How many times have you heard women “need to be more confident at work”? How many times have you yourself, in your own career and life experience, been told that you needed to be more confident? And if you happen to be confident, how many times have you perceived or been told you were “tew much”? Talk about a confidence bias for women…
Women at work are encouraged to be more assertive, more goal-oriented, more driven at work, mostly according and in reference to patriarchal parameters initially set by and for their male counterparts. Yet, while they’re criticized for not having enough confidence, especially in workplace settings, they tend to get harshly judged when found to be displaying “too much” confidence. This in itself is the confidence bias that has plagued so many women in and outside of their careers…
Confidence bias is when career failure in women is associated with lack of self-confidence; yet when women demonstrate confidence, they are often perceived as overdoing it, and thus lacking confidence. This is how the very concept of confidence that women are criticized of lacking, is actually weaponized against them.
According to research by the Harvard Business Review, while women identify confidence as a major career obstacle, men do not. This not only confirms the highly gendered nature of confidence, but also exposes how damaging this concept can be to women themselves, who end up blaming themselves for or regretting events which where largely out of their control. Prior research also demonstrates a confidence gap, whereby women are shown to have lesser levels of self-assuredness than their male counterparts, thus lacking a trait that matters as much as competence at work. This gap can actually be traced to gender trait and role differences between men and women. While men are shown to naturally demonstrate traits commonly associated with confidence such as assertiveness, even aggressiveness; women tend to display more nurturing, compassionate and empathic characteristics, which are also reflected in the traditional societal roles assigned to both genders.
Despite this, the 2023 Women in the Workplace report reveals that women are actually more ambitious than ever, even as they continue to prioritize their personal lives. This is evidence that while the confidence bias is certainly real for many, if not most women, especially at work, it may not be as simple as it has been depicted to be. Why does confidence have to be defined in patriarchal and masculine terms and traits? Why can’t confidence also be defined in more feminine attributes such as collaboration, empathy, and intuition? While the latter are clearly leadership skills, and confidence is increasingly being classified as a “soft skill” (there is nothing “soft” about soft skills, by the way), they’re still not being associated with confidence for women.
This is why in my own experience as a Black woman at work, and an introvert to boot, I’ve had to learn to redefine the concept of confidence for myself. Emulating the masculine, and very much patriarchal model of confidence, based on overt assertiveness bordering on aggressiveness, has always felt inauthentic. Instead, developing my own brand of quiet confidence has always felt more like “me”. Granted, it did not work in the many environments where that brand of confidence was not valued (which unfortunately still constitute many, if not most work environments)…Yet, in the environments in which it has worked and been valued, the rewards, both personal and collective, have been astounding…
In some way, I have been waging my own quiet confidence war and revolution as a working woman and mom. So have many other working women and moms around… If this is something that resonates with you as well, here are a few tidbits from my own journey that you may find helpful:
Revisit your own confidence bias
Believe it or not, you hold your own confidence bias. We all do, and much of it has been embedded in our subconscious from the various messages, intentional or not, we’ve received from society. I know I’ve blamed myself for not being confident enough for the longest time, resolving myself to remain hidden in the background. For the longest time, I thought I was born that way, that confidence was a skill or attribute that I somehow had missed out on. This subconscious message was so deeply embedded in my mind that it became a personal belief I held on to for dear life.
Yet, what I learned from a complete career transition and a journey of personal and professional growth, is that not only is confidence a skill we possess as individuals; but that we can also develop our own brand of powerful and authentic confidence, especially in the workplace.
What are your assumptions and beliefs about confidence in general and about your own confidence?
Develop your own brand of confidence
What is your own brand of confidence? How do you most authentically feel self-assured in who you truly are? It took me decades to first recognize these questions as valid, and second find my own answers. I feel most confident when I am working in my purpose, writing, teaching, sharing and exchanging ideas. That’s what I would call my “zone of confidence.”
As a matter of fact, I’ve found confidence to be closely linked with authenticity of purpose and values. The more closely you are aligned with your purpose and values, the more confident you may tend to feel. Conversely, the further away you may be from your purposeful path, the harder it may be to muster an authentic sense of self-confidence. Not just the outer confidence we may feel compelled to put on display to respond to self-imposed or societally-imposed pressure; but rather the true sense of confidence that begins on the inside..
