As busy working moms, we are often our worst critics. In addition to the weight we already carry as caretakers and caregivers, we have to add to it the responsibilities that come with careers and businesses. All of this often translates into negative self-talk, or even blatant criticism from the outside world. As a working mom myself, I’m certainly not immune to it. I’ve also found over time that one of the best ways to counteract this is through positive daily affirmations.
I discovered the power of positive affirmations when I first started struggling with juggling career and family. As many other working moms, dealing with the ups and downs of being a parent, in addition to work, home and relationships, triggered many of my already present insecurities. Was I a good mom? What if I didn’t cook every day? Was I missing out on my kids’ growth by being at work? All these questions, and then some, rattled my mind day in and day out. That’s when I started using affirmations to stop myself from beating myself down, and instead empower, encourage and motivate myself more.
Whether on my way to work (especially when I am late dropping off the kids, yet again!), in traffic, or in the middle of a tantrum episode under my breath, I like to repeat these as a way of pumping myself up. There’s something about telling yourself a different, more positive and uplifting story about yourself that elevates your mindset and improves your outcomes. Here are 10 of my favorite daily positive affirmations for busy working moms:
I am enough!
All is well and everything is working out for my ultimate good.
I am doing the best I can at all times.
I accept myself as I am.
I am the best mother for my children that I can be.
I trust myself and my intuition to be the best mother and woman I can be.
I choose to practice self-care so I can be the best mom I can be.
I am strong, powerful and unstoppable.
I am becoming the best version of myself every day.
I deserve love, respect and affection.
What are your favorite positive affirmations for working moms? Please share with us.
Does having kids hurt your career? As a working mom, it may be tempting to think so. Just the mere fact of going on maternity leave can sometimes seem like a step back for many working moms, as their absence in the office often puts them at a disadvantage. By the time many working moms come back to work, their most important responsibilities may have been reassigned. Or they may no longer be privy to the same conversations and access they used to have. Even worse, their competencies may be questioned, now that they have to “balance” work and life.
As a result, there is a wide pre-conception that having kids hurts working moms’ careers. According to recent studies, the gender pay gap is largely a consequence of motherhood. A study by the Census Bureaureveals that the earnings gap between spouses of opposite sexes doubles between the two before the couple’s first child is born, and a year thereafter. When surveyed, as in this Pew Research Center’s publication, Americans and Europeans have the tendency to agree with women working part-time or not at all after having children. All in all, the statistics out there are far from being encouraging when it comes to working moms’ careers after children.
In my own experience, having kids actually did wonders for my career. Although I did initially feel, especially after coming back from maternity leave, as if I had made a few steps back, the difference for me was more mental and spiritual. Having children allowed me to start asking myself the tough questions: “What am I here for? What is my purpose? How is my career advancing my purpose?” These questions in turn allowed me to re-direct my work towards a more fulfilling path aligned with who I am and what my purpose is.
Despite the staggering statistics out there, it is up to us, as working moms, to re-frame the context of our own lives and careers. Not in terms of impossible choices to make (having kids or a successful career?), but in terms of how we can integrate, not balance, the various areas of our lives and work to show up and perform in the fullness of who we are:
Allow the experience of motherhood to help you-re-define yourself
Motherhood is an experience like no other. I strongly believe we’re not born mothers, we become mothers. It’s a wonderful path of constant growth and self-discovery. I’m happy (and relieved) to say that I’m probably learning more from my children than they are learning from me. However, it took me some time to allow this growth and change in myself, as I was stubbornly attached to the way things were and “should be”.
By allowing the experience of motherhood, with all its ups and downs, late appointments, booked schedules, messy mornings and sweet kisses, to change us, we allow ourselves to grow and be re-defined as well. And yes, it also affects our careers and the way we work. It may mean reconsidering our current field, company or occupation entirely. It may mean becoming a stay-at-home mom, or an entrepreneur. It may also mean taking a pay cut, or watch our earnings decline. Whatever it is, it will rock your career, not for the worse, but for the better.
Give yourself permission to re-direct yourself
Becoming a mom will change your life, and it will change your career. Not that you necessarily need to change jobs, or switch companies, or go hiking in the Himalayas. But it will change the way you perceive the work you do. For some, it may be a confirmation of what you are already doing. For others, it may be a total re-direction.
This is where it’s crucial to give yourself permission to re-direct yourself and your work. Does it mean you should get up and leave the job that is paying rent and putting food in the kids’ mouths? No. Yet, it means being opened to a gradual evolution in your work. It may be developing a side hustle into a business while you keep your day job. It may be asking for more flexibility or considering a lateral move in your company. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to consider and explore it, one bit at a time.
