Who told you being ambitious made you less a good mom? Whether you heard it from a well-meaning friend or family member, or implicitly understood it from society’s not-so-silent silent messaging, you’ve consciously, or unconsciously, tried to contort yourself to adapt to it. So you’ve kept your ambition a secret, masking the hunger of your Purpose behind futile attempts at being accepted and fitting in with the others, the seemingly “good moms”…
So you changed your conversation to conform to the latest trend in disposable diapers and juiciest town gossip…
So you refrained from discussing your latest business venture, your crazy entrepreneurial ambitions, even your latest ideas, for fear of being cast away for sounding like a brag…
So you learnt to put up with the ridiculous disdain you felt at being perceived like a shallow, ambitious working mom who favors books rather pie baking…
Directly or indirectly, you’ve been spending so much of your time apologizing for being exactly who you are, doubting your own instincts, second-guessing your decisions, hiding from yourself and others…
Yet, all along, your daughter has been looking at you as a hero, as this superwoman going after her dreams…
All along, your son has been learning through your example that girls are brave, girls can go to work, girls can build companies and write words that change the world, and still kiss you on the forehead at night and make up fun, mismatched stories of African princesses and princes hiding in closets…
All along, your very difference has been inspiring others to honor their own difference, to live the lives they were made to live, and make the choices that only belong to them…
All along, you’ve been apologizing for the very thing that makes you you, that makes you unique, that makes you the force of nature you are…
All along, you’ve been feeling guilty for your dreams, but dear mama, your dreams never invalidated anyone’s, they were free to be yours all along…
Dear Working Mama,
If you’re reading this, folding laundry as you’re coming up with your next big business idea, your next crazy venture, I hope you keep being exactly who you were made to be. I hope you ditch the guilt, the disdain from those who gave up on their own dreams and want you to do the same, the hurt of rejection, and all the obstacles standing in your way…
I hope you keep going, you keep pushing, and you keep achieving your purpose….
And I hope you take your kids along the way, and teach them it’s ok to go after thir dreams…
And I hope you take other women with you, and whisper in their ears it’s ok to accomplish your purpose, whether it’s being a stay-at-home mom or closing deal…
But most of all, I hope you stop apologizing for being a daring, earth-shattering, brave mama…
Being visible and heard as a working woman during meetings is already a challenge as it is. Between instances of “mainsplaining”, constant interruptions and the well-known imposter syndrome, the obstacles preventing women from being heard in meetings are numerous. The situation actually worsens during virtual meetings, which can be even more challenging, especially for working moms with children at home. This has been even more prevalent during the pandemic, as many, if not most companies, have resorted to having their employees work remotely.
In a recent Catalyst survey, 45% of women business leaders recognize it’s difficult for women to speak up during virtual meetings. One in five women admit to being overlooked or ignored by colleagues during video calls.
it is possible for working women to increase their visibility during virtual calls. Here are a few tips to get started:
Be clear about what you want to get out of the meeting
Identify at least one goal you may have as related to the meeting, and have a clear view as to what you hope to accomplish. This will help devise an approach in advance to accomplish this, including using some of the other available functions including private and group chat, as well as side-bar messages.
Use the technology to your advantage
Technology plays a critical role in virtual meetings. As a woman at work, you may use it to your advantage and to assert yourself by positioning the camera for easy and direct eye contact. Arranging your microphone so you can be heard more clearly can also help.
Develop non-verbal communication skills
Virtual meetings require different sets of skills than in-person meetings. Since non-verbal cues make up over half of online interactions, it becomes crucial to learn how to read and give non-verbal communication cues.
Wear formal business attire
Dressing professionally is not just for appearance’s sake. It also provides a mental boost, especially when working from home. On virtual calls as with in-person meetings, it also projects confidence and professionalism, and helps to stand out.
Stand through important video calls
Standing up when speaking or presenting not only helps in projecting your voice, but also helps boost one’s confidence and assuredness. This may come especially handy during online meetings where you’re presenting, or on calls you may be feeling nervous about.