What is your zone of confidence? How and when do you feel your most confident? Are you able to find it in your current work? If not, it may be time to reconsider…
Embody what your own brand of authentic confidence is
Last but not least, embodying your own brand of confidence really means stepping into, and standing in your zone of confidence. This is the part that may require not just a mental shift, but also the power of repetition and practice to master.
For me, it’s a matter of cultivating the discipline to show up daily (or almost daily) in my zone of confidence, whether through writing, teaching, sharing or exchanging ideas. It’s the power of practicing imperfect action, day after day, and collecting the sometimes infinitesimally small rewards that add up to the work of our lifetimes.
Indeed, for the longest time, and to this day, society has largely defined confidence as a masculine and patriarchal concept, thereby creating a confidence bias that has been weaponized against women. Yet, what if this definition of confidence were nothing but a social construct that can be dismantled as well as it’s been built? What if confidence could be redefined, and reclaimed, for women in ways that truly align with their purpose and values? What a different and more evolved workplace and world we would see then….
What is your own working woman brand of confidence?
One thing that is sure about the pandemic, is that it has definitely radically altered the way we think about work, especially as working women and moms. As we went through the pandemic and watched the lines between work, life and parenting being blurred, throwing working moms and women into an abyss of unending and exhausting responsibilities and struggles. As a result, many, if not most working women and moms, have been re-thinking their careers and what they truly want out of work.
According to a recent research by McKinsey, one in four working women in North America revealed they were considering a career downshift or dropping out of the workforce entirely. This shift in career attitudes and expectations clearly shows women and moms are stepping away from traditional views on work, and redefining its meaning in their lives. However, for many, this also equates to stepping onto unfamiliar territory. After all, most of what we known as far as work and careers go, comes from traditional perspectives passed on from previous generations. For the longest time, work has been confined to something we do to earn a living, separate from who we are and the personal parts of our lives. Today, and especially after the pandemic, the lines between the personal and professional have been incredibly, and probably irretrievably, blurred. We work from the same homes we raise our kids in, often on the same kitchen tables we eat our family meals on, in the same environment we live, breathe and evolve in every single day. Sometimes, work even involves sharing some of our most private moments on screen and social media, when our positions require it or when our careers err on the side of unconventionality. In any case, work is definitely not what it used to be, which is only one more reason to revisit our careers and what we truly want out of it…
Yet, where do we even begin in this monumental quest to re-define what we want out of work, when the last thing we need is yet another monumental task on our to-do list. This is the question so many working women and moms are asking themselves at this very moment, as some are forced to exit the workforce for lack of adequate childcare and others are seeking a relief from chronic burnout. The reality is, revisiting the very meaning and purpose of our careers is not a one-time thing. The reality is, it’s a process that requires regular attention and dedication. While it may vary from individual to individual, depending on personal preferences, circumstances and choices, it’s anchored in three major principles, including:
Shifting Your Mindset
Rethinking the meaning, place and purpose of work in our lives is no easy feat. Considering the amount and sheer number of pressures faced by the average person, from financial to economic and personal pressures, stepping outside of the traditional norms of work in order to create one’s own definition of professional success can be a daring act in and of itself. Yet, it’s very much a necessary one…
How would you envision your ideal career if money and the other pressures of life were non-existent? What would professional fulfillment and purpose look like to you? How would you rethink your career ambitions to fit your life, personality and priorities?
Organizing your Priorities
Speaking of priorities, a big part of rethinking our careers as working women and moms is also a matter of organizing, and re-organizing our priorities. One thing the pandemic exposed for many, if not most of us, is the lack of boundaries existing between the different areas of our lives. Let’s remember for working women and moms, work is all around, from the professional work we do in and out of the office, to the work we do at home folding laundry, cooking meals and homeschooling kids…
While much of this lack of boundaries was a result of extreme circumstances imposed to us by a global health crisis, a significant part of it was inherited from a latent inequity in social roles and responsibilities at the expense of working women and moms’ balance, health and sanity. This is where understanding, acknowledging and organizing our priorities comes into play…
What truly matters to you? What can you delegate or get more help and assistance on? What are non-negotiables in your work and life? What constitutes a sacred space for you? These are all questions that touch to the core of who we are as working women and moms, that have been neglected for far too long in favor of the proverbial hustle to get it all done. Maybe this is the time to put them back on the table…
Learning to Set Boundaries
Where lines between work and every other area of our lives have been blurred during the pandemic, most of us have realized the urgent need for boundaries in the way we work and live. As we re-imagine our careers in the wake of this crisis, we’re also slowly learning to stop teetering on the edge of personal and professional burnout and exhaustion. This requires getting re-acquainted with the concept of boundaries.
