If you’ve found yourself drowning in summer activities’ plans, getaways, packing and unpacking for trips, all the while striving to have kids keep up with their summer work and you with yours, then you may have experienced a specific kind of mental load affecting parents from approximately June through September ever year… The mental load, which has been heavily discussed in the past years, consists in the invisible labor of managing your family and household.
This particular kind of mental load is the summer mental load, characterized by the heated (and costly) pressure of having to work, while having kids at home or on vacation, being the “fun” summer mom, and keeping all these hot balls juggling in the air without losing your last shred of sanity…
I’ve written before about the summer ceiling for working moms, as being this “conglomerate of professional and personal obstacles faced by working mothers during the summer months as a result of the scarcity (or complete lack) of childcare resources, couple equity and overall gender equality”. Add to this the constant mental weight of overcoming these obstacles through incessant mental planning, coordinating, organizing, and worrying, and you have yourself a special brand of mental load only sold to working moms in the summer, and not at a discount at that…
While I welcome the added flexibility in the summer as a professor, along with the gift of being able to be present with my children at home, I can’t deny the heavy day-to-day weight of the summer mental load. The responsibility to plan, organize and coordinate almost three months of travel, activities and learning, along with managing household, chores, grocery shopping, pick-ups and drop-offs, to cite a few, while keeping up with some level of work, gets uncontrollably weighty…even with a spouse or partner pitching in.
One additional component of the summer mental load for working mothers, especially for single working moms, is the financial aspect. Between the exhaustive (and often prohibitive) cost of childcare, summer camps, travel and other summer activities, not to mention inflated grocery prices, the added financial burden can quickly compound into financial loss and unending concern. This summer mental load is often overlooked by many, adding itself to the invisible labor of women, and further endangering their mental health.
I still remember being absolutely frazzled and mentally exhausted throughout the summer months as I ran from one thing to another, not having much time to myself despite it supposedly being a time of rest and relaxation. Relax, when? Yet, despite all the busyness, I never really got much of a sense of accomplishment, always feeling I was falling short somewhere, whether it was in my work, parenting, family relationships or friendships. Summer became a time I dreaded, instead of looking forward to it and appreciating the gift it’s supposed to be.
What can we do then to alleviate the mental load of working moms during the summer months?
Over the years, and after many a complaining session with the girls and exhausted ice cream binges late at night, I’ve made a few changes. Tiny, at first, then increasingly more significant at life became more demanding and my knees less forgiving. Here are a few of these changes that may help you, hopefully as much if not more they did me:
- Acknowledge and talk about the summer mental load…loudly!
“Why aren’t there more women and moms talking about how hard this is?” This was one of my first thoughts when going through serious summer mental load, secretly resenting the fact that no one had bothered to warn me about it. Or about perimenopause in your 40’s, how annoying husbands become, or the reality of “underboob sweat”, but I digress… It seemed everyone was doing such a wonderful job at planning and organizing memorable summer moments, while I was nothing short of…struggling with frizzy curls and chafing thighs. I digress again…
There is power in sharing our struggles, rather than just putting our glorious moments on display, especially as working moms. Acknowledging and talking about how challenging summers can be for moms, can not only help other moms feel less lonely and isolated; but it can also prompt the solutions needed to alleviate the problem. Also, please note you’ve just been provided with a free pass to publicly vent throughout the summer, just saying…
- Dare to seek and receive help!
Change happened for me when I stopped acting like “Supermom” and started asking and receiving help to face the summer months. This includes help from setting up and implementing a summer plan and budget, however loosely structured, to packing lunches, traveling, and keeping up with the daily grocery store trips. I’ve also learnt not to discriminate among the types of help and welcome it from as many sources as possible, including:
–Family and friends:
Ok, while the reality is that many working moms do not exactly have a full village to rely on, there can be some micro-villages to lean on. These may include our partners, family and friends, or even co-workers and colleagues at times, and may involve trading childcare services, taking turns, or even using bribery in moderate doses (gotta do what you gotta do)…
–Free local resources:
There are countless local resources in your neighborhood you may not have tapped into, from the public library to the local children’s museum and the local pool. Unfortunately, many of these resources are not used enough, and end up not being funded for lack of it. So the next time you hesitate to use your local library or neighborhood pool, just think you’re actually contributing to increase its funding. Also, consider your financial budget for some further incentives to save money for your next spa appointment…
–Technology
Can we talk about the “helpful” side of technology with parenting during the summer months? From free resources to city guides and budgeting hacks, technology, from social media apps to budgeting apps, has been an incredible help for me.
–Advocacy:
The summer mental load is a rampant issue for many, if not most, working women. This is where advocating for ourselves, as well as other working moms, whether at the local level or through national politics by voting, getting involved in the community and/or using your voice on social media.
- Embrace self-care
Self-care? What self-care, you may ask, after a full day of running after the kids at the beach and washing sand-covered towels for days. Ok, I get it. But summers without self-care are a surefire way to lose whatever shred of sanity you may have left, plus your well-hydrated curls and skin, for good…
Whether you drop off the kids at the grandparents’, sign up for Parents Night Out at your local YMCA, or just take turns with a friend or colleague babysitting, please build in some time for yourself. And take it! Don’t ask for it, don’t apologize for it, don’t even negotiate around it, just take it! This means taking your work vacation you’ve been saving for the next emergency, allowing yourself a few hours while the kids are on a playdate, and yes, even locking yourself in the bathroom….
So, yes, the summer mental load is no joke at all for working parents in general, and working moms in particular. Yet, by acknowledging and talking about it, unapologetically seeking help and embracing self-care, this weight can be alleviated for so many working mothers.
What are you doing to fight the summer mental load as a working mom?
The Corporate Sis.
