“Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behaviors.” Brene Brown
This quote from one of my favorite of Brene Brown’s books “Dare to Lead” always stops me in my tracks, forcing me to re-consider how, as a working woman, I’m continuously addressing my fears and feelings, especially at work. We are all leaders in the work we do, regardless of our position or title, as we’re called on to have an impact through our work. However, what we often dismiss, are the experiences, many of them hurtful, the histories (many of them traumatic), as well as the deep-seated emotions we’ve been carrying within ourselves since childhood. These are the same histories, experiences, emotions, feelings and fears that we also take into our work, businesses, and professional lives, and that end up becoming our most disadvantageous blind spots as we keep facing the same challenges, over and over again.
Most of us have been hurt by various experiences we’ve faced. Whether it’s the trauma of being neglected as child, not being heard or valued as a partner or parent, or sustaining the loss of a loved one, and so many other deeply hurtful scenarios, these events stay with us as we work through them throughout our lives. This includes working through them, whether consciously or unconsciously, at work, where we spend the majority of our time. For instance, if you’ve been dismissed as a child, you may be working through this trauma, without even realizing it, by striving to be seen and heard in your workplace at whatever cost, including that of seeking approval from colleagues or cheating your way to the top of the corporate ladder. Or it could be the exact opposite, as you hide in the back of meeting rooms to avoid letting your potential be seen and heard.
The fears and feelings we all carry are also the source of the pain we keep experiencing in all environments, including at work. If we do not dare, as Brene Brown puts it so well, to “lead from a place of heart, instead of hurt“, we risk not showing up as our most authentic and capable self, thus ruining the very work that we strive to do each and every single day and damaging ourselves in the process. The most successful people, and working women especially that I have had the privilege to meet, work with, or just watch afar in admiration, have been women who have experienced some of the deepest pain and hurt, yet have done the work to turn this pain and hurt into the power they now show up with in their lives and work. That’s the very point, not just to focus on the feelings and fears that separate us from our best, but to leverage the pain and hurt into power.
So how do you keep your own histories, experiences, feelings and fears from stripping you of the very fulfillment you seek? How do you show up in power when your marriage may be failing, or you may be doubting yourself as a parent, or you’re battling an illness? How do you refrain from letting your old traumas show up at work in the form of harsh leadership, avoidance or faulty power dynamics? You do the work, the mindset work that is. It is hard work, but the best work you could do for yourself and others:
Acknowledge the source of your pain: This is where you take the blinders off, and ask yourself the tough questions. Questions such as: “Why do I need the approval and acceptance of my colleagues and bosses?”, “Why is it so important for me to take credit for my accomplishments at the expense of others?”, or “Why is it so hard for me to speak up or face confrontation?” The answer to these questions may be found in your moments spent in silence, through therapy, journaling, or even having honest conversations with friends and family. Some of these answers may shake you to your core, but as you peel the onion of your own self-image, they will lead you to some of the most important discoveries about yourself.
Choose to show up differently: This is where you re-write the story of your work, and ultimately that of your life. As you do the work to peel the layers of the mindset blocks that your experience has placed in front of you, you will also have to take your power back. It’s the power to re-write your own story, from hurt and disappointment, to being able to choose how you show up in your work and life. This means being vulnerable enough to seek constructive criticism from your team and colleagues, challenging yourself to step outside of your comfort zone, or address the areas in your work that have yielded the most frustration for you.
Keep doing the work: This is not a one-time, one-size-fits-all type of process. Instead, it’s continuous work that requires you to keep putting yourself in question, not as a way to doubt yourself, but as a way to positively check yourself. It can take the form of consistent check-ins with yourself and your team, where you can discuss areas of struggle and discord. It can also be a matter of assessing progress or stalling, and connecting both with yours and others’ level of connectedness to the mission at hand and the organization.
In a culture and an era that tends to dismiss fears and feelings in favor of hyper-productivity and superficial success, checking in with yourself and others remain the key to true fulfillment that translates into actual progress at an individual and organizational level. Maybe its not your performance, your education, credentials or experience that’s standing in your way. Maybe it’s just your old fears and feelings rearing their ugly heads and keeping you from your dream career. The good news is you have the power to change your story…
What fears and feelings are you battling with at work?
