Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
You’ve been giving of your time and energy as long as you can remember. As a matter of fact, as long as anyone can remember…Subtly, and at times not so subtly, your time has been taken for granted. It’s been assumed that because you carry the load so well, it must not be that heavy. That you can handle the household chores, the kids’ education and care, your elders’ care, your career or business, and so much more, concurrently and well…Even with your partner at home, your load has become increasingly larger and larger, taking up every minute of the day, and most of the time not even allowing you a minute to yourself, to your dreams, to your personal ambitions, to the essence of who you are…
You may find yourself operating in catch-up mode most of the time, repeatedly picking back up what you had to drop to attend to unplanned emergencies, to the kids, or the house…Before you know it, that dream of writing the book, starting your own business, or opening that boutique, has faded in the background of punctual obligations and commitments. Meanwhile, it seems your partner’s time is too valuable to be at the mercy of the same unforgiving demands and requests of family and personal life…It’s made you question your own sense of worth and self-esteem, yet you’ve just kept plugging right along…
And you’re certainly not making this up either…Just in the past few months, according to a study by the Washington University in St Louis, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, working moms have had to reduce their hours by about 5%. As a result, moms also tend to work less hours than dads during this period, and will be more likely to quit their jobs and suffer from mental health consequences. You’ve known the heavy burden you carry is not good for you. You’ve known it for a long time, and may have even started growing resentful because of it…. You may even have started giving voice to your concerns, and started a conversation or two with your partner. There may even have been some progress made, but it may still not be enough…
Could it be that you may have to acknowledge, to yourself first, that your time is as valuable as your partner’s, or anyone else’s for that matter? That the self-sacrificial and worthlessness messages that you, along so many other working moms, have received from society, may have been flawed from the start? That it may start with believing you deserve more, and daring to have the difficult conversations, the challenges to the status quo, and to make the necessary changes to make room for you too?
Your time is valuable. Your time is worth being considered. Your time matters. Just as much as your partner’s…
I was in the middle of a meeting, when I caught myself using the same organizational principles I use at home with my two kids (and the guinea pig). Fast-forward dozens of other meetings, and it boggled my mind how much
You may have heard the saying ” Nothing is new under the sun”. As new and increasingly more complex as current times may be, we may be tempted to think we don’t have the right tools to tackle yet another seemingly unknown challenge, yet another obstacle on our way. That we need brand new, revolutionary strategies to address the setbacks that come in our way. However, what we often realize, after much unneeded stress and angst, is that there is often no need to reinvent the wheel. Besides, as working women and moms, there are not enough hours in the day for us to do so.
I first learnt of the art of repurposing when I was self-educating and binging on copywriting books. Repurposing is basically “adapting something for a different purpose”. As working women and moms, one of the (only) saving graces of gender inequity is that we get to create and get exposed to so many experiences, tasks, ideas and processes. These are the same experiences, tasks, ideas and processes that can be re-used in different areas and parts of our lives and work. Hence why there is no one better at re-purposing than the working woman and mom, and that is exactly where our force resides…
Here are three (3) ways that you and I, and working women and moms, can use the art and the power of repurposing in our careers and businesses:
Repurpose your skills
How many skills have you acquired in the process of going through your life and professional experiences, that you may tuck inside your memory and forget about? Working moms, how many organizational and managerial skills have you acquired just from raising kids and running a full household? What do you keep on learning day in and day out that you can re-purpose to your work?
For instance, you may have learnt new networking skills from your side hustle, or taken up a new coding class with your bestie, which can all contribute to your career or business in positive ways.
What skills have you acquired lately that can you repurpose at work?
Repurpose your experiences
You’ve gone through many experiences already in your personal and professional life, which have equipped you with additional skills. How about re-using these skills at work? Therapy has taught me so much about mine and others’ personalities, which has made it much easier to navigate professional environments. Going through certain types of hardships has also taught me how to better handle delays and unexpected turns of events at work too.
