As a disclaimer, this is not your typical (read: practical) career advice. There will be no fool-proof tips and tricks to climb the corporate ladder or reach the million dollar mark in your business. If you’re looking for a get-rich-or-successful-quick scheme, this is also not it.
What this is rather, is a testimony to one aspect of our careers, and our lives in general, that is too often overlooked, at the expense of technical know-how and practical advice.
Listen to the average employed person talk about their work, and you may more often catch them rant about their horrible bosses and atrocious workload, than you would about their growth potential. Try and catch a session of “office watercooler gossip”, and you may be in for a serious re-run of “The Desperate Housewives of the Cubicle Next Door”. Truth is, the majority of people constantly complain about their jobs, from dreading the Sunday night blues to despising their annoying co-workers. Those who don’t? Well, who wants to chat with anyone who loves their job, anyways…
Many, if not most, aspire to the next best thing in their careers, whether it’s the next promotion, the next job, the next boss, or the next coffee machine to survive the day (hello work-induced caffeine addiction)….Few stop to be truly grateful about where they currently stand in their work journey, or any other positive side of their current occupation. Besides, all this positivity wouldn’t make for juicy watercooler talk…
In the much acclaimed book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill reveals how a change in the way you think in general, and in particular your level of faith, desire, and resilience, can propel you to success. As it did for millions, this book, among others, revolutionized the way I envision success. While I was raised in a household that valued hard, tireless work, and academic excellence, I realized in the course of my career that these, although invaluable, are far from being enough. The modern cult of the constant grind and overachiever mentality, so prevalent among entrepreneurs, is also leaving us with an insatiable thirst for more that is ever so unquenchable. As a result, purpose is eluding us at the expense of grandiose status and bottomless FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). We then find ourselves in this unending quest of closing yet another gap or smashing yet another ceiling.
What I’ve found through my own trials, errors, failures and successes across jobs, careers, and through fulfilling my own purpose, can be summed up in a few words: Less doing, more thinking and being. Could it be that after all, the secret was never to work harder, but to think better? Could it be that we all can manifest the career of our dreams by switching the quality of our thoughts? It has certainly been my experience, and is now my testimony, based on these few yet powerful principles:
An abundance mindset creates opportunities
One of the main obstacles to career success is the belief that there aren’t enough opportunities to go around. This scarcity mindset is often at the core of competitive and toxic behaviors and environments, not to mention at the root of Impostor syndrome and slef-doubt.
Developing a mindset rooted in abundance means recognizing opportunities even where there seems to be lack. Sometimes, it may mean creating those opportunities for yourself. It’s also learning to celebrate others as we build our own successes.
Gratitude is a multiplier
Manifesting the career of your dreams begins where you are, which means it starts with showing gratitude for the job you have now. It can be difficult to fathom when work doesn’t inspire you more than the prospect of a somewhat generous paycheck, or that of a juicy gossip session in the deli section of the cafeteria.
Expressing gratitude for where you’re at in your career (and life in general) is also recognizing the positive in your current situation. Whenever you see and acknowledge the positive in anything, you’re also multiplying it!
No amount of work can supersede your thoughts.
However you may define success for yourself, and regardless of the amount of work you put in, you must believe it to be achievable for yourself first. Self-doubt and lack of confidence will rob you of the positive outcome of your hard work, unless you commit to believing in yourself.
It is no surprise that millions of dollars are wasted each and every year in process inefficiencies, as employees literally waste precious time, energy and money on unsuccessful pursuits. It’s the lack of intentionality and purpose behind so many business initiatives, rather than the lack of work, that really explains their failing.
So yes, hard work, shiny credentials, unwavering dedication, discipline, smart goal-setting, and a good eye cream are important to career success. Yet, none of it is truly effective until we begin to think and see ourselves successful, on our own terms.
Have you ever looked at your schedule and felt an “Auntie Maxine” “Reclaiming my time” moment? Whether it was because your goals seemed too far-fetched or that you could not possibly see how you could accomplish them all, at one point or another, you might have felt the need for refreshing your schedule.
