There’s a lot of talk out there about Purpose, how we can walk in our purpose, do things according to our own purpose, be more purposeful, etc…While much of it is so inspiring, many of us also find ourselves asking: “But…what is my purpose? How do I figure it out? And how do I even begin to walk in it when I don’t even know what it is to start with?” This is without mentioning the guilt associated with focusing on our purpose, instead of doing what everyone else seems to be doing, that is going through the motions of work and life, making a paycheck, paying bills, etc…
I know I’ve asked myself the question over and over again. After years of being in a career that did not bring the type of fulfillment I was seeking, I decided to find out what this purpose thing was all about. I knew I had a passion for writing and teaching, yet I had no clue how to fit it in with who I had become, what I was doing, and my current family and personal situation.
The question I kept asking myself was: “How do we get there?”, “there” being that point where we can all get to work and live according to our divine purpose. How do we even figure out what this divine purpose is? And where do we start this entire process, while still paying our bills, catching up on email, and keeping our skin hydrated and moisturized?
One conversation with a dear mentor of mine put me on the path to answering, if not all these questions, at least some of them. He equated the whole process of getting “there”, or anywhere for that matter, to climbing a mountain and reaching the top. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. What if every process we undertake is really just like climbing a mountain? What if this most important process of working and living on purpose is just that, climbing our own mountains of potential to reach the top of our divine purpose. And just like reaching the pinnacle of any mountain, there has to be steps we discipline ourselves to follow:
The Foundation Principle: Building on the skills, lessons and experiences you’ve gathered so far
Where do you start on any new process, especially one as big as fulfilling your divine purpose? What do you build on? Where do you even begin?
Although I spent much time wondering about this, the answer turned out to be simpler than I thought. Start where you are, with what you have. This also means leveraging all the experiences, the wisdom, the victories but also the failures we’ve been through. When I went through the exercise of documenting everything I had already accomplished and learnt, even if it seemed insignificant or not particularly positive, I realized I had more than I thought to get started. It also gave me the motivation and encouragement I needed to get on my own journey of purpose and fulfillment, as I remembered how much I had already done.
Can you think back to everything you’ve already achieved, learnt and acquired, in addition to all the natural skills, talents and abilities you naturally possess? As a matter of fact, can you make an inventory of all you’ve already been through and acquired over time? You may not give credit for everything you’ve accomplished.
The Choice Principle: Choosing the goals and objectives that are appropriate for you
How many times have you made a decision based on what someone else thought? How often have you even shifted the entire direction of your career, business, or even love life towards what some semi-influential person in your life recommended? If you come from most African families, you may remember your mom, dad, auntie or uncle prematurely brag about your bright future career as a “doctor” or “engineer”. That may have been the reason why you struggled in Pre-med, before realizing your acute fear of blood and dropping out. Or walking out of your cubicle one day, throwing your engineer’s hat out, and going back to school for creative writing…
When picking our own mountains to climb, we can be tempted to set other people’s goals and objectives as our own. It may be out of a faulty sense of duty, compromise, or because we’re afraid to pursue our own dreams.
The People Principle: Build a network that pushes you to become your best self
Working and living on purpose also requires you to surround yourself with the right people. People who inspire you, motivate you, push you, mentor you. People whom you can also serve as mentors for. Often, the reason we’re not reaching our potential is because we’re simply in the wrong environment.
In the same way that you’d pick a supportive, able team to help you hike up a mountain, you also need the right people around you to reach your purpose at work and in life.
The Preparation Principle: Gathering your resources to work and live on purpose
What do you need to fully engage in the process of working and living on purpose? If you had to pack a bag on this purpose journey, what would it include? And what would you leave behind?
As I embarked on my own purpose journey, I quickly realized that there were quite a few of the resources I needed that I was sorely missing. I had to work on my mindset, my sense of self-worth, but also on my relationships, my ability to learn and adapt, and my faith. These are some of the most precious resources to gather on the journey to working and living on purpose.
The Resilience Principle: Dealing with opposition
One thing that you can count on as you pursue Purpose in your career, business and life is opposition. There is something about stepping into unfamiliar, uncomfortable and often unchartered territory that makes others, especially those who “knew you when”, uncomfortable.
