40 is not the new 30, 40 is the new 40. For some women like Kourtney Kardashian, feeling anxious about turning the big 4-0 is par for the course ( see video excerpt below). For others, it’s a good thing, at least according to Tracee Ellis Ross, who unapologetically claims that not only did her career blossom at 40, she also feels in her prime at now nearly 50. For all the women who fear, negatively anticipate or flat-out dread this mid-life milestone, Ross’s testimony sends a glimmer of hope in an otherwise darker age-conscious society.
I remember hearing all about turning 40 and how it changes everything. There is more of a fear of turning 40 than there ever was about turning 30 or 20. At 30 or 20, you still have a foot, a curl, or a toe, into youth. Yet, upon turning 40, there is no doubt about the fact that you’re officially stepping into adulthood. My closest friends and I would joke about turning 40 as much, or actually more, than we did about the year 2000 becoming reality. When our turn started looming on the horizon, we held on to 39 for dear life. Yet, what we didn’t realize then, was that 40 is a magnificent age, one to look forward to more than it is to fear.
However, despite the apparent downsides of aging for women, reaching certain birthday milestones is one of the most beautiful blessings life can afford us. As such, they should be celebrated, and the lessons learnt along the way acknowledged and shared. In honor of this, here are 40 lessons on turning 40 as a working woman:
It all starts with you!
One of the most important lessons as you age is that everything starts with you, from your interactions to the daily choices you make. This is exactly why working on yourself is the single most important thing you can do for you and everyone else around you.
Mindset is everything!
I wish I realized earlier how crucial mindset is to our lives. Once you realize your thoughts create your reality, you also understand how important it is to create as positive and fruitful a mindset as you can. Quiet time, meditation, prayer and self-care become a daily necessity rather than an occasional indulgence.
It was never about the money, but about the purpose!
While purpose may seem to be a very trendy concept these days, it reveals itself as one of our most important life foundations. Without purpose, we cannot flourish, grow or develop to our optimal level. Discovering and living our purpose beats any amount of money or level of fame we may reach.
You can have it all, on purpose!
Speaking of purpose, you can really have it all, according to your unique purpose in life. Being aligned with the purpose that is ultimately yours allows you to expand into the fullest, best version of yourself; which also means that whatever your “all” or the fullness of your potential is, is always accessible for you, on purpose.
Enjoy the journey, not just the destination
According to society, you should have such and such milestones achieved by the time you turn 20, 30, and so on. There seems to be a never-ending list of to-do’s, year by year, decade by decade. However, as time goes by, you start realizing that it’s really more about the journey than the destination. The point is to enjoy the path.
Self-care is never optional
You can’t pour from an empty cup, which is why self-care is never optional. Whether it’s some time to yourself, reading a book, or getting a pedicure, you must invest in your self-care.
You can always change your mind
It’s never too late to change your mind, go on a different path or do something differently. You can always change your mind and build the life you’ve always wanted, whether it means starting a new career, exiting fruitless relationships, or moving out of town.
Failure is opportunity
Failure is an opportunity to learn and move forward, not a death sentence. You can’t learn and grow unless you’re making mistakes. Growth is imperfectly perfect.
Life works out for you
If you’ve made it to this point, it’s proof that life is working out for you. Even the least desirable of circumstances always carry a lesson to your benefit. Keep your mind on that!
No one is responsible for your happiness.
No one is responsible for your happiness. Not your parents, not your spouse, not your colleagues, and certainly not your boss. You are. This one single realization can change how you perceive just about everything in life. So go on and be happy!
You are the CEO of your life
There comes a time when you realize you are in charge of your life and your circumstances. It also means you can decide the kind of relationships you’d like to engage in and those you’d rather exit, without any guilt.
Stop low-balling yourself
You may have underestimated yourself before, failed to negotiate what you were really worth, or settled for way less than you deserved, at work and in life. This is a reminder that it’s time to stop low-balling yourself and start asking for what you know you deserve.
Be open to change
Change, good, positive, fulfilling change is good. It’s the difference between quiet, lethal complacency and a life that makes you jump out of bed in the morning. Pick the latter.
Believe the best in others
Too much energy is spent on negative relationships and interactions, in and outside of work. Instead, choose to believe the best in others. You will do yourself a favor.
Be ok with releasing people and places that are no longer for you
Letting go can be a blessing. Know when it’s time to release people and places you’ve outgrown, from that toxic job to that oppressive neighborhood.
Gratitude is the new rich
Nothing calls in more abundance than a deep, authentic sense of gratitude. Practice appreciating who you are, what you have and where you are, on the way to where you’re going. It will do wonders for you.
