There’s a pressure that comes with being the only Black woman in the room. It’s a pressure that is not often talked about, or even known for that matter. Too often, being the only Black woman in the room is equated with such privilege, honor and opportunity, that the weight of it escapes most. It may even initially escape the woman who’s seemingly been granted a position of historical importance, or simply the chance at a peek into some of the rooms reserved for only a fortunate few.
Yet, the reality is what is often seen as an incredible opportunity also bears its weight in unspoken pressure and wrenching duty. The pressure to be worthy, to not just meet but exceed expectations, to set a standard against all standards. But most importantly, the pressure to not FAIL. Because failure is a privilege that is not bestowed upon the Black woman, especially when she stands somewhere, anywhere, as the “only one”, the first, the sole, lone representative of an entire race and gender now leaning over her head like a weighty Damocles sword threatening to fall and destroy her at any moment. It’s an indulgence that no carrier of legacy, especially a legacy as heavy, as costly, as fragile as the Black legacy, can afford.
As a Black woman, you don’t fail in order to learn. You learn in order not to fail. You understand that when you fail, you fail all those who came before you, and all those who are coming after you, looking to step through the same doors you just did. When you fail, it’s as if you denied the sacrifices made on your behalf by generations who could not walk your path. Now that is pressure, a pressure that some, consciously or unconsciously, block out of their already heavy minds, more out of a sense of self-preservation than a desire to shield themselves.
That’s not what we think about as we watch the glamorous photos of these women breaking barriers, going further than their peers have ever been, sitting at the table, building their own tables. We don’t think about the cost, the unfathomable cost, of being the only Black woman in the room…
There is no single way, no best antidote to dealing with it, to paying the high price of opportunity knocking at the Black woman’s door. As complex as the tapestry of humanity, filled with steep contrasts and flat similarities, is the conundrum of lone success for the Black woman. A mix of heightened gratitude and deep guilt. A wave of enthusiasm matched with high winds of discouragement. A proud sense of duty undercut by blades of sharp debt disguised as communal responsibility.
One cannot prepare to being the “only one” in the room. There is no amount of mental preparedness that can really get anyone ready to the level of responsibility and isolation that also come along. What there is, is the renew wed commitment to show up day after day, raising the already impossible bar to higher and higher levels.
What there is, is the will to outwork, outperform, and out-challenge, just in order to survive. The indomitable, often self-destructive, will to keep on going, despite all odds. It’s the same iron will that turns challenges into opportunities, small beginnings into gigantic endings, and lessons into massive improvement. It’s the will that creates diamonds from pressure, extracts precious oil from painful crushing, and leaves a bright trail for all to see..
“That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain’t I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain’t I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man – when I could get it – and bear the lash as well! And ain’t I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother’s grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain’t I a woman?“
In the words of Sojourner Truth, known for her historical speech at an Ohio Women’s Rights Convention in 1851, what’s it really about being a Black woman? As I read her words, what does it really mean to stand at the intersection of being Black and female? What does it mean in the workplace, on the streets, at home? What does it mean to live in the body and the mind of a Black woman?
Being a Black woman means being at the intersection of race and gender. It also means being stuck in a professional and personal double bind, that of race and gender. The powerful, feared and harsh combination of two minority statuses rolled into the same individual and exposed for all to see, against the brutal misconceptions of society and oneself. It is the mix of negative messaging, insecurities and stereotypes channeled from one inequitable position to another, fused in a confusing cloud of misperception and misalignment. It is the conundrum of belonging in a partial way, which really is synonymous with not belonging at all. Stuck between a rock and a hard place…
As a woman, you feel like you are to join hands with all women. As a Black woman, you may be very well on your own, at tables where you may be the “only one”, in discussions where your voice may either sound like an empty echo or a gritting scream, or just a resounding silence… On paper, you may be deemed worthy, but in numbers, your value may be discounted. On paper, you may be read as “strong”, “invincible”,yet as the likes of powerful athlete Serena Williams and talented comedian and actress Leslie Jones, too “masculine-looking”. Or even as an “ape in heels”, as First Lady Michelle Obama was once insultingly portrayed.
Being at the intersection of anything also means residing at the periphery of everything. It’s an uncomfortable, trying place where one constantly has to prove their worth, even to themselves. A place of guilty, both conscious and unconscious, betrayal at the hands of oneself and society. A place where every step is on the lava floor of racial and gendered identity, and the pain, confusion and saving grace of growth that come with it…It’s a place no one really chooses to be in, for no one really picks the in-between, unless there is the threat of fire on both sides..