As you transform through the process of working and living on purpose, you’ll need the appropriate tools to face the opposition that will inevitably come your way. These include a strong sense of self, an extra dose of resilience, and a solid “why” to remind you of the very reason you started this journey in the first place, whatever it may be…
The Courage Principle: Developing the courage to keep going
Following Purpose is hard. For some, it may mean leaving a comfortable, well-paying career to start a business. For others, it may mean transitioning to a new environment or different relationships. While in the beginning, the prospect of being more fulfilled may seem exciting, in the long run, it can be easy to give up when faced with inevitable difficulties, opposition and struggles. After all, most new businesses fail in their first year, mostly because of how hard they are to sustain in the long run.
This is where developing the courage to keep going comes into play. It’s rooted in constant self-affirmation, positive support, and a strong faith in your mission.
The Celebration Principle: Learning to celebrate and moving on to the next mountain
The journey to work and live on purpose is very much a transformative one. While it’s challenging, it’s also so rewarding when we finally make it to the top of our mountains of potential, and achieve the goals that get us to activate our purpose. Yet, how often do we stop to take in the view, take a breath of fresh air, and really appreciate how far we’ve come? Not nearly as often as we should…
Instead, we tend to rush from one accomplishment to the next, burying ourselves under endless obligations and commitments. Before you know it, the same joy, fulfillment and sense of purpose we were starting to feel starts evaporating, diluted by unhealthy pressure.
This is why learning to celebrate and honor every milestone is so important, before moving on to the next goal, the next objective, the next goalpost on our way to fulfilling our divine potential.
Which one of these principles do you struggle the most with?
I love new beginnings, of years, relationships, creations, or carb-loaded family meals. They’re a good time to start fresh, but also to gather the experiences and lessons that have brought us to this point. Like when you start writing a new book and gather all your sources from past research, events and even entire existences…Or when you put together the ingredients to your favorite desserts from your old grand-mama’s recipes with a Pinterest twist here and there…
For me, this past year was no exception. 2018 was all about learning, transitions and work, on purpose. Here are 18 of them, as we close 2018 and jump into 2019:
Working on Purpose makes all the difference!
One of the biggest revelations I’ve had is that there is a difference between working to work, and working on purpose. That is, doing work that answers a calling, work that doesn’t let you wait until you snooze the alarm clock about 20 times before getting up, work that re-energizes you instead of depleting you. I could clearly see the difference between mornings when I dragged myself out of bed to make it to work before, and mornings now, when I look forward to starting my day. Days that no longer end with a draining sense of fatigue, but with a sense of being re-energized despite the fatigue (we’re human after all)…
We’re often taught that we must work to pay bills, take care of ourselves and others, buy nice stuff or just to keep a roof over our heads. What we’re not taught is that work is part of what makes us whole; that in order to leverage its power, we owe it to ourselves to not just partake in the process, but create and enjoy our own work process. It’s not just about loving what you do, but about tapping into your maximum potential, being as effective as you can be and becoming the best version of yourself in the process.
Your mindset is key
As I made the big leap from one career to entrepreneurship and to an entirely different career, I had the opportunity (and the shock) to realize how powerful our mindsets are. This is not just about implementing empowering mantras, or adopting some daily meditation practice, although these are powerful aids as well…
Rather, for me, it was about coming face-to-face with the full realization that I have been creating my reality all along. Through the sometimes negative words I spoke over myself and my work and life, through my lack of gratitude and less than optimistic outlook at times… I also realized that once you change the story you tell yourself about yourself, your work and your life in general, not only does your perspective shift positively, but your actual results do as well…
Do not resist closed doors
How many of us leave jobs without really leaving them, rehashing the negative aspects of past experiences we tend to take into new opportunities? How many times do we leave relationships only to hold on to the heavy baggage that came with it? Or hold on to past failures, only to weigh ourselves down as we start new ventures?
