Whether you’re gearing up for a new position, jumping ship into a new career entirely, or preparing for an upcoming interview, half of the battle is showing up, and showing up well. Which brings about how you dress and your professional wardrobe. You’ve heard the saying before: “Dress for the job you want”. Yet, in the midst of work obligations, business calls, and family to-do’s, focusing on your wardrobe can be a stretch.
I used to consider investing in my professional wardrobe as a non-priority item on my to-do list. Shopping for conservative suits and elegant blouses was not quite as fun as foraying into the latest fashion trends around. It also explains why revamping my professional wardrobe was always put on the back burner. Yet, as I switched careers, and also became an entrepreneur, I found myself in front of audiences as a speaker, which forced me to re-consider how I dressed, and what dressing for the job I want really means for me. With two kids in tow, a household to manage, and not enough time to get everything done, I was left with solving the dilemma of dressing for the jobs I wanted, on a budget and without too much unnecessary headache.
Considering my shopping trips are now limited for fear of having the whole department store on lockdown because my son wants to play hide and seek, and the significant decrease in my patience genes post-babies, I’ve had to find a system. I no longer wanted to hide from my kids and spend hours at the mall fishing for something professional yet fun. Neither was I attracted by the prospect of
Here are some tips for any busy, time-starved, on a budget working woman and mom to put a fresh spin into your professional wardrobe:
Rent!
Got a special work event and nothing to wear? Or maybe you’re just tired of your same old work outfits, and want a change without the commitment of buying? You can rent work styles at Rent-the-Runway, ranging from distinctive knit dresses to polished tops.
Get it personalized!
Did you know that you can get your professional wardrobe personalized to your taste and office dress code? Companies like MM.LaFleurhelp you do just that! After you answer a few questions aroud your style and office dress code, MM.LaFleurbuilds your personalized Bento box, which consists in an assortment of work clothing put together for you. Once you receive your Bento box, you can decide what to keep and what to return.
Clean up your current wardrobe
First things first, take a look at your current work wardrobe. Is it packed with clothing you haven’t worn in the past six months? One of my cardinal fashion rules nowadays is: “If I haven’t worn it in the past six months, it’s got to go.” It’s helped me clear out the clutter (hello Marie Kondo), while being able to have a clearer picture of what I actually own. I was surprised to find out that in the middle of my wardrobe mess, there actually were some beautiful pieces I couldn’t even see before.
Invest in basics
You cannot underestimate the positive effect of quality undergarments such as Spanxshapewear on anything you wear, especially at work. My go-to’s, like this Spanx higher power shaping brief, are among my favorites.
You’re in charge of your career. Let me say this again: You’re in charge of your career. Which also means that you can make the decisions and take the steps needed to craft the type of work in which you flourish and fulfill your purpose. This also means that contrary to public opinion, your career success doesn’t depend on your boss, your company, or even the state of the economy.
I used to believe you needed a perfect alignment of all the right planets and chakras to create a successful career. That you need a supportive boss, the right opportunities, strong mentors, and a company that believes in your talents. Don’t get me wrong, all these are certainly needed in anyone’s work evolution and growth. Yet, what I found out, is that they’re not necessarily make-or-break deals. You are the only make-or-break deal in your career. That is, if you take full and complete responsibility for your work.
Here are a few ways you can keep taking charge of your career, or regain control over the work you do:
Change the story you tell yourself about work
Much of our lack of success at work is linked to negative mindsets. If you’re telling yourself you will never succeed, or that your boss’ lack of support will end your career, chances are, that’s exactly what will happen. Instead, change the story you tell yourself about your career.
Re-frame obstacles and failures into learning opportunities. Learn to see stumbling blocks into stepping stones, and focus on the fact that nothing can prevent you from succeeding.
Show excellence
One way we lose control over our careers is by giving up on the quality of our work. It can be tempting to do just the bare minimum in a toxic work environment. We may make more mistakes when we’re unmotivated and don’t see a path to success.
Instead, decide to show excellence in everything you do. If you’re sweeping the floor, do it with excellence. If you’re writing a mundane email, do it as well as you can. Someone is always watching who has the power to bless your career. Besides, you’re not working for your boss, you’re working to learn and build a solid professional reputation. So show up with excellence.
Get committed to constant learning
Learning is one of the strongest competitive advantages you can garner in and outside of work. The more you learn, the more you have to offer, and the more indispensable you become.
Don’t settle for the degree or certification you already have. Instead, strive to keep up with your industry trends by going back to school with tools such as the Princeton Review.Take online classes with sites like Udemy or Thinkific. Learn a new IT system. Read books, even if you have to do so on the go with softwares like Audiobooks. Talk to experts in your field. The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more marketable you are.