What boundaries do you feel are lacking in your work and life? How did this impact you during the pandemic? What kind of boundaries would you set in your ideal career?
As so many working women and moms are reframing their vision of their careers after the pandemic, many questions are coming to the forefront. While these are challenging our traditional views on work, they’re also helping create the new working world for women and moms.
Are you rethinking what you want out of your career after the pandemic?
In these times of pandemic and economic uncertainty, many, if not most workplaces, have resorted to remote interviews to hire employees. This also means that new criteria and different techniques are now being added onto the interviewing process, which can be intimidating and confusing for some. For working women, this adds an additional layer of complexity to a process that already tends to discriminate against and disadvantage female candidates. Whereas in-person interviews are unfortunately riddled with gender bias according to the research paper by Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, remote interviews can amplify this bias as a result of the distance and lack of personal touch in the process.
When recently coaching a student of mine prepping for an upcoming interview, it was clear that the interviewing process has changed from what it traditionally has been. For working women, this translates into yet more adjustments as we tackle a new work normal. This includes handling the technology appropriately, leveraging your environment, and maintaining the human touch:
Master the technology before-hand
One crucial and new part of interviewing remotely is the technology involved. At the time of scheduling, inquire of the video platform that will be used and test the link provided. It’s also wise to obtain the interviewer’s information if you have any questions as you test the technology, or encounter any issues prior to or during the process.
Whether it all happens on Zoom or on a different platform, you want to make sure that you are prepared accordingly . This means testing your technology before-hand by ensuring your camera is ready and your audio is working, ensuring that your tools are available, charged and ready for the set time, and confirming all logistical details with the interviewer. Rehearse before-hand and if necessary, ask a loved one or friend to help you practice, so they can provide you with feedback as to your appearance and how you sound.
The more technologically prepared you are, the more chances you have at lessening some of the gender bias that inevitably gets perpetuated during remote interviews.
Leverage your environment
Since you will be appearing on camera, your environment is bound to play a crucial role. Start with your appearance first, and ensure you look professional without being awkward. While you may not necessarily need to wear a suit jacket, you may want to show up with a professional attire. While I suggest avoiding distracting details such as dangling earrings or noisy accessories, you should nevertheless not shrink from showing your own style and personality as authentically as possible.
Consider your background next. In most cases, a neutral background works best. As much as you can, try to avoid virtual backgrounds that may look inappropriate or distort your image in the camera. While you may prefer sitting down, you may consider standing up as you’re being interviewed, as it will allow for your voice to project better, and will help you sound and look more energetic and engaged. Last but not least, inform other members of your household, especially children, about your upcoming interview so they don’t barge onto the screen unannounced.
Maintain the human touch
Remote interviews can feel quite impersonal. This is why it is so important to maintain the human touch through the entire process. Begin with your own mindset, and mentally prepare to have a positive outlook and mindset. As there are less non-verbal cues to build up on during remote interviews, it can be easy to feel and show some discouragement. However, mentally equipping yourself for a positive outcome, whether by using affirmations, mantras, or meditating prior, can make a world of difference.
Another way to show much needed humanity during a remote interview is to inquire of the interviewer on a personal level. This is not about getting too personal or inquisitive. Instead, and especially in the current pandemic and dire economic circumstances we’re facing, it’s about showing some concern and warmth during difficult times.
Last but not least, add a touch of humor to the process. We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. So what if one of your kids runs across the room in the middle of the interview? Or if your camera stops working for a few seconds? Life happens, and we’re only human…
What other tips would you recommend for working women to ace remote interviews?
In this new COVID-19 virtual era that our “new normal” is, giving virtual presentations, whether for an interview, or career or business-related, has become indispensable. However, mastering the art of giving effective virtual presentations can present a few challenges. Not being in the physical presence of others, lacking body language and facial cues, can make it cumbersome to deliver online when presenting information.