What have your experiences taught you that you can re-apply in your career or business?
Repurpose your ideas and processes
I use a lot of the same techniques I employ in my side business in my career, from negotiation skills to follow-up. Re-purposing your unique ideas and processes can go a long way at work, especially as a working woman often short on time.
What unique ideas and processes you used or have been using in one area of your life can you re-use for work?
As a working woman and mom, you truly don’t have to re-invent the wheel in your career and business. Re-purposing your skills, experiences, ideas and processes may not only help you save precious time, but also give you an incomparable competitive advantage.
“Busy” is not just the modern badge of honor these days. It’s also become the working woman and mom’s defining badge of honor. However, in these over-committed, over-burdened streets of working motherhood, made even more complex by a debilitating pandemic, we’re quickly learning that too busy doesn’t make an impact, especially as working women and working mom. That being stretched in too many directions, especially in times of crisis, only creates more chaos and even more crisis.
One of the most precious lessons the COVID-19 pandemic has taught me is that impact is better than busyness, especially at work. Like so many, it’s prompted me to ask myself what really matters and where I can create more impact. It’s also forced me, in the midst of the exhaustion and extreme stress of homeschooling, working, handling housework, and surviving the stress of living through a pandemic, to re-consider my too long professional to-do list. Most importantly, it’s reminded me, ironically in the midst of what turned out to be the busiest times of my life, of the importance of switching off the “busy” button…
But…how do you turn off the “busy machine” when there’s even more to do than usual? How do you keep up with not just yours, but the needs of others who may heavily depend on you at work (and outside of work)? And how do you not succumb to the angst of letting go of something that you shouldn’t have, or decreasing your performance ?
This is very much a personal process that affects each and every one of us differently, based on our individual circumstances, beliefs and mindsets.
However, while the process may look different for each and every one of us, there are some guiding questions we can all use:
What does impact mean to you and your work?
Having an impact means something different for each and every one of us, for our work and our organizations and businesses too. In my teaching career, impact is measured by how well students are being academically served. When I write, it’s about conveying a message that has the power to help, uplift, inspire and edify. What is impact in your line of work and for you?
How can you create the most impact?
Having an impact requires focus and strategy. Doing it all, as so many of us strive to do, doesn’t allow us to have optimal impact. I’ve found creating an impact requires Re-evaluating your involvement, trimming your to-do list, and releasing what does not fit. That can be hard to do when you’re used to doing so much…
Where can you create the most impact?
Sometimes we’re not having any impact, or the right kind of impact, because we’re not in the right place for us. Could it be that you’re overwhelmingly busy but not having real impact because you need to be somewhere else? It took a whole new career and change of professional trajectory for me to even begin to think about creating an impact.
If you find yourself being overwhelmed and so busy in your work there is no end in sight, yet discouraged because you’re not seeing your work’s impact, then these questions may help.
This week, a fellow working woman was blatantly and publicly insulted in the midst of her workplace, a victim of televised disrespect and misogyny. Her name is Representative Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), and both the incident itself and her response are a vibrant testimony to the misogyny in Congress, and in the workplace in general. It was also a loud reminder that an issue that should have now been long overdue is not only still very alive, but may actually just be worsening as time passes…
As a working woman, you may have experienced similar situations and incidents where you may have been publicly or privately disrespected by a male colleague. It may have been over a professional, or even a personal matter. And more likely than not, it may have hurt and affected you to your core. I know from experience that the few times I’ve had to face these types of situations, I felt diminished, less than, and like the air had been ripped out of my chest. It took me a long time to learn not to allow attacks like these to lessen my sense of self, and render me powerless. Still, despite the benefit of experience and time, addressing issues of misogynistic disrespect and sometimes flat-out aggression against working women.
