In this episode of The Corporate Sister podcast, I’m discussing how we, as working women and working moms, can go about finding purpose right where we are, on the way to where we’re going.
From re-assessing ourselves to leveraging the opportunities around us and being willing to expand, this episode is all about starting the year on the right note!
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
“I don’t even have time to sit somewhere for a minute, never mind think about finding my purpose.”
Whenever I start talking about purpose with a fellow working mom or working woman, I get one of these answers, or a variant thereof. Despite all the talks about purpose, many working women and working moms find themselves confused about the whole concept of finding and applying one’s purpose, especially in the midst of unending to-do lists and obligations, whether personal or professional. I remember being quite confused myself as I was transitioning careers, and desperately seeking a sense of purpose in the chaos of change and uncertainty. However, the more I tortured myself with the hard questions, the less it seemed I was finding my way. It wasn’t until I focused on where I was on the way to wherever I was heading at the time, that I was able to make some semblance of progress.
Unlike the many theories being shared from social media to magazines, it doesn’t necessarily take a drastic change at first to find and apply one’s purpose. Most often, it begins with re-assessing oneself, looking at where one currently is and what opportunities are present, and use what one has to expand and grow into the next best level:
Re-assess yourself
What are your values, beliefs, gifts and talents, both natural and acquired through school or life experience? So often, we drift through life and work not fully aware of WHO we are, especially as working women and working moms who spend so much of our time tending to others’ needs at the risk of forgetting about ourselves. I remember stopping at one point, soon after having my second child, asking myself: “But…who am I now?” So many things had changed and shifted, from my daily schedule to my body and even my thoughts, that I was no longer sure that I even knew myself, hence the need to stop and re-assess, not just once, but periodically throughