As working moms, it can be challenging not to face the “mommy bias” at work, especially when we have to make special arrangements in our careers and businesses. Early pickups, flexible work arrangements, or impromptu family-related emergencies, are all par for the course when it comes to being a working mom. This may also resulting in a mommy bias at work when co-workers and even managers begin resenting the flexibility or circumstances of a working parent.
As a working mom, I often felt scared of asking for flexibility at work. While I was fortunate to work with understanding co-workers and managers when it came to having work-life integration, there was always a fear of the “mommy bias”. What if leaving on time or early would keep me from getting a promotion? What if my colleagues would think I’m a slacker? Speaking to other working moms, I realized that in certain environments, the “mommy bias” could lead to women being ignored, resented, or flat-out punished for being parents.
As much as we may think that our society has progressed and mentalities have evolved, the truth remains that the traditional role of moms caring for their babies at home is still largely upheld. This underlying bias is real, although often denied. More often than not, women with children or expecting babies, are deemed to be less competent. It is assumed that taking care of a household and family is incompatible with excelling at work, which results in many women being taken off the leadership track or simply relegated to lower-profile assignments.
As archaic as it may sound, this reality is prevalent for many, if not most working moms. However, there are ways you can fight it in your workplace or business.
Here are some tips to fight the “mommy bias” at work:
Be strategic!
Since you already know the reality of the working mom bias and how it can affect your career, you need to be as strategic as possible about your career, especially as you approach maternity leave. Before leaving to give birth, make sure to have a conversation with your manager and team to ensure that there is a clear understanding that this new phase of your life does not alter your career.
Have a plan in place for your return to work, and as much as possible, work to have your manager and team commit to it. It’s important that all parties understand what is on the table, and prepare accordingly.
Keep showing your ongoing interest and commitment in your work
Even after having children, post-maternity leave and an ongoing basis, keep showing how committed you are to your work. While there exists an assumption that working moms may be less effective at their jobs, do not let it derail you from your career goals.
Set up regular meetings with your team and management to reiterate your commitment to your work, and set clear goals for your career. The last thing you want to do is be discouraged and throw in the towel.
Be prepared to fight for opportunities!
Along with showing your commitment, you also want to motivate yourself to fight for the career opportunities you deserve. Many working moms are unfortunately at a disadvantage when it comes to being considered for high-profile assignments or positions. However, this shouldn’t keep you from defending the work you have done, demonstrating excellence and arguing your case.
Don’t let the fact that you may be overlooked at times deter you from seeking the right opportunities for your career. Instead, use it as fuel to do your best work.
Take it easy on yourself
As much as you should be prepared to fight this mommy bias at work, you also have to keep in mind that you have a lot on your plate. It’s challenging to deal with children, the household, your relationship, and be a beaming light of hope at work. Can you do it with flying colors? Yes, certainly.
However, you should be mindful of prioritizing your self-care and checking in with yourself as often as you can. Being a committed employee does not mean sacrificing yourself in order to keep everyone comfortable. Decide how much you’re able to give and what you need to keep yourself at the top of your game and happy.
Now your turn: How do you fight the mommy bias at work?
Every year as Mother’s Day approaches, you can’t miss the onslaught of marketing ads, cards and flowers thrown at us from everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, getting a cute (preferably funny) greeting card, some adorable flowers and an elegant purse of pair of shoes is a wonderful touch of kindness and care. As a working mom, I value all the precious gifts the hubby has given me over the years (mostly at my not-so-discrete request).
However, as years have gone by, more kids were born, and laundry steadily got out of control, my gift request list has (slightly) changed. As I was chasing my youngest in a crowded restaurant while trying to extricate the bread roll he shoved in my bra and keep butter from drizzling all over my new Spring dress last Mother’s Day, I mentally made a list of 10 things I want most for Mother’s Day this year.
At the risk of foregoing the most adorable (and priciest) bouquet of flowers and gorgeous purse, here are 10 things this working mom wants for Mother’s Day this year. And guess what, none of them includes stepping into a store and sliding a credit card anywhere (ok, maybe a little):
A nap (or just sleep in general)
The last time I tried to remember my last nap, I almost got a brain freeze. If you’re a working mom, the thought of laying down for a few uninterrupted minutes during the day may seem like finding an oasis in the middle of Manhattan.
Well, for Mother’s Day, I may just want to find that one oasis in the middle of Manhattan. Which also means laying myself down somewhere in the middle of the day, closing my eyes and enjoying this mother of a peace!
Silence (lots of it)
If you’re a working mom, or have been around any mom in any country in the world, you know that silence quickly becomes a hard commodity to come by. As a matter of fact, even when there is silence, your mommy brain may still come up with some imaginary child voice asking for bread with Nutella or clean underwear (or both)…
For Mother’s Day, my silent request is to have some silence, as I negotiate with my brain to shut down the imaginary kids’ voices (which may or may not be mine). Plus I’ll take it with a glass of red Beaujolais, please and thank you…
Going to the bathroom alone (at least once on Mother’s Day)
Do you remember when you used to go to the bathroom alone, preferably with a book? Ok, now, fast forward, do you remember the last time you sat on the throne for more than two seconds alone with your thoughts as a working mom? That is, without getting interrupted because a) everyone needs to pee at the same time as you, b) everyone has a question for you right as you sit on the toilet, or c) there is some unnamed emergency you need to run to right that minute.