Define success on your own terms
Society has defined success for women in many ways, most of which were inadequate and unfulfilling. Be willing to define your own brand of success, whether it’s raising a happy family, building a prosperous business, or climbing the corporate ladder.
Ask for what you want
The worst thing anyone can say to you is no. So go ahead and ask for what you want, all of it!
It’s ok to evolve
“You’ve changed!”. You’ll hear this a lot as you grow and evolve. Keep evolving anyways!
Favor experiences over money
Financial security is certainly necessary. However, experiences that change your life make you appreciate the world in a way that money never could.
Nurture your relationships
You cannot make it alone. Relationships are an integral part of life and success, however you may define success. Take time to nurture those relationships that matter to you the most. In the end, they will count more than prestige or economic prosperity.
NO is a full sentence
Being your best self will require you to say no more often than you say yes. You don’t have to justify yourself either. Simply saying no should be enough.
Be ok with spending time alone
Being comfortable with your own company is the greatest gift you can offer yourself. As time passes, I come to understand more and more that the most important relationship I will ever have, after God, is with myself.
You are enough: Value yourself
If you don’t value yourself, no one else will. Embrace all that you are, and value who you are and what you bring to the table. It’s how you teach others to treat you.
Follow your instincts
Your instincts are a gift. They can tell you what no other person, report, or statistic can. Trust them.
Never stop learning
Learning is not only the secret to constant growth and evolution. It’s also one of the best tricks to staying young in spirit and mind, and continue growing into the best version of yourself.
Do less but do it better
You don’t have to fill your schedule with a gazillion to-do’s. Instead, learning to focus on what really matters, what brings you joy and fulfillment, helps you do less, but do it so much better!
Build a career you love
You will spend much, if not most of your life, at work. Build a career you love so you don’t have to run from it on Friday!
When you learn, teach
Keep the door of opportunity open for others by giving back through teaching, whether formally or informally. Serve as a mentor, use your resources to help someone else, be an inspiration. When you learn, teach!
Offer opportunity to others
Along with teaching others, offer opportunities to grow and develop to others, whether formally or informally. Create a business and jobs, promote career advancement, and ultimately, expand yourself so you can help others expand.
Forget nice, be kind instead
Being nice is seeking to please through action or words, at the cost of falling out of alignment with yourself. Instead, be kind, speak your truth in love, and remain authentic to who you are, even if it feels lonely at times.
Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you
If you would like others to treat you a certain way, check in with yourself that you’re also treating yourself with the same consideration and kindness you expect.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
If it’s not going to matter in the next five minutes, days, weeks or years, don’t sweat it! Learning to let go o is one of the most precious tools you will ever have to live your best life.
Faith it
Don’t just face it, but faith it! Believe that whatever happens, you will always come out better in the end. And you will…
Remember where you came from
It’s one thing to know where you want to go in life, it’s another to remember where you came from. This is not just about the place you came from, but everything you bring to the table in terms of experiences, skills, and lessons. You are the expert of your own experience!
Forgive yourself
Be willing to forgive yourself for any perceived failures or mistakes. Once you understand that there are really no mistakes, that everything is meant to put you on the right path for you, it gets easier to be less harsh on yourself. You’re doing the best you can!
Forgive others
Along with forgiving yourself, forgive others as well. Unforgiveness is too heavy a burden to carry, so let it go!
Be present
Give yourself the gift of being fully present in whatever circumstance you may be in, and experience the fullness of your life. Put the phone down, drop the to-do list, and enjoy every moment!
The goal is freedom
The goal is to create a life of freedom and fulfillment. At the end of the day, is what you’re spending your time on creating more or less freedom and joy? Now that is the real question…
Celebrate!
Don’t forget to celebrate yourself and others. We’re all doing the best we can with what we have at our disposal, so enjoy the process!
In the Woman of Impact series, I interview women who are making a difference in others’ lives through their mission and purpose. Cleonie Mainvielle is just one of these women. When I first heard Cleonie speak about her journey and business at a women’s event, I felt like she was talking to and about me. As I later joined her mastermind, I was even more inspired by her mission to help women like myself reclaim our time, energy and ultimately freedom.
If you are a woman or man looking to maximize your own impact, and live and work on purpose, your will enjoy reading about Cleonie and her work! Without further ado, I present to you Cleonie…
1. Could you tell me a bit about you and who Cleonie is?
I am a mother to two fun loving children (9 and 11 yrs old), a wife of 14 yrs and a full-time entrepreneur. My biggest fear is to have lived a life without meaning and purpose because I had wasted too much of my time. This fear is the driving force behind my business and how I structure my life. When my final days are here, I want to feel content that I have lived a life that made a difference and that it was lived well.
