Welcome to our career, entrepreneurship, lifestyle and fashion weekly news roundup! Think of it as your online watercooler/work gossip station/coffee break spot for now…Want to add anything to our list? Email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com!
This week in the news, we were quite shocked at the college admissions scandal that’s rocking the news. Forbes Real Time explains this privileged child problem;
I remember as a younger girl, looking at successful, high-achieving women around me and dreaming of being just like them, down to their seven-inch stilettos and perfectly polished hair. Even as a little girl, I was already in awe of all that women could do. In my then-lack of maturity and experience, I believed that if only I could replicate exactly what these women did or said, down to how they laughed, sat straight, and drank their mint tea, I would also be successful. Just like them…
Fast-forward a few years, a few jobs, a couple of kids, and this one grey hair that for some reason keeps popping up in the middle of my head, and this little girl has learnt (and is still learning) a thing or two about success:
That success is well-being first, and has nothing to do with status, position, title or money;
And that most importantly, success is not replicable. We may be inspired by others, but we’re not them, and they’re not us. You can only be successful like you, and you get to define what that is.
However, it can be easier said than done. As working women and moms, we deal with so many demands and expectations on our time and energy, from well-meaning family members to colleagues at work and business partners. We have to be good moms, wives, partners, friends, sisters, ace our careers, make time for fitness and oatmeal face masks, while still keeping our sense of humor intact. If you add to it the highlight reel that is social media, you quickly realize how tempting it can be to fall into the mold of society. To look to others not just for inspiration, but for models to replicate, instead of following our own path.
In my own experience, here is what choosing to be successful like you and build your own lane requires:
Unlearn society’s negative messages
We internalize so many messages from society, from early childhood on, as to what we should do and not do. Most of these are aimed at satisfying the people around us. If you have African or Indian parents, you know you may have been expected to become a doctor or engineer. As a little girl, you may have been expected to keep your voice quiet or not discuss your accomplishments.
A big part of building your own lane of success is to un-learn these messages, which for most of us, have become entrenched in our beliefs. Replace them with positive and uplifting affirmations that speak to your power rather than your limitations.
Ask yourself: What does success mean to me?
I didn’t ask myself this question until I became a mom and simultaneously started hitting a professional and personal wall. I was no longer excited about much (part of which was due, as I realized later, to post-partum depression), and wasn’t sure which way to go in my life or career. That’s when I started re-defining what success meant to me. Did it mean being a good mom, getting the next promotion, making lots of money, or a combination of all these?
It’s only when I started defining what my own brand of success means to me that things truly changed for the best. For me, it meant then a series of small and big things, such as being able to spend time with my kids, finding time to write, teaching and learning, for instance. What I also realized is that my definition of success keeps evolving as I grow and continue to shift as an individual. And that’s ok, as long as it’s still MY definition and not anyone else’s…
Who do you have to become in order to achieve your own version of success?
We talk a lot about achieving goals, fulfilling objectives, as we keep our attention turned towards something to happen in the future. Then when we achieve these goals and objectives, we bask in their glory a bit, only to crave more goals to go after. Does that sound like a rat race to you? Because it is…
It occurred to me a few years back that it’s less about WHAT we want to get, than WHO we we were made to become. That it’s really about feeling happier and fulfilled, more than it will ever be about stuff, titles or positions. Nowadays I try to replace as much as possible the question: “What do I have to do today?”, with “Who am I becoming, and what does that require me to do?”.
So yes, I still hang out with this little girl inside of me who used to revel at the sight of these well-dressed, impressive, high-achieving women around her. And I still am tremendously inspired by all the wonderful ladies surrounding me…But what that little girl has started saying instead is: “ You know what, I want to look like ME when I grow up”…
If you’re finding yourself in situations when you’re not thriving at work, the temptation may be to blame external circumstances or even other people. And you may be justified to do so…It may after all be the boss who’s not giving you the right opportunities, or the company which may not be the right fit for you. You may be facing personal events that are not allowing you to focus and thrive in your work. While all these things may be true, there are almost always a few things you need to let go of as well and which may explain why you’re not being successful at work.
I remember having a conversation with a trusted friend a few years back. As I went on and on about everything that was not quite right about work, she said one thing that made me think twice: “Maybe it’s not just the work, you need to let go of the stuff that’s weighing you down…”
This made me think about all the baggage, both personal and professional, we take with us into our careers and business, not realizing that they may account for some or a large part of our lack of success at work.