Being a Black woman is asking the question: “Ain’t I a woman?”, over and over again, at the meeting table, in the family conversations, in the mothering of our children, in the soothing of our own souls…It’s also getting multiple, sometimes conflicting answers to the same heartbreaking query, and often settling for only a fraction of the right ones. Settling for a fraction of the right salary…Settling for a fraction of the credit, a fraction of the peace, a fraction of the life…
Yet, navigating both realities of being woman and Black does not necessarily equate settling for the eternal dance between identities, codes and communities. One can take a stand and cut the pie in the middle. One can choose both, and have both. Yet, as for all progress, taking a stand, especially taking a middle, all-encompassing, stand comes at a price. It’s the price of embracing all of who we are, the multiple reflections of growth and evolution, as well as the entrenched images of self in a larger-than-life picture of what it truly means to be human. For being human is being a well of complexity, a receptacle of harsh contrasts and soft similarities, a deep pit of conflict and peace, of oneness and uniqueness. Being human is messy. And so is being a Black woman, at the intersection of race, gender and all of humanity…
It means letting of the lethal ideology of comfort and apparent belonging, to embrace the fearful uncertainty of the redeeming human difference. There is no comfort in progress and advancement. And isn’t that what we’re after, as a people, as a human race? Isn’t the fruit of struggle coming out of the seed of discomfort and difference? Neither is there belonging in the very concept of expansion, as an individual, as a society, as a world. Birth, from that of a human being to that of an organization, is synonymous with the very expansion that creates the same belonging that it negates later on through the necessity of emancipation and growth.
It means replacing the short-sightedness of immediate results, with the long vision of impact. How is our stance, at the corner of race and gender, creating the needed impact to open doors at all the levels we’re playing a role in? How is representation being increased, instead of limited and selective, by the sheer impact of our presence, the resonating weight of our voices, the long reach of our hands lifting and raising across lines of gender and race?
Last but not least, it ultimately means creating the support we need to serve those who don’t yet know they need it too. For it is when we recognize the needs of others, that we touch our own needs, minister to our own hearts, and heal our own wounds. Support is healing, and healing knows no boundaries. It expands across lines of identities and conceptions, to encompass the heart of humanity at the intersection of being human and being well,… human.
“Ain’t I a woman”, said Sojourner Truth. For at the intersection of race and gender, is the infinite view of what it means to be beautifully human, complex and boundary-breaking.
In this episode, I’m discussing allyship, more specifically how to be an ally to Black women at work. From sponsorship and mentorship, to listening in and learning, allyship is a powerful way to make a difference and contribute to increased inclusiveness and diversity in the workplace.
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Diversity and inclusion (D&I) has become in recent years one of the most prevalent go-to terms for organizations, institutions and people alike. Very often, it presents itself as a collection of in-house trainings or informational sessions. While most diversity and inclusion initiatives are generally well-meaning, there may be some level of misinformation, status quo, or disconnection that may impair their real effectiveness.
Truth is, while the tone at the top is crucial in setting impactful diversity and inclusion initiatives, everyone within and outside of the organization is responsible for establishing and fostering a culture of inclusiveness and representation. As employees, it is also our responsibility and positive contribution to foster increased diversity and inclusiveness through our work, professional and personal decisions. As business owners, we carry the burden of ensuring that our business’ values, people, and processes embody a spirit of representation for all and further equality and equity for all. As consumers of information and goods, we have the power to pick and choose the companies Doing so can be challenging, however it may start with asking a few necessary questions of the organizations we work in, buy from and are around:
What is the organization’s status in terms of diversity and inclusion?
As we consider the companies we’re part of, consume from or are around, we must also ask ourselves what they look like from the inside. That is, in terms of their culture, people, and processes.
Who are the faces of the company at the management and leadership levels, and do they embody diversity and inclusiveness? Are employees representative of various groups, including minority and under-represented groups? Who makes important decisions at the Board of Directors level? These are just a few questions to begin with…
What outcomes are being worked towards?
It’s one thing to have representation in the leadership and culture of the organization, it’s another to be continuously working towards better outcomes in terms of diversity and inclusion.
Are these part of the strategic plan of the organization? Are managers trained to include desired outcomes in their performance plan? If not, what can be done to begin sooner than later?
How will the culture change to be more diverse and inclusive?
One of the biggest obstacles faced by diversity and inclusion trainings is the very culture of organizations. Unless the company culture is open to equity and equality for all, chances at increasing diversity and inclusion are slim to non-existent.