Have you ever taken a look at the list of Forbes Under 30, or Forbes Under 40, as you ponder the fact that you need your own list for your own age group? Do you sometimes (or often) wonder as you climb up the age ladder, if you will continue to climb up your own ladder of fulfillment and success as you age? Or does aging for the working woman that you are mean giving up on continued career and business growth and purpose? These are all questions you may have asked yourself. I know I have…
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines ageism is defined as “prejudice or discrimination against a particular age-group and especially the elderly”. Among the various types of discriminations, including diversity-based, gender-based and racial discrimination, ageism is actually the most pervasive form of discriminating against individuals, especially in the workplace, with a whopping 44% of employees reporting experiencing age discrimination and over $810.4 million paid by employers to settle age discrimination-related charges filed with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). This type of discrimination also predominantly affects women and people of color. Despite the existence of the Age Discrimination Employment Act (ADEA), which legally acts against age discrimination in individuals age 40 or older, related discriminatory violations are still rampant in the workplace.
According to the Harvard Business Review, women in their mid-50’s are faced with new, and demeaning biases in the workplace, including the assumption their age is making them more tired and less interested in their work. As a result, they’re being forced out of work at an age where they are still flourishing. Despite laws targeting age discrimination, women over 50 still struggle with the pressure to maintain their credibility and relevance, especially in industries where women are judged by their external appearance, including the fashion and beauty industry.
You don’t even have to reach your 50’s these days to feel the pressure, quite honestly. Just scrolling through glossy Instagram profiles filled with younger and younger women flaunting photoshopped bodies and borrowed wisdom quotes is enough to make you apprehend the passing of time in your own life and career. I know when I look at the next 10 or 20 years ahead of me, God willing, a whole new set of questions and doubts haunt me, some of which are a normal part of aging, while others are imposed to me by a society that treats aging as a non-recyclable life component.
What I, and so many other women (because the reality is, we’re all aging), want to hear more about, are ways in which we still can, and are encouraged to, well in our 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond, to have fulfilling, successful careers and lives and showing our fellow counterparts what it looks and feels like to gracefully thrive with age. What we want is more businesses, organizations and governments to set up the appropriate systems and infrastructures to foster the flourishing of more working women beyond hurtful and damaging aging stereotypes. There are a few ways to that you and I can participate in this movement by fostering:
Acknowledging and pointing out the problem in our own organizations
Ageism manifests in many ways, some more subtle than others. From job ads that fail to use age-inclusive language, instead referring to new, non-inclusive terminology such as “digital native” (which refers to an individual born or brought up during technology’s age), to lack of training on the related discrimination, many, if not most organizations and businesses are dropping the ball when it comes to preventing and remedying ageism. This is without mentioning open and blatant instances of age discrimination that may happen right in front of us.
As working women, we can help by identifying these instances, and offering solutions. How about transition paths being offered to older working women, instead of simply unceremoniously booting them out of the workplace with semi-compensating retirement packages? Or the creation of more inclusive job advertisements and in-house trainings geared at educating all generations on the dire costs of ageism? Or gathering the data necessary to present to the appropriate governmental, legal and business bodies to create requirements to counter this issue?
Promoting and leveraging the growth that comes with aging
There’s a reason why some of the best educational programs, including some prestigious Masters in Business Administration, notably from Harvard, require prior experience. As much as we may laud the power of influence, social media and early prominence these days, it’s undeniable that experience and growth play a crucial role in career and business success. This is all the more relevant as working women age, gathering the benefits of extensive personal and professional experience, bring these benefits to their place of business, thus empowering other women.
Aging is a privilege, not just for working women, but also for organizations and businesses. By foregoing the invaluable advantages that come with the experience and growth of working women, organizations and businesses also deprive themselves of a major driving force of success.
Fostering increased innovation and re-inventing ourselves
Both individuals and organizations thrive on reinvention and organization. What many fail to understand is that innovation is not just the product of youth, it’s also a compound of general growth and experience. As a matter of fact, a recent study by MIT found that the average age of startup founders is 42, which destroys the myth of the young founder. As working women, we have the privilege, and also the burden, to experience and handle multiple aspects of life and work from the various hats we wear all throughout our lives, from caretakers, mothers, to professionals and so many other roles.
As such, we constantly have the opportunity to reinvent ourselves through our various stages of growth. This is also a great benefit that aging women bring to all areas of their work and life, including their career. As such, organizations should look more to aging women for opportunities for reinvention, growth and improvement.
Overall, while working women and people of color are the most affected by ageism and age-related discrimination, there are a few ways that each and every one of us can counter-act this destructive and costly phenomenon, in our own capacity, in our departments, organizations, and businesses.
Have you experienced age-related discrimination? What are your thoughts on it?
