by Solange Lopes | Dec 18, 2018 | Career
In this episode of The Corporate Sister podcast, I’m discussing leaving traditional goals and setting goals with soul as we prepare to enter 2019. Listen in as I share the book that made me change my view of the goal-setting process, and how my own process went from stressful to joyful…
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To Your Success,
The Corporate Sister.
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by Solange Lopes | Dec 3, 2018 | Working Mom & Woman Tips
“This year, I’m getting my life and staying organized for the holidays. Christmas shopping on time!” This is usually my vow to myself as the holidays approach. Fast-forward to a few weeksdays before Christmas, as I’m scrambling to get my last gifts bought and somewhat wrapped in the nick of time. Oh, and yes, it literally happens every year, along with the frustration and aggravation that inevitably follow…
The holidays are one of the busiest times of the year, especially for working women and moms. This is where the gift of organization comes in really handy, what with planning the festivities, buying and wrapping gifts, as well as handling your responsibilities at work and at home. I remember dreading the approach of the year end, at the thought of everything I would have to do, amplified by my chronic tendency to procrastinate. I finally hit a wall when I caught myself unwrapping gifts at midnight on Christmas Eve when I realized that all the tags had the wrong names on them. Not to mention the horrible mood I was in, which prevented me from being truly present and enjoying this most wonderful time of year.
Despite my best attempts at not controlling my procrastination, I had to give in. After much trial and error, wrapping and unwrapping gifts with the wrong tags, here are seven tips that took my holidays from stressful and overwhelming to peaceful and enjoyable:
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Use the right organization tools
Getting organized requires the right tools to keep you on track. Anyone who knows me knows I’m obsessed with planners and office supplies. My absolute favorite is Erin Condren’s Life Planner, which is perfect for customizing how you plan your own schedule and to-do’s. The three weekly layouts to choose from let you plan your time, in your unique way! I enjoy the vertical weekly columns to annotate all my appointments, with the side spaces to include all my to-do’s for the week. I also love that it includes inspirational quotes and notes, along with stickers and extras to celebrate each task you accomplish, while you keep your spirits high all holiday long.
Purchase your Erin Condren Life Planner today!
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Prioritize!
There is way too much to do over the holidays to pretend to do it all. Over time, I’ve learnt to distinguish what’s really important from what’s not, and prioritize my tasks. For me, this means simplifying my schedule by taking care of the essential, and letting the rest go. What deadlines have to be met by the end of the year at work and personally? What relationships are you set to honor with your time and gifts this season? How much of your personal and household chores can you realistically accomplish?
Answering these questions can go a long way in being more organized and less overwhelmed, which translates into actually enjoying, instead of resenting, the holidays.
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Let go of control
I had to check myself at some point and recognize that most of my holiday stress was due to my then “control freak” tendencies. From wanting everything to be perfect to being anal over name tags, the need for control plays a large part in turning the holidays into a nightmare. Not to mention that every single task ends up taking more time than you’ll ever have, resulting in major disorganization, lateness and annoyances along the way.
What I’m learning is to let go of control and the need for perfection. “Done beats perfect” is my new motto, and has saved me much time, stress and energy too.
How do you stay organized over the holidays?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Nov 28, 2018 | Career
If you’ve ever worked from home for a significant amount of time, you know that going back to office life can be a shock. From having to wear pants to not being able to access the fridge all day long, getting back into office mode is challenging.
After working from home for almost a year, I went back to office life in my dream career. Although I love what I do, the transition was not without challenges. I had to re-learn getting accustomed to morning commutes, dressing professionally again (read: wearing pants and applying make-up), and actually leaving my home for longer than I had for a while.
Thankfully, I learnt so much from this transition, that it turned out to be one of the best changes I’ve experienced in my career. If you’re going through it, or thinking about it, here are a few tips you can glean from my experience:
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Mindset first!