Instead of continuing on the path of blaming external people and circumstances for not doing so well professionally, here are 3 things you may need to let go of:
Your limiting beliefs
Many of us have formed limiting beliefs since childhood, often from well-meaning adults. Parents and family members come with their own limited beliefs and tend to pass these on to their kids. “I’m shy”, “I’m not well-spoken”, or “I’m not powerful”, are examples of these beliefs that you may have gleaned from something a parent or family member may have said to you in early childhood. Without realizing it, you may have taken this with you to work or in your business. As a result, you may believe that you’re not able to accomplish certain tasks or that other people are a certain way.
Identify your limiting beliefs, or the things you believe about yourself which may not be true. What do you find yourself telling others or yourself about you? Are these things positive or limiting? If limiting, then it may be time to change the story you tell yourself about yourself.
Your fears
What fears do you carry with yourself in the workplace or in your business? Are you deathly scared of rejection? Do the opinions of others matter so much to you that you tend to freeze before any accomplishment? Is your fear of money keeping you stuck in an unfulfilling career or business? There may be many fears that may be blocking your success at work.
Identifying these fears can go a long way towards reducing the professional obstacles in your way. Once you know what you are truly afraid of, you can more easily challenge or fight it.
Last but not least, one of the most surprising reasons why you may be stalling at work (and in life) has everything to do with forgiveness. This was taught to me by a high-performance coach who specializes in helping individuals maximize their potential. Carrying around resentment towards others creates negative energy that turns into procrastination, fear or just lack of energy and motivation.
Who do you need to forgive? What negative energy based on anger or resentment do you need to let go of? This right here may be one of the solutions to the blocks you may be experiencing at work.
Ask a CPA is a column I write as a Certified Public Accountant to share accounting, business and tax knowledge to readers of The Corporate Sister.
As a working parent, you know how precious your kids are. You also know how expensive raising them can be. From the astronomical cost of childcare to medical bills, and the prospect of college education, the costs of being a parent keep increasing each and every year. Which is why most of us welcome any breaks we can get to help lighten the modern financial weight of parenting. Especially when it comes to tax breaks…
These tax breaks come in handy for working families at tax time. Some of these breaks come in the form of deductions, which reduce your taxable income, or the amount you’re being taxed on. Some examples of deductions include college tuition and fees for instance. Other tax breaks come in the form of credits, which are subtracted from your tax bill dollar for dollar or are added to your refund. An example of tax credit is the child-tax credit. However, both of these are subject to income limits.
If you’re wondering about these, here are 6 tax breaks you can get as a working parent:
The student loan interest deduction
For working parents needing to borrow money for their child’s college education, the student loan interest deduction provides some relief. As a parent, you can write off up to $2,500 in student loan interest. However, if you’re a married filer with a Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) between $135,000 and $165,000, the deduction starts phasing out. If you’re single, the same restriction applies if your AGI falls between $65,000 and $80,000.
The child-tax credit
As a result of the Tax Cuts and Job Act, for 2018 through 2025, this credit amounts to $2,000 per child as a federal income tax credit. There are no limits to how many children can qualify within a household. However, there is an income limit here, as with most tax credits. It starts to phase out for married-filing-joint couples with modified Adjusted Gross Incomes (AGI) over $400,000. For unmarried people, the phase-put starts at $200,000 of AGI.
The child and dependent care credit
If you’re a working parent in a household with two incomes or are looking for a job with children under the age of 13, you may qualify for this credit. If you’re a student or a disabled parent, you may also qualify.
Basically, this credit allows you to claim a credit of 20 to 35% on childcare expenses up to $3,000 for one child. For two (2) or more children, this credit is up to $6,000. Here as well, there is an income limit for parents earning more than $43,000, for whom the credit will begin to shrink.
American Opportunity Higher Education Credit
This credit helps with the cost of undergraduate college education. If your child is in their first four years of college, he or she may qualify for up to $2,500 a year worth of credit. The number of children to qualify in a household is not limited here.
However, there are income restrictions for married joint filers whose modified AGI is between $160,000 and $180,000. If you’re a single parent, then the credit phases out if your modified AGI is between $80,000 and $90,000.
Lifetime Learning Higher Education Credit
This second higher education credit applies to students who have more than four (4) years of college credit under their belt. It also applies to any other family members also taking classes. One major restriction of this credit is that it cannot be claimed more than once on any given tax return.