Opportunity is everywhere: Use it!
Contrary to public opinion, your manager does not hold all the opportunities available to you. He or she may be able to block some opportunities coming your way; but they cannot limit all all of them. You must learn to see opportunity all around you, instead of waiting to be offered a chance to show your skills and talents.
Where is there a need in your team, department, or business? What can you help improve or bring to the next level? How can you volunteer to use your abilities? Identify and take opportunities around you. It may be helping out in a different team, volunteering for a good cause or a different company, or simply speaking up in a large meeting. Take the opportunity where you find it, and run with it!
Build financial stability
What does financial stability have to do with taking charge of your career? Here’s the thing: the less financially stable you are, the more dependent upon your job you are. Which means you may feel trapped at a company or position that is not the right fit for you for the money!
Not having financial stability can lead you to believe that you have limited career options. When you have money in the bank, some savings and financial resources to tap into, you’re freer to make the right career decisions for you. You can decide to leave the job, take an unpaid but favorable internship, or jump ship and start your own business.
Take risks
You learn the most when you step out of your comfort zone, which can mean taking risks in your career. Maybe the next level in your work means leaving your current company and starting your business. Or you may have to make a lateral move into a different department to use your skills and talents to the maximum of your potential. Or you may have to leave your current mega-company for a smaller start-up to follow your passion.
Whatever the case may be, you’ll never fully feel in control of your career until your get comfortable risking your work outcomes.
Build a network
Your network is truly your net worth. There’s a wealth of information and opportunities in the people around you. This is why it’s crucial to build and nurture the right network for you. With the right people around you, you can get the connections and information to build the career of your dreams.
Make a point to attend at least one networking event every month. Keep in touch with your current network, including your mentors. Build a give-and-take relationship with your connections, and ask for what you need.
Start your side hustle
Side hustles are the new job security. By starting your own business on the side, you’re giving yourself a chance to pursue your passions, while freeing up extra cash. This can make you happier, while lessening the pressure to stay at a job that may not be for you.
Besides, the skills you’ll acquire starting and running a side hustle can help you in your day job as well. All around a win-win.
Commit to your personal growth
You’re not just an employee. You’re an all-around individual with a full life to live and grow through. The more you give yourself permission to evolve into the best version of yourself, the more you can show up at work as the woman or man you were created to be.
So take the trip, read the book, take care of yourself. Take the time to have hobbies and passions outside of work. Nurture your relationships, don’t be afraid to make mistakes, and learn from them. The richer your personal growth, the richer your career.
Release what’s weighing you down
One of the reasons why we’re not always as successful as we could or would want to be at work is due to all the “unnecessary” stuff we carry with us. That includes negative mindsets, people-pleasing attitudes, anger, bitterness, resentment, and just putting too much on our plates overall…
The more you learn to release all this heavy baggage, the freer you are to excel in your career. You can then truly own the kind of career you deserve.
It was a Friday afternoon, and I had logged into the NASBA website to check on my latest CPA exam section results. My heart was beating so loudly I could anticipate it exploding out of my chest. The kids were rolling on the floor, which honestly needed to be cleaned by now, but I had to fold the laundry first. I took a deep breath and clicked on the screen. My heart dropped.
I had failed, at both sections of the exam. I mean, failed, failed, not anywhere near the required 75 to pass, but at an abysmal distance from it. I had failed, yet again, at this exam that I could not seem to pass. Truth be told, I had barely studied for both parts, as I desperately tried to cram the night before. Kinda like I did when I ‘d fall asleep on my Princeton Review books while cramming for my GMAT to get into graduate school. Tears were forming in the corner of my eyes, as I yelled at the kids to stop licking the floor. I had failed miserably, and my floors were ridiculously dirty, and it was Friday, and my entire week-end/life was ruined. Plus I hadn’t had lunch yet… I picked up the phone and called a trusted family member. I needed to vent. I don’t remember the conversation, but I’ll always remember what she said to me: “You know, when you have kids, you cannot do as much. Maybe you should let the CPA exam go and focus on your family.” She meant it in a comforting, soothing way. And for a second or so, I was comforted and soothed. The next second, something rose inside of hungry, battered, exhausted self, as I thought: “ But why can’t I be a good mom and follow my dreams?”
How many of you, hard-working moms, have asked yourself the same question, as you stared at your astronomical pile of laundry, your less-than-immaculate floors, or that presentation you had to finish while breast-feeding your baby? And how many times did someone, whether a trusted family member or friend, kindly comforted you by gently admonishing you to break up with your dreams for the sake of your family? Or how many times did you guilt yourself into thinking that because you have kids, you’re no longer allowed to dream for yourself?
