As I was preparing for a presentation on women at work , one of the recurring questions that came forth was: “Will this career allow me to be a mom and have work-life balance?” First, the term itself, work-life balance makes me cringe at every turn. In a modern society and at a time where the lines between work and life have been so blurred, especially during a pandemic with a predominantly virtual “new normal”, where is the balance to be found? Second, the mere consideration of women weighing motherhood against work is upsetting enough to take yet another coffee break. Truth is, working moms have been trapped by the false idea of work-life balance. And it’s high time it stopped…
As a working mom, like most, many, if not most of my career decisions have been shaped by motherhood. From transitioning careers, to letting go of travel and certain aspects of work not compatible with motherhood, it’s meant making choices that others did not have to make. What it also means is that these choices, and the doors they lead to, are predicated upon such a natural and human occurrence as becoming a mother. In the tight space between these difficult choices and motherhood, lies the dilemma of so many working moms being told to strive for an elusive work-life balance…As a result, young women are entering careers that are neither aligned with nor fulfilling to their purpose. Mid-career women are having to leave a part of their identity through work, having no choice but to save their families as caretakers. More experienced career women are being victims to even more false misconceptions, including ageism.
While the boundaries between life and work have become increasingly blurred, more and more working women are getting clearer about their priorities. As the resulting health, economic and mental crisis as disproportionately affected working women by shifting the caretaking and household burden almost exclusively on them, it also allowed for a reckoning of the issues faced by women. As such, it is also making the conversation around women and work, including work-life balance, louder and hopefully more constructive and conducive to real solutions:
Work-life balance is elusive
While the term work-life balance has been thrown around left and right for the longest time, the concept behind it is quite elusive in practice. How do you establish a balance between overlapping areas such as life and work? As a working mom, being at work inevitably means missing out on precious moments as a mother and caretaker. Conversely, stepping down from or reducing work obligations to devote more time to caretaking activities can be rewarding, yet it can also translate into lost dreams and delayed aspirations. There’s really no win-win here, and no true sense of balance…
Find what matters to you
At the end of the day, it’s less about establishing an artificial sense of balance and equilibrium, than it is about pursuing your own path and purpose. What matters to you may be insignificant or irrelevant to someone else, yet it may truly define what you are about. Identifying what truly matters to you and makes a real impact for you and others is key to escape the entrapment of a traditional work-life balance, and live life on your own terms.
Prioritize your well-being
The relentless search for work-life balance can often lead to exhaustion, as you strive to juggle the personal and professional in an endless quest for the perfect equilibrium. In all the loud arguments for and against work-life balance, true well-being may be left out of the loop. Each individual’s need for and understanding of their own well-being does not necessarily fit into the neatly folded corners of work-life balance. It’s often tucked somewhere in between moments of extreme busyness and eerie calm, or can be found in the exhilaration of goals accomplished or the tugging call of transitions. Whatever it is, and wherever it may be found, it is infinitely more important than a carefully studied idea of balance.
It is high time that the concept of work-life balance not only be re-visited, but even most importantly, held against the light of modern reality for working women and moms. If its goal was to help make the latter’s lives and work easier, then it should never become a prison of expectation and performance.
Have you ever had to deal with a micro-aggression at work? Maybe it was a slight from a co-worker, or a snub from management after a well-done project. In some of the worst-case scenarios, you may have had to deal with harassment or even intimidation. Microagressions are verbal, behavioral, and environmental indignities communicating hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults to a target person or group. They occur in workplaces all around the world, and can be reinforced by company culture and tone at the top, thrus breeding toxic work cultures. They are also quite painful and complex to address and deal with…
According to a June 23-July 6, 2020 Gallup Panel survey, Black Americans constitute the largest racial group to experience and report micro-aggressions in the workplace. 9% even report having been insulted or called names, and 5% victimized through harassment and threats. Among working women, the 2018 Women in the Workplace report published by Leanin.org shows 64% of women deal with micro-aggressions as a reality at work. Black women are reported to face more varied micro-aggressions overall.While these issues disproportionately affect women, males are not exempt from these either.
