by Solange Lopes | Dec 6, 2016 | Find Your Purpose
We’re a few weeks/days away from the start of another year, and the New Year’s Resolutions/Goals Machine, as I like to call it, is in full swing. Resolutions are being made, gym memberships are being shopped around, and goals are being set everywhere…
But after a few years of resolving to get back into a size 2, or finally get that certification (to advance in that job that you hate anyways), or finding the love/soulmate/perfect car/dream home/optimal temperature, you start realizing that maybe the whole goal-setting process is a teeny-weeny bit flawed…
Even when it works, after much grunting on the elliptical at that local super-expensive gym (until January 31st, after which we take a well-deserved break), it leaves us feeling like we’ve just run a marathon…Exhausted, a bit deflated, and looking forward to French bread soaked in full-fat French Brie…
Fast-forward a few years, after reading Danielle Laporte’s Desire Map while eating French bread soaked in full-fat French Brie a few days before the New Year, and goals started looking so different and so much more appealing…
“You’re not chasing a goal, you’re chasing a feeling you hope reaching the goal will give you” – Danielle La Porte
This sentence alone on the front cover of La Porte’s best-seller changed my entire view of goals for the rest of my life… If we’re setting goals to feel better about ourselves ( hello super pricey gym membership, sweaty sessions and half-pounds shrinkage), why don’t we start with how we want to feel?
Instead of shooting goals in the dark on the board of our lives and careers, hoping and praying and wishing that somehow they’ll deliver those feelings wrapped up in elegant Crate and Barrel gift boxes right at your doorstep…
How many of us have sat on the eve of a New Year, drawing lofty goals in beautiful journals? Or putting out in the Universe our desires for better jobs, more money, a bigger wardrobe, Giselle’s body? Or even, for the most down-to-earth among us, longer life, more health and prosperity and abundance, along with all the positive mantras you remember from that spiritual yoga class?
Yet how many of us turn around to simply say things like: “ I want to feel happier”, “I wish to feel more joy at work”, “I desire to feel more fulfilled in my career”, “I wish to feel more peace and freedom”?
I know I didn’t, until now…Instead, I put a price tag on what I thought was peace and freedom. It would have to be a certain position, a certain salary, a certain size, or a certain type of accomplishment….And right then and there, the race to do more, be more, have more started all over again…
No wonder by January 31st, most of us are ready to throw in the towel, plop our curvy selves on the couch, and binge-watch old reruns of “Sex and the City” while eating French bread soaked in French Brie…
I remember meeting this high-level executive who was at the top of her corporate game. Her list of accomplishments, letters after her name and honors was too long to elaborate on…And she still wanted to do more, year after year…
When asked about what motivates her and why she keeps piling on accomplishment after accomplishment, she simply said: “I want to feel good”…Whether she really did or not, the point is, she had been motivated all those years by the simple aspiration of feeling a certain way…
In one of my favorite books “Ask and It Is Given”, authors Esther and Jerry Hicks talk about using our emotions and feelings as a GPS system for our lives. Whereas the rest of the world tells us to set solid, rigid goals and work towards with unstoppable tenacity, what it tells us is simply to rely on what we already know about who we are and how we want to feel good…
What makes us feel good is an indication that we’re going in the right direction, and what doesn’t may force us to rethink our life route…As simple as that…Maybe too simple for the ambitious go-getters, goal-diggers we are…But how about going simple for once?
So this year, in the midst of all the busy-ness and to-do’s, my good ol’ “New Year’s Goal List” is getting a much deserved break… And instead is being replaced with these three simple questions:
How Do I Want to Feel?
When I asked myself this simple question, it literally turned me inside out. What happens when you face yourself with the simple realization of who you are and how you want to feel/live/experience things, is that you also start realizing everything else that stands in your way.
Whether it’s the grueling job, or the unsatisfying relationship, or the low self-esteem, you start seeing in contrast all the stuff that needs to go. And then, all of a sudden, there’s more room for all the stuff that needs to come in…
What Can I Do to Feel This Way?
For you, wanting to feel better about yourself may be a matter of starting a fitness routine. Or ditching the boyfriend. Or starting over in your career. It’s different from person to person.
