This week, a fellow working woman was blatantly and publicly insulted in the midst of her workplace, a victim of televised disrespect and misogyny. Her name is Representative Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), and both the incident itself and her response are a vibrant testimony to the misogyny in Congress, and in the workplace in general. It was also a loud reminder that an issue that should have now been long overdue is not only still very alive, but may actually just be worsening as time passes…
As a working woman, you may have experienced similar situations and incidents where you may have been publicly or privately disrespected by a male colleague. It may have been over a professional, or even a personal matter. And more likely than not, it may have hurt and affected you to your core. I know from experience that the few times I’ve had to face these types of situations, I felt diminished, less than, and like the air had been ripped out of my chest. It took me a long time to learn not to allow attacks like these to lessen my sense of self, and render me powerless. Still, despite the benefit of experience and time, addressing issues of misogynistic disrespect and sometimes flat-out aggression against working women.
How do you address disrespect that should not exist? How do you begin to dismantle patriarchal issues that may have lasted longer than you’ve been alive? How do you continuously defend the R-E-S-P-E-C-T that is due you in a professional yet direct and unequivocal way, when your career, your reputation and your coins are unfairly at stake? These are the questions that Ocasio-Cortez answers so eloquently and vehemently in her speech to Congress.
As I listened to her words, I was reminded, not just of the weight of these injustices, but also of the necessity for each and every one of us to continue to advocate for ourselves and our fellow working women:
Recognize disrespect and misogyny for what they are
In environments where gender inequity is the norm, it can be challenging to recognize instances of disrespect and misogynyfor what they are. Instead, we may be tempted to brush these incidents as par for the course and the price we must pay to rise to the top, or just not shake the precarious boat of our careers.
This is where it’s crucial to recognize the blatant, and not-so-blatant signs of disrespect and aggression directed at us and other working women. Too many toxic environments have been thriving on unhealthy sexist and misogynistic foundations, creating toxic surroundings for their members. Signs such as mansplaining, overly competitive traits, all the way to sexual harassment point to dangerous workplaces.
Don’t be afraid to call it out!
Whether you decide to address instances of disrespect and misogyny publicly or privately, don’t be afraid to call it out. Not only is it a way of bringing it to the other party’s attention, it’s also important for your own personal well-being and professional welfare.
However, whether you’re addressing your boss, colleague or a client, addressing it head-on may not be enough. In certain instances, you may have to refer to other superiors, or even Human Resources. While it may be intimidating to deal with these types of circumstances, choosing to endure or ignore them may only help to make matters worse over the long run.
Take time for self-care!
As I mentioned earlier, being disrespected and having to face misogynistic attitudes in the workplace takes a toll on working women. It’s not just an emotional toll, but also a mental and even physical one that may manifest in a number of negative ways, including loss of motivation, lack of productivity, and even chronic anxiety and depression.
As you face and confront these challenging types of issues, don’t forget to take time to care for yourself. This is not just about lighting candles and running yourself a bubble bath, but also taking advantage of mental health resources such as seeing a therapist for instance.
In her courageous stance against disrespect and misogyny against women, Republican Ocasio-Cortez reminded us all of the urgency of standing by women, believing women, and defending women.
Have you ever faced instances of disrespect and misogyny at work? Tell us your story by emailing corporate@thecorporatesister.com or posting a comment.
Welcome to Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
In historical news, NBC News reports Joy Ann Reid is set to host the Reid-Out on MSNBC, making her the first Black woman to anchor a prime time news show in the US;
Black Enterprise reveals Auntie Miche is debuting her new podcast on July 29 and we’re here for it!