I know as an introvert myself, holding online presentations, especially while teaching, was quite intimidating at first. There is a lot more to take into account when delivering information virtually, from the technology to the attendees, while being deprived of the usual physical and facial signs we’re so accustomed to getting in “normal” circumstances. For me, it’s been a matter of re-learning to communicate in a different way, and adapting my personality, body and image to present valuable information in a way that remains authentic and practical for myself and others.
I first had to assess myself and identify my own fears or pre-conceptions around communicating virtually. Interestingly enough, many of these were rooted in my lack of familiarity and comfort with the appropriate technology to use. Once I was able to get a better handle on the technology, it became a bit easier. Then it became a matter of engaging my audience enough to have a conversation, instead of a boring monologue. This is where the human factor came in for me, and helped me take down some of the inherent communication barriers that come with anything virtual. Last but not least, creating a lasting impact was important for me, especially in a virtual world where things and people are forgotten so easily.
If you’ve been working on improving your virtual presentations, or feel frozen every time you have to get on Zoom, then here are a few tips that can help with giving outstanding virtual presentations:
Preparation, preparation, preparation!
One valuable lesson I learnt about effective virtual presentations was to always come extra-prepared. There is much more of a lack of predictability online than in person, from the technology refusing to collaborate to attendees’ lack of participation. This means coming in a few minutes earlier to check that the tech side of things, from the wi-fi connection to the computers being sufficiently charged, is up to par. Having a back-up laptop or device, as well as a copy of your presentation, can also go a long way in case things go awry. Sending reminders to attendees can also prove helpful in ensuring the presentation stays top of mind for everyone involved.
Being mentally prepared is also an essential component here, from ensuring you have enough stamina to keep you going, to calming your nerves before (and during) the event.
Engagement is key!
The key to a successful, and fulfilling virtual presentation, is engagement. That’s the human factor that can create a vacuum when lacking from interactions, even if they are online. Yet, a very real question remains: How do you engage an audience that you can see but are not in the presence of? This was stressful to me when I first started doing virtual presentations as a professor and speaker.
Creating engagement for me is a matter of maintaining a sense of conversation as opposed to running a one-sided monologue. This includes adopting a conversational tone, engaging in a back-and-forth with the audience through questions and activities, as well as encouraging and picking up on the questions and signs the audience is sending.
Takeaways
Last but not least, offering take-aways is also key to an outstanding virtual presentation. It’s important to create a lasting impact through your presentation, which ups the human factor and helps in establishing lasting human connections, thus creating more of a sense of a natural as opposed to a virtual exchange.
This can be done by offering a downloadable document for attendees to take with them, or a potential follow-up event or meeting. The point here is to create a sense of continuity and connection that lasts even after the presentation is complete.
Welcome to the Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
This week, we mourned on Sunday the loss of iconic basketball player and sports legend Kobe Bryant, who tragically passed away in a helicopter crash along with his 13 year-old daughter Gianna and all the other passengers. As we honor all the lives lost, we remember Kobe’s love for his daughters, celebrated with the #girldad hashtag and movement on social media.
However, we celebrate, along with Black Enterprise, legendary actress Cicely Tyson’s induction in the 2020 TV Hall of Fame, as well as our FLOTUS FOREVER Michelle Obama winning a Grammy Award for the audio version of her book “Becoming”.
Worried about potential health problems? US News lists 6 things all employees should know about the Family and Medical Leave Act.
Are you a new mom? Working Mother lists the 12 most unsolicited pieces of advice new moms get.
‘Tis the season for colds and flus! Business Insider details the work rules around getting sick at work.
Couples alert! If you need romantic dinner ideas, Food52 has gathered 10 date night menus, right on time for V-Day.
In 2020, women want equal rights. Refiney29 lists all the US laws that as women, we should know.
Want to make your home a haven of peace, especially after those hectic days at work? Forbes lists Marie Kondo’s best tips to make your home a relaxing space.
Are you planning for your future and that of your family this year? The Corporate Sister explains 3 basics of estate planning for working moms.
Looking for new reads? The New York Times recommends these 10 new books this week.
