped me pinpoint those tasks that would bring my energy level up, in turn making me more productive, fulfilled and efficient. In the same way, practice documenting those activities that revitalize you and that you particularly enjoy. Not only will they point you towards a more efficient use of your time, they may also very well be directing you towards your purpose.
Identify time-stealers
Another time-tracking aspect that also proved to be instrumental in my personal and professional growth is the identification of time-stealers. These are activities or tasks that zap your energy, drain you and absorb way too much of your time. For me, these are the usual suspects, that is administrative tasks and social media. By pinpointing these, you will be able to decrease their impact or eliminate them altogether from your schedule, thus positively refreshing it going forward.
Use the power of technology
While there may be numerous inefficient uses of technology, there are some aspects of it that are particularly useful in refreshing your schedule. Automating and scheduling tasks are part of these. Using the power of technology to handle low-level tasks that do not require your expertise is a powerful way to free up some of your time and create a more efficient schedule.
Build margins
Last but not least, one thing I realized through my last productivity mastermind is that an effective schedule is also one that allows for realistic margins. For instance, when heading to a doctor’s appointment with the kids, I realized that I was expecting the whole process to just take the commuting time to and from the doctor’s office. What I would not take into account was the time to prep the kids, transition them into the car, as well as any necessary time cushion in case of traffic jams or other delays. As a result, my schedule would always feel too tight. Building margins and cushions in my time planning allowed me to relax, de-stress and have a more realistic schedule.
What other tips do you recommend to refresh your schedule?
In the Woman of Impact series, I interview women who are making a difference in others’ lives through their mission and purpose. Cleonie Mainvielle is just one of these women. When I first heard Cleonie speak about her journey and business at a women’s event, I felt like she was talking to and about me. As I later joined her mastermind, I was even more inspired by her mission to help women like myself reclaim our time, energy and ultimately freedom.
If you are a woman or man looking to maximize your own impact, and live and work on purpose, your will enjoy reading about Cleonie and her work! Without further ado, I present to you Cleonie…
1. Could you tell me a bit about you and who Cleonie is?
I am a mother to two fun loving children (9 and 11 yrs old), a wife of 14 yrs and a full-time entrepreneur. My biggest fear is to have lived a life without meaning and purpose because I had wasted too much of my time. This fear is the driving force behind my business and how I structure my life. When my final days are here, I want to feel content that I have lived a life that made a difference and that it was lived well.
2. I like to ask people this question: “What did you want to be when you grow up?”
As a child, I always thought I would grow up to be a teacher or nurse. Teaching and nursing were the roles I gravitated to when I played with my brother or friends. The idea of helping others improve their situation by using the knowledge and skills I have really appealed to me. I started to implement my nursing plan as early as high school when I earned my Licensed in Practical Nursing. But I encountered a major setback when my first college choice accepted me into their Liberal Arts school and not their nursing program. This disappointment turned out to be a great opportunity to challenge my long-held belief that nursing was the route for me.
As I worked to earn extra money at a hospital using my nursing training from high school, I came to realize that although I loved helping people, I didn’t only want to help those who were sick. So, I stopped pursuing nursing, earned my Bachelor in Psychology and later went on to earn my Masters in Social Work. These two degrees turned out to be the best fit since they allowed me to help others with a broader range of issues.
4. Who do you help as your target audience? How do you help them?
I help busy professionals and entrepreneurs organize their schedules and belongings so that they can reclaim their personal freedom and have more time for what is important, joyful and inspiring. I do this by delivering workshops where I teach general productivity and time management strategies. For those who want long term group support to implement strategies learned, I facilitate women-only mastermind groups. These mastermind groups are comprised of 4-5 like-minded women who have agreed to lend each other support, share resources and hold each other accountable as they each strive to achieve ambitious goals.
As the group facilitator, I provide structure and track progress to ensure that the group as well as the individual members are achieving their goals. Lastly, I work with clients one-on-one to help them uncover the specific time management and productivity strategies that fit into their lives and address their specific circumstances.
2. I like to ask people this question: “What did you want to be when you grow up?”
As a child, I always thought I would grow up to be a teacher or nurse. Teaching and nursing were the roles I gravitated to when I played with my brother or friends. The idea of helping others improve their situation by using the knowledge and skills I have really appealed to me. I started to implement my nursing plan as early as high school when I earned my Licensed in Practical Nursing. But I encountered a major setback when my first college choice accepted me into their Liberal Arts school and not their nursing program. This disappointment turned out to be a great opportunity to challenge my long-held belief that nursing was the route for me.
As I worked to earn extra money at a hospital using my nursing training from high school, I came to realize that although I loved helping people, I didn’t only want to help those who were sick. So, I stopped pursuing nursing, earned my Bachelor in Psychology and later went on to earn my Masters in Social Work. These two degrees turned out to be the best fit since they allowed me to help others with a broader range of issues.