Working Mother lists the most common work benefits working mamas are missing out on;
Worried about your finances during this pandemic? The Corporate Sister is discussing how to re-organize your coins in this season;
Trying to get out there and attract the attention of hiring managers or clients? US News shares important tips on how to write a professional bio;
The Glassdoor Blog reports how various companies are honoring the call for diversity and inclusion;
Business Insider tips us off on 4 essential networking strategies to get hired during the COVID-19 pandemic;
Needing clarity as an entrepreneur during these uncertain times? Entrepreneur shares a few strategies;
Hey mamas, ever thought of soliciting feedback from…your kids? The Harvard Business Review encourages you to do so;
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear working mom,
You’ve gone through A LOT as a working mother, juggling family, home and work, sometimes all by yourself. Despite the pressure, especially in these times of pandemic, you’ve kept going, pushing through the daily obstacles and walls in your way, resisting the urge to give up, fighting through tears, frustration and overwhelm…Yet, you keep saying yes to requests coming your way, from personal to professional demands on your time and energy, even when you know deep inside you can’t take much more of this pressure…
You’re an undeniable source of support for so many, from your kids, spouse and family, to your friends and colleagues at work. Most people know they can count on you to be there, to do them favors, to pick them up when they fail. You know it too, all too well, so well that it’s become virtually impossible for you to say no. What you also know, all too well, is that you’re sinking under the weight of a to-do list that’s getting longer by the day, and expectations that are becoming heavier by the minute…
You’re overwhelmed, and you’ve been for quite some time. Or is the reality that you’re overextended, over-committed, and in over your head? And that, after all, you’ve been allowing it all along? As a matter of fact, you may even have been deriving some of your worth from it, even getting some sort of a “high” from this feeling of being so indispensable, so crucial to so many…Yet, it’s killing you, literally and figuratively…
In this pandemic season of added, crushing pressure, reeling uncertainty and acute fear, you may be suddenly realizing that instead of waiting for things (and people) to change on their own, you may just be the change you need. That being so against the wall of duty and responsibility, may just be teaching you how much you need to let go of control. That this weight may just be a blessing in disguise, offering you the saving grace of going back to the basics, and letting go of what (and who) stretches you too thin and too far.
At the end of the day, yes, you’re tired, exhausted even, because you’re over-committed. Decide to forgive yourself for not knowing better, for taking on too much, for bravely attempting to be all things to all people. But don’t unpack and stay there. Decide to move forward with a lighter baggage, devoid of others’ overwhelming expectations and demands. Decide to give yourself the grace you’ve so desperately been waiting for others to give you. Be your own kind of change, your own revolution.
Dare to say no, to decline, to ask for what you need. Dare to not be available, to save some of yourself for yourself, and to require that your time and energy be valued and respected. Date to do your own thing, to be your own person, and to let the chips fall where they may.
Last but not least, dare to release the habits, mindsets, beliefs, places, people, that prevent you from reclaiming your wholeness. Dare to take back the pieces of you that you’re going to need to continue and finish your own race. Dare to let go of exhaustion, overwhelm, and over-commitment as badges of honor, because you deserve more…
Ask a CPA: How do I organize my finances during the pandemic?
Q: How do I organize my personal finances during uncertain times such as this current pandemic?
A: Uncertain times such as the COVID-19 pandemic currently going on bring about a host of financial issues and uncertainties. With millions of individuals losing their jobs, the stock market registering concerning changes, and the economy threatening to topple over, most of us have been reorganizing our finances, or at least considering to do so. Some have been forced to do so, as a result of job losses, layoffs and other unforeseen personal and family circumstances.
If you’ve been seriously thinking about managing your finances in a more effective way, here are a few tips you may consider:
Set a contingency budget
If you’ve already got a budget, you’re in a good place. However, during uncertain and challenging times, you may need a contingency version of it. Consider this to be a slimmer, “emergency fund” version of your budget. This version cuts away the stuff you can live without, the luxuries you can do without, and trims your expenses down to the basics. This is not to say you should survive on bread and water, but rather that you would consciously re-evaluate your wants vs. your needs.
Prioritize your emergency fund
As you trim your expenses down, you may also want to increase your emergency fund. This may mean re-allocating the funds usually dedicated to luxuries to your savings funds. The good news is that in less uncertain times, you can always use this extra cash to treat yourself!
Let’s get back to basics
Getting back to basics is not just about trimming your budget. It’s also about adopting more of a DIY attitude. As you spend more time at home, consider acquiring more practical skills such as cleaning, recycling, cooking, etc… As a busy working mom, I would outsource many of the tasks I didn’t have time to do, such as ordering food out, hiring cleaning or landscaping help. However, I’ve found myself enjoying cooking more, and even learning to garden a bit, and saving money in the process.
Not being able to go to stores has also been a blessing in disguise. I’ve learnt to live more simply, not buying as much, and instead using what I have. The result? More savings, doing more with the family, and even better skin (hello, less makeup).
These are a few tips that can help with re-organizing your finances during uncertain times such as the COVID-19 pandemic we’re currently facing. You may even find, like I did, that this is an opportunity to learn new skills, save more money, and overall learn to live better.
What tips are you using to re-organize your finances during the pandemic?
It takes a crisis to reveal the true character of situations. The current COVID-19 pandemic, as most crisis, is revealing many, if not most of the inequities, around gender. One of the most striking manifestations of this is directly linked to parenting. The reality is, this pandemic is killing working moms, figuratively and literally.