Trust the process
Last but not least, trust the process. Being a working mom is not something you can plan on a day to day basis. Things will happen, laundry will pile up, traffic will keep you from making it to work on time, and poopy diapers will have you re-consider the very meaning of life.
Yet, this is not a sign that kids are derailing, slowing down or hurting your career. It’s just the signal that change is here to help you become your best self.
Do you think having kids has hurt or benefited your career?
Take Toni…Toni just lost the promotion she has been working tirelessly for all year. Sandra knows, because just like everyone in the office, she received the email announcing Daevon’s new title. The title she had been after for all this time…Although it was only 3pm, she decided to pack up and headed out the door, mumbling something about a doctor’s appointment to the secretary. She was home when her husband and the kids came home, in her “bad days” pajamas, glass of wine in hand, tears in her eyes. All went downhill from there. I’ll let you picture your own version of the story…
LikeToni, I wish someone would have told me how to deal with a career crisis at home as a married or partnered working woman. Losing a job, being demoted, or generally being unfulfilled in your work, are all things that can negatively affect one’s home life. Many, if not most, have faced at least one career crisis that rocked our home lives. I remember facing my first career crisis and having no idea how to react, what to do, and most essentially, what to avoid doing.
Unless you’re blessed with a constant, uneventful career, you’re bound to face ups and downs at work. Some of the latter may never amount to full crisis stage, but some may. Even for those small work mishaps, it may be challenging to leave it all behind your cubicle or office desk at the end of the day. If your career or business is weighing on your mind, not discussing it with your partner or your closed friends and relatives is nearly impossible.
I tried to apply the proverbial “leave work at work” piece of advice, and draw a strong line between career and home life. Needless to say, it didn’t work. Even when I swore to keep work and life separate, my face would betray me, exposing all my business in the middle of dinner. Truth is, I never believed the different areas of our lives should be kept apart from each other, in their own well-kept compartments. Everything we go through is connected, and attempting to draw barriers between our varied life experiences doesn’t benefit us in the long term.
It took me a while to deal with the inevitable nature of career crisis. Over time, through many ups, downs and lessons learnt, as well as through learning from others, here are a thing or two about dealing with a career crisis at home:
You don’t have to carry it all on your own
A career crisis is not something you have to face on your own. It’s ok to share the difficulties you’re facing at work with your significant other at home. If you’re not able to do so, then you should revisit how much support you really are getting in the relationship.
Use it as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship
Tough times can always serve as an opportunity to strengthen your home relationship. It’s during those challenging episodes that partners can show more of their vulnerable side. It’s also when their commitment can be re-affirmed and even expanded.
But…don’t overburden your home life with career pressure
However, as much as you should count on your home base to support and shoulder you in times of career crisis, there’s a risk of over-burdening your relationship with your work. While you don’t have to deal with career challenges on your own, you also have to balance it all out. If your home life is at the mercy of your career, or vice-versa, there’s an imbalance that may spell trouble for you.
All in all, every situation is different, and so is every home and career. It’s up to you to evaluate the right balance between what you can ask of your home base and what can destroy it when facing a career crisis.
Now, your turn: How do you deal with a career crisis at home?
I recently attended a women’s empowerment conference in one of the nearby universities, and one of the questions raised by a young student was: “Should I pick the career with great perks or the career that’s a best fit?” This is a question most working women and working moms ask themselves on a daily basis. The job with the great perks, including free travel, luxury stays in intercontinental hotels, and a great salary to boot, may certainly be attractive. Yet, how about the gig where people our value, where we get the most fulfilled, although the pay may not be quite as appealing? Let me tell you, you should pick the career that fits you best.
A few years back, I had to seriously ask myself this question when offered an opportunity that seemed impossible to refuse. I had two babies at the time, one of which an infant, and the prospect of added financial gain was hard to ignore. Despite the sinking feeling in my stomach as I read the about the 25% travel requirement, I accepted the offer. It was the beginning of a painful realization that there are truly no perks or amount of money that is worth the feeling of fulfillment and wholeness one deserves, especially as a working mom.
As you may start or be re-directing your career or business, you may be faced with the same pressing question. Do you take the high-paying job with loads of advantages, or do you pick the option that feels and looks like a better fit for you as a working mom and working woman? You know, the one that actually lets you see your kids, be home for dinner, and work at something that makes your heart full at the end of the day? In my opinion, the latter holds true, and here are three reasons why:
It’s never just a career decision, it’s a life decision
At times, we tend to compartmentalize our work and life in separate containers, as if one had nothing to do with the other. I’ve learnt that pretty much everything that affects your life can affect your work and vice-versa. When making a career decision, you’re really making a life decision. It’s one that’s bound to impact your well-being as well as your family’s well-being.