Yet asking yourself the question, the very revealing question of what you need to do/change/start/stop/continue to feel the way you truly want to feel opens the door for action…
Instead of looking for a job because you want more money, more recognition, or just a better parking spot, you may look for a job that makes you smile, makes you feel more fulfilled, mo’better….Or instead of starting yet another diet that may crash within a week or so, you may want to start taking care of yourself from the inside first, cleaning up your relationships, picking exercise you enjoy, laughing a little more…
What Are My Desires For Next Year?
As Danielle La Porte says it so well in The Desire Map, desires are powerful.
“With clear desire, you can say yes to the right opportunities”. Danielle La Porte
So what are your true desires for this new year/phase/time of your life and career? You know how you want to feel, and you’re starting to have an idea about things you may want to do to feel that way. Now it’s time to get clear about it all…
Going through this process (and I’m still going through it) surprised me. Heck, it actually shocked the hell out of me. You may come to realize that you don’t really want what you think you want. That you may not even really want the promotion, or the car, or the relationship, or fitting into a size 2 and giving up on cake for the rest of your life…
Whatever the outcome of this seemingly simple process, it will shed light on a journey only you can take. Instead of fitting in and setting general goals like everyone else, it may just steer you towards a life and career with more meaning, more depth and more YOU-ness in them…
This year, as you set your goals in whatever area of your life, consider asking yourself these simple questions…They may just change the game for you…
To Your Success
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Sep 25, 2016 | Career, Find Your Purpose
For a few weeks after I lost my sister, I lost my voice. Literally. I couldn’t speak, or write, or even think clearly for a while. Something inside of me went numb for some time, then rose in uncontrollable anger, then later subsided in the depths of my soul, (still) looking for peace and closure of some kind. If you’ve grieved for someone you’ve lost, physically or spiritually, you may be nodding as you’re reading…
In the wake of the recent shootings, I was reminded yet again what it feels like to deal with something you don’t understand, and grieve for a pain you can’t exactly put a qualifier on. And so are most of us witnessing, from close or far, the traumatic events of the past few months…
We may not personally know the victims or all of those involved. Yet our human voice intimately recognizes them, as it alternately goes numb, rises in anger, drops in sadness, and searches around for peace, understanding and closure…And very often, we’re not sure what to do with that voice. Not sure whether we should let it roam free, expressing itself as it feels when it feels it? Or whether to restrain it, using logic, reason and other grown-up mental boxes, only letting out what is politically correct enough? Or even if we should park it somewhere for a while, until we figure out what to do with all our feelings and emotions?
Every time humanity is violated, our human voices are awakened from their torpor, warning us of a need to restore peace and order in the fabric of life. We have an opportunity to use it to grieve, channel it to regain our power and inspire others. But we also can struggle with it, not quite sure how to push aside the walls of convenience and political correctness…
After my sister passed, I didn’t know what to do with my voice. I couldn’t be angry forever, or just choose to ignore the pain. Both alternatives certainly lessened the pain, but they also left me empty, unfulfilled and endlessly reaching for carbs. I could use it instead, but how? And what for? Would it even be worth it? It wouldn’t bring her back, or change the stark reality of things. What was the point?
I believe grief is not just a healing process, it’s also a transformative one. We often grieve without even realizing it, as we watch terrible news online, witness tragedy around us, or fill our time with busy work to avoid the hard stuff. What we don’t often do, is grab that grief by its ugly, slippery black collar, shake it, and let all the real good stuff come out of it through our voice.
Real good stuff that can help us not just regain our power, but multiply the positive effects of our voices as citizens, sisters, brothers, moms, dads, uncles, aunts, human beings:
Use Your Platform
We all have a platform. All.of.us. Whether it’s within our families, our circle of friends, at work, at church, on the subway…Wherever we may find ourselves at any moment can serve as a platform. One where we can live, embody and speak our truth, while still respecting the boundaries of others’ freedom and truth…
That’s what Issa Rae, the creator of the web series The Misadventures of an Awkward Black Girl and upcoming HBO comedy Insecure, did when she set a scholarship fund for 37-year old black man fatally shot by police, Alton Sterling. It’s also what Beyonce did when challenging fans to lobby politicians to change the current gun laws.
You may not have Beyonce or Issa Rae’s platform of millions of fans and followers. Yet, wherever you may be, you have a platform in which you can use your voice for good. Whether it’s starting a fund, or spreading understanding instead of hatred, or writing a blog post, you can effect change wherever you are.