2. I like to ask people this question: “What did you want to be when you grow up?”
As a child, I always thought I would grow up to be a teacher or nurse. Teaching and nursing were the roles I gravitated to when I played with my brother or friends. The idea of helping others improve their situation by using the knowledge and skills I have really appealed to me. I started to implement my nursing plan as early as high school when I earned my Licensed in Practical Nursing. But I encountered a major setback when my first college choice accepted me into their Liberal Arts school and not their nursing program. This disappointment turned out to be a great opportunity to challenge my long-held belief that nursing was the route for me.
As I worked to earn extra money at a hospital using my nursing training from high school, I came to realize that although I loved helping people, I didn’t only want to help those who were sick. So, I stopped pursuing nursing, earned my Bachelor in Psychology and later went on to earn my Masters in Social Work. These two degrees turned out to be the best fit since they allowed me to help others with a broader range of issues.
4. Who do you help as your target audience? How do you help them?
I help busy professionals and entrepreneurs organize their schedules and belongings so that they can reclaim their personal freedom and have more time for what is important, joyful and inspiring. I do this by delivering workshops where I teach general productivity and time management strategies. For those who want long term group support to implement strategies learned, I facilitate women-only mastermind groups. These mastermind groups are comprised of 4-5 like-minded women who have agreed to lend each other support, share resources and hold each other accountable as they each strive to achieve ambitious goals.
As the group facilitator, I provide structure and track progress to ensure that the group as well as the individual members are achieving their goals. Lastly, I work with clients one-on-one to help them uncover the specific time management and productivity strategies that fit into their lives and address their specific circumstances.
2. I like to ask people this question: “What did you want to be when you grow up?”
As a child, I always thought I would grow up to be a teacher or nurse. Teaching and nursing were the roles I gravitated to when I played with my brother or friends. The idea of helping others improve their situation by using the knowledge and skills I have really appealed to me. I started to implement my nursing plan as early as high school when I earned my Licensed in Practical Nursing. But I encountered a major setback when my first college choice accepted me into their Liberal Arts school and not their nursing program. This disappointment turned out to be a great opportunity to challenge my long-held belief that nursing was the route for me.
As I worked to earn extra money at a hospital using my nursing training from high school, I came to realize that although I loved helping people, I didn’t only want to help those who were sick. So, I stopped pursuing nursing, earned my Bachelor in Psychology and later went on to earn my Masters in Social Work. These two degrees turned out to be the best fit since they allowed me to help others with a broader range of issues.
4. Who do you help as your target audience? How do you help them?
I help busy professionals and entrepreneurs organize their schedules and belongings so that they can reclaim their personal freedom and have more time for what is important, joyful and inspiring. I do this by delivering workshops where I teach general productivity and time management strategies. For those who want long term group support to implement strategies learned, I facilitate women-only mastermind groups. These mastermind groups are comprised of 4-5 like-minded women who have agreed to lend each other support, share resources and hold each other accountable as they each strive to achieve ambitious goals.
As the group facilitator, I provide structure and track progress to ensure that the group as well as the individual members are achieving their goals. Lastly, I work with clients one-on-one to help them uncover the specific time management and productivity strategies that fit into their lives and address their specific circumstances.
5. What do you think are the biggest obstacles for women to achieve the success they want and have the life they’ve always desired?
I think the biggest obstacle for women to achieve the success they want and have the life they’ve always desired is the disconnection between their time and energy investments, and what their desires are. Here is what I mean. When our minutes and energy are assigned to tasks that lack meaning and purpose, those minutes stack up to hours, those hours stack up to days, those days into weeks and weeks into months. Before we know it, we find ourselves living a life that is without meaning and purpose.
So, my work revolves around helping women gain clarity around what their desires are, then helping them reassign those minutes to activities they find important, joyful and inspiring. Along the way, they will encounter limiting beliefs, lack of self confidence as well as habits that can sabotage their progress.
6. What are your three best tips for working women?
I have so many tips to share because I have a healthy obsession with all things that pertain to productivity & organizing. But since I can only chose 3, here are my favorites:
1. Set your intentions before you invest any of your time and energy by asking yourself “What do I intend to take away or contribute to this event/interaction that will move me closer to what I desire?”; 2. Plan your days and weeks ahead by choosing one day each week as well as a specific time each day to map out how you plan to invest your time. This way, you can show up each day focused and clear on your priorities. Otherwise, your schedule will be subject to other people’s priorities and agenda; 3. Schedule the things that are most important to you. A calendar does not have to be limited only to your appointments. Be sure to schedule your priorities to ensure that there is time for them to get done.