Get your colleagues’ buy-in
Enlisting the support of your colleagues, especially for high-stake decisions, is not only an effective way of managing office politics, but also a powerful way of commanding attention during the meetings in which these are discussed. The more your colleagues may know about an issue you’ve consulted them on, the more attention you may be able to command.
All in all, virtual meetings may work to working women’s disadvantage, however they don’t have to. Using strategies like the ones listed above to increase your visibility during online calls can help in alleviating the structural and professional barriers standing in women’s careers’ way.
What has been your experience as a working woman during online calls?
In these times of pandemic and economic uncertainty, many, if not most workplaces, have resorted to remote interviews to hire employees. This also means that new criteria and different techniques are now being added onto the interviewing process, which can be intimidating and confusing for some. For working women, this adds an additional layer of complexity to a process that already tends to discriminate against and disadvantage female candidates. Whereas in-person interviews are unfortunately riddled with gender bias according to the research paper by Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, remote interviews can amplify this bias as a result of the distance and lack of personal touch in the process.
When recently coaching a student of mine prepping for an upcoming interview, it was clear that the interviewing process has changed from what it traditionally has been. For working women, this translates into yet more adjustments as we tackle a new work normal. This includes handling the technology appropriately, leveraging your environment, and maintaining the human touch:
Master the technology before-hand
One crucial and new part of interviewing remotely is the technology involved. At the time of scheduling, inquire of the video platform that will be used and test the link provided. It’s also wise to obtain the interviewer’s information if you have any questions as you test the technology, or encounter any issues prior to or during the process.
Whether it all happens on Zoom or on a different platform, you want to make sure that you are prepared accordingly . This means testing your technology before-hand by ensuring your camera is ready and your audio is working, ensuring that your tools are available, charged and ready for the set time, and confirming all logistical details with the interviewer. Rehearse before-hand and if necessary, ask a loved one or friend to help you practice, so they can provide you with feedback as to your appearance and how you sound.
The more technologically prepared you are, the more chances you have at lessening some of the gender bias that inevitably gets perpetuated during remote interviews.
Leverage your environment
Since you will be appearing on camera, your environment is bound to play a crucial role. Start with your appearance first, and ensure you look professional without being awkward. While you may not necessarily need to wear a suit jacket, you may want to show up with a professional attire. While I suggest avoiding distracting details such as dangling earrings or noisy accessories, you should nevertheless not shrink from showing your own style and personality as authentically as possible.
Consider your background next. In most cases, a neutral background works best. As much as you can, try to avoid virtual backgrounds that may look inappropriate or distort your image in the camera. While you may prefer sitting down, you may consider standing up as you’re being interviewed, as it will allow for your voice to project better, and will help you sound and look more energetic and engaged. Last but not least, inform other members of your household, especially children, about your upcoming interview so they don’t barge onto the screen unannounced.
Maintain the human touch
Remote interviews can feel quite impersonal. This is why it is so important to maintain the human touch through the entire process. Begin with your own mindset, and mentally prepare to have a positive outlook and mindset. As there are less non-verbal cues to build up on during remote interviews, it can be easy to feel and show some discouragement. However, mentally equipping yourself for a positive outcome, whether by using affirmations, mantras, or meditating prior, can make a world of difference.
Another way to show much needed humanity during a remote interview is to inquire of the interviewer on a personal level. This is not about getting too personal or inquisitive. Instead, and especially in the current pandemic and dire economic circumstances we’re facing, it’s about showing some concern and warmth during difficult times.
Last but not least, add a touch of humor to the process. We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. So what if one of your kids runs across the room in the middle of the interview? Or if your camera stops working for a few seconds? Life happens, and we’re only human…
What other tips would you recommend for working women to ace remote interviews?
Social justice has been on the minds of many, if not most of us, lately. In the midst of the two pandemics we’ve been experiencing, from COVID-19 to racial unrest, so many of us have been asking ourselves how we can contribute to improving social justice. In this post, I discuss how we can use our careers as a platform for social justice.
