How many times have you switched from one task to the other, anxiously trying to get through your long to-do list as fast as you could? Or absent-mindedly listened to the kids, while furiously answering emails? Or almost dropped the phone in the dinner pot while talking your boss through a last-minute work snafu after-hours? I bet more than once…As working women and working moms spread thin between all our obligations and commitments, it may seem that we work all the time. We work at work, and then we work some more at home, most often switching back and forth between the two in an attempt to be more productive.
This is exactly the conversation I was having with my girlfriend the other day, as we both were complaining on our way to work about how much we had to do, all the time. There never seemed to be an end to what had to be done, accomplished, or finished.
According to this Michigan state study, women tend to multi-task 10 hours more than men do. Yet, abundant research shows that multi-tasking does not improve performance at all. It actually makes us more prone to making mistakes and being less efficient and effective. As a matter of fact, going from task to task not only makes us less productive, but it also hurts our creativity and memory. It’s also detrimental to our well-being in general, as we may tend to feel more overwhelmed and anxious.
As an ambitious overachiever with more ambition than actual stamina, I, like so many other working moms, was tired of burning the candle at both ends. After reading umpteen books about organization and productivity to no avail, squishing my to-do list every which way, and complaining to whoever was available to listen, I decided to give the whole “mindfulness” concept out. Being mindful is basically being more focused in the moment, which I could certainly use in the midst of the confusion around me. Thankfully, it’s a skill that can be learned and acquired over time through the practice of meditation for instance.
For me, it began with committing to a regular meditation practice. The simple act of focusing my attention on my breathing helped me increase my attention skills. Which in turn helped me focus more, so I could actually accomplish more in less time. The most challenging part was to consciously limit my multi-tasking tendencies. While I haven’t succeeded just yet at completely eliminating multi-tasking from my life and work just yet, I’m getting closer each day.
Here are a few of the ways mindfulness has changed my life and work as a working woman and mom, and can change yours too:
Being more present
“Mommy, are you here?”
When my son asked me this question on a day we were stuck at home due to a snow storm, as I was trying to fit in some work and brownie baking all at once, I had to stop for a minute. He was right. I wasn’t being present. I was trying to do too many things at once, botching both in the process, and getting more frustrated by the second. Now I try and ask myself as much as possible: “Am I here or am I trying to be in more than one place at once?”
While I apply this mostly at home, it has made a significant difference in my work as well, by refraining from multi-tasking. Instead, I choose to focus on one single task at a time, even if it may seem that it takes longer. The result? Better outcomes overall, less mistakes, and most importantly, more peace.
Practicing gratitude
We live in a culture that tends to value commiserating and complaining. After all, misery loves company, right? Wrong. A while ago, I saw some positivity campaign on social media advocating a 30-day no-complaining challenge, which I tried for the sake of it. Shall I mention that I barely made it through the first hour? I started realizing how much I had gotten used to not being grateful for everything I had.
The more I read about practicing gratitude and tried it myself, the more I could feel the benefits. Writing 5 or 10 things I ‘m grateful for makes a major difference in my day. Although my circumstances didn’t change much, neither did traffic or the state of humanity, it just felt better to be more appreciative. The better it felt, the better life and work felt. Interestingly enough, the better the results I got as well…
Focus on feeling good
This may sound counter-intuitive (at least it did to me in the beginning), but I believe it to be the key to success, whatever your definition of success may be. There’s power in positive energy and thoughts, and that’s exactly what feeling good is. The more I put myself in situations where I felt good instead of miserable, the more my thoughts would positively change. As a result, the more positive the results too…
Conversely, when not feeling well or dealing with challenging circumstances, going for a quick sweat session or run, putting on a funny movie, laughing with a friend, would change the trajectory of my day. Hence, the importance of doing what we love and surrounding ourselves with people who bring out the best in us.
I remember when I first dreamt of studying abroad as I was nearing the end of high school in my native Senegal. Despite being a stellar student and coming from a comfortable middle-class, single parent family, achieving my dream of an elite higher education, especially in the US and without the governmental assistance which had gone missing as I came up, seemed far-fetched. Like most of the intentions I would set in life…
I was always a dreamer. A Big dreamer at that. I guess that would be the predictable outcome of being an only child for the first 10 years of my life and developing too fertile an imagination as a result. But the question always was, where do I start? What do I do with all these big dreams?