What I learnt this past year was to not resist some doors closing, but to release the baggage that came with it. For me, it meant releasing past jobs, business ventures and partnerships that weren’t for me, places and even schedules that didn’t allow me to tap into my peak performance level. For you, it may mean letting go of the old job, the failed business, the less-than-ideal relationships, the disastrous launches, so you can take the lessons and actually have a chance to start anew, in a better place…
No experience is wasted
Changing careers has taught me a powerful lesson about no wasted experiences. We often think that we run the risk of losing all the experiences and bonuses we’ve acquired over time by starting fresh. So many of us hesitate to jump ship into a new career, launch the business, write the book, start a family, for fear that we would have wasted all the effort and knowledge we’ve put in so far…
On the contrary, I found myself using skills I had acquired all along through my academic path, my prior jobs, and even in the course of my personal and professional relationships, as I started fresh in entirely new domains. Nothing is really wasted, everything serves a purpose, if only to point you in the direction not to go in…
Transitions are not as hard as you think
Transitions are not simple, in any area of work or life. Entire career transitions can actually be pretty complex. However, all in all, it’s never quite as bad as we picture them to be…
As a matter of fact, transitions are necessary, unless we force ourselves to stay still and not evolve or progress.
My own career transitions required quite some time and some serious dose of chocolate and caffeine, I’m not going to lie. However, what it was not was impossible or out of reach, as I had previously thought, and this even with not as much advance preparation as I would have liked. While you should plan a transition ahead of time, life sometimes happens and you may have to adjust. It’s in the adjusting that you learn the most and have the power to turn the game in your favor…
You’re allowed to start over
Speaking of transition, how many of you have dreamt of starting over, whether in a new job, a new business, relationship, or even environment? And how many have refrained from shaking the boat of convenience and comfort for fear of starting over?
I learnt that starting over, whether at work or in life, begins with giving yourself the permission to do so. The permission to make mistakes, get back up, risk losing a bit (or a lot), and create the life and work you really want for yourself…
Prune your network
You already know how important your network is to your success, whatever your definition of success may be. You also know how detrimental the wrong network can be for you. What may be more challenging, personally and professionally, is to revisit it every now and then and have the courage to prune it so it can be as effective as possible…
I learnt that it’s ok to feel pangs of guilt when it comes to shifting relationships and networks, it’s only human. However, it’s necessary to re-evaluate relationships as you grow, evolve, change and progress, in all areas of your work and life…
Support is overrated
One of the most sensitive questions I raised when going through my own personal and career transitions this past year was: “But who’s supporting me in my journey?” Thankfully, I’ve had precious family and friends to do so all along…
Yet, most importantly, what I’ve learnt is that the whole concept of support when it comes to our own personal and professional pursuits, is a bit overrated. That we are our best sources of support, and that what kills relationships is nothing more than excessive expectations. So what if your girlfriend doesn’t buy from you? Maybe your product is simply not up her alley, or maybe there are deeper issues to look into there…Whatever the case may be, none of us should allow the presence or absence of support to deter us from our purpose…
Network effectively
I wrote earlier about the importance of networks and networking. Even for the most independent among us, we need people along the journey as we accomplish our goals and objectives.
However, what I also realized as an entrepreneur, is that there is such a thing as ineffective networking. That answering to the call of every networking event or coffee break is a great way to scatter your energy and resources without producing any tangible results. As you consider your own networking efforts, ask yourself if they’re helping you to achieve your goals and objectives, and if there’s a mutual exchange happening. If the answer is no, you may want to reconsider…
Stop listening to everyone
While you need people along your journey of success, what you don’t need is to listen to people who have not walked the path you’re treading on. Don’t get me wrong, you can certainly learn something valuable from everyone.
Yet, what I’ve learnt is that I cannot afford to listen to everyone. If you’re called to create something new, walk your own path, and become the best version of yourself, your answer may not be in the Google or even in your sister’s best advice, for the simple reason that what you’re trying to do may not have been done yet…
Trust your gut feeling
Intuition is a super-power, and you already may know it. Yet have you been using and listening to yours? Or have you been instead relying on the Google, your girlfriends’, or your mama’s advice entirely, at the expense of the promptings of your own gut feeling?
What I’ve learnt, especially while transitioning careers and as an entrepreneur, is that your intuition will tell you things no one else can. That more than anyone else, you know what is right for you, your career and/or your business. And that inner voice is part of your competitive advantage, and should not be ignored…
Do what feels good
This may seem paradoxical advice, especially for us working women, who already start the day with a full to-do list and a heap of obligations to attend to. Yet, when we’re faced with a pile of things to do that don’t inspire us, we tend to proceed out of sense of obligation rather than celebration.