Strategically direct your voice
When we think of using our voices, we may think of protesting or organizing movements. Which is all good and well, when done respectfully and in peace. But real power, real influence, is effected when we can not just use our voices, but control HOW we use them.
Having kids has taught me that authority and power doesn’t come from forcefully using my voice and exerting my influence. Power comes from strategically directing your voice. By owning your message and choosing the most effective, peaceful, high-impact medium to channel it. Remember Diamond Reynolds, the girlfriend of Philando Castile? Her calm and politeness had more effect than any protest in exposing an excruciatingly difficult situation.
For some of us, it’s through our art. For others, it’s through our material resources. For all of us, it’s first and foremost in how we choose to live our lives and embody the freedom and love that binds us all, regardless of race, gender, nationality and creed.
Face the Conflict
Let’s be real…Many of us would rather avoid difficult conversations, especially when they revolve around race, religion or politics. We’d rather turn a blind eye and deaf ear, if only not to deal with our own grief. Yet what we may not realize is that it also robs us of our power. There’s something inside you that gets smaller every time you let go of an opportunity to use your voice for good.
In her piece entitled “The Conversation We Must Have With Our White Children”, Courtney Martin deals with difficult issues most wouldn’t dare addressing.
Facing the conflict isn’t about resorting to violence or letting anger take over. It’s about being willing to have the difficult, painful conversations so many of us avoid. It’s about taking the curtain down, and telling the truth about how we feel, without blame or condemnation. It’s saying “This hurts, and it has to change”.
How will you be using your voice to regain your power and effect change in the wake of the recent shootings?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jun 14, 2016 | Career, Find Your Purpose
We’ve all been there, at some point or another, in our careers…That point when you’re not too sure where your career’s going…When you doubt yourself and your professional abilities. to the point of considering dropping everything and backpacking through the Himalayas (except you haven’t owned a backpack since 8th grade and the kids are sure as hell not coming for the ride walk)…That point when you just need to raise your head up, lift those shoulders, and reclaim your power at work…
When I was in between jobs, changing industries and not exactly trusting in myself, I remember telling myself over and over: “You got this, you can do this, you need to get your power back!” And thats also what I talk about in the “TCS Guide to Taking Back Control of Your Career“, my e-book on reclaiming your power at work
Whether it’s after a layoff, or struggling through a particularly challenging project at work, or facing annoying issues at work, feeling powerless at work isn’t exactly the best. The danger is that for some of us, it starts with a temporary feeling and ends seeping into every facet of our career. Before you know it, you’re dragging yourself to and fro work, going through the motions day in and day out, and doing the absolute exact job for decades. Dreary enough?
Here are 7 ways to get out of that temporary funk and reclaim your power at work:
Work on your mindset first
It’s a mindset thing first and foremost! The first place we lose our confidence, and hence our power, is in our minds. For women at work, evidence has been strongly suggesting women are way less self-assured then men. While there’s no doubt women’s competence seeing how companies employing women outperform those who don’t, the confidence gap is undeniable.
Work on your mindset first, to eliminate any tendency to see yourself as unworthy of success. The less mental barriers, the more power you’ll regain over your career. In my new e-book, the “TCS Guide to Taking Back Control of Your Career”, I borrow one of Southwest Airlines’c ore values and call this mindset power the “warrior spirit”!
Prep Time!
“Luck is when preparation meets opportunity”: the saying still holds very much truth to it. In a highly evolving, complex and volatile work environment, its becoming increasingly necessary to be prepared. Taking even a small amount of time to prepare sets you apart from your competition and makes you stand out. Think of it as bootcamp to prepare you for outstanding results in your career!
Manage Your Rocks!
Stephen Covey used a great analogy to make us think about managing our time more effectively. By illustrating that we should prioritize our tasks (put the big rocks in the jar first), he demonstrated as early as the ’80s how important it is manage our time. And even most importantly, how important it is to set our own priorities, based on what’s truly important to us…
Work Smarter
Working all the time and not making time for fun, rest, or relaxation, can rob us of our power at work (and in life). Is it any surprise that so many of us caught in the rat race end up feeling disempowered and disengaged in our careers?