It all starts with mindset! Whatever the reason behind your return to office life after working from home for some time, make sure to be mentally ready and prepared for it. For you, it may be going back to the office after being laid off, or after a maternity or sick leave, or even after running your own business from home for a while. Regardless of the motive behind it, it’s still a significant transition you should pay attention to, especially if you’re taking it as a failure:
- Give yourself some time and room to process this transition. If you’re spiritual, you may pray or meditate about it.
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member about it to get another viewpoint.
- Let go of any negative thought or sense of failure associated with the prospect of going back to office life.
Related: How to develop a hustle mindset at work
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Make a lifestyle change
Going back to office life after working from home for some time is a lifestyle change. It’s not just about getting back to commuting and wearing pants, although that will be involved as well. It’s also about changing your daily routine in a way that works for you and your loved ones, especially as a working woman and mom.
Related: Tips from the most successful women to hack your morning routine
Popular wisdom has it that it takes about 21 days to adopt or change a new habit. Take the time you need, preferably before you return to office life, to cement your new habits and schedule. It’s also helpful to talk to your spouse and loved ones, and get their support through this transition.
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Plan for it
Planning is not only necessary as you prepare to get back to office life, it’s actually crucial. From planning your wardrobe, to structuring your days and weeks ahead in advance, it will take some time, resources and energy to prepare for it.
Related: Why you need a career plan
A few weeks prior to returning to a cubicle or office, consider making a list of everything you will need. Make a list of people to reach out to, and coordinate with in order to accommodate your new schedule and obligations. As a working mom, don’t neglect to plan for additional childcare or help with the household chores, as your time will be more limited.
All in all, getting back to office life after working from home for some time is a process that requires mindset, lifestyle and planning changes. While it can be challenging, it’s one that you can grow through and learn a lot from.
How have you transitioned from working from home to office life?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Nov 27, 2018 | Career
The holidays are a happy time. At least , judging by the highlight reel that is social media, it’s supposed to be. Yet, for many, it’s also a time of dealing more than usual with their dysfunctional families, laced with interludes of gift-giving and awkward sideways hugs. As a disclaimer, most, if not all families, include some element of dysfunctionality. If they didn’t, we’d all be bored out of our minds, and would be way too sane for our own good.
From the crazy uncle who always has something not-so-funny to say (especially after a couple of drinks), to your great-aunt asking why you’re not married (or not having another kid soon), not to mention your two aunties ready to jump at each other’s throat, there can be many ticking human bombs threatening to turn otherwise fun festivities into sheer tests of patience. Thankfully, there are also many positive ways to deal with normal (and abnormal) dysfunction in families without losing your mind (and your cool):
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Mentally prepare yourself
I’ve learnt over time that potentially stressful situations require adequate prior mental preparation. Rather than buying your head in the sand and pretending all is well, start ahead of time by creating your own mental and spiritual shield.
- First, think about and identify what and who triggers you during family events over the holidays. Is it a certain type of remarks? A particular individual? A specific topic of discussion? Knowing this will help you address any difficult situation before and as they arise.
- If necessary, think of ways to answer to and even confront these situations. You may even have to rehearse these ahead of time. Before you start laughing, consider how better equipped you’ll be afterwards.
- Strengthen yourself mentally and spiritually. It could be through positive affirmations, motivational messages, or simply by taking some time out to truly appreciate who you are and all that you’ve done. The more you appreciate yourself, the less room there will be for someone else’s negative opinion of or comment about you to take root…
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You don’t have to avoid confrontation…
One of the biggest obstacles we may face over the holidays when dealing with dysfunctional families is due to our fear of confronting tough situations. This is especially true when dealing with family members. Unfortunately, it’s often those who are closer to us who can hurt us the most, and not facing them can bring about a lifetime of suffering and resentment.
The god news is, you don’t have to avoid confrontation at all costs. As long as you keep your interaction respectful, it’s ok to address situations that may make you uncomfortable. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of pointing out the hurt certain remarks or attitudes may cause you. While you may not be able to control others’ behavior, you owe it to yourself to stand up for yourself, with all due respect, including to yourself.