I’ve learnt that in order to celebrate and enjoy my work, as well as my life, it has to feel good. Not easy, but good. Not served on a silver platter with a mojito on the side, but good. Not handed to me as a free token of appreciation, but good. It has to spark interest and joy, along with a sense of fulfillment that keeps me going. And if it doesn’t, then I may have to find what does…
Watch your environment
It’s challenging to thrive in an environment that is not ready to receive what you have to say, who you are and how you present yourself. So many of us complain that we’re not able to realize our full potential, yet do not take a second look at what we’re surrounded with…
I’ve learnt that sometimes, changing your environment changes your life. That stepping out of a toxic workspace, negative setting or abusive environment, can mean the difference between day and night when it comes to your progress and evolution as a person.
Self-care is an investment
There’s another seemingly paradoxical piece of advice. Self-care is often neglected and put to the side at the expense of “more important” obligations. Yet, what we don’t realize is that without it, our productivity, creativity and entire sense of being sink altogether. As a matter of fact, it’s an investment in our growth, well-being and wholeness. It can make the difference between being simply busy, and actually being productive and effective.
I’ve learnt to make self-care a priority, rather than an option relegated to the bottom of my to-do list. For me, it means making appointments with me, myself and I at the gym, at the brow lady, and on my favorite chair with a good book, as often as I can. Even if it means sliding down the bed at the crack of dawn in the morning, or missing my favorite show to make it to bed early enough. Not as a luxury, or even an indulgence, but as an effort to invest in the woman I’m becoming.
Do not separate work and life, integrate them!
You know what they say” “Leave your work at work!” In the era of smartphones and laptops, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to separate work and life, especially for working moms juggling all kinds of responsibilities around the clock. For entrepreneurs, work is actually a lifestyle more than an activity with time boundaries.
Instead, what I’ve learnt to do is to integrate the two. As in fitting in some work during the kids’ naps while working from home, or getting up earlier to get a good head start before heading to a doctor’s appointment. While it can be challenging, it’s also the answer for many of us…
Reframe failure
When transitioning careers, and through my entrepreneurial journey, I was tempted to believe that every mistake or mishap was a negative. Instead of taking failure as an opportunity to learn, I would allow it to stop my progress while I loaded up on chocolate and re-runs of Sex and the City.
I’ve learnt that failure is a necessary step in achieving success. If you don’t fail, you don’t progress. If you don’t fail, you don’t learn. Once I reframed it as an opportunity to learn and move forward, I was finally able to stop stalling and move forward. As a mom, it also taught me to be more accepting of and patient with myself.
Invest in yourself
I’ve had to learn that in order to reap results, I have to invest in myself. There were times when I didn’t think I could afford to buy the course, hire the coach or even putting the time and energy to update my skills.
Yet, making a conscious effort to periodically and regularly make an investment of time, energy and money made all the difference. For me, it means regular self-care, as well as investing in books and courses that help me acquire new skills.
Focus on the process of becoming
Last but not least, I’ve learnt to ask myself: “Is this getting me closer to the person I want to be?”, to guide my decisions in life and at work. Answering this question has allowed me to make the right decisions for my career, business and personal life, rather than focusing on other factors such as money for instance.
Now your turn: What work and life lessons have you gathered in 2018?
In this episode of The Corporate Sister podcast, I’m discussing leaving traditional goals and setting goals with soul as we prepare to enter 2019. Listen in as I share the book that made me change my view of the goal-setting process, and how my own process went from stressful to joyful…
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast oniTunes!
“This year, I’m getting my life and staying organized for the holidays. Christmas shopping on time!” This is usually my vow to myself as the holidays approach. Fast-forward to a few weeksdays before Christmas, as I’m scrambling to get my last gifts bought and somewhat wrapped in the nick of time. Oh, and yes, it literally happens every year, along with the frustration and aggravation that inevitably follow…
The holidays are one of the busiest times of the year, especially for working women and moms. This is where the gift of organization comes in really handy, what with planning the festivities, buying and wrapping gifts, as well as handling your responsibilities at work and at home. I remember dreading the approach of the year end, at the thought of everything I would have to do, amplified by my chronic tendency to procrastinate. I finally hit a wall when I caught myself unwrapping gifts at midnight on Christmas Eve when I realized that all the tags had the wrong names on them. Not to mention the horrible mood I was in, which prevented me from being truly present and enjoying this most wonderful time of year.