7. Last but not least, where can we find you and get in touch with you?
Whether at work or in life, you’re bound to meet at least one person who doesn’t value you. This may be a co-worker who steps all over your toes in meeting, or a boss who discredits you in public with zero mercy. It may also be the so-called “friend” who puts their needs and time above yours, or the family member who subtly puts you down every chance they get. Whatever the case is, you may have that one person with whom every interaction leaves you feeling “less than”.
I used to wonder about this, in and outside of the workplace, especially as an introvert with a “too nice” tendency. I also realized that many, if not most, women (and men) face this day in and day out. Many feel that they must put up with it, whether due to the pressure of a paycheck, low self-esteem, or any other way they may rationalize it. Yet, at the end of the day, it becomes necessary to learn to address these situations as productively and authentically as possible:
Recognize that it starts with you
One major realization I’ve made is that you only attract what and who you are. Relationships really act as a mirror to reflect back your personal beliefs and attitudes to you. The upside of this is that each relationship, whether positive or not, is a gift, especially so with negative relationships. Those are the ones that really show you the areas in your life that need to be worked on. If you’re in need to assert yourself and build up your self-esteem, you will attract the exact people that will rub you the wrong way so as to push you to develop your own sense of self-esteem. If you need more compassion in your life, you’ll attract those who will show you exactly that.
Recognize that it all starts with you, and ask yourself what beliefs and attitudes in you are attracting or reinforcing the behavior of people who don’t value you. If you don’t value yourself, chances are others won’t value you. If you’re showing little regard for your own priorities, time and well-being, why would others do otherwise? After all, you teach people how to treat you.
Work on your mindset
Once that you recognize that it all starts with you, be willing to work on your mindset. Identify those core beliefs about yourself that may be in the way of your self-worth. Most of these beliefs may come from childhood, from the way a well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) adult treated or spoke to you. They may come from earlier experiences, or from the stories you may be telling yourself about yourself.
Working on your mindset means pinpointing these beliefs, understanding where they come from, and learning to reverse them. This is why affirmations are so powerful at reversing some of the beliefs we may have acquired early on in life. Journaling is a great way to unearth these, and reverse them with opposite affirmations.
Set clear boundaries
While it all starts with you, there’s also a part of dealing with people who don’t value you that consists in setting clear boundaries. You never have to accept anyone treating you “less than”. It’s ok to say no, and express the fact that you will not deal a certain type of behavior.
Master the art of saying no and not tolerating being under-valued. It’s ok to cancel an appointment, not go some place you won’t feel comfortable in, and confront someone who trespassed the limits of respect and courtesy.
Be willing to walk away
Last but not least, be willing to walk away and release yourself from situations, places and people who threaten your sense of self-respect and self-worth. This may mean leaving oppressive jobs and professional environments, exiting low-frequency relationships, or drastically changing your life altogether.
Too often, the fear of change, loneliness or not conforming to society’s expectations keeps us way too long in undesirable places that wreck our sense of who we are. The alternative is simply to gracefully and peacefully remind ourselves that we are worth the love and value we give others, and create lives we’re excited, not forced, to live.
Every year, I look forward to summer to refresh and reboot my entire life and work. One, I’m a summer baby, so entering into a new birthday cycle is always a source of joy and gratitude (plus the occasional “grey hair” panic). Second, like for many, it’s a time to pause mid-year, wind down, and observe a bit of a break, whether we do it through some well-deserved vacation time, a welcome staycation, or just weekends at the beach. These past few summers, I’ve made it a point to really stop, reflect and use this time as an effective life and work reboot system.
Reflecting on the first half of the year can bring major positive insights into the direction you’re taking going forward. One of the biggest misconceptions so many have is that we, along with our circumstances and the environments around us, do not change. Once we begin to realize that we’re in constant flux, down to our very beliefs and thought processes, it becomes crucial to observe a much-needed pause and evaluate where we stand, especially mid-year. It’s when we fail to do this that we tend to find ourselves stagnant, lagging behind, and ultimately frustrated at our lack of progress.
If you’ve been considering your progress so far, and have been looking to refresh yourself over the summer, literally and figuratively, there are a few ways to get started, even as you’re sipping a margarita on the beach or lounging poolside:
Re-visit your why
You’re not the same person you were when you began this year, or even this week. You’re constantly evolving and growing. Your perspective is changing, and so are your motives, and rightfully so. No one stays the same, it’s called growth!