Addressing micro-aggressions constructively requires going through a process of introspection, communication and decision, including: 1- Determining how much time and energy to devote to said micro-aggression. Responding to every incident can be draining and demoralizing, and even hurt our careers and well-being. Rather, discerning when and how to address micro- aggressions based on the relationships, feelings and perceptions involved can be way more effective.
2- If and when confronting it, preparing oneself and the other party to experience feelings of awkwardness and discomfort can make the communication more effective. Let’s remember that many incidences of micro-aggressions stem from ignorance, as well as lack of boundaries and appropriate education on the subject. This can make confronting the issue at hand not only necessary, but part of a larger educational process we should all engage in. However, it’s certainly an uncomfortable, awkward and even at times painful one. Mentally preparing to face the discomfort and awkwardness of such situations can ease the process.
3- Clarify the situation: Ensuring that all parties understand what’s at stake can help make the conversation and resolution more powerful and the positive effects more long-lasting too. There are many misunderstandings that can be involved in micro-aggressions, due to their subjective and personal nature. Clarifying the situation and understanding of it from all parties involved is a crucial step in addressing it constructively.
4- Last but not least, get some closure by deciding what impact this will have on your life and work. Often we carry the weight of micro-aggressions with us too long instead of addressing them and healing from them. As a result, this often invisible and crushing weight hinders our potential and capabilities, in addition to hurting our mental and emotional state. Deciding what impact we are willing to give micro-aggressions, and how to deal with getting the closure needed is absolutely indispensable. For some, it may mean engaging in service, healing through therapy, or looking for safer spaces and networks.
Overall, dealing with micro-aggressions at work is a process. By deciding how much time and energy to devote to these, mentally preparing for the awkwardness of confrontation, and striving to clarify the situation and get closure, we can not only heal but also constructively educate ourselves and others.
Let it be Friday! is our news roundup listing news related to working women and moms. If you would like to add other news and insights, please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com.
Kamala Harris’ op-ed in the Washington Post confirms the exodus of women away from the workforce is a national crisis;
At The Corporate Sister, we’re sharing 22 organizations to help Black moms during the pandemic;
Auntie Miche has a new kids’ cooking show on Netflix and we’re here for it;
Working Mother shares everything you need to know about the COVID-19 vaccine as a working mom;
Black Enterprise reports Sour Patch Kids’ partnership with Chris Paul and Thurgood Marshall College Fund to provide a sweet scholarship to HBCU students;
Authenticity has become quite the buzzword lately. So much revolves around being more authentic, showing up as your “real” self, being more “real”…All you have to do is pop open any social media platform, from Instagram to Facebook, to come face-to-face with some deep, or deeply funny, quote or meme about being more authentic and less “fake”…Needless to say, if you struggle with uncertainty or doubts about your authentic self, this is bound to make you slightly uncomfortable. Even worse, if you happen to be a Black working woman dealing with the double-bind of authenticity in and outside of the workplace, it’s bound to make you stir in place, and possibly tighten your chest a bit. Being “real” is all good and well most of the time, but can you really be “real” at work as a Black professional woman?
I distinctively remember my very first week at my very first “real” job, as a freshly minted new graduate with fresh new credentials, new shoes and a new Ann Taylor blouse (I couldn’t afford the whole suit just yet). While all the new freshly minted recruits introduced themselves, sharing personal stories about their families, dogs and where they were from, I was racking my brain trying to figure out what I would and would not share. I was one of a few Black women in the room. I was born in a beautiful place that happened to be across the Atlantic Ocean. And my name not exactly Jane or John. I was different. And I didn’t know whether I could really be real at work…
If you’re reading this and nodding your head because you went through a similar experience, then you know how challenging being authentic in the workplace can be. Despite it being touted as the ultimate thing to be, it doesn’t come easy for many minorities, especially for Black women at work.