As you’re contemplating your own BIG dreams, you may be asking yourself the same question. Where to start? What to build on? In the worst case scenario, or what you may perceive to be the worst case scenario, you may even ask yourself if you’ve got anything to build on. What if your dreams, goals and objectives seem to have nothing to do with your past or current reality? Maybe you have a dream of starting a business yet have no entrepreneurial background, come from a family of conservative bureaucrats and have been raised to be risk-adverse? What if your goal is to be financially free, despite being thousands in debt, not having any financial knowledge, and being your household’s sole provider?
I was ok starting where I was, but where I was did not look much like of a start. At least not in the direction I was aiming to go…Until a dear mentor of mine got me out of my own head and into the vast immensity of Possiblity we often all but ignore…
Any experience is a teacher. Make an inventory of what you’ve learnt
Look around you. Mark Zuckerbeg dropped out of college to start Facebook. Spanx founder Sara Blakely was working as a door-to-door salesperson before starting her multi-million dollar company. Everywhere, high school and college dropouts are starting businesses and changing the world. Moms are creating solutions to daily life problems the savviest of inventors could not come up with People with no formal training in a discipline are revolutionizing fields they had limited exposure to. And how is that happening?
These people are simply starting where they are. They’re gathering their own experience, their own education, personality, intuition and feelings, and drawing questions and answers from these. If you’re a mom, you know how to manage chaos, how to prioritize your tasks, what problems you face and possible solutions to these. You don’t need a formal degree to know these things. It’s part of your DNA. As a writer trained in business and accounting, I’ve gathered years of experience in both fields, to which I can add the fact that I speak different languages, am a mom and a wife, and navigate this world as an introvert. All these various part of my experience and personality make me uniquely skilled to tackle challenges and problems someone else could not.
What do you have in your experience, personality, journey, connections and all areas of your life that you can use? Look at how far you’ve come, and how much you’ve gathered in terms of skills, abilities, and knowledge. This also includes the failures, mishaps and mistakes…
That’s where you start…
Now look at re-purposing all that you’ve acquired
Managing a team at work is quite similar to managing an entire household without missing a beat, which moms do day in and day out. The same skills you may have used selling lemonade in your little stand at 4 or 5, will come in handy when you start your own business. The determination and perseverance you displayed after losing that job is what will keep you going after receiving that 20thletter of rejection from publishers.
It’s in my earliest days, in some of my hardest experiences, when I had no idea what I was doing, that I learnt the most. Those are the days of small beginnings that have taken me this far. When I start doubting my ability to continue, take on a challenge, or pursue my dreams, I go back and remember all that I have learnt. Most of the time, I find that I’ve been through a similar situation, and am able to re-use what I’ve learnt, whether positive or negative. Even failures are there to point me towards what I would rather manifest.
Can you remember experiences, events, skills that you may have buried in the back of your minds that you can re-use to serve your path forward? These do not have to be related to the filed you’re looking into, but can still be used,
Create a plan that is customized to you
The way you achieve your dreams and accomplish your goals and objectives is unique to you. This is precisely because you have been through experiences, accumulated knowledge and skills, and have a one-of-a-kind personality.
This is why there is no point comparing your process to anyone else’s. Your path is uniquely dependent on who YOU are.
As women of color at work, and frankly as any working woman or man, being in an inclusive professional environment can make a world of difference. But what is an inclusive workplace really? According to Linked In, an inclusive workplace is a “ working environment that values the individual and group differences within its workforce”.
If you are a woman of color, you know how important being in an environment, especially professionally, that values who you are and embraces your differences is. In other words, being in a place where you feel valued, integrated and welcome can be the catalyst to your productivity, efficiency, and most importantly, your overall happiness. There are countless studies that prove that a diverse and inclusive workforce is also one that is more productive and innovative. Employees tend to work better, and stay longer in these work environments as well. Not to mention the positive impact on employee well-being, health, as well as collaboration between co-workers.
So how does one recognize an inclusive workplace, especially as a woman of color? What if you are interviewing for a new, exciting position, and are not sure whether you’ll be stepping in an inclusive environment?
Although it can be challenging to recognize an inclusive workplace, there may be some signs you can pick up on early on:
Analyze the job description
Even before applying for a position and going through the interview process, you can tell a lot about a work environment by the company’s job descriptions. You can read a lot about your potential future place of work by the tone used, as well as the feel you get of the company culture. Does it seem that the language used seem to appeal to a particular gender? Do you notice a certain pattern when reading multiple job descriptions?
Check out the company’s website and social media presence
You can go one step further and navigate through the company’s website and social media sites. Companies committed to diversity and inclusion usually express it through their online presence. It’s also usually reflected in their values and mission statement.