In my e-book, I talk about how through my own career, I’ve come to believe less in work-life balance (or any balance at all really), and more in the concept of ironing out our priorities and making peace with the fact that while we CAN have it all, we just can’t have it all at the same time(thanks Oprah)!
Position Yourself!
Taking your career back is also about positioning yourself at work. It’s about being visible, and making the right moves in your career. In the TCS Guide to Reclaiming Your Power at Work, I discuss how it takes a village to build your career!
Dare to be visible, and to surround yourself with the right influences, mentors and guides in your career!
Refill your confidence mug
One of the biggest assumptions among women at work is that there’s “not enough room for all of us.” There are so few women in top career positions that every time any of us gets close to accomplishing a milestone, it seems others are robbed of the same opportunity.
Learn to refill your confidence mug constantly, and to see more opportunities where there seems to be scarcity!
Don’t ditch your emotions, but use them wisely instead.
“Emotional” is a word that’s gotten a bad rap with professional women for the longest time. You can’t show emotion at work! If you’re a woman at work, your emotions may overtake you and reflect badly on your performance. It’s not until the concept of “Emotional Intelligence” or EQ became popular that the corporate world started paying more attention to emotions at work, especially as it relates to gender differences…
Yet our emotions are also our guides, as I explain in my e-book. They’re the barometers that help us assess whether we’re going in the right direction or not. Don’t ditch your emotions, but instead use them wisely as an asset at work.
How do you reclaim your power at work? Share your insights with us…
PS: For more on taking back control of your career, get a copy of my e-book now available on Amazon!
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Apr 14, 2015 | Find Your Purpose |
Photo credit: blackenterprise.com
My friend A. has officially set up a date to quit her corporate job to follow her dream of becoming a life coach. While many may envy her determination and the undeniable pep in her step and renewed gusto for life, I know she didn’t just jump from one career to the next without any pain. As a matter of fact, it was probably one of the most trying, even painful, although unbelievably rewarding, times of her life. She often says she going from corporate to called is “the best hell she’s ever been through”, and judging by the late phone calls and the plethora of mantras in her house, I believe her….
Transitioning to a new career is a challenging process. It will impact your life, your finances, and how you view yourself for a long time. It will require you to survive more than just a job change, but an entire mentality, and possibly lifestyle, overhaul. Here are 10 steps to transition from your corporate gig to your calling without losing your mind (at least not all of it):
1. Check within! The biggest changes in your life start within. Check in with yourself first, listen to that still small voice. It will tell you when it’s time to jump ship, or remind you to calm your engines…
2. Do your research! Research online, ask questions, shadow someone else in the field. Gather all the information you can about the field you’re going in before making any drastic decisions.
3. Adjust to the change! Learn to re-set your pre-conceptions and ideas about work when switching careers. See your skills and abilities in a new way, reframe your experience to adapt to your new professional experience, honestly address your strengths and experiences. In more practical terms, that includes re-writing your resume, adjusting your social media profiles, and even re-contextualizing your own professional image.
4.Ditch Plan A, B, and C too while you’re at it! Everyone will tell you you should have all kinds of backup plans, exit strategies and so on…Transitioning careers to what you believe is your vocation is not a horse racing bet. It’s your life, and you don’t want to go at it halfway. Having too many options is like having too many excuses, you end up hiding behind them. Make a choice and assume it!
5. Remember you CANNOT fail! Failure is your invention. As long as you’re learning something, pushing through something else, you cannot fail! Remember that when you have to start over in the mailroom of your dream company, or when your first, or second (or even third) business tanks. You’re not failing, you’re preparing for success…
6. Now go on and inspire someone else! I always say the best way to succeed is to help someone else make it too! Your experience serves a purpose. Be a mentor to someone who is seeking to transition careers. Document your experience in a blog or on social media. Encourage someone to pursue their dreams…
How did you go from Corporate to Called?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Jan 25, 2015 | Career, Find Your Purpose
Photo credit: http://thethingswomenlove.com
With the New Year just starting, many of us have dreams, plans and goals we’re hoping to accomplish. Whether it’s a promotion at work, writing that first book, or building a business, there are things you want to accomplish, places you’re planning to visit, experiences to be had and goals to be reached. Most likely, some will get scratched off your list, and others will remain there for another year. Have you wondered what sets apart those who turn their goals into concrete reality from those who keep hoping? Is their vision clearer than most? Or do they believe in themselves more than the rest of us?