On Mother’s Day, I’m renaming our (cleanest) bathroom as “motherhood territory”. Which also means no interruptions and a good book to boot.
Reading a book without any little person ripping the page off
Speaking of books, how many working moms remember the feeling of actually leafing through a real book, with real pages? Or even holding a Kindle device without any little fingers splashing Nutella all over it?
Well, I personally don’t. Which is exactly why reading a real book is quite up there on my list of Mother’s Day demands. And ideally, the pages would remain in the book and not in some (adorable) little person’s hands…
A nanny for the day (you may add a cook, laundry person, and special attendant)
I understand the point of Mother’s Day is to celebrate mothers; and that what makes us mothers is actually having (and dealing with) children (plus the resulting housework and mental exhaustion that comes with these precious little humans). However, since we’re making exceptions for Mother’s Day, a nanny (preferably an overachieving one who may or may not have graduated from the Harvards of Nanny schools) would be pretty awesome.
I also wouldn’t be opposed to a personal chef, laundry person and even a special attendant too. Just saying, don’t judge me…
The abolition of cooking and cleaning (even to bring me breakfast in bed)
The last time I was treated to breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day, I was also treated to a substantial pile of dishes in the sink, sticky syrup on the floor and all over my sheets, and did I mention the entire kitchen area turned into a war zone? Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely adorable and have made me almost lose my nightly hair pineapple (hello naturalistas)…
For Mother’s Day, can we respectfully agree to abolish any cooking or cleaning? Which may involve pre-cooking said breakfast in bed, ordering it in, or just enlisting the help of the hubby (and his whole squad) to clean up afterwards?
The apocalypse of laundry
Right along with laundry, can we talk about the curse of laundry? This hungry monster seems to multiply by the day, signaling the never-ending plague of household chores. Not that I don’t enjoy loading multiple laundry packs and folding a gazillion little underwear as I reflect over what happened to my life…
Well, for Mother’s Day, let’s decide on the apocalypse of laundry, which also means hiding any evidence of dirty clothes from sight, and providing enough clean underwear to keep any laundry crisis at bay…
Extreme and obnoxious pampering
We’re not talking about a regular mani-pedi here. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pretty nice treat. Yet, since we’re talking about things I really want, how about some extreme and pretty obnoxious pampering? Like an entire day at the spa, or a massage combo, or anything that makes you feel extra special that day?
So for Mother’s Day, if I must choose between overpriced and perishable flowers, and raising the bar on mommy pampering, I’ll pick the latter. Which also includes wearing some form of lipstick (away from my teeth), cute (non-walking/running) heels, and a designer bag instead of the traditional bulky diaper bag.
Death to the mom routine
While we’re at it, let’s do away with the mom routine too, including kids bath, fights over the outfit of the day, or riding around all day picking up and dropping off kids to social activities and playdates. In other words, a clean, sweet break-up with the every day mom routine.
For Mother’s Day, I will gladly relinquish all said routine mom duties to the lowest bidder. No hard feelings…
But I still want to know that my beautiful family is there, just quiet and not too close
Yet, what I really want, in addition to all the very reasonable (ok, maybe not for the special attendant) demands above, is to have my people around. The ones who drive me bonkers, make me carry dirty socks in my purse, and have turned my car into a dirty minibus.
The only thing is, I just want them where I can see them, but not where I have to be involved in any diaper changing, counter cleaning, or question answering…Just for one day, everyone sit pretty and smile, and let Mommy be…You may come back tomorrow with your unmet needs, demands and requests, plus any complaints about the lack of clean underwear…
Welcome to our weekly career, entrepreneurship, lifestyle and fashion news roundup! Think of it as your online watercooler/work gossip station/coffee break spot for now…Want to add anything to our list? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
As working women, it’s so important to cultivate the self-confidence we need in order to reach our goals and dreams. Without self-confidence, we also cannot face the many challenges and obstacles that come with being a working woman. From the pay gap to not having access to the decision rooms in our careers and businesses, it’s crucial for us women to harness and leverage our self-confidence.
In this video, I recap some tips to build more self-confidence in our careers, businesses and lives:
Now your turn: How do you build more self-confidence as a working woman?
As a professional or an entrepreneur, how many times have you felt overwhelmed by technology? Do you often seek a respite from the onslaught of apps, alerts, and other tools that are supposed to increase your productivity but instead diminish it? And how many times have you had to put your smartphone away to focus on the task at hand or avoid a disaster (hello, distracted driving!)? I know I have, many times over…Truth is, in the midst of our distraction-prone, tech-addicted, multi-tasking society, focusing and being your most productive self can be a challenge. Yet, it really can be as simple as going back to the basics and… putting pen to paper.