Recently, Goldman Sachs shook the business world by announcing that starting July 2021, it will no longer help companies perform IPOs unless said companies include diversity on its board, with a focus on women. What this decision also means is a significant departure from the all-white, all-male boards that have been the rule for so long, at the expense of the much necessary gender diversity that has been proven to be so beneficial to businesses.
This push for diversity comes right on the heels of much debate by policy experts and lawmakers alike around the lack of gender diversity in the C-suite and boardroom. The MIT Sloan School of Managementactually reveals that while women occupy about 1 in 5 seats on the boards of S&P500 companies, most boards are still mostly composed of men.
Yet, change is certainly looming on the horizon. The state of California passed into law the requirement to have at least one female director on the board of California-based public companies. In addition, companies with board members of 6 or more individuals are required to include at least three new female directors.
As one of two women of color sitting on the board of a not-for-profit organization, I can see first-hand the advantage and influence that gender diversity can bring to companies. The unique perspective, management style, business savvy, and community outreach, among other factors, that women bring to the table, literally can change an organization for the better. If women constitute 50% of the world population, does it make any practical or business sense to keep them out of the boardrooms where decisions for 100% of the population are made?
While there’s still certainly a long way to go, what this means for working women and gender diversity is that there is finally some flicker of a light at the end of the gender diversity tunnel. In more concrete terms, the repercussions are not only motivating but also of a historical proportion:
There are more incentives for companies to adopt gender diversity
Unfortunately and fortunately, it’s mostly through legal change and business/social incentives that gender diversity may be allowed by the institutions and people who are still resisting it. In this sense, it is up to all of us to create the platform to generate these incentives and legal changes that will drive gender diversity forward, as in the example of Goldman Sachs and the state of California.
This is a motivating factor for women to stop fearing sitting at the table
For many business women, especially minority women, sitting at the board of a company may seem like a far-fetched dream. However, every day that we are advocating for gender diversity, we are removing one piece of this opposing wall. It’s a great motivating factor to see that not only is it possible to crush this wall, but that it’s our responsibility to do so.
It’s a win-win for businesses, women and society at large
All in all, increasing the gender diversity on boards is a win-win for all. Businesses win, as their IPO performance, and general performance, is proven to be better when there is at least one woman on their board. Women win, as we extend the fullness of our potential to serve and impact the industries and businesses that in turn impact the world. Society wins, as we all change the meaning of true diversity for the better.
Welcome to the Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
This week, we mourned on Sunday the loss of iconic basketball player and sports legend Kobe Bryant, who tragically passed away in a helicopter crash along with his 13 year-old daughter Gianna and all the other passengers. As we honor all the lives lost, we remember Kobe’s love for his daughters, celebrated with the #girldad hashtag and movement on social media.
However, we celebrate, along with Black Enterprise, legendary actress Cicely Tyson’s induction in the 2020 TV Hall of Fame, as well as our FLOTUS FOREVER Michelle Obama winning a Grammy Award for the audio version of her book “Becoming”.
Worried about potential health problems? US News lists 6 things all employees should know about the Family and Medical Leave Act.
Are you a new mom? Working Mother lists the 12 most unsolicited pieces of advice new moms get.
‘Tis the season for colds and flus! Business Insider details the work rules around getting sick at work.
Couples alert! If you need romantic dinner ideas, Food52 has gathered 10 date night menus, right on time for V-Day.
In 2020, women want equal rights. Refiney29 lists all the US laws that as women, we should know.
Want to make your home a haven of peace, especially after those hectic days at work? Forbes lists Marie Kondo’s best tips to make your home a relaxing space.
Are you planning for your future and that of your family this year? The Corporate Sister explains 3 basics of estate planning for working moms.
Looking for new reads? The New York Times recommends these 10 new books this week.
As working women, many of us have been conditioned to favor hard rather than soft skills at work. For the longest time, soft skills such as negotiating, listening, public speaking, or writing skills, to cite a few, were relegated to the background, in favor of hard skills considered to be directly relevant to the job at hand. These are examples of soft skills to keep in mind:
Communication: Being able to articulate and communicate your ideas effectively is paramount to not only starting, but also ascending, in your career or business.
Critical Thinking: Are you able to come up with unique ways to complete the tasks at hand, or think on your feet when a new challenge arises? More than pure, hard knowledge, this is an invaluable skill you can develop through continuous learning and growth.
Interpersonal skills: Are you a good team player? Having interpersonal skills such as the ability to help, taking responsibility for your actions, will go a long way in your career.
Work ethic: Are you disciplined, professional and dedicated to your work? These important factors play a crucial role in helping you stand out and achieving your professional objectives.