I’ve asked myself the question for years, browsing through the profiles of overachievers on Forbes 30 under 30, or 40 under 40 list. I’ve read many a success story of seemingly ordinary people who started from scratch, pursed their dreams and achieved the extraordinary. One common theme throughout all these success stories, could always be summed up in one word: believing! Most of them had a crystal clear vision and focus. In the book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill writes “whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve it”.
So how does one believe effectively, in a way that does not just merely equate praying and wishing, but in an active, result-producing way? In The Answer, John Assaraf and Murray Smith speak about the famous “Five Musts” which must exist to activate success:
- You must find something that stirs your soul;
- You must become excellent at it;
- You must recondition your mind to believe you can have and achieve it;
- You must understand how to make money at it;
- You must take daily action.
Are you believing effectively?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 26, 2014 | Career, Find Your Purpose |
Is our lack of faith ruining our careers – Photo: theprayingwoman.com
I know, Faith is one of the F-words at work, and many believe it does not exactly belong in the workplace. Yet, for those who believe in the power of faith in the workplace, it appears faith can even increase our ROI at work.
When we speak of faith at work, many start envisioning us preaching the Word, getting filled with the Spirit and converting souls, right there at our cubicles. While it may have been true at some point, the true meaning of faith at work, in the words of entrepreneur Sandi Krakowski, is in its practice, rather than the preaching of it. Regardless of our beliefs, Faith should make us better people, at work and in life. As we believe in a Higher Good and a higher purpose of our lives, we also strive for the best we can be and the best we can produce. That includes the work we do, the people we deal with at work, and the legacy we leave through our careers.
Faith at work is not about beliefs, and definitely not about religion. It’s about who we are in our daily lives. It’s about the values we are sorely missing in our business world, values like honesty, integrity, wholeness, and love, yes love! After all, haven’t the latest corporate scandals, from Enron and WorldCom to Lehman Brothers and Bernie Madoff, taught us to distrust corporations and their agents? Aren’t regulations like the Sarbanes Oxley Act and the Dodd-Frank Act stern reminders that some of our most essential values have been violated in the worse way? Isn’t our lack of current faith in the markets and the financial systems as a whole, a result of our own lack of faith in general? And isn’t our own lack of faith threatening to ruin the very fruits of our labor and our careers?
At a time when most millenials would be ready to sacrifice a work friendship for a promotion, and employee loyalty is becoming a curse, fear is also at an all-times high among employees and companies alike, as we no longer have much to look forward to or believe in. Yet, we still spend the majority of our lives working. Is it time to stop fearing, and start believing? Is it time to stop our lack of faith from ruining our careers?
The Corporate Sis.
by Solange Lopes | Oct 12, 2014 | Career, Find Your Purpose
Are you ready for your big break – Photo credit: madamenoire.com
Are you feeling like you are this close to your breakthrough, yet not quite making it? Do you keep facing the same obstacles, only to realize more and more work is required of you?
Many a times, we put in the work, step out in faith, awaiting the big promotion at work, better health, a successful entrepreneurial outcome. And then, crickets, nothing, nada, ziltsch…Nothing happens, the promotion never comes, or even worse, gets given to that co-worker you really don’t like. That book never gets written, the business doesn’t get off the ground, and disappointment sets in…
And of course, you inevitably wonder why…Do you need to put in more work? Is the Universe against you, or are you just destined to being average? Or maybe, only maybe, could it be that you’re just not ready?
My grand-father always used to say ” to whom much is given, much is expected”. As much as we long for success, we often forget it comes with a price. As we look at the icons of success of our world, from Oprah to Beyonce, we often only see the outer facade, omitting all the hard work, sacrifices and compromises along the way.
And just as we fail to see others’ hard work and sacrifices, we often fail to foresee the work and sacrifices that will be required of us as we achieve success. Are you ready to face the criticism that inevitably comes with positions of influence? Are you prepared for the ups and downs of success, the self-doubt, the challenge of managing others?
Many a times when success seemed beyond my reach, I realized I wasn’t ready. That I was not mentally prepared to face the hardships and challenges of Achievement. That the difficulties in my way were actually there to prepare me. And that most often, it was when it seemed the darkest that success was actually around the corner…
Are you ready for your big break?
The Corporate Sis.