Can you perceive that they’re committed to the community at large? Do they express their belief in creating a diverse workplace? Do you get a sense that you’d fit in?
Explore company reviews
You can also check out the reviews of the company, through sites like Glassdoor for instance. However, you may want to consider these reviews with a grain of salt, as they may present particular employee experience. For women in particular, the website InHerSightrates companies based on women’s reviews. You may also directly ask other employees who may have worked, or be working at this company, their personal and professional opinions.
Consider their benefits packages
Company benefits can also reveal quite a bit about a company’s efforts towards inclusiveness and diversity. Do their maternity leave benefits show they care about new parents? Are flexible schedules offered? How much vacation time is available? The answers to these questions may help you assess the inclusive nature, or lack thereof, of the business you may be considering working in .
Observe your interviewers
During the interview process, your interviewers may be a reflection of the company itself. Are you exposed to a diverse panel of interviewers? Do their questions and shared information reveal a lack of inclusiveness? Are they skipping the topic altogether?
Ask directly during interview process
You can also directly inquire during the interview about the company’s commitment to diversity and inclusion. Usually, at the end of the interview process, you have an opportunity to ask your own questions. At this point, it may be wise to ask about certain aspects of importance to you, such as flexibility, benefits and overall company culture.
Trust your gut
Last but not least, trust your gut and intuition. Before and during the interview process, you will get a sense of whether a certain company is a right fit for you or not. Take into account the way you feel as you make your decision.
Being a working mom is not easy. Let me repeat this: Being a working mom is not easy! Despite all the tools, the modern technology, and the support we seem to be getting, there is still a lot we have to do, in between taking care of ourselves, our families, and our careers or businesses. The busier we get, the harder it is to keep up with all the balls we have juggling up in the air. However, there are ways to simplify life as a working mom.
As a working mom trying to do it all and get it all to fit in to my tight schedule, I’ve come to understand that the solution lies in one word: simplify. Instead of constantly wondering how to be more flexible so I can add more to my schedule, I’ve started asking myself: “What can I remove off of my schedule?”
The truth is, we’ve overpacked our lives and careers with too many obligations to keep up with. Running from ineffective meetings to “pick-my-brain” coffee sessions, to umpteen playdates and school events, not to mention the mandatory networking around the clock, we’re definitely booked and busy. That’s where I found myself until I realized that overwhelm is not a lifestyle. That’s also where Amazon helps me simplify my life as a working mom:
Skipping the supermarket with Amazon Fresh and Amazon Pantry
Wouldn’t you be happy to gain the hour or so you spend at the grocery store every week? You can now do so by having groceries and household essentials right at your door with Amazon Freshand Amazon Pantry.
With Amazon Fresh, all you have to do is shop for groceries online, schedule your delivery, and get all of it fresh and fast right at your doorstep, all for $14 a month. Voila! Amazon Pantryallows you as an Amazon Prime member in select areas to shop for low priced products and exclusive savings. If you’re an Amazon Freshcustomer, you don’t need to sign up for Amazon Pantry.
No time to clean? You can hire a professional house cleaner from Amazon Home Services. This includes carpet cleaning, hardwood floor cleaning, window washing, as well as general house cleaning.
Other services such as desk, bed, furniture and exercise bike assembly are also available. You can also get home improvement, as well as computers and electronics, yard and outdoors services.
Are you ready to welcome a new baby in the family? Or do you know someone who is? You can now add any item from any registry to Amazon Registry, and save 15% as a Prime member too.
You also get a FREE welcome box for parents and baby with a value of $35 as well.
I used to read at least a book a month…before kids! As a working mom, it seems the minute I grab a book, someone needs me to do something. That’s when one of my babies doesn’t use my books as art canvas, or drop them in the toilet. Can you relate?
A few years into mommyhood, I was introduced to Kindle Unlimited, which allows me to read just about anywhere. My favorite feature is the Unlimited Audiobooks, which lets me listen to countless books I don’t otherwise have time to read on the go. I can now turn my commute into a relaxing, reading time…until the kiddos get in!
I fell in love with Amazon Primea while ago, just because it makes my life as a working mom so much easier. One of my favorite features is Prime Delivery, which delivers over 100 million items in two days straight right at my doorstep for FREE!
Additionally, now that Whole Foods supermarket is part of Amazon, I can order thousands of items from Whole Foods and have them delivered right to my home. Other benefits of Amazon Prime also include Prime Video, so you can watch your favorite movies and TV shows; in addition to Prime Music, which gives you access to millions of playlists and songs.