I’ve learnt over time to periodically take a good, hard look at my schedule, especially as a working mom. Not only do circumstances constantly change in my family, from school schedules to vacations and doctor’s appointments, but my growth and evolution as a working woman and mom also mean that the way I organize my time is bound to change. What were priorities last year or even last month, may now be relegated to the bottom of the to-do list, and vice-versa. Emergencies or new priorities may also come along, thus changing your whole outlook on your schedule. Overall, it’s just good practice to re-evaluate your schedule on a periodic basis, re-organize your priorities and refresh your use of time.
If you’ve been thinking about updating and refreshing your schedule, here are 7 ways you may consider:
Check in with yourself: Re-visit your why
It all starts with you, from your schedule to how you choose to live your life. It makes sense then check in with yourself first, more specifically with what motivates and drives you, that is your “why”. Has your “Why” changed over time? Have you changed in a way that no longer accommodates your current schedule? If so, what are your new priorities and how do you envision your new schedule?
Check in with your loved ones
We don’t build alone, whether in life or at work. Most likely, your schedule doesn’t just revolve around yourself, but also around your loved ones. Check in with them and have an honest conversation about where you see yourself spending your time, given your particular circumstances. However, beware of not building your schedule based exclusively on the needs of others, which may leave you drained and unfulfilled.
Use a time tracker
One of the best practices I was introduced to in one of the productivity masterminds I attended, is the use of a time-tracker. As its name indicates, it’s a document in which you track how and what you use your time on. Documenting your daily schedule goes a long way towards clarifying where your time goes, which in turn helps you re-adjust where needed.
Find what brings you joy
One of the aspects of the time trackers I used revolved around documenting the activities that brought me joy. Doing so helped me pinpoint those tasks that would bring my energy level up, in turn making me more productive, fulfilled and efficient. In the same way, practice documenting those activities that revitalize you and that you particularly enjoy. Not only will they point you towards a more efficient use of your time, they may also very well be directing you towards your purpose.
Identify time-stealers
Another time-tracking aspect that also proved to be instrumental in my personal and professional growth is the identification of time-stealers. These are activities or tasks that zap your energy, drain you and absorb way too much of your time. For me, these are the usual suspects, that is administrative tasks and social media. By pinpointing these, you will be able to decrease their impact or eliminate them altogether from your schedule, thus positively refreshing it going forward.
Use the power of technology
While there may be numerous inefficient uses of technology, there are some aspects of it that are particularly useful in refreshing your schedule. Automating and scheduling tasks are part of these. Using the power of technology to handle low-level tasks that do not require your expertise is a powerful way to free up some of your time and create a more efficient schedule.
Build margins
Last but not least, one thing I realized through my last productivity mastermind is that an effective schedule is also one that allows for realistic margins. For instance, when heading to a doctor’s appointment with the kids, I realized that I was expecting the whole process to just take the commuting time to and from the doctor’s office. What I would not take into account was the time to prep the kids, transition them into the car, as well as any necessary time cushion in case of traffic jams or other delays. As a result, my schedule would always feel too tight. Building margins and cushions in my time planning allowed me to relax, de-stress and have a more realistic schedule.
What other tips do you recommend to refresh your schedule?
40 is not the new 30, 40 is the new 40. For some women like Kourtney Kardashian, feeling anxious about turning the big 4-0 is par for the course ( see video excerpt below). For others, it’s a good thing, at least according to Tracee Ellis Ross, who unapologetically claims that not only did her career blossom at 40, she also feels in her prime at now nearly 50. For all the women who fear, negatively anticipate or flat-out dread this mid-life milestone, Ross’s testimony sends a glimmer of hope in an otherwise darker age-conscious society.
I remember hearing all about turning 40 and how it changes everything. There is more of a fear of turning 40 than there ever was about turning 30 or 20. At 30 or 20, you still have a foot, a curl, or a toe, into youth. Yet, upon turning 40, there is no doubt about the fact that you’re officially stepping into adulthood. My closest friends and I would joke about turning 40 as much, or actually more, than we did about the year 2000 becoming reality. When our turn started looming on the horizon, we held on to 39 for dear life. Yet, what we didn’t realize then, was that 40 is a magnificent age, one to look forward to more than it is to fear.