Welcome to our career, entrepreneurship, lifestyle and fashion weekly news roundup! Think of it as your online watercooler/work gossip station/coffee break spot for now…Want to add anything to our list? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
This week in the news, we were quite shocked at the college admissions scandal that’s rocking the news. Forbes Real Time explains this privileged child problem;
“I’m paying it forward. A woman did it for me before, helping me and coaching me throughout my career. Now I’m doing it for other women and opening doors of opportunity for them.”
I was listening in awe, amazed at what I was hearing. I had reconnected with a dear friend of mine after years of being apart. There she was, sitting across from me, describing what she had committed to doing for other women at work.
As a manager, my friend’s commitment is to hire, coach and develop women in and outside of her team. As a result of doing this for years, she has drawn many women to her, who frequently seek her career, business and life advice. Her message is one of active empowerment, as she proactively engages with female talent to provide practical career and business help. One of her previous managers had done the same for her, and she was, as she put it so well, “paying it forward”.
When we think of paying it forward, the most common image that comes to mind is that of anonymously paying for coffee or groceries for the next person in line. What we don’t often think about is how much this concept could actually serve underserved women in organizations and businesses. Considering that many, if not most, career and business resources, tools and networks have been catering almost exclusively to men, it’s crucial for women to pass the baton and pay it forward.
Isolation and lack of connection to each other is one the most damaging obstacles to women’s success in and outside of work. There are many ways to pay it forward and help female talent succeed in the workplace and in business.
Here are 7 of my favorite ways that you can pay it forward in your career or business:
Hire more women
Women managers and leaders have the opportunity to change the hiring and recruiting game by fostering increased gender diversity. As women, we know how we work, interact and connect best. This makes it easier for us to tap into the wealth of hidden potential that women represent for the workforce and in business.
If you are a female manager, leader or business owner, hiring more women also means opening the pipeline of female talent wider. While this is not intended to discriminate against our male counterparts, it’s a great opportunity to open doors that may have been closed before.
Coach more women
One of the things my dear friend shared with me was her willingness to coach women in all aspects of their careers. This means being willing and able to serve as a resource for these women, as they progress at work or in business.
It can be done formally through a mentor-mentee relationship or through sponsorship. Yet, it may also be done on a larger and more informal basis as well.
Speak to HR about inclusion and diversity in your team or department
You’d be surprised at Human Resources’ willingness to work with managers and leaders to improve recruiting, employee on-boarding and retention across most organizations. Reaching out to Human Resources to get support, or even simply share your desire to increase gender diversity can work wonders.
Consider the many ways in which it can benefit the organization, team or department, and share those with them.
Mentor another woman
Mentorship is a powerful way to pay it forward and help other women at work succeed. While it may seem like a formal process, it really isn’t. It’s simply a matter of connecting with a woman who can tap into your experience, expertise and connections to progress professionally and in business. In turn, this woman can do the same for others as well.
Mentoring someone also creates a closer relationship, so it’s important to ensure that there is a certain level of compatibility. However, it’s one of the most effective ways to open the door to other women coming behind you.
Sponsor another woman
While mentoring is all about serving as a resource to someone else, sponsorship goes a level beyond. As a sponsor, you would basically endorse someone else, in this case another woman. This also means that you would vouch for them, and actually place or recommend them for certain positions or opportunities.
It’s a more involved relationship that requires a higher level of trust and accountability than mentorship. Many women do need mentors, but are sorely lacking sponsors who can push them to the next level.
Have an open door policy
Being available to help is a crucial factor in paying it forward for women at work. As working women, it may be challenging to find the time to give back. However, practicing an open-door policy is instrumental in allowing more women to get the help they need.
Many women are intimidated by women in power, whether at the organizational or institutional level. This fear is even more reinforced by the myth that there isn’t enough room for women to thrive at work. That’s where welcoming opportunities to help and pay it forward can make a world of difference.
Teach other women to pay it forward
Last but not least, passing the baton when it comes to paying it forward for women at work, is vital. We’re not taught enough the importance of giving back to other women. Instead, popular culture and false corporate indoctrination has us believing that there are only a few seats for women at the table. For women of color at work, the situation is dramatically worse.
As such, it’s essential that we, as women, teach other women to pay it forward. From acting as mentors, to sponsoring other women, and sharing critical work skills, we owe it to ourselves to pass the torch.