4. Who do you help as your target audience? How do you help them?
I help busy professionals and entrepreneurs organize their schedules and belongings so that they can reclaim their personal freedom and have more time for what is important, joyful and inspiring. I do this by delivering workshops where I teach general productivity and time management strategies. For those who want long term group support to implement strategies learned, I facilitate women-only mastermind groups. These mastermind groups are comprised of 4-5 like-minded women who have agreed to lend each other support, share resources and hold each other accountable as they each strive to achieve ambitious goals.
As the group facilitator, I provide structure and track progress to ensure that the group as well as the individual members are achieving their goals. Lastly, I work with clients one-on-one to help them uncover the specific time management and productivity strategies that fit into their lives and address their specific circumstances.
5. What do you think are the biggest obstacles for women to achieve the success they want and have the life they’ve always desired?
I think the biggest obstacle for women to achieve the success they want and have the life they’ve always desired is the disconnection between their time and energy investments, and what their desires are. Here is what I mean. When our minutes and energy are assigned to tasks that lack meaning and purpose, those minutes stack up to hours, those hours stack up to days, those days into weeks and weeks into months. Before we know it, we find ourselves living a life that is without meaning and purpose.
So, my work revolves around helping women gain clarity around what their desires are, then helping them reassign those minutes to activities they find important, joyful and inspiring. Along the way, they will encounter limiting beliefs, lack of self confidence as well as habits that can sabotage their progress.
6. What are your three best tips for working women?
I have so many tips to share because I have a healthy obsession with all things that pertain to productivity & organizing. But since I can only chose 3, here are my favorites:
1. Set your intentions before you invest any of your time and energy by asking yourself “What do I intend to take away or contribute to this event/interaction that will move me closer to what I desire?”; 2. Plan your days and weeks ahead by choosing one day each week as well as a specific time each day to map out how you plan to invest your time. This way, you can show up each day focused and clear on your priorities. Otherwise, your schedule will be subject to other people’s priorities and agenda; 3. Schedule the things that are most important to you. A calendar does not have to be limited only to your appointments. Be sure to schedule your priorities to ensure that there is time for them to get done.
7. Last but not least, where can we find you and get in touch with you?
Whether at work or in life, you’re bound to meet at least one person who doesn’t value you. This may be a co-worker who steps all over your toes in meeting, or a boss who discredits you in public with zero mercy. It may also be the so-called “friend” who puts their needs and time above yours, or the family member who subtly puts you down every chance they get. Whatever the case is, you may have that one person with whom every interaction leaves you feeling “less than”.
I used to wonder about this, in and outside of the workplace, especially as an introvert with a “too nice” tendency. I also realized that many, if not most, women (and men) face this day in and day out. Many feel that they must put up with it, whether due to the pressure of a paycheck, low self-esteem, or any other way they may rationalize it. Yet, at the end of the day, it becomes necessary to learn to address these situations as productively and authentically as possible:
Recognize that it starts with you
One major realization I’ve made is that you only attract what and who you are. Relationships really act as a mirror to reflect back your personal beliefs and attitudes to you. The upside of this is that each relationship, whether positive or not, is a gift, especially so with negative relationships. Those are the ones that really show you the areas in your life that need to be worked on. If you’re in need to assert yourself and build up your self-esteem, you will attract the exact people that will rub you the wrong way so as to push you to develop your own sense of self-esteem. If you need more compassion in your life, you’ll attract those who will show you exactly that.
Recognize that it all starts with you, and ask yourself what beliefs and attitudes in you are attracting or reinforcing the behavior of people who don’t value you. If you don’t value yourself, chances are others won’t value you. If you’re showing little regard for your own priorities, time and well-being, why would others do otherwise? After all, you teach people how to treat you.
Work on your mindset
Once that you recognize that it all starts with you, be willing to work on your mindset. Identify those core beliefs about yourself that may be in the way of your self-worth. Most of these beliefs may come from childhood, from the way a well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) adult treated or spoke to you. They may come from earlier experiences, or from the stories you may be telling yourself about yourself.
Working on your mindset means pinpointing these beliefs, understanding where they come from, and learning to reverse them. This is why affirmations are so powerful at reversing some of the beliefs we may have acquired early on in life. Journaling is a great way to unearth these, and reverse them with opposite affirmations.
Set clear boundaries
While it all starts with you, there’s also a part of dealing with people who don’t value you that consists in setting clear boundaries. You never have to accept anyone treating you “less than”. It’s ok to say no, and express the fact that you will not deal a certain type of behavior.
Master the art of saying no and not tolerating being under-valued. It’s ok to cancel an appointment, not go some place you won’t feel comfortable in, and confront someone who trespassed the limits of respect and courtesy.
Be willing to walk away
Last but not least, be willing to walk away and release yourself from situations, places and people who threaten your sense of self-respect and self-worth. This may mean leaving oppressive jobs and professional environments, exiting low-frequency relationships, or drastically changing your life altogether.
Too often, the fear of change, loneliness or not conforming to society’s expectations keeps us way too long in undesirable places that wreck our sense of who we are. The alternative is simply to gracefully and peacefully remind ourselves that we are worth the love and value we give others, and create lives we’re excited, not forced, to live.
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