Recently, I had the privilege to take part in #ScholarStrike, a movement inspired by the NBA, WNBA, Colin Kaepernick, and other athletes, and open to anyone in colleges and institutions, to bring awareness to racial justice in America. For many, it took the form of teach-ins and sharing resources on racial justice, often related to certain disciplines in particular. This movement is a testimony to the extent to which each and every one of us can use our own careers as platforms for social justice.
If you’ve been wondering what you can do, and how you can use your own work as a platform for social justice, here are a few ways you can do so:
Start with showing up as your authentic self!
Too few of us have the resources and courage to show up as our authentic selves in our workplaces. Very often, it’s through no fault of our own. It may be out of intimidation or lack of encouragement or structural organization, to cite a few. However, working out the courage to show up as who we are, especially as minorities and working women, sets up to teach and learn about what makes us and others unique in our own right.
When I started showing up as my authentic self at work, it felt scary. Like many, I had learnt the art of code-switching as I saw others do it as a way to fit in. Yet, the more I dared to open up, the more I watched other working women in general and women of color in particular muster the bravery to own their place in the room, the more I understood how much our mere presence can make an impact.
Share resources
The basic definition of social justice revolves around the equitable distribution of resources and opportunities to all. These resources may be of a varied nature, from economic, financial, political, to informational resources. This is where each and every one of us can use our positions, our knowledge, insight, as well as physical, financial and economic resources to make a difference.
One of the main resources I rely upon in my teaching work, writing and consulting is the power of education and knowledge, and the wealth that is in sharing information around. In your own position, it may be about empowering communities with money, food, or other opportunities that over time can help re-establish the balance of equity and justice for all.
Serve as a role model
My pastor once said: “For many people, the only Bible they will read is your life”. I would humbly add that for many, your work will serve as one of the only models they will have of equity and social justice, in whatever form it may take. While many of us may think our careers may not create as much impact, there is always someone coming behind, or walking by our side, or watching us from afar, and for whom we may serve as a role model.
You never know who you inspire by the work you do and the life you live. Whether it’s through mentoring someone else, serving as an ally at work, or starting a business that changes lives, your example can help in re-distributing opportunities and resources to all.
How can you use your career as a platform for social justice?
How do you network when you can’t actually physically meet people? That’s the question so many of us grapple with in the new normal that the COVID-19 pandemic has placed us in. Instead of naturally meeting in person, we’re now forced to interact through a screen and adhere to the rules of virtual networking. However, it’s not because we’re facing drastically different circumstances, that we should forego networking, especially as working women and moms who have been excluded (and in some aspects still are) from many an exclusive professional network.
As a working mom, it was not until I was well into my career that I understood the importance of networking. The same reality has faced, and is still facing lost of working women like myself. Not being socialized to view networking as an important part of our careers, in addition to not being allowed into important networks and old boys’ club, has turned networking into working women’s most prevalent Achille’s heel. Yet, as relationship-oriented communicators, women are natural networkers, whether in person or virtually. However, when the already challenging waters of networking are further constricted by the need to be virtual most of the time, it has the potential to put women even more at a professional disadvantage.
This is where learning to adapt and network virtually becomes more of a necessity rather than an indulgence. While it may seem intimidating to create mutually beneficial connections through a screen, it is actually possible, and even practical, to do so. The flexibility and convenience offered by technology allow for more opportunities for networking events, while the plethora of technology available can make it easier to follow up on established connections. In addition to these technological advantages, here are 3 simple ways to succeed at networking virtually:
Leverage the power of social media and technology
A great advantage to living in this current era is the sheer abundance of ways to communicate and connect. From social media to email, not to mention text messaging, countless networks are literally at our fingertips. Why not take advantage of all these opportunities?
Use social media platforms such as Linked In to identify individuals and communities you are interested in networking with, and learning more about them. Sharing articles, responding to and commenting on posts, or even sending direct messages are a few ways to informally network with these and set the foundation for healthy and mutually beneficial relationships. Online communities, such as professional groups in certain industries, can also greatly facilitate the creation of online relationships. Last but not least, joining online events through social medial platforms or other technological tools can also contribute to accomplishing your networking goals.