I often hear women say that they’re taking a break in their career or business to focus on their family. Or that now that they have kids, it’s no longer about them. Don’t get me wrong, I understand and empathize with the nobleness and self-sacrificial call of motherhood as a whole. I understand that once we become moms, things change and are never quite the same. That former priorities are re-prioritized, schedules arranged and lives re-organized to nurture the precious lives entrusted to us.
Yet, while our kids should be our priority, should they also be the excuses we hide behind not to achieve the fullness of our potential and live up to our God-given purpose? If we are to serve as models to our daughters and sons, ought we not to grow into and show up as the best versions of ourselves, while still being present and caring for them? Wouldn’t we want our daughters to see what it means to enter into the fullness of who we are, whether we do this as stay-at-home moms, business leaders, career women and/or partners, sisters, friends?
Like so many of us, I’ve wrestled (and still do) with these questions, trying to reconcile the practical side of being a working mom to the physical, mental and spiritual demands of living in one’s purpose. I don’t believe there is any right or wrong answer, or that there’s some imaginary “motherhood” line traced in the sand of our existences. What I believe is that we all have our unique process, our unique journey, and our unique answers to these deep questions. However, there are a few simple guideposts we can stand to use as we address these:
Define your priorities
As a working mom, things will come at you from everywhere, all at once. Family, home, work, money, relationships, all seem to create a mumbo-jumbo of commitments and never-ending obligations. This is where defining your priorities becomes crucial. What is most important to you? Where are you committed to pouring most of your energy? For me, it goes in this order: Faith, Self, Family and Work. When I get lost in the brouhaha of daily life, I remind myself of this to re-conceptualize my life and move forward.
Understand what makes you come alive, that is Purpose
What makes me come alive and jump out of bed in the morning? Writing and teaching. While I dabbled with many other interests over the years, I finally came face-to-face with my truth. What is yours? What is the word, or the couple of words, that make you light up and get up out of bed? That is Purpose, and that is where you will do your best work.
Everything else other than your priorities and your Purpose is not essential. Let me repeat this: If it’s not part of your priorities, or aligned with your Purpose, it’s not essential. When faced with any decision or action, ask yourself: “Is this aligned with my priorities or my Purpose?” If the answer is not, then it may have to be relegated to a later free time, or eliminated altogether. It’s not mean, it’s decisive, and it’s to serve your Higher good.
Do you believe you can be a good mom and still follow your dreams?
I remember coming home with my first baby, not having a single idea how I was going to care for this new life. I had all these gigantic, larger-than-life expectations about what I could, and would, be doing as a new mom. Little did I realized that as a working, I would have to re-calibrate most, if not all, of these expectations I had for myself.
Fast-forward almost 10 years later, and my definition of motherhood, as well as my intentions, goals and expectations have drastically changed. For the better, I have to say. I’ve learnt to stop holding myself to impossible standards, such as reading to my babies every single night, or feeding them home-cooked meals every single day. I’ve also given up on comparing my mothering style to that of other women, constantly questioning whether I was doing a good or totally lousy job at it. All in all, I finally made peace with re-defining motherhood as my own brand of working mother, minus the guilt, false beliefs, and the crushing weight of society’s opinions.
Being working moms has absolutely pushed the boundaries of what motherhood has always meant for women and society alike. As working mothers, we’ve had to couple our own unrealistic expectations with that of the world around us, while still striving to shatter glass ceilings and brick walls in the same breath. Then we’ve started wondering why we never quite feel satisfied, bathing instead in a constant cloud of exhaustion and self-doubt. We’ve desperately tried to hold on to the sanctity of traditional motherhood, what with its perfectly ironed bed sheets, prepared meals, and sparkly-clean households. Except we’ve also managed to add to the mix unending to-do lists, corporate ladders and business board meetings. We’ve tried to lean in, only to realize that we were instead leaning out of alignment with ourselves. Now, many of us are slowly stepping back, re-evaluating our own definitions of what it truly means to be a working mother.
For me, redefining my own brand of motherhood has been quite the process, as I struggled, like so many other working moms, with fitting into the “perfect mother” box. From desperately attempting to make it to every soccer game, to minimizing fast-food trips, not to mention keeping up with the astronomical amount of laundry piling up at the speed of the light, I stretched beyond my own personal, physical and spiritual boundaries. Until I could no more… Until it was necessary to find a new name, a new system and some new sense to this thing called being a “working mom”…
This is what it meant for me, and what it may also mean for you, as you journey through your own process of re-defining motherhood for yourse:
Learning to get the help we need:
As I spoke with many working moms around me, I realized how hard it can be for us to ask or get the help we need. Popular culture has turned supermoms and superwomen into such icons to be venerated and celebrated, that most of us have succumbed to the unrealistic call. In the process, we’ve forgotten that it’s ok to ask and get the help we need.