Despite my best attempts at not controlling my procrastination, I had to give in. After much trial and error, wrapping and unwrapping gifts with the wrong tags, here are seven tips that took my holidays from stressful and overwhelming to peaceful and enjoyable:
Use the right organization tools
Getting organized requires the right tools to keep you on track. Anyone who knows me knows I’m obsessed with planners and office supplies. My absolute favorite is Erin Condren’s Life Planner, which is perfect for customizing how you plan your own schedule and to-do’s. The three weekly layouts to choose from let you plan your time, in your unique way! I enjoy the vertical weekly columns to annotate all my appointments, with the side spaces to include all my to-do’s for the week. I also love that it includes inspirational quotes and notes, along with stickers and extras to celebrate each task you accomplish, while you keep your spirits high all holiday long.
There is way too much to do over the holidays to pretend to do it all. Over time, I’ve learnt to distinguish what’s really important from what’s not, and prioritize my tasks. For me, this means simplifying my schedule by taking care of the essential, and letting the rest go. What deadlines have to be met by the end of the year at work and personally? What relationships are you set to honor with your time and gifts this season? How much of your personal and household chores can you realistically accomplish?
Answering these questions can go a long way in being more organized and less overwhelmed, which translates into actually enjoying, instead of resenting, the holidays.
Let go of control
I had to check myself at some point and recognize that most of my holiday stress was due to my then “control freak” tendencies. From wanting everything to be perfect to being anal over name tags, the need for control plays a large part in turning the holidays into a nightmare. Not to mention that every single task ends up taking more time than you’ll ever have, resulting in major disorganization, lateness and annoyances along the way.
What I’m learning is to let go of control and the need for perfection. “Done beats perfect” is my new motto, and has saved me much time, stress and energy too.
If you’ve ever worked from home for a significant amount of time, you know that going back to office life can be a shock. From having to wear pants to not being able to access the fridge all day long, getting back into office mode is challenging.
After working from home for almost a year, I went back to office life in my dream career. Although I love what I do, the transition was not without challenges. I had to re-learn getting accustomed to morning commutes, dressing professionally again (read: wearing pants and applying make-up), and actually leaving my home for longer than I had for a while.
Thankfully, I learnt so much from this transition, that it turned out to be one of the best changes I’ve experienced in my career. If you’re going through it, or thinking about it, here are a few tips you can glean from my experience:
Mindset first!
It all starts with mindset! Whatever the reason behind your return to office life after working from home for some time, make sure to be mentally ready and prepared for it. For you, it may be going back to the office after being laid off, or after a maternity or sick leave, or even after running your own business from home for a while. Regardless of the motive behind it, it’s still a significant transition you should pay attention to, especially if you’re taking it as a failure:
Give yourself some time and room to process this transition. If you’re spiritual, you may pray or meditate about it.
Talk to a trusted friend or family member about it to get another viewpoint.
Let go of any negative thought or sense of failure associated with the prospect of going back to office life.
Going back to office life after working from home for some time is a lifestyle change. It’s not just about getting back to commuting and wearing pants, although that will be involved as well. It’s also about changing your daily routine in a way that works for you and your loved ones, especially as a working woman and mom.
Popular wisdom has it that it takes about 21 days to adopt or change a new habit. Take the time you need, preferably before you return to office life, to cement your new habits and schedule. It’s also helpful to talk to your spouse and loved ones, and get their support through this transition.
Plan for it
Planning is not only necessary as you prepare to get back to office life, it’s actually crucial. From planning your wardrobe, to structuring your days and weeks ahead in advance, it will take some time, resources and energy to prepare for it.
A few weeks prior to returning to a cubicle or office, consider making a list of everything you will need. Make a list of people to reach out to, and coordinate with in order to accommodate your new schedule and obligations. As a working mom, don’t neglect to plan for additional childcare or help with the household chores, as your time will be more limited.
All in all, getting back to office life after working from home for some time is a process that requires mindset, lifestyle and planning changes. While it can be challenging, it’s one that you can grow through and learn a lot from.
How have you transitioned from working from home to office life?