While you can read on the go with Kindle Unlimited, if you want to focus on audiobooks with Audible. One of the great benefits is that you get one audiobook and two Audible originals each month for $14.95 a month.
You can also exchange and swap audiobooks with others, and roll over your credits so you can read at your own pace.
If you’re looking for kid-friendly books, movies, educational apps, games and TV shows, FreeTime Unlimitedis here for you! The best part is that you can customize your child’s experience to limit their screen time and use age filters, and offer the most relevant books, videos and apps for them.
Do you have your own business, or need to purchase business items for your company? Amazon Businesscan help you receive exclusive discounts in price and quantity on more than 5 million products to be delivered through convenient and fast shipping.
Falling asleep on the couch with a full face of make-up on and one last bite of cheese between my teeth used to sum up my bedtime routine as a new working mom. I had no idea what a bedtime routine even was, and how I could possibly fit it into my already jam-packed schedule. By the time the kids were in bed, the kitchen semi-organized (if that), I’d pretend to relax for a few minutes on the sofa, only to find myself laying somewhere between the sticky floors and the juice-impregnated pillows…Such is the reality of many working moms out there, coming home from work already exhausted and then having to tackle their second shift at home…
It wasn’t until years later that I actually started turning my bedtime routine into self-care and me-time, earning a few minutes for myself before unglamorously hitting the sack. As tired as you may be, taking some time to rewind and focus on yourself before bed can amp up your self-care routine, while providing you with the me-time you need before the mommy race starts all over again in the morning…
Here are a few simple ways you can turn the few minutes before bed into your sacred me-time:
PAMPER YOURSELF
Nothing like pampering your skin to feel all luxurious and rejuvenated after a long day at work and fighting with the kids to finally go to sleep! It’s even better when you can reap the benefits as you look refreshed, younger and more vibrant, despite that milk stain on your shirt.
Even when you feel exhausted, there are a few steps you can take to add an extra dose of pampering to your evening:
Take some time to remove your make-up
Cardinal rule of mommy skincare: take off the make-up! I know, when the bed is calling your name like that guac and chips appetizer, wiping anything off may feel like torture. But your mama was right, you’ve got to wash your face! Or you can take a shortcut with make-up remover cleansing towelettes like these Neutrogena make-up remover towelettes.
My personal favorite is the Garnier SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water, which I apply with regular cotton rounds, and does a great job at wiping off even the most stubborn waterproof mascara (because a girl needs her waterproof mascara).
Run yourself a nice bath or take a long shower
Unless you’re just about to collapse and cannot take life any longer, taking a bath or running a hot shower can give you some much-needed rewind time before bed. You can give yourself an extra few minutes of stress-free personal space by soaking in a nice aromatherapeutic bath. One of my favorite bath foams is this Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Stress Relief mousse, with eucalyptus and spearmint.
Give your skin some extra TLC
If you can fit in a few more minutes, you may be able to give your skin some much needed TLC for the night. One of my favorite skin TLC products is this Vitamin C serum by Serumtologie, which does wonders, especially overnight.
READ A FEW PAGES OF A BOOK
After I had babies, I realized how little time I had to read it, even as a bookworm. Since my days are usually packed, I like to fit in a few minutes of reading before bedtime, under the covers. I’m not always successful at passing a few pages, and that’s when I don’t start snoring on the open book. But it’s proven to be a good way to relax, and get my reading in without the kids snatching pages away or talking my ear off…
While I always prefer my paper books, reading on my Kindle makes it easier to stay awake at time.
If all else fails and my eyes just give up on life, I can always resort to audiobooks through Audible, and call it a reading night!
MEDITATE, PRAY OR JOURNAL FOR A FEW MINUTES
Adding some prayer, meditation or journaling to your rewind time before bed can make a world of difference in your self-care. As working moms, it can be hard to carve out time alone to do any of this during the day. Which is why evenings before bed can be a great time to do so…
If you enjoy journaling before bedtime, then you’ll love this watercolor Practice You guided journal by Elena Brower which prompts you to self-discovery. You may also enjoy this I Am Here Now mindfulness journal by the Mindfulness Project, available on Amazon as well.
Neither does it have to be a lengthy, painful process. Channels such as the Sleep Sounds and Meditation or the Law of Attraction Affirmations channels on Amazon Prime Video are great to get some manifestation in. You can also easily listen to an audio book on mediation on Audibleas well.
How do you rewind and practice self-care before bed as a working mom?