However, despite the apparent downsides of aging for women, reaching certain birthday milestones is one of the most beautiful blessings life can afford us. As such, they should be celebrated, and the lessons learnt along the way acknowledged and shared. In honor of this, here are 40 lessons on turning 40 as a working woman:
It all starts with you!
One of the most important lessons as you age is that everything starts with you, from your interactions to the daily choices you make. This is exactly why working on yourself is the single most important thing you can do for you and everyone else around you.
Mindset is everything!
I wish I realized earlier how crucial mindset is to our lives. Once you realize your thoughts create your reality, you also understand how important it is to create as positive and fruitful a mindset as you can. Quiet time, meditation, prayer and self-care become a daily necessity rather than an occasional indulgence.
It was never about the money, but about the purpose!
While purpose may seem to be a very trendy concept these days, it reveals itself as one of our most important life foundations. Without purpose, we cannot flourish, grow or develop to our optimal level. Discovering and living our purpose beats any amount of money or level of fame we may reach.
You can have it all, on purpose!
Speaking of purpose, you can really have it all, according to your unique purpose in life. Being aligned with the purpose that is ultimately yours allows you to expand into the fullest, best version of yourself; which also means that whatever your “all” or the fullness of your potential is, is always accessible for you, on purpose.
Enjoy the journey, not just the destination
According to society, you should have such and such milestones achieved by the time you turn 20, 30, and so on. There seems to be a never-ending list of to-do’s, year by year, decade by decade. However, as time goes by, you start realizing that it’s really more about the journey than the destination. The point is to enjoy the path.
Self-care is never optional
You can’t pour from an empty cup, which is why self-care is never optional. Whether it’s some time to yourself, reading a book, or getting a pedicure, you must invest in your self-care.
You can always change your mind
It’s never too late to change your mind, go on a different path or do something differently. You can always change your mind and build the life you’ve always wanted, whether it means starting a new career, exiting fruitless relationships, or moving out of town.
Failure is opportunity
Failure is an opportunity to learn and move forward, not a death sentence. You can’t learn and grow unless you’re making mistakes. Growth is imperfectly perfect.
Life works out for you
If you’ve made it to this point, it’s proof that life is working out for you. Even the least desirable of circumstances always carry a lesson to your benefit. Keep your mind on that!
No one is responsible for your happiness.
No one is responsible for your happiness. Not your parents, not your spouse, not your colleagues, and certainly not your boss. You are. This one single realization can change how you perceive just about everything in life. So go on and be happy!
You are the CEO of your life
There comes a time when you realize you are in charge of your life and your circumstances. It also means you can decide the kind of relationships you’d like to engage in and those you’d rather exit, without any guilt.
Stop low-balling yourself
You may have underestimated yourself before, failed to negotiate what you were really worth, or settled for way less than you deserved, at work and in life. This is a reminder that it’s time to stop low-balling yourself and start asking for what you know you deserve.
Be open to change
Change, good, positive, fulfilling change is good. It’s the difference between quiet, lethal complacency and a life that makes you jump out of bed in the morning. Pick the latter.
Believe the best in others
Too much energy is spent on negative relationships and interactions, in and outside of work. Instead, choose to believe the best in others. You will do yourself a favor.
Be ok with releasing people and places that are no longer for you
Letting go can be a blessing. Know when it’s time to release people and places you’ve outgrown, from that toxic job to that oppressive neighborhood.
Gratitude is the new rich
Nothing calls in more abundance than a deep, authentic sense of gratitude. Practice appreciating who you are, what you have and where you are, on the way to where you’re going. It will do wonders for you.
Define success on your own terms
Society has defined success for women in many ways, most of which were inadequate and unfulfilling. Be willing to define your own brand of success, whether it’s raising a happy family, building a prosperous business, or climbing the corporate ladder.
Ask for what you want
The worst thing anyone can say to you is no. So go ahead and ask for what you want, all of it!