It begins with asking what the true culture of the organization is. How do employees and management perceive it? What can be done to foster a more diverse and inclusive culture?
Do the leadership and tone at the top value diversity and inclusiveness?
Tone at the top is crucial in influencing the culture and direction of organization. For adequate representation and increased inclusiveness, the leadership and management also have to be on board.
It’s then worthwhile to ask what the tone at the top is. What does the leadership believe in, and envision as the future direction of the company, business or institution? Is diversity as well as inclusiveness one of their priorities?
Are diversity and inclusiveness used or included as metrics in the organization?
You can’t improve what you don’t measure. Improving diversity and inclusiveness then requires measuring it first. To do so, creating and/or implementing adequate metrics is necessary. By including these metrics as a part of the organization’s plans, as well as people’s performance and processes’ evaluation, they not only measurable, but also a solid foundation for growth.
What types of metrics can be implemented? How can these be included in employees’ performance evaluations? How can these be reflected in the organization’s policies and procedures?
Are the appropriate resources available and/or in place?
Keeping organizations accountable for inclusiveness and diversity also means ensuring the appropriate resources, such as training resources, education materials, as well as educators, are available to be used. This also means evaluating current resources (or the lack thereof) for signs of being outdated or inaccurate.
What resources, if any, are currently being used to address diversity and inclusion in the organization? Are these appropriate or need to be updated and/or revised?
Is everyone held accountable for diversity and inclusiveness matters?
Last but not least, is everyone being held accountable in and outside of the organization for diversity and inclusiveness? This means not just management and the leadership, but each and every single employee, customer and stakeholder? The organizations we believe in, consume from and work in, can only do the work of fostering diversity and inclusiveness if we all contribute and actively participate.
Which questions have you been asking of the organizations around you to hold them more accountable in terms of diversity and inclusiveness?
As double minorities, Black women are at the intersection of gender and race when it comes to forms of oppression and discrimination. This is particularly prevalent in the workplace where the pay gap between white women and women of color, including Black, Native-American and Latina women, is the fastest growing, as stated by the Economic Policy Institute. It’s also why it’s important that Black women get adequate support, some of which comes in the form of serving as an ally to Black women at work.
An ally is someone in a position of privilege who supports and acts in solidarity with members of un-represented groups. Allyship in the workplace is powerful as it helps create a company culture fostering a sense of belonging and inclusiveness. However, it is sometimes unclear how best to define allyship in practical terms and what it means when put into action. While there are numerous ways to be an ally to Black women at work, here are 10 ways to act in the way of allyship to Black women at work:
Do your research
There is a lot to understand and a lot of history around the intersectionality of race and gender, as well as that of women’s rights and civil rights. Besides, a lot of revealing information can also be obtained from companies, businesses and institutions’ management and leadership composition in terms of diversity and inclusiveness. Understanding the negative impact of the wage gap for Black women, and how racism and sexism both shortchange working black women, may also require doing some research around it to truly grasp what’s at stake.
Black women’s experience in and outside of the workplace are very unique, if only from their unique positioning at the intersection of gender, race and class. When asked about their experiences in the workplace, they reveal through this Harvard Business Review interview the negative mental effect of being judged on criteria other than their work, having to be unauthentic, or needing a sponsor in order not to be weeded out. For these reasons and so much more, learning directly from Black women’s experiences is crucial for effective allyship in the workplace.
Speaking of sponsors, Black women can greatly benefit from sponsorship in the workplace. As a matter of fact, without having sponsors who can advocate for their promotions, raises and career growth, many may find themselves pushed out or not even selected at all.
Mentoring is instrumental for career growth and development. For women and minorities, especially for Black women, mentoring can be the difference between career success and career stagnation. However, it’s already challenging for women in general, and women of color in particular, to find mentors; which is a reason why serving as a mentor as an ally can make a world of difference.
Increased diversity in organizations and institutions also means hiring more minorities, among which Black women. Advocating for more diversity allows for hiring and retention practices to be improved to include diversity criteria, and create more room for Black women to attain positions of leadership.
One of the reasons why women of color, and Black women in particular, have limited impact in their workplace, is because their voices are often muted. This is where amplifying their voices, by simply highlighting valid points made by Black women during meetings, supporting their ideas, and pointing out instances where they are ignored and muted, has the power of creating a more inclusive and diverse culture.