According to the 2020 Mc Kinsey Women in the Workplace report, women of color, especially Black women, have been consistently underrepresented in senior management for the sixth year in a row for reasons other than attrition alone. They also face more challenges as they make their way up the corporate ladder, lagging behind for reasons such as lack of support and access to senior leadership, as well as other factors. After Xerox’s ex-CEO Ursula Burns’ exit, Rosalind Brewer is now the only Black woman currently heading a Fortune 500 company in the United States, after taking on the position of Chief Executive Officer (CEO) at Walgreens Boots Alliance (WBA) on March 15, 2021. Even still, Brewer is only the third Black woman to serve as CEO of a Fortune 500 company.
Authentic leadership theory argues when organizational leaders are aware of and act upon their true beliefs, values and strengths, while helping others do the same, they also contribute to higher well-being levels and increased employee performance. While authenticity is hailed as a significant business advantage, contributing to employee well-beingthrough increased job satisfaction, decreased work stress, and stress symptoms, and spurring innovation and creativity,its benefits still largely elude Black women at work. As a matter of fact, sociological research demonstrates tensions between what authenticity truly means in terms of the true self, and social constructions of black authenticity, leading to a “hybridized black authenticity”. As such, Black women are faced with having to juggle multiple ideals of authenticity, struggling with combining “raceless’ and race-specific expectations. Quite the juggle, if you ask me…
So can you really be real at work as a Black woman? It’s a loaded question, and one that begs further exploration at both the personal and organizational level. Above all, what is crucial here is to understand that authenticity for Black women at work is not just a matter of showing up as you are, or even bringing your whole self to work. It’s a matter of walking the tightrope of a hybrid concept and understanding of authenticity that requires us to constantly toggle between what it means to be oneself, and what it means to be a Black woman. Or at least what society has constructed in both scenarios…
Can you really be real as a Black woman at work? Let us know your insights and share your stories in the comments or by emailing us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
Welcome to my “Ask A CPA” feature. This is where the nerdy CPA in me comes out and shares some actionable and practical personal finance, business and accounting tools and tips for working women. Got any business or accounting questions? Send them my way at corporate@thecorporatesister.com.
One of the most prized pieces of advice I’ve ever received is to strive for financial stability and increase as a working woman, regardless of the path I may choose in life. However, it wasn’t until many years later that I truly started considering the importance of this one piece of counsel.
This also seems to be the case for many women, as research data from Earnest shows men’s net worth is nearly double that of women’s. This has given rise to the gender wealth gap, which turns out to be even worse when considering individual racial lines. According to the Center of Global Policy Solutions’ October 2014 Fact Sheet, income inequality, unemployment, retirement security, compounded by the effects of motherhood, are among the factors contributing to this wealth gap. As such, this rampant inequality creates a gap not just among genders, but also in the wealth potential of entire families, communities, countries and by extension the world we live in. Hence the importance of solving a problem that ultimately impacts all of us by helping women in general, and minority women in particular, achieve financial stability and growth by providing them with tools and tips to increase their net worth.
The concept of net worth is based on the difference between what we, as individuals own, also known as our assets, and what we owe, which are our debts or liabilities. Assets may consist of homes, personal possessions, vehicles, investments. Debts or liabilities may be personal loans, mortgages, credit card loans, and other obligations. The difference between the two results in individuals’ net worth. Tracking one’s net worth over time is an effective way to ensure being on track financially, but also improving one’s financial position by increasing one’s net worth.
While many increasing one’s net worth is challenging at best, and nearly impossible at worst, especially as life’s obligations and commitments pile up with time, it is actually pretty feasible to do so. If you’re facing this challenge today, and are not sure where to start, here are 2 simple ways to begin the process:
1- Consider your assets:
Track your existing assets: Do you really know what you own? When was the last time you made an inventory of your assets? If you have not done it in a while, or have never done it at all, it may be time to start.