I know I had. Until I gave in and invited services like Blue Apron and HelloFresh into my life, freeing up both mine and dear hubby’s evenings and weekends by ordering out. Or until I made room in my budget to hire someone to help me with housework. I have to say, it took me some time not to feel guilty about what I considered then to be indulgences, but quickly realized were life and sanity-savers. Or to refrain from sharing this with friends and family, for fear of being judged. Without the pressure of having to do it all, I could finally do simple things like sit on the couch with my husband, actually play with my kids, and stop complaining about not getting a haircut in months, minus the guilt and sleepless nights…
Being more present
Piling more on our to-do lists as working moms has also forced us to give up on being present, as partners, friends, sisters and mothers. There are not enough hours in a day, so we unconsciously do more and live less. We’ve traded in being fully present in our lives, for lists of accomplishments and shiny, photo-shopped pictures on Instagram.
I’m re-defining motherhood as a working mom as simply being, instead of getting lost in the illusion of constantly doing. Which may mean leaving the dishes unwashed in the sink to have a conversation with the kids, or make it on time to the school play. Or putting the phone down during my son’s soccer game, and letting business happen as it would. Or just sitting in silence with myself, instead of mentally searching for one more item to cross off my duty list.
Investing in self-care
Self-care is not an indulgence. Let me repeat this again: self-care is not an indulgence. It’s an investment, one that requires of working moms to provide the effort, time and energy to pour into ourselves before, and because of our call to, pour into others.
I had wrongly defined motherhood as this unending roller-coaster of obligations and responsibilities, neglecting my own well-being. There was always something to do at home or at work, so there was no time to drop by the gym, read a book or hang out with the girls. How many of us negatively judge other working moms who take the time to exercise, have regular girls’ night out, or go back to school? Because shouldn’t motherhood be this sacrificial thing we dedicate ourselves entirely to, before trying to fit in everything (and everyone) else? Hence the myth of the frazzled mom escaping her life at Target on Saturday night….
I’m choosing instead to invest in the best version of myself so I can show up as the best individual, including the best mother, I can be. Which may mean re-arranging some priorities, freeing up some time, and putting my mask on before saving anybody else…
Building a legacy
I choose to re-define being a working mom as investing in building a legacy, from making sure we have a reliable life insurance policy to following my dreams, building the business, rising in my career to having the courage to craft my will. These are things I wouldn’t have time to think about before, let alone tackle, because I would lose myself in all the minute details of parenting, from serving as dedicated chauffeur to shopping the latest kids’ designs.
Yet, if we only could release the pressure on ourselves and lift our heads from the smoke of day-to-day details, we might start asking ourselves questions such as: “What am I leaving my kids?”, or “What impact am I really having on my family?”.
Because being a working mom is not just about crossing all the T’s and dotting all the I’s of our over-packed existences, but building a legacy we can leave behind. Because our kids may not remember how sparkly clean the house was when they were growing up, but they may very well recall how their working mother invested in their college fund, starter her own business, or built her best career…
How are you re-defining motherhood as a working mom?
There’s a lot of talk out there about Purpose, how we can walk in our purpose, do things according to our own purpose, be more purposeful, etc…While much of it is so inspiring, many of us also find ourselves asking: “But…what is my purpose? How do I figure it out? And how do I even begin to walk in it when I don’t even know what it is to start with?” This is without mentioning the guilt associated with focusing on our purpose, instead of doing what everyone else seems to be doing, that is going through the motions of work and life, making a paycheck, paying bills, etc…
I know I’ve asked myself the question over and over again. After years of being in a career that did not bring the type of fulfillment I was seeking, I decided to find out what this purpose thing was all about. I knew I had a passion for writing and teaching, yet I had no clue how to fit it in with who I had become, what I was doing, and my current family and personal situation.
The question I kept asking myself was: “How do we get there?”, “there” being that point where we can all get to work and live according to our divine purpose. How do we even figure out what this divine purpose is? And where do we start this entire process, while still paying our bills, catching up on email, and keeping our skin hydrated and moisturized?