With this credit, you can claim 20% of tuition and other qualified expenses, up to $10,000 worth of expenses. The maximum credit you can then claim is $2,000. If you’re marrying filing jointly with your partner, this credit is phased out if your modified AGI is between $114,000 and $134,000. As a single parent, the same restriction applies if your modified AGI is between $57,000 and $67,000.
The adoption credit
If you’ve adopted a child, you may be able to claim an adoption credit to help with the related expenses. For 2018, this credit is up to $13,810. If you’ve adopted a special-needs child, you may take the entirety of the credit, even if your actual expenses are less than the credit. The income restriction is for parents with modified AGIs in excess of $207,140. Beyond $247,140 as a modified AGI, this credit is completely phased out.
How many times have you switched from one task to the other, anxiously trying to get through your long to-do list as fast as you could? Or absent-mindedly listened to the kids, while furiously answering emails? Or almost dropped the phone in the dinner pot while talking your boss through a last-minute work snafu after-hours? I bet more than once…As working women and working moms spread thin between all our obligations and commitments, it may seem that we work all the time. We work at work, and then we work some more at home, most often switching back and forth between the two in an attempt to be more productive.
This is exactly the conversation I was having with my girlfriend the other day, as we both were complaining on our way to work about how much we had to do, all the time. There never seemed to be an end to what had to be done, accomplished, or finished.
According to this Michigan state study, women tend to multi-task 10 hours more than men do. Yet, abundant research shows that multi-tasking does not improve performance at all. It actually makes us more prone to making mistakes and being less efficient and effective. As a matter of fact, going from task to task not only makes us less productive, but it also hurts our creativity and memory. It’s also detrimental to our well-being in general, as we may tend to feel more overwhelmed and anxious.
As an ambitious overachiever with more ambition than actual stamina, I, like so many other working moms, was tired of burning the candle at both ends. After reading umpteen books about organization and productivity to no avail, squishing my to-do list every which way, and complaining to whoever was available to listen, I decided to give the whole “mindfulness” concept out. Being mindful is basically being more focused in the moment, which I could certainly use in the midst of the confusion around me. Thankfully, it’s a skill that can be learned and acquired over time through the practice of meditation for instance.
For me, it began with committing to a regular meditation practice. The simple act of focusing my attention on my breathing helped me increase my attention skills. Which in turn helped me focus more, so I could actually accomplish more in less time. The most challenging part was to consciously limit my multi-tasking tendencies. While I haven’t succeeded just yet at completely eliminating multi-tasking from my life and work just yet, I’m getting closer each day.
Here are a few of the ways mindfulness has changed my life and work as a working woman and mom, and can change yours too:
Being more present
“Mommy, are you here?”
When my son asked me this question on a day we were stuck at home due to a snow storm, as I was trying to fit in some work and brownie baking all at once, I had to stop for a minute. He was right. I wasn’t being present. I was trying to do too many things at once, botching both in the process, and getting more frustrated by the second. Now I try and ask myself as much as possible: “Am I here or am I trying to be in more than one place at once?”
While I apply this mostly at home, it has made a significant difference in my work as well, by refraining from multi-tasking. Instead, I choose to focus on one single task at a time, even if it may seem that it takes longer. The result? Better outcomes overall, less mistakes, and most importantly, more peace.
Practicing gratitude
We live in a culture that tends to value commiserating and complaining. After all, misery loves company, right? Wrong. A while ago, I saw some positivity campaign on social media advocating a 30-day no-complaining challenge, which I tried for the sake of it. Shall I mention that I barely made it through the first hour? I started realizing how much I had gotten used to not being grateful for everything I had.
The more I read about practicing gratitude and tried it myself, the more I could feel the benefits. Writing 5 or 10 things I ‘m grateful for makes a major difference in my day. Although my circumstances didn’t change much, neither did traffic or the state of humanity, it just felt better to be more appreciative. The better it felt, the better life and work felt. Interestingly enough, the better the results I got as well…
Focus on feeling good
This may sound counter-intuitive (at least it did to me in the beginning), but I believe it to be the key to success, whatever your definition of success may be. There’s power in positive energy and thoughts, and that’s exactly what feeling good is. The more I put myself in situations where I felt good instead of miserable, the more my thoughts would positively change. As a result, the more positive the results too…
Conversely, when not feeling well or dealing with challenging circumstances, going for a quick sweat session or run, putting on a funny movie, laughing with a friend, would change the trajectory of my day. Hence, the importance of doing what we love and surrounding ourselves with people who bring out the best in us.