Leadership: Do you serve as a role model for your colleagues and employees? Being an effective leader requires leading well by example, but also being open to constructive criticism and feedback.
Time management: Are you able to use your time effectively or do you tend to procrastinate? Do you frequently miss deadlines or are late? Managing your time wisely is a critical component of your professional success and should be prioritized.
Conflict Resolution: Can you work with various personalities, and handle the inevitable conflicts and disagreements that are bound to emerge? Promoting peace and harmony in your teams and workplace can not only help everyone work better, but also place you in the position of leader.
Adaptability: The only constant is change. Are you adaptable to changes in your environment? Are you flexible in project settings? Organizational changes are bound to happen, and being able to display this skill will help you thrive.
Responsibility: Taking responsibility for mistakes, whether yours or that of your team members, is the sign of a leader. It also includes being able to praise others as well.
The focus is increasingly being put on the importance of soft skills in any career. As a CPA and professor, I can testify first-hand to the resurgence of soft skills in the professional arena of business. Even in fields such as accounting for instance, which have been erroneously considered to be reserved for introverts, research is now showing that soft skills are increasingly important, especially at the management level and above.
Soft skills have not always been given the credit they deserve. Instead, hard skills were thought to better equip individuals to succeed in the workplace. However, employers are increasingly paying more attention to these. Yet, they frequently report that applicants are sorely lacking them. As an educator in the field of accounting, I can testify first-hand that soft skills are absolutely invaluable for business success, as the work model has evolved towards teamwork and globalization.
As working women, many of these skills are innate and come naturally to us. Communication, problem-solving, and conflict resolution are a few of the skills that many, if not most women, are particularly gifted. These are skills we apply in our everyday lives, in the context of our family and personal relationships. However, since we’ve been conditioned to ignore these at work, here are a few ways to re-focus on our soft skills at work:
Show up authentically: Your WHO matters more than your WHAT
Your personality introduces you before you even get a chance to display all your hard knowledge. Someone I once met told me this: “You bring all of YOU to the workplace!”. Dare to show up authentically, and don’t be afraid to put your soft skills, such as communication, empathy, and interpersonal skills, on display.
Dare to be vulnerable
One of my favorite researchers and writers, Brene Brown, talks about the importance of vulnerability, not just in our personal lives, but also at work. Many, if not most of the soft skills that are indispensable to career success, are rooted in vulnerability. It takes being vulnerable to communicate effectively, engage in conflict resolution, or handle change.
Allow space for others to be themselves
In the same vein, allow others to also show up as themselves. These may be team members, colleagues, or even superiors. The more we’re able to hold space for others to show up more authentically, the more effective we can work together.
Are you using soft skills in your career or business? If so, how?
“I don’t even have time to sit somewhere for a minute, never mind think about finding my purpose.”
Whenever I start talking about purpose with a fellow working mom or working woman, I get one of these answers, or a variant thereof. Despite all the talks about purpose, many working women and working moms find themselves confused about the whole concept of finding and applying one’s purpose, especially in the midst of unending to-do lists and obligations, whether personal or professional. I remember being quite confused myself as I was transitioning careers, and desperately seeking a sense of purpose in the chaos of change and uncertainty. However, the more I tortured myself with the hard questions, the less it seemed I was finding my way. It wasn’t until I focused on where I was on the way to wherever I was heading at the time, that I was able to make some semblance of progress.
Unlike the many theories being shared from social media to magazines, it doesn’t necessarily take a drastic change at first to find and apply one’s purpose. Most often, it begins with re-assessing oneself, looking at where one currently is and what opportunities are present, and use what one has to expand and grow into the next best level:
Re-assess yourself
What are your values, beliefs, gifts and talents, both natural and acquired through school or life experience? So often, we drift through life and work not fully aware of WHO we are, especially as working women and working moms who spend so much of our time tending to others’ needs at the risk of forgetting about ourselves. I remember stopping at one point, soon after having my second child, asking myself: “But…who am I now?” So many things had changed and shifted, from my daily schedule to my body and even my thoughts, that I was no longer sure that I even knew myself, hence the need to stop and re-assess, not just once, but periodically throughout my journey. Have you taken the time to stop and re-assess, as a working mom, what your values, beliefs, talents and gifts are, and how you can best use them in your personal and professional life?