It’s ok to evolve
“You’ve changed!”. You’ll hear this a lot as you grow and evolve. Keep evolving anyways!
Favor experiences over money
Financial security is certainly necessary. However, experiences that change your life make you appreciate the world in a way that money never could.
Nurture your relationships
You cannot make it alone. Relationships are an integral part of life and success, however you may define success. Take time to nurture those relationships that matter to you the most. In the end, they will count more than prestige or economic prosperity.
NO is a full sentence
Being your best self will require you to say no more often than you say yes. You don’t have to justify yourself either. Simply saying no should be enough.
Be ok with spending time alone
Being comfortable with your own company is the greatest gift you can offer yourself. As time passes, I come to understand more and more that the most important relationship I will ever have, after God, is with myself.
You are enough: Value yourself
If you don’t value yourself, no one else will. Embrace all that you are, and value who you are and what you bring to the table. It’s how you teach others to treat you.
Follow your instincts
Your instincts are a gift. They can tell you what no other person, report, or statistic can. Trust them.
Never stop learning
Learning is not only the secret to constant growth and evolution. It’s also one of the best tricks to staying young in spirit and mind, and continue growing into the best version of yourself.
Do less but do it better
You don’t have to fill your schedule with a gazillion to-do’s. Instead, learning to focus on what really matters, what brings you joy and fulfillment, helps you do less, but do it so much better!
Build a career you love
You will spend much, if not most of your life, at work. Build a career you love so you don’t have to run from it on Friday!
When you learn, teach
Keep the door of opportunity open for others by giving back through teaching, whether formally or informally. Serve as a mentor, use your resources to help someone else, be an inspiration. When you learn, teach!
Offer opportunity to others
Along with teaching others, offer opportunities to grow and develop to others, whether formally or informally. Create a business and jobs, promote career advancement, and ultimately, expand yourself so you can help others expand.
Forget nice, be kind instead
Being nice is seeking to please through action or words, at the cost of falling out of alignment with yourself. Instead, be kind, speak your truth in love, and remain authentic to who you are, even if it feels lonely at times.
Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you
If you would like others to treat you a certain way, check in with yourself that you’re also treating yourself with the same consideration and kindness you expect.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
If it’s not going to matter in the next five minutes, days, weeks or years, don’t sweat it! Learning to let go o is one of the most precious tools you will ever have to live your best life.
Faith it
Don’t just face it, but faith it! Believe that whatever happens, you will always come out better in the end. And you will…
Remember where you came from
It’s one thing to know where you want to go in life, it’s another to remember where you came from. This is not just about the place you came from, but everything you bring to the table in terms of experiences, skills, and lessons. You are the expert of your own experience!
Forgive yourself
Be willing to forgive yourself for any perceived failures or mistakes. Once you understand that there are really no mistakes, that everything is meant to put you on the right path for you, it gets easier to be less harsh on yourself. You’re doing the best you can!
Forgive others
Along with forgiving yourself, forgive others as well. Unforgiveness is too heavy a burden to carry, so let it go!
Be present
Give yourself the gift of being fully present in whatever circumstance you may be in, and experience the fullness of your life. Put the phone down, drop the to-do list, and enjoy every moment!
The goal is freedom
The goal is to create a life of freedom and fulfillment. At the end of the day, is what you’re spending your time on creating more or less freedom and joy? Now that is the real question…
Celebrate!
Don’t forget to celebrate yourself and others. We’re all doing the best we can with what we have at our disposal, so enjoy the process!
In the Woman of Impact series, I interview women who are making a difference in others’ lives through their mission and purpose. Cleonie Mainvielle is just one of these women. When I first heard Cleonie speak about her journey and business at a women’s event, I felt like she was talking to and about me. As I later joined her mastermind, I was even more inspired by her mission to help women like myself reclaim our time, energy and ultimately freedom.