How do you address disrespect that should not exist? How do you begin to dismantle patriarchal issues that may have lasted longer than you’ve been alive? How do you continuously defend the R-E-S-P-E-C-T that is due you in a professional yet direct and unequivocal way, when your career, your reputation and your coins are unfairly at stake? These are the questions that Ocasio-Cortez answers so eloquently and vehemently in her speech to Congress.
As I listened to her words, I was reminded, not just of the weight of these injustices, but also of the necessity for each and every one of us to continue to advocate for ourselves and our fellow working women:
Recognize disrespect and misogyny for what they are
In environments where gender inequity is the norm, it can be challenging to recognize instances of disrespect and misogynyfor what they are. Instead, we may be tempted to brush these incidents as par for the course and the price we must pay to rise to the top, or just not shake the precarious boat of our careers.
This is where it’s crucial to recognize the blatant, and not-so-blatant signs of disrespect and aggression directed at us and other working women. Too many toxic environments have been thriving on unhealthy sexist and misogynistic foundations, creating toxic surroundings for their members. Signs such as mansplaining, overly competitive traits, all the way to sexual harassment point to dangerous workplaces.
Don’t be afraid to call it out!
Whether you decide to address instances of disrespect and misogyny publicly or privately, don’t be afraid to call it out. Not only is it a way of bringing it to the other party’s attention, it’s also important for your own personal well-being and professional welfare.
However, whether you’re addressing your boss, colleague or a client, addressing it head-on may not be enough. In certain instances, you may have to refer to other superiors, or even Human Resources. While it may be intimidating to deal with these types of circumstances, choosing to endure or ignore them may only help to make matters worse over the long run.
Take time for self-care!
As I mentioned earlier, being disrespected and having to face misogynistic attitudes in the workplace takes a toll on working women. It’s not just an emotional toll, but also a mental and even physical one that may manifest in a number of negative ways, including loss of motivation, lack of productivity, and even chronic anxiety and depression.
As you face and confront these challenging types of issues, don’t forget to take time to care for yourself. This is not just about lighting candles and running yourself a bubble bath, but also taking advantage of mental health resources such as seeing a therapist for instance.
In her courageous stance against disrespect and misogyny against women, Republican Ocasio-Cortez reminded us all of the urgency of standing by women, believing women, and defending women.
Have you ever faced instances of disrespect and misogyny at work? Tell us your story by emailing corporate@thecorporatesister.com or posting a comment.
Welcome to Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
In historical news, NBC News reports Joy Ann Reid is set to host the Reid-Out on MSNBC, making her the first Black woman to anchor a prime time news show in the US;
Black Enterprise reveals Auntie Miche is debuting her new podcast on July 29 and we’re here for it!
Working Mother lists the most common work benefits working mamas are missing out on;
Worried about your finances during this pandemic? The Corporate Sister is discussing how to re-organize your coins in this season;
Trying to get out there and attract the attention of hiring managers or clients? US News shares important tips on how to write a professional bio;
The Glassdoor Blog reports how various companies are honoring the call for diversity and inclusion;
Business Insider tips us off on 4 essential networking strategies to get hired during the COVID-19 pandemic;
Needing clarity as an entrepreneur during these uncertain times? Entrepreneur shares a few strategies;
Hey mamas, ever thought of soliciting feedback from…your kids? The Harvard Business Review encourages you to do so;
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear working mom,
You’ve gone through A LOT as a working mother, juggling family, home and work, sometimes all by yourself. Despite the pressure, especially in these times of pandemic, you’ve kept going, pushing through the daily obstacles and walls in your way, resisting the urge to give up, fighting through tears, frustration and overwhelm…Yet, you keep saying yes to requests coming your way, from personal to professional demands on your time and energy, even when you know deep inside you can’t take much more of this pressure…
You’re an undeniable source of support for so many, from your kids, spouse and family, to your friends and colleagues at work. Most people know they can count on you to be there, to do them favors, to pick them up when they fail. You know it too, all too well, so well that it’s become virtually impossible for you to say no. What you also know, all too well, is that you’re sinking under the weight of a to-do list that’s getting longer by the day, and expectations that are becoming heavier by the minute…
You’re overwhelmed, and you’ve been for quite some time. Or is the reality that you’re overextended, over-committed, and in over your head? And that, after all, you’ve been allowing it all along? As a matter of fact, you may even have been deriving some of your worth from it, even getting some sort of a “high” from this feeling of being so indispensable, so crucial to so many…Yet, it’s killing you, literally and figuratively…
In this pandemic season of added, crushing pressure, reeling uncertainty and acute fear, you may be suddenly realizing that instead of waiting for things (and people) to change on their own, you may just be the change you need. That being so against the wall of duty and responsibility, may just be teaching you how much you need to let go of control. That this weight may just be a blessing in disguise, offering you the saving grace of going back to the basics, and letting go of what (and who) stretches you too thin and too far.