Is this career or job going to allow you to care for yourself and yours? Will you be able to build some margin in your schedule? Will you be able to have a sense of balance?
You develop more in an environment that’s a better fit for you
Getting an offer letter from a multi-million dollar corporation with a salary cap in the six-figure realm is flattering, appealing and frankly borderline irresistible. However, these same multi-million dollar corporations can also be labyrinths of bureaucracy and administration where you may not be able to fully develop and come into your own, professionally and personally, unless you’ve found a right fit in these.
The larger the professional environment, the more chances your voice may be drowned in all the surrounding noise. If developing your voice and growing in your career is a priority, it’s crucial to pick the career or job that allows you to do so. After all, it’s better to be a big fish in a small pond than a small fish in a large pond
In the end, your fulfillment and happiness is what matters.
At the end of the day, you won’t remember the perks or the multiple zeros in your salary. Ok, maybe a little… But what is really going to stay with you, is how much fulfillment you’ve had, how many memorable experiences and people you’ve come across, and what difference you’ve made. This is where fit or the lack thereof can create the best or the worst of careers or jobs.
Are you choosing an environment that’s the right fit for you?
I’m a recovering overachiever, I admit it. Like many other working women and working moms, I suffer from the “I want to do it all” syndrome. My to-do lists are gigantic, filled with unending items from the smallest and most mundane, to the most elaborate tasks. From paying the mortgage to replacing the shower curtains and planning for the next department meeting… Even when I can (painfully) plow through most of them throughout the day, I’m still left with so much to do at the end of the day that discouragement quickly sets in. Along with the realization that “less is more”…
If you’re a fellow “on the verge of overwhelm” working mom like myself, you know the feeling. You also know that it’s far from being a pleasant one. What you also may be familiar with is that sinking sense of despair as you roll off the bed in the morning, knowing that you’ll probably not get through your to-do list for the day, yet again…
Lately, this same sinking feeling has been overtaking me. As an avid consumer of productivity content through books, podcasts and other mediums, I started researching ways in which I could, well…do less, achieve more, and take a break. I was recently inspired by one of Amy Porterfield’s podcast, during which she interviewed best-selling author Michael Hyatt. It reminded me of the rule of three (3)which I had read a lot about in the past.
The rule of three (3) is a rhetorical technique that originated in ancient Greece, and focuses on three (3) words to express an idea. Since three items are easier to remember than five or seven, virtually anything presented in threes may be easier to accomplish and retain. Just consider the three (3) rights listed in the American Declaration of Independence: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Or Apple’s founder’s Steve Jobs’ tendency to build all his presentations and product launches as iterations of threes, from the three iPad models introduced in 2010, to its description as “thinner, lighter and faster” than its predecessor. The point is, the rule of three works, so why not use it in our over-booked working moms’ lives?
Here are three (3) ways I’ve personally been using it to do less and achieve more as a recovering, frazzled working mom, and recommend:
Identify your 3 life areas
Do you tend to have countless buckets in your personal life, from family to home life, relationships, faith, spirituality and so on and so forth? I know I used to. As a result, there were so many things I was stretching myself in between to accomplish all the attached objectives. Obviously, it didn’t work in the least…
When I asked myself what three personal areas were most important to me, the answer turned out to be simpler than I thought: FAITH, SELF-CARE, and FAMILY. It made it so much easier to determine what priorities went into each of these areas, and stick to them. Even better, I picked only three priorities for each of these areas, and assigned time to each one of these.
What are your three most important personal life areas? Can you assign three priorities to each?
Identify your 3 work areas
In the same way that I picked three personal areas, I also selected three work areas to focus on. These are aligned with my passions, talents and abilities, and comprise the bulk of my work. For me, they are: TEACHING, WRITING and SPEAKING.
Similarly, I pick three priorities in each of these areas to devote my time to and build my goals around.
What are your three work areas that you choose to focus on? Can you identify three priorities for each one of these?
Pick your goals in 3’s
Lastly, whenever I devise my goals, I do it in three’s. I pick three major yearly, quarterly and monthly goals to address every year, quarter and month. In the same way, I break down each one of these goals into three items to address for each.
What three major goals can you focus on this year, quarter or month?
How can you use the rule of three to achieve more by doing less?