Increase your salary: Can you ask for a raise? Are you able to make a calculated professional move that can result in a greater pay? If so, increasing your salary can greatly contribute to boosting your assets and net worth.
Diversify your income: Have you been considering adding additional streams of income to your revenue? Are you toying with this dream side hustle you’ve been thinking of for quite some time? How about that business you’ve been wanting to start? Diversifying and multiplying your streams of income is one of the most effective strategies to add a boost to your assets.
Invest in assets that appreciate in value over time: If you’ve been dabbling into investing into stocks, bonds, life insurance, or any other investment vehicle, you are on the right path. Investing in assets that grow in value over time, as opposed to assets that lose value over time such as cars, clothing and other personal possessions, can work wonders for your net worth.
2- What about that debt?
The second part of any strategy to increase your net worth begins with taking a good, hard look at your debts. That’s the part that’s dreaded by most, especially women, who, according to 2021 data by Educationdata.org, unfortunately hold 58% of all student loan debt in the U.S. In addition, this study by the Federal Reserve demonstrates a gender-related credit score gap showing lower credit scores for single women as opposed to their male counterparts, which also accounts for a heavier credit use by single women than single men. Furthermore, the more acute financial effects of divorce on women only worsens these already bleak findings. Hence the importance of making debt handling a priority for women.
Pay off the debt: Can you redirect some of your savings towards paying off debt? Where can you trim your expenses to allocate more funds towards reducing your credit card debt and other liabilities? Can you afford an extra mortgage payment every year? Focusing efforts and finances to paying off debt can go a long way towards increasing your net worth, in addition to eliminating the pressure and stress that comes with it.
Resist the temptation to acquire more debt: A large majority of our environment is geared towards extreme consumerism. From ads on our mobile phones, to open publicity on social media, not to mention the constant pressure to upgrade our products and services, we are most often exposed to the temptation to use credit. The more we can resist this temptation, the less debt we acquire, and the more we can strengthen our net worth.
Are you working at increasing your net worth? Please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com and share your insights and stories with us.
“What if I’m the only one in the room?” I used to be petrified to be the only one in the room, the only woman, the only Black woman, the only introverted, the only one with natural hair, etc…It’s a common fear we have as working women, especially as Black women in the workplace. What if it’s just me? Then we may shrink, run away, talk ourselves out of opportunities, or just grow silent…
This is a very acute feeling and reality for Black women at work. According to McKinsey’s 2020 Women in the Workplace report, 49% of Black women at work feel their ethnicity makes it harder for them to get promoted, or obtain a raise, as compared to 3% of white women and 11% of all women.
If you’re asking yourself this question and are just not sure what to do, here are a few tips that can help:
1- Turn the fear into strength: Being the only one in the room also rhymes with being hyper visible. It’s also having the opportunity to share unique ideas and insights, and benefit from the exposure. Changing perspectives and positioning oneself in a position of strength rather than as a victim can make a world of difference.
2- Identify allies: Resist the temptation to shut people out! There are people out there who will support you and root for you! These are the allies who will give credit to your ideas during meetings, challenge insensitive comments, etc…Identify them and welcome the support!
3- Find sponsors:Sponsors will advocate for you and argue on your behalf. Additionally, sponsors who are different from you can actually help you by exposing you to different networks, ideas and insights. Identifying potential sponsors and reaching out to them can prove invaluable in advancing one’s career.
4- Find your tribe: Find people who think like you, through clubs, groups and other associations. Not only is the support necessary, but the networking, mental, and psychological lift of a community can create much needed momentum in one’s career.
Overall, turning the fear of being the only one into strength, identifying potential allies and sponsors, and finding one’s own tribe can not only alleviate the pressure of being the only Black woman in the room, but also create advantages out of a challenging position.
What has been your experience being the “only one in the room”?
Let it be the Weekend is our news roundup featuring career, business and lifestyle news for working women and moms. If you would like to propose some news or topics we can cover, please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com
This week, we salute icon Cicely Tyson’s journey and path as we celebrate her life;