Speak up about injustices
Ignoring injustices is contributing to their perpetuation. Keeping silent in the face of discrimination and oppression of any kind equates to condoning the latter. The power of allyship is exactly in using privilege to create change by first acknowledging the injustices that are requiring all of us to alter the structures, organizations and mindsets around.
Join organizations and trainings promoting diversity and inclusiveness
Organizations and trainings promoting diversity and inclusiveness also offer the opportunity to have constructive conversations, ideas and thoughts about how to serve as effective allies to Black women, and under-represented groups in general, in and outside of work. Some of these organizations include company employee groups for instance.
Contribute financially to organizations committed to helping Black women progress
There are many organizations committed to providing help and assistance to Black women in certain industries and fields. For instance, the National Coalition of 100 Black women, assists Black women in the areas of health, economic empowerment and education. Another example is the Black Career Women’s Network, that is dedicated to closing the gap of support in Professional development, mentoring and leadership access for Black women. By supporting these organizations as an ally, you also contribute to change.
Contribute to changing and/or creating new policies
Last but not least, one of the most lasting impacts of allyship is to change the foundation of organizations and institutions through policy creation and change. Whether it’s at the governmental level, or at the organizational level, contributing to positive policy creation and/or change can go a long way towards opening the door to much deserved opportunities for Black women at work.
“Mom, what’s racism?” When my son asked me this loaded question, I started sweating profusely. How do you explain racism? Even more importantly (and more confusing), how do you explain racism to kids?
Racism is complex to think about and talk about. Racism is even more complex to discuss with kids. While we should have conversations with our children about the existence and disastrous effects of racism, there are also books that can help them better understand the history behind it. Here are 33 books of them, centering on race, racism and diversity, in words and concepts for kids:
Age: 4-8; This gorgeous account by Academy-award winner Lupita Nyongo of a little dark-skinned girl called Sulwe speaks to children about colorism, diversity and honoring who you are.
Age: 6-10 years; Mama Africa is the nickname of Grammy-award winning South African singer Miriam Makeba, who rose to fame during the segregationist regime of apartheid and whose story this book recounts.
Age: 4+ – This picture book provides an inspirational introduction to the story of four Black women who helped NASA launch men into space!
Age: 8-12; Through children’s stories from many African countries, this book fights to counter stereotypes and celebrate racial diversity.
Age: 5+ – This 2016 New York Times Best Illustrated Book is a poetic piece of African-American history depicting New Orlean’s Congo Square as the heart of freedom.
Age: 5+ – This powerful and moving picture book uses original plantation documents and slave auction to document the lives of slaves
Age: 6+ – This beautiful work introduces young readers to the unique work of Jean-Michel Basquiat, who knew success when young.
Age: 6+ – Kids are being taught in this book about Mandela’s life as illustrated by stunning art.
Age: 8+ – In this gorgeous work, stunning art is used to amplify the words of Dr. King for kids.
Age: 8+ – This powerful book is a thrilling account of kids investigating a racist incident.
Age: 6-9 – The lives of 10 Black women activists in the face of oppression are celebrated in this book around the battles and triumphs of the civil rights movement.
Age: 6-9; When Sylvia Mendez, an American citizen of Puerto Rican and Mexican heritage, was denied enrollment to a “whites only” school, her parents organized the Latinx community to win a lawsuit against the segregation of schools in California.
Age: 4-8; For every time when we may feel like “the other”, the only one in the room, or just “different”, this book reminds us about the power of courageous connection.
Age: 7-10; This beautiful illustrated book literally walks children through the beautiful and diverse Senegalese culture via Aminata’s morning walks to school. An ode to my native country!
Age: 5-9; Whe Viola Desmond refused to be budged from her seat in the Roseland theatre in Nova Scotia, she became a symbol of racial justice in Canada.
Age: 5-8; Healthy Black hair is beautiful, and this powerful work reminds little and big girls everywhere of this beautiful fact!
Age: 4-8; The legendary Miss Lena Horne, renowned African-American actress and civil rights activist, is celebrated in this picture book for kids.
Age: 7-11; This story of identity, resiliance, and resistance follows the life of Irene, taken away from her First Nations family, and fighting to reclaim herself.
Age: 3-7; This is the story of Florence Mills, born to slaves and destined to become a singing sensation on the Harlem stages in the 1920’s, who used her fame to promote civil rights and Black performers.
All ages; 40 history-making Black women, from poet Maya Angelou to mathematician Katherine Johnson, are highlighted in this educational compilation of stories.
Ages: 4-8; This book combines extraordinary poetry by Ntozake Shange with outstanding art from Kadir Nelson to tell the story of Correta Scott King through the vision of and civil rights freedom she shared with Martin Luther King.