At the end of the day, yes, you’re tired, exhausted even, because you’re over-committed. Decide to forgive yourself for not knowing better, for taking on too much, for bravely attempting to be all things to all people. But don’t unpack and stay there. Decide to move forward with a lighter baggage, devoid of others’ overwhelming expectations and demands. Decide to give yourself the grace you’ve so desperately been waiting for others to give you. Be your own kind of change, your own revolution.
Dare to say no, to decline, to ask for what you need. Dare to not be available, to save some of yourself for yourself, and to require that your time and energy be valued and respected. Date to do your own thing, to be your own person, and to let the chips fall where they may.
Last but not least, dare to release the habits, mindsets, beliefs, places, people, that prevent you from reclaiming your wholeness. Dare to take back the pieces of you that you’re going to need to continue and finish your own race. Dare to let go of exhaustion, overwhelm, and over-commitment as badges of honor, because you deserve more…
Ask a CPA: How do I organize my finances during the pandemic?
Q: How do I organize my personal finances during uncertain times such as this current pandemic?
A: Uncertain times such as the COVID-19 pandemic currently going on bring about a host of financial issues and uncertainties. With millions of individuals losing their jobs, the stock market registering concerning changes, and the economy threatening to topple over, most of us have been reorganizing our finances, or at least considering to do so. Some have been forced to do so, as a result of job losses, layoffs and other unforeseen personal and family circumstances.
If you’ve been seriously thinking about managing your finances in a more effective way, here are a few tips you may consider:
Set a contingency budget
If you’ve already got a budget, you’re in a good place. However, during uncertain and challenging times, you may need a contingency version of it. Consider this to be a slimmer, “emergency fund” version of your budget. This version cuts away the stuff you can live without, the luxuries you can do without, and trims your expenses down to the basics. This is not to say you should survive on bread and water, but rather that you would consciously re-evaluate your wants vs. your needs.
Prioritize your emergency fund
As you trim your expenses down, you may also want to increase your emergency fund. This may mean re-allocating the funds usually dedicated to luxuries to your savings funds. The good news is that in less uncertain times, you can always use this extra cash to treat yourself!
Let’s get back to basics
Getting back to basics is not just about trimming your budget. It’s also about adopting more of a DIY attitude. As you spend more time at home, consider acquiring more practical skills such as cleaning, recycling, cooking, etc… As a busy working mom, I would outsource many of the tasks I didn’t have time to do, such as ordering food out, hiring cleaning or landscaping help. However, I’ve found myself enjoying cooking more, and even learning to garden a bit, and saving money in the process.
Not being able to go to stores has also been a blessing in disguise. I’ve learnt to live more simply, not buying as much, and instead using what I have. The result? More savings, doing more with the family, and even better skin (hello, less makeup).
These are a few tips that can help with re-organizing your finances during uncertain times such as the COVID-19 pandemic we’re currently facing. You may even find, like I did, that this is an opportunity to learn new skills, save more money, and overall learn to live better.
What tips are you using to re-organize your finances during the pandemic?