Use the opportunities in front of you
As an overwhelmed working mom and woman a few years back (and a few times a year now), I would mentally stop myself from growing and evolving, both personally and professionally. If you asked me back then, I didn’t have the right connections, the right background, the right education, the right look, the right “anything” really, to get ahead. What I did not consider was the plethora of opportunities in front of me, in my daily professional and personal life, that I could use to put into practice the very values, beliefs, gifts and talents that could serve me well. These were opportunities like this blog, or the networks I was part of, or the countless lessons my job at the time was paying me to learn, in areas such as management, people skills, writing, and so much more. Are you discounting the opportunities in front of and around you, that could serve your growth and evolution well? Are you waiting for the right time, the right degree, the right partner, the right “something” before you put yourself out there? If so, you may have to stop waiting and start leveraging the opportunities that are right in front of you, such as your current job, network, talents and gifts.
Expand!
You know that feeling of restlessness you may experience in the first hour you get to work, or as you perform the same repetitive tasks day in and day out? It’s not just frustrating, it’s also a warning sign that you’re stagnating into an occupation, a lifestyle, or a relationship that you may well have outgrown. It’s a sign that there is more out there, and that you’re deserving to expand and grow into your next level. Does it mean you should up and quit your job? Or that you should start over today? For some, it might. For most, it’s a sign that it’s time to expand, whether it’s into an extra project at work, another department or company, a new business model, or a side venture that will push you to your next level.
All in all, finding purpose in what you do as a working mom and a working woman, is less a matter of applying some magic, drastic change formula, than of starting where you are and using what you have. What are your values, beliefs, gifts and talents today, at your current personal and professional station? How can you use the opportunities that are in front of and around you to leverage your abilities and personality? Is it time to expand and stop stagnating? If so, what is the smallest step you can take in the direction of growth and expansion?
‘Tis the season to be merry and jolly….and also to be under serious financial pressure in general, especially as a working woman and working mom in particular. In between holiday shopping and other financial obligations of all kinds, it can be easy to overlook our finances and some basic yet crucial accounting tips that can save you and I a lot of headaches before, during and after the holidays.
As a working woman who happens to also serve as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA), I’ve not only experienced this, but also have had the opportunity to learn and teach about and from it. While there’s a lot of talk about saving money over the holidays, what is less talked about are the real financial and accounting concerns everyone faces over this busy time of year and the tips anyone can use to circumvent them:
PROTECT YOURSELF AGAIN IDENTITY THEFT AND FRAUD
As a busy working mom, shopping online has become my go-to. While most of us are thinking about tackling our shopping lists, criminals are thinking about, well…stealing your identity, money and any tax and financial data available. This information is especially useful as it can be used to file fraudulent tax returns as the new year opens. This is one of the main reasons why the National Tax Security Awareness Week produced by the IRS, tax industry, and state tax agencies, takes place every year in early December to provide basic guidelines for consumers to avoid identity theft, such as:
Shopping at sites with web addresses starting with “https”
Avoiding unsecured wi-fi in public places
Securing home wi-fi with strong passwords
Using two-factor authentication and strong passwords whenever possible
Making sure to regularly back up files and computers.
DON’T LOSE OUT ON CHARITABLE GIVING!
Many of you may consider cleaning up your kids’ closets (as well as your own), pulling out your bank accounts, and helping others by making donations this season. Keep in mind that charitable giving during the holidays especially can contribute to reducing your overall tax bill, however this only applies if you choose to itemize your taxes. It’s important to pick the right charity for you, in terms of whether or not it aligns with your vision and has a decent track record. A good source to consult for this is Guidestar, which provides a list of every IRS-registered non-profit organization.
When planning your charity giving during the holidays, you must consider first what you are giving, as different rules apply to cash, household items and/or long-term gain property. While you can deduct up to 60% of your adjusted gross income when you donate cash to public charities (30% for long-term appreciated assets held for more than a year), you would get a write-off for donations of household items in good condition. If you donate long-term gain property such as bonds and publicly traded stocks, you’re allowed to deduct their fair market value. This is even more relevant for small business owners who can significantly reduce their taxable income this way.
DON’T LET YOUR SMALL BUSINESS ACCOUNTING GO BY THE WAYSIDE!
For all the working women and moms who also happen to run a business, this season can be especially challenging. Not to mention that the holidays are also one of the most critical and busiest times for many small businesses. This is when keeping track of your business inventory as a small business owner, your expenses and sales, as well as creating a solid marketing strategy.
An efficient way to do this is through the use of productivity apps, as well as by leveraging social media. Most importantly, it’s crucial to keep a close eye on cash flow and prepare for the upcoming tax season.
All in all, the holidays are already a busy time of year and a financially heavy one as well. Keeping these accounting tips in mind can help the transition from one year to the other, as well as one’s personal and financial balance, in check.