Keep the human touch
Networking is not just about mechanically meeting people, and expanding your roster of connections. It’s first and foremost about establishing human relationships, that are mutually beneficial for both parties. This involves the understanding that a back-and-forth exchange has to occur between both parties involved, and that a natural relationship should come out of this.
This is where maintaining the human touch is crucial. Allowing for a natural flow, sharing personal stories and anecdotes, finding common interests and tastes, just like in any natural relationship, are all ways to build a natural connection. While doing this in a virtual environment can be more challenging, remaining as authentic and natural as possible is key.
Follow up!
Following up is to networking what a spectacular signature is to a good email. A good follow-up can literally make or break a networking relationship, especially at the beginning. This is even more relevant when networking virtually. In the absence of physical cues and body language, creating a sense of continuity in the relationship by following up via email, text message or social media is invaluable.
All in all, networking virtually can present challenges and seem unfamiliar. However, it is also an opportunity to leverage the power of technology to keep building human connections at work.
What do you think of networking virtually? What other tips would you add to the list?
In this new COVID-19 virtual era that our “new normal” is, giving virtual presentations, whether for an interview, or career or business-related, has become indispensable. However, mastering the art of giving effective virtual presentations can present a few challenges. Not being in the physical presence of others, lacking body language and facial cues, can make it cumbersome to deliver online when presenting information.
I know as an introvert myself, holding online presentations, especially while teaching, was quite intimidating at first. There is a lot more to take into account when delivering information virtually, from the technology to the attendees, while being deprived of the usual physical and facial signs we’re so accustomed to getting in “normal” circumstances. For me, it’s been a matter of re-learning to communicate in a different way, and adapting my personality, body and image to present valuable information in a way that remains authentic and practical for myself and others.
I first had to assess myself and identify my own fears or pre-conceptions around communicating virtually. Interestingly enough, many of these were rooted in my lack of familiarity and comfort with the appropriate technology to use. Once I was able to get a better handle on the technology, it became a bit easier. Then it became a matter of engaging my audience enough to have a conversation, instead of a boring monologue. This is where the human factor came in for me, and helped me take down some of the inherent communication barriers that come with anything virtual. Last but not least, creating a lasting impact was important for me, especially in a virtual world where things and people are forgotten so easily.
If you’ve been working on improving your virtual presentations, or feel frozen every time you have to get on Zoom, then here are a few tips that can help with giving outstanding virtual presentations:
Preparation, preparation, preparation!
One valuable lesson I learnt about effective virtual presentations was to always come extra-prepared. There is much more of a lack of predictability online than in person, from the technology refusing to collaborate to attendees’ lack of participation. This means coming in a few minutes earlier to check that the tech side of things, from the wi-fi connection to the computers being sufficiently charged, is up to par. Having a back-up laptop or device, as well as a copy of your presentation, can also go a long way in case things go awry. Sending reminders to attendees can also prove helpful in ensuring the presentation stays top of mind for everyone involved.
Being mentally prepared is also an essential component here, from ensuring you have enough stamina to keep you going, to calming your nerves before (and during) the event.
Engagement is key!
The key to a successful, and fulfilling virtual presentation, is engagement. That’s the human factor that can create a vacuum when lacking from interactions, even if they are online. Yet, a very real question remains: How do you engage an audience that you can see but are not in the presence of? This was stressful to me when I first started doing virtual presentations as a professor and speaker.
Creating engagement for me is a matter of maintaining a sense of conversation as opposed to running a one-sided monologue. This includes adopting a conversational tone, engaging in a back-and-forth with the audience through questions and activities, as well as encouraging and picking up on the questions and signs the audience is sending.
Takeaways
Last but not least, offering take-aways is also key to an outstanding virtual presentation. It’s important to create a lasting impact through your presentation, which ups the human factor and helps in establishing lasting human connections, thus creating more of a sense of a natural as opposed to a virtual exchange.
This can be done by offering a downloadable document for attendees to take with them, or a potential follow-up event or meeting. The point here is to create a sense of continuity and connection that lasts even after the presentation is complete.