If you are a woman or man looking to maximize your own impact, and live and work on purpose, your will enjoy reading about Cleonie and her work! Without further ado, I present to you Cleonie…
1. Could you tell me a bit about you and who Cleonie is?
I am a mother to two fun loving children (9 and 11 yrs old), a wife of 14 yrs and a full-time entrepreneur. My biggest fear is to have lived a life without meaning and purpose because I had wasted too much of my time. This fear is the driving force behind my business and how I structure my life. When my final days are here, I want to feel content that I have lived a life that made a difference and that it was lived well.
2. I like to ask people this question: “What did you want to be when you grow up?”
As a child, I always thought I would grow up to be a teacher or nurse. Teaching and nursing were the roles I gravitated to when I played with my brother or friends. The idea of helping others improve their situation by using the knowledge and skills I have really appealed to me. I started to implement my nursing plan as early as high school when I earned my Licensed in Practical Nursing. But I encountered a major setback when my first college choice accepted me into their Liberal Arts school and not their nursing program. This disappointment turned out to be a great opportunity to challenge my long-held belief that nursing was the route for me.
As I worked to earn extra money at a hospital using my nursing training from high school, I came to realize that although I loved helping people, I didn’t only want to help those who were sick. So, I stopped pursuing nursing, earned my Bachelor in Psychology and later went on to earn my Masters in Social Work. These two degrees turned out to be the best fit since they allowed me to help others with a broader range of issues.
4. Who do you help as your target audience? How do you help them?
I help busy professionals and entrepreneurs organize their schedules and belongings so that they can reclaim their personal freedom and have more time for what is important, joyful and inspiring. I do this by delivering workshops where I teach general productivity and time management strategies. For those who want long term group support to implement strategies learned, I facilitate women-only mastermind groups. These mastermind groups are comprised of 4-5 like-minded women who have agreed to lend each other support, share resources and hold each other accountable as they each strive to achieve ambitious goals.
As the group facilitator, I provide structure and track progress to ensure that the group as well as the individual members are achieving their goals. Lastly, I work with clients one-on-one to help them uncover the specific time management and productivity strategies that fit into their lives and address their specific circumstances.
2. I like to ask people this question: “What did you want to be when you grow up?”
As a child, I always thought I would grow up to be a teacher or nurse. Teaching and nursing were the roles I gravitated to when I played with my brother or friends. The idea of helping others improve their situation by using the knowledge and skills I have really appealed to me. I started to implement my nursing plan as early as high school when I earned my Licensed in Practical Nursing. But I encountered a major setback when my first college choice accepted me into their Liberal Arts school and not their nursing program. This disappointment turned out to be a great opportunity to challenge my long-held belief that nursing was the route for me.
As I worked to earn extra money at a hospital using my nursing training from high school, I came to realize that although I loved helping people, I didn’t only want to help those who were sick. So, I stopped pursuing nursing, earned my Bachelor in Psychology and later went on to earn my Masters in Social Work. These two degrees turned out to be the best fit since they allowed me to help others with a broader range of issues.
4. Who do you help as your target audience? How do you help them?
I help busy professionals and entrepreneurs organize their schedules and belongings so that they can reclaim their personal freedom and have more time for what is important, joyful and inspiring. I do this by delivering workshops where I teach general productivity and time management strategies. For those who want long term group support to implement strategies learned, I facilitate women-only mastermind groups. These mastermind groups are comprised of 4-5 like-minded women who have agreed to lend each other support, share resources and hold each other accountable as they each strive to achieve ambitious goals.
As the group facilitator, I provide structure and track progress to ensure that the group as well as the individual members are achieving their goals. Lastly, I work with clients one-on-one to help them uncover the specific time management and productivity strategies that fit into their lives and address their specific circumstances.
5. What do you think are the biggest obstacles for women to achieve the success they want and have the life they’ve always desired?
I think the biggest obstacle for women to achieve the success they want and have the life they’ve always desired is the disconnection between their time and energy investments, and what their desires are. Here is what I mean. When our minutes and energy are assigned to tasks that lack meaning and purpose, those minutes stack up to hours, those hours stack up to days, those days into weeks and weeks into months. Before we know it, we find ourselves living a life that is without meaning and purpose.