Has the why behind your life and work changed? Maybe you were motivated by the thought of starting your own business, and have realized it’s no longer for you. You may have experienced some drastic changes in your personal life, such as a divorce or the loss of a loved one, which may make you reconsider your entire life goals. Whatever it may be and at whatever stage of growth you may find yourself, stopping to re-visit your why can help you refresh and reboot your life and work.
Re-evaluate your goals
If you’ve set goals or intentions at the beginning of the year, you may want to re-evaluate them again. Have you progressed towards getting that degree or certification? Are you any closer to getting the promotion? Have you started writing the book, or setting up the business?
Re-evaluating your goals allows you to measure your progress, and adjust your target for the remainder of the year. It can also help you assess if your goals still make sense for you. Maybe the promotion is no longer in the cards now that you’ve decided to quit the job and start your own firm. You may need to adjust your expectations when it comes to some of the intentions you set, so you don’t have to sacrifice your sanity at the expense of achievement. Or you may just need a reminder that you still have work to do for the rest of the year.
Refresh your skills
Take some time this summer to assess where you are in terms of your skills. You may have to complete a Skills Gap Analysis, whereby you evaluate whether the skills you have are still the skills that employers and businesses are requiring. Technology and ideas are advancing at a mind-numbingly rapid pace, which also means that what you may have learnt in school and at the start of your career may be seriously outdated.
Schedule a meeting with your manager as part of your performance review or just on an informal basis to get some feedback. This is also a good way to update the powers that be of any new courses, certifications or experiences you may have had and get the credit you deserve. Look up some current work descriptions in your field to compare the skills required to yours. Study successful entrepreneurs in your area of business and learn from them. There are many ways to reboot your skills, and they don’t necessarily require you to exhaust yourself.
Learn something new and practice it
Summers are a great time to invest in your learning. You don’t have to sit in an air-conditioned classroom to do so either. Grabbing a self-help book, listening to an informative podcast or an audible book on-the-go, attending a couple of outside networking events, or visiting a new place are great ways to increase your learning capital. Invest in mentorship resources by asking someone to be your mentor, or mentoring someone else.
Yet, you don’t just want to accumulate knowledge without the hands-on practice part. Try and put at least one thing you learn this summer in practice. It could be a new mindfulness practice, some great networking tips, or a new recipe from that new place you checked out last week. The point is to dust up your knowledge bank and refresh it as much as you can.
Take care of your body
We get so busy most of the time, especially as working women and working moms, that taking care of our bodies tends to fall by the wayside. Observing a pause in the summer to refresh our self-care routine makes a world of difference.
This is not so much about getting the proverbial “beach body”, but more so about re-connecting with ourselves and our sense of self-love and self-esteem. It’s also a great way to set the tone for the rest of the year when it comes to our health.
Welcome to the Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
Hi there (and Happy Friday!)!
Happy Summer Solstice Day! This week has literally flown by, it’s the first week of summer vacation for my kiddos, which means my whole schedule needs to be reshuffled, again! How many of you working moms can relate?
Well, in the middle of running out of cereals for breakfast, finding ideas of creative activities (because of course it rained all week!), and stealing some hours of productivity here and there, here are a few items that you may want to read about, use, or you know, procrastinate on…
In “women crushing it” news, CBS reports the U.S. women’s team beat Sweden this week, and is taking names! Yet, despite generating more revenue than men’s, Business Insider reveals they’re still making $100,000 less than men!
Inspiration alert! The Glassdoor Blog lists 14 women who won the 2019 Best CEO awards;
On the hunt for a new job? US News lists the best job search sites at the moment;
Business Insider reveals that 1 in 3 professional women admit to being harassed at work, but don’t report it;
Have you seen director Ava DuVernay’s new series “When they see us” on Netflix? According to Black Enterprise, watching it is an act of social justice;
Want to make the modern tech workplace more welcoming to women? Entrepreneur has a few suggestions as to how.
Not sure if you can sport leggings at work? Working Mother lists the 5 best leggings with pockets for women to wear at work;
Throwing a summer cookout these days? Food52 shares their 13 favorite tips to throw the chillest cookout ever;
Hello parents! We know you love your kids, but Lifehacker has a few tips on how to get a break from them over the summer (you know, for sanity’s sake!);
Are you a sensitive person? The Corporate Sister reveals that it’s actually a superpower (plus some tips on how to work it at work)!
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