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But prioritize your peace
I’ve learnt that there is no price too small to pay for peace. As much as you owe it to yourself to confront certain situations as necessary, prioritizing your peace is key. This may also mean avoiding an unnecessary argument, not participating in certain conversations, or even staying away altogether. It may also mean seeking closure and reconciling with a family member, or finally putting a long-lasting feud to rest.
What does peace mean to you over the holidays? Depending on your unique family situation, you may have to determine it for yourself.
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Let it go!
Last but not least, while the holidays may at times be trying in dysfunctional families, it’s important to not carry the resulting baggage with you. We’re all different people with various sensitivities, feelings and experiences. Sour words may be exchanged, hurtful remarks made, or offensive behaviors had. At the end of the day, we must learn to let it go and move on.
Many, if not most families, have one or many dysfunctional elements, from interesting family members to painful pasts. Dealing with it can be challenging, but not impossible. As a matter of fact, it may be a wonderful opportunity to learn, strengthen yourself and come out on the other side as a wiser, stronger and more compassionate human being.
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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by Solange Lopes | Nov 26, 2018 | Career
Going back to school as a working mom can seem like an impossible feat. If you add your parenting duties to your work responsibilities, not to mention the upkeep of the home, your ever-expanding mountain of laundry, and your attempts at not losing your quarterly date night, it would be a complete no-no.
As a working mom myself, going back to study for my Certified Public Accounting exam felt like sheer torture. It was not so much about adding one more giant pile of to-do’s to everything I was already behind on. It was more about the incessant guilt I felt about missing out on the time I could spend with my babies and spouse. It was also about having to consistently juggle loads of commitments, without barely having any time to myself.
Yet, as difficult and challenging as it is, it’s possible. As I look back on this time, and prepare myself to embark on another scholarly journey, there are a few tips I learnt in the process that I can share here:
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Clarify your “Why”
The first, and most important step, in the process of going to school as a working mom, is clarifying your “why”. Why are you doing this? Is it to improve your family’s situation? Is it to get a promotion, or change careers altogether? Is it to offer your children a better life? Or a combination of all these?
Knowing your “why” also allows you to see the light at the end of the tunnel, especially during those trying moments when all you want to do is quit. It’s this “Why” that will not only keep you going in hard times; but will also give you the motivation and drive to accomplish your goals.
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Talk about it with your significant other and family members
As a working mom, you no longer are alone in making decisions, especially when it comes to life-changing decisions such as going back to school. This is why it’s so important to have honest conversations with your significant other and family members, including the children.
In order to succeed at this, you’ll need their support and complete buy-in. It’s important to discuss and answer important questions such as:
- How will your family’s schedule change?
- How can your significant other help you?
- What changes will you have to implement to make it work as a family?
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Make a lifestyle plan
Remember, this is not just about going back to school and getting re-acquainted with classes and homework. Rather, as a working mom, it means a whole lifestyle change that you have to be prepared for. Hence, the need for a complete lifestyle plan that will take into account the needs of all the family members, and allow you to thrive as a mom and a student.
For me, it was about overhauling my schedule and changing my lifestyle from one of family and work responsibilities, to one that included earlier mornings, later nights, and more sharing of commitments.
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Adjust your expectations
Going back to school as a working mom is hard. There’s no more diplomatic way to put it. If you happen to be a perfectionist like myself, you may be tempted to maintain the same expectations you had before heading back to school.
However, it’s crucial to adjust your expectations to your new schedule and lifestyle. Not only will it save you much heartache, but it will also help you keep going when the going gets tough.
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Be compassionate towards yourself
Last but not least, practice compassion towards yourself. This is a very rewarding, yet challenging process. It also means that you must forgive yourself for those nights when you just cannot stay awake to do your homework. Or those mornings when getting up early seems impossible. Or for not being the best mom at all times.
All in all, going back to school as a working mom is not only possible, but very much potentially successful, with the right mindset, approach and discipline. While it requires many adjustments, it may just be one of the most exciting, and rewarding, endeavors you’ll undertake.
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
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