So, my work revolves around helping women gain clarity around what their desires are, then helping them reassign those minutes to activities they find important, joyful and inspiring. Along the way, they will encounter limiting beliefs, lack of self confidence as well as habits that can sabotage their progress.
6. What are your three best tips for working women?
I have so many tips to share because I have a healthy obsession with all things that pertain to productivity & organizing. But since I can only chose 3, here are my favorites:
1. Set your intentions before you invest any of your time and energy by asking yourself “What do I intend to take away or contribute to this event/interaction that will move me closer to what I desire?”; 2. Plan your days and weeks ahead by choosing one day each week as well as a specific time each day to map out how you plan to invest your time. This way, you can show up each day focused and clear on your priorities. Otherwise, your schedule will be subject to other people’s priorities and agenda; 3. Schedule the things that are most important to you. A calendar does not have to be limited only to your appointments. Be sure to schedule your priorities to ensure that there is time for them to get done.
7. Last but not least, where can we find you and get in touch with you?
Whether at work or in life, you’re bound to meet at least one person who doesn’t value you. This may be a co-worker who steps all over your toes in meeting, or a boss who discredits you in public with zero mercy. It may also be the so-called “friend” who puts their needs and time above yours, or the family member who subtly puts you down every chance they get. Whatever the case is, you may have that one person with whom every interaction leaves you feeling “less than”.
I used to wonder about this, in and outside of the workplace, especially as an introvert with a “too nice” tendency. I also realized that many, if not most, women (and men) face this day in and day out. Many feel that they must put up with it, whether due to the pressure of a paycheck, low self-esteem, or any other way they may rationalize it. Yet, at the end of the day, it becomes necessary to learn to address these situations as productively and authentically as possible:
Recognize that it starts with you
One major realization I’ve made is that you only attract what and who you are. Relationships really act as a mirror to reflect back your personal beliefs and attitudes to you. The upside of this is that each relationship, whether positive or not, is a gift, especially so with negative relationships. Those are the ones that really show you the areas in your life that need to be worked on. If you’re in need to assert yourself and build up your self-esteem, you will attract the exact people that will rub you the wrong way so as to push you to develop your own sense of self-esteem. If you need more compassion in your life, you’ll attract those who will show you exactly that.
Recognize that it all starts with you, and ask yourself what beliefs and attitudes in you are attracting or reinforcing the behavior of people who don’t value you. If you don’t value yourself, chances are others won’t value you. If you’re showing little regard for your own priorities, time and well-being, why would others do otherwise? After all, you teach people how to treat you.
Work on your mindset
Once that you recognize that it all starts with you, be willing to work on your mindset. Identify those core beliefs about yourself that may be in the way of your self-worth. Most of these beliefs may come from childhood, from the way a well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) adult treated or spoke to you. They may come from earlier experiences, or from the stories you may be telling yourself about yourself.
Working on your mindset means pinpointing these beliefs, understanding where they come from, and learning to reverse them. This is why affirmations are so powerful at reversing some of the beliefs we may have acquired early on in life. Journaling is a great way to unearth these, and reverse them with opposite affirmations.
Set clear boundaries
While it all starts with you, there’s also a part of dealing with people who don’t value you that consists in setting clear boundaries. You never have to accept anyone treating you “less than”. It’s ok to say no, and express the fact that you will not deal a certain type of behavior.
Master the art of saying no and not tolerating being under-valued. It’s ok to cancel an appointment, not go some place you won’t feel comfortable in, and confront someone who trespassed the limits of respect and courtesy.
Be willing to walk away
Last but not least, be willing to walk away and release yourself from situations, places and people who threaten your sense of self-respect and self-worth. This may mean leaving oppressive jobs and professional environments, exiting low-frequency relationships, or drastically changing your life altogether.
Too often, the fear of change, loneliness or not conforming to society’s expectations keeps us way too long in undesirable places that wreck our sense of who we are. The alternative is simply to gracefully and peacefully remind ourselves that we are worth the love and value we give others, and create lives we’re excited, not forced, to live.
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