Truth is, it is digging so deep into our last reserves of resilience and strength, as well as into any of the gender equity advances we’ve managed to make so far, that it may have the potential to set us back decades behind. However, what this current crisis also is, is a loud, stringent wake-up call for working mothers, and everyone else around. A call to re-visit, re-evaluate, not just the modern pressure of 21stcentury parenting, but also the very much contemporary meaning assigned to being a working mom.
Over time, with advances in gender equity and stronger initiatives (and incentives) for equal pay, working mothers have certainly gained some ground, although not enough just yet. However, what we’ve also gained has been the added pressure of living up to the impossibly high standard of “having it all”, even if not at the same time. We can all agree that having and doing it all at the same time, is a surefire recipe for disaster. So we’ve compromised instead on having and doing it all, just not at the same time. More realistic, certainly. Less heavy, probably not.
What it means really at the end of the day is that we’re carrying an ever heavier load, including work, parenting, life and everything in between. We’re just spreading the pie thinner rather than letting it get thicker. Yet, really, is it truly better to be spread thinner, rather than carrying a thicker weight? Aren’t both alternatives just different takes on picking our own “self-made” version of the same lethal poison?
What this pandemic has clearly, and quite harshly, if I may say so myself, shown me is that however you decide to slide the modern working mom pie, it is still too much. It doesn’t matter how many shifts one decides to compartmentalize the various demanding parts of their life and work in, it’s still too much. Too many responsibilities, too many compartments, too much to think about, even at different intervals and times…You can’t just switch off from being a great, present mom, to full-on career beast mode, and then to baking the perfect cake. You’re not a robot, you’re a human being, and yes, you’re pretty amazing but you’re not super-human…
Yes, the pandemic is killing working moms. Yet, it’s not inventing anything new. It’s simply amplifying the imbalance that’s been there for working mothers for quite some time, and the elusive appeal of the “have it all” mentality. It’s uncovered the fallacy of the modern take on gender equity and equality, and removed the mask off of the reality of contemporary motherhood. A reality steeped in profound, staggering, fundamental inequities that more flexibility, increased pay or a shattering of the glass ceiling, only scratch the surface of.
If this pandemic is offering us one saving grace, it is that of realizing that working mothers need more than just occasional help and assistance. They need a complete overhaul of an entire societal foundation anchored in gender inequity. They need for the load to be shared not just equally, but better; for structures and infrastructures, from roads and highways to the justice system, to reflect the needs of working moms and parents; and for organizations to respect the needs of families over profits.
They say it takes a crisis to reveal true character. At the end of the day, this crisis here is a wake-up call, not just for working mothers, but for an entire society, to re-think its ways, its priorities, and its heart.
Welcome to Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
In great diversity news, Black Enterprise reveals Javicia Leslie is set to be the first Black woman to play Batwoman;
Got an interview coming up? The Glassdoor Blog recommends 5 COVID-19 questions you should ask;
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
You’ve taken on a lot over time. A lot of responsibilities, a lot of pressure, a lot of care, and a lot of weight, some mental, some spiritual, and some even physical over time…As time goes, you’re taking on more, doing more, being more, as there are more demands on your time, energy, and life…
You’ve been tirelessly juggling all the balls of your life and work, keeping as many of them as possible in the air at all times, not allowing yourself to drop any. From supporting your family, to acing your career, to maintaining age-old friendships, you’ve been trying to do it all, for way too long…And it’s cost you a lot, too much even, for way too long, from neglecting yourself to being taken for granted, to depleting the last of your very resources…
Yet, did anyone tell you it was OK to let go of some of the balls you’ve been juggling for so long? That not everything on your to-do list has to get done? That the kids will be ok if left to care for themselves for a bit? That your family could actually benefit from you letting go of all this pressure and weight? That the world will still go on, even if you don’t prepare organic meals or miss two appointments in a row…
You’re allowed to let go of the responsibilities that are not adding value to you, your purpose, and your life…
You’re allowed to let go of the beliefs and mindsets that no longer serve you…
You’re allowed to let go of the people who keep asking more and more of you without giving anything in exchange…
You’re allowed to let go of the places that keep swallowing you in their complacency and destructive patterns…
Most importantly, you’re allowed to let go of the guilt of choosing you over anything or anyone threatening your wholeness, your integrity and your purpose…The guilt of caring for yourself, of not being everything to everyone, and of making space for others to grow and learn on their own…
Not only are you allowed to let go, you must learn to do so with the grace, honesty and power you will need to evolve, and forgive yourself for treading new paths and creating new avenues…