One conversation with a dear mentor of mine put me on the path to answering, if not all these questions, at least some of them. He equated the whole process of getting “there”, or anywhere for that matter, to climbing a mountain and reaching the top. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. What if every process we undertake is really just like climbing a mountain? What if this most important process of working and living on purpose is just that, climbing our own mountains of potential to reach the top of our divine purpose. And just like reaching the pinnacle of any mountain, there has to be steps we discipline ourselves to follow:
The Foundation Principle: Building on the skills, lessons and experiences you’ve gathered so far
Where do you start on any new process, especially one as big as fulfilling your divine purpose? What do you build on? Where do you even begin?
Although I spent much time wondering about this, the answer turned out to be simpler than I thought. Start where you are, with what you have. This also means leveraging all the experiences, the wisdom, the victories but also the failures we’ve been through. When I went through the exercise of documenting everything I had already accomplished and learnt, even if it seemed insignificant or not particularly positive, I realized I had more than I thought to get started. It also gave me the motivation and encouragement I needed to get on my own journey of purpose and fulfillment, as I remembered how much I had already done.
Can you think back to everything you’ve already achieved, learnt and acquired, in addition to all the natural skills, talents and abilities you naturally possess? As a matter of fact, can you make an inventory of all you’ve already been through and acquired over time? You may not give credit for everything you’ve accomplished.
The Choice Principle: Choosing the goals and objectives that are appropriate for you
How many times have you made a decision based on what someone else thought? How often have you even shifted the entire direction of your career, business, or even love life towards what some semi-influential person in your life recommended? If you come from most African families, you may remember your mom, dad, auntie or uncle prematurely brag about your bright future career as a “doctor” or “engineer”. That may have been the reason why you struggled in Pre-med, before realizing your acute fear of blood and dropping out. Or walking out of your cubicle one day, throwing your engineer’s hat out, and going back to school for creative writing…
When picking our own mountains to climb, we can be tempted to set other people’s goals and objectives as our own. It may be out of a faulty sense of duty, compromise, or because we’re afraid to pursue our own dreams.
The People Principle: Build a network that pushes you to become your best self
Working and living on purpose also requires you to surround yourself with the right people. People who inspire you, motivate you, push you, mentor you. People whom you can also serve as mentors for. Often, the reason we’re not reaching our potential is because we’re simply in the wrong environment.
In the same way that you’d pick a supportive, able team to help you hike up a mountain, you also need the right people around you to reach your purpose at work and in life.
The Preparation Principle: Gathering your resources to work and live on purpose
What do you need to fully engage in the process of working and living on purpose? If you had to pack a bag on this purpose journey, what would it include? And what would you leave behind?
As I embarked on my own purpose journey, I quickly realized that there were quite a few of the resources I needed that I was sorely missing. I had to work on my mindset, my sense of self-worth, but also on my relationships, my ability to learn and adapt, and my faith. These are some of the most precious resources to gather on the journey to working and living on purpose.
The Resilience Principle: Dealing with opposition
One thing that you can count on as you pursue Purpose in your career, business and life is opposition. There is something about stepping into unfamiliar, uncomfortable and often unchartered territory that makes others, especially those who “knew you when”, uncomfortable.
As you transform through the process of working and living on purpose, you’ll need the appropriate tools to face the opposition that will inevitably come your way. These include a strong sense of self, an extra dose of resilience, and a solid “why” to remind you of the very reason you started this journey in the first place, whatever it may be…
The Courage Principle: Developing the courage to keep going
Following Purpose is hard. For some, it may mean leaving a comfortable, well-paying career to start a business. For others, it may mean transitioning to a new environment or different relationships. While in the beginning, the prospect of being more fulfilled may seem exciting, in the long run, it can be easy to give up when faced with inevitable difficulties, opposition and struggles. After all, most new businesses fail in their first year, mostly because of how hard they are to sustain in the long run.
This is where developing the courage to keep going comes into play. It’s rooted in constant self-affirmation, positive support, and a strong faith in your mission.
The Celebration Principle: Learning to celebrate and moving on to the next mountain
The journey to work and live on purpose is very much a transformative one. While it’s challenging, it’s also so rewarding when we finally make it to the top of our mountains of potential, and achieve the goals that get us to activate our purpose. Yet, how often do we stop to take in the view, take a breath of fresh air, and really appreciate how far we’ve come? Not nearly as often as we should…
Instead, we tend to rush from one accomplishment to the next, burying ourselves under endless obligations and commitments. Before you know it, the same joy, fulfillment and sense of purpose we were starting to feel starts evaporating, diluted by unhealthy pressure.
This is why learning to celebrate and honor every milestone is so important, before moving on to the next goal, the next objective, the next goalpost on our way to fulfilling our divine potential.
Which one of these principles do you struggle the most with?