I grew up in Senegal, West Africa, at a time when simplicity was a way of life. If you missed a phone call, you wouldn’t know until you got home (and that’s if you even had a phone at home). Tests were administered on paper, and you didn’t have to fear a technical glitch would mess up your entire day. While I didn’t realize it then, this simplified way of life that promoted note-taking and limited distractions also helped with learning faster in general. According to this Psychological Science study, the process of taking notes significantly improves learning and information retention.
There’s just something about pen and paper that instantly warms my heart. Some of my best childhood memories involve paper of some sort. As a busy working mom, I watch my own daughter collect journals, notebooks and pens with nostalgia and a renewed appreciation for the gift of paper in work and life. While it may seem that smartphones, apps and other electronic gadgets are taking over our lives, the truth is, putting pen to paper is still one of the best ways to learn, be our most productive selves, and enjoy the process of creativity and life in general:
Write and read to enhance your personal growth
If you’ve ever felt unsure, down or depressed, you know how writing down your feelings and thoughts can improve your mood. Even better, it can help significantly enhance your personal growth. There’s a reason why it’s called “writing therapy“. I journal daily as a mental and spiritual practice to help me process my emotions, get clear on my strategy and grow through what I go through.
Have you also noticed how refreshing it is to read on paper? As a matter of fact, reading on paper has been proven to help improve memory and increase mental development. My most relaxing moments are spent with a physical book such as the entrepreneurial masterpiece Rework. That’s why I challenge myself to read as much as I can every single day, even if that means hiding in the bathroom away from the kids. To challenge yourself to read more, you can join here to take the pledge to read 15 pages a day.
Put pen to paper to achieve your goals
Writing down your goals and objectives is a great way to clarify them. It also empowers you to pursue them with added resolve. Best-selling author and entrepreneur Tony Robbins advises going further than just thinking about your goals, and actually writing them down.
There’s something about writing down your objectives that not only motivates you to achieve them. It also allows you to check back on them and track your progress, in addition to keeping distractions at bay, including messages, apps and videos. I love doing so and enjoying the experience with fun tools such as the pre-sharpened, original hardwood pencils from the General Pencil Company.
Use paper to slow down and refuel
Have you noticed how many apps exist to actually help you shut down the noise of technology? There are actually many tools available to mute notifications from computers and smartphones, and help you be tech-free for a while.
As much as I love using technology, I make it a point to step away from it periodically, tune out and put pen to paper to slow down and refuel. One of my favorite daily activities is journaling, which helps me process my thoughts and emotions and get more clarity on my goals.
Another one of my absolute favorite things to do is reading. For me, there’s nothing like the smell and feel of a traditional paper book to get in my relaxed zone. Despite being a busy mom, I try to make the time to read at least a half-hour every day. You can do the same by taking the pledge to read 15 pages a day.
Increase your creativity with paper
According to Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, even the simple act of jotting down notes on paper helps cultivate your creativity. As a creative person, I’m always amazed at what happens when I start putting pen to paper. Ideas I may not have thought about previously unexpectedly come out and new creations emerge.
Even for non-creatives, writing things down can spark unusual inspiration and creativity. It’s the reason why I carry a planner or notebook like the Panda Planner along with me at all times. Not only is it easier to transport than a computer, there’s also no worrying about finding a power source in case the battery dies.
Boost your career with writing
Using paper can make all the difference in your job search and career. Sending a written thank you note after an interview adds a distinctive touch that makes you stand out in a sea of emails. Similarly, written thank you notes foster positive relationships while at work. It’s a personal step that sets you apart from the crowd, and impacts your relationships significantly. I personally love the Erin Condren notecards for their professional and elegant look. A thoughtful thank you card may just be the lasting touch that gets you the job, or helps you finalize the business deal. It also activates feelings of gratitude in you, which keep your brain healthy and happy. An overall win-win…
In addition, lessening your dependence on technology can help you avoid losing precious documents or ideas due to lack of power or unavailable wi-fi. Don’t let a low battery or missing wi-fi signal keep you from writing down a great idea so you don’t forget it, or foregoing hours of work as a result of technical issues.
Get organized
While there are many electronic to-do list options available, paper to-do lists are still more efficient. An electronic to-do list can easily be lost behind another screen, but a paper list provides an easier visual cue you can keep on hand to remind you of what you have to do. Additionally, a paper to-do list motivates you to achieve your goals faster, so as not to have to rewrite them.
I’m obsessed with the Knock Knock Goals notepad, as a fun way to list my goals and keep them visible all day long. As a Certified Public Accountant, it’s also important for me to keep track of all my business documentation by using file folders such as the Carson Dellosa smart and colorful file folders.
Get happier
Overall, using paper to write about your goals, process your emotions, list your tasks, and so many other written activities, can generally make you happier. According to this 2011 study, such writing can foster increased well-being, as well as decreased incidences of illnesses.
There’s power in being able to shut down the noise around you, focus on your goals and engage in a process of creativity that pushes you to be your best self.
In conclusion, using paper is a powerful way to balance out your use of technology and tune out the external noise for greater productivity and focus. Fostering your personal growth, learning faster, and living better can be as simple as putting pen to paper. Let’s start today…
For more inspiration on being your most productive and best self, visit 15 pages a day.