Ages: 5-8; From her escape from slavery to her purpose in leading others to freedom, this poignant account introduces kids to slavery and to the glorious life of Harriet Tubman.
Ages: 4-8; When Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus in Montgomery, Alabama, she made history!
Age: 5-9; Sojourner Truth spent her life spreading her message of equal rights for Black people and women, which is shared with children in a beautiful way through this book.
Age: 3-7; Written by a citizen of the Cherokee nation, this book teaches kids about modern Native American life.
Age: 9-12; Voices of Freedom introduces children to activist Fannie Lou Hammer, who was a civil rights champion from 1950’s to 1970’s.
Age: 6-11; Anna May Wong is the first Chinese American movie star in Hollywood, who used her fame to fight for racial equality in the movie industry. This book takes kids into racial justice in the film industry.
Age: 5+; In simple, sometimes silly words, this book introduces kids to the concept of racism, celebrating differences and having a conversation about race.
Age: 7-11; This fiction book tells the story of Ruths’ family trip by car in the 1950’s, and teaches children about the Jim Crow laws and how the historical Green Book helped African-American travelers remain safe.
Age: 4-12; This fun, cute and entertaining book also teaches children about the importance of diversity and differences.
Age: 3-7; Sesame Street shows kids everywhere that while we should celebrate differences, what matters is that we’re more alike than different!
Age: 1-12; From the creators of Hair Like Mine, Skin Like Mine is a powerful and fun ode to diversity for children.
Age: 5-7; A vivid account of the fight for Mexican-American justice through the eyes of young Emma Tenayuca in the early 1920’s.
What other books for children about race and diversity would you recommend?
Whenever we experience racism and bias as human beings, it leaves a painful wound on our souls. Whether it happens to us directly or happens to someone else, the wound is still sorely felt, and registered in our collective memory for the rest of our lives. As the recent events have shown us, with the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor, to cite just a few, the wound is still left widely open in today’s world. And while feelings may be raw and our hearts broken, there are ways to contribute to eliminating systemic racism and bias.
We can all do our part when it comes to eliminating racism and bias in our society. As working women and working moms, we’re often at the end of this bias. As women of color, we’re under the threat of both racism and bias, which doubles the negative repercussions.
While we owe it to ourselves to observe a pause and process the difficult emotions elicited by racism and bias of any kind, there are a few ways we can all contribute:
Understand and get well-informed:
At a visceral human level, we can sense racism. Our instincts can pick up on it, even if we may not be able to put it into words. It affects our health, to the point of creating chronic stress and underlying conditions.
However, the better informed and the more we’re able to understand the nature of racism, the better we’re able to hold each other accountable, and have the healing conversations, structures and measures needed to eradicate it.
Vote and get involved in local and national politics
Getting involved and voting locally is also key to ascertaining that decisions made are benefiting all, and that systemic racism is kept at bay.
Advocate for diversity at work
Racism and bias, both conscious and unconscious, are regular occurrences in the professional sphere as well, and this despite the confirmed relationship between diversity and profitability evidenced through the 2018 “Delivering through Diversity” McKinsey report.
Advocating for diversity at work is not just limited to pointing out bias in the workplace, but also working to establish policies, procedures and institutions protecting people of color and ensuring greater diversity and accountability.
Become an ally
An ally is a person who takes action to support an under-represented group despite not being a member of said group. Often, individuals with more access and privilege volunteer to serve as allies to help bring about the change needed to help those with less access be more successful.
There are resources available out there to help eradicate racism. However, not all these are readily communicated and available to the public at large, even with social media. It is up to each one of us to keep an eye out for these resources and share them with others as a way of spreading more positive information and funnels to provide assistance.
Racism is one of the inconvenient truths we, as humans, have a hard time discussing and communicating about. Yes, it is hard to tackle the topic, but it’s a necessity, especially in the world we live in!
Many, if not most of us, are faced with examples of racist behavior and thought on a frequent basis, sometimes daily. It is up to each and every one of us to use these not as opportunities to condemn, but as opportunities to teach, educate and learn ourselves.
Take care of your mental health
Last but not least, protecting our mental health against the mental, emotional, and spiritual damages of racism is paramount to not just preserving ourselves so we can continue this important human mission to eradicate racism. It may mean unplugging from the news and social media, loving on ourselves and others, and engaging on the challenging but healing path of forgiveness.
How can you contribute to eradicating racism right where you are, with what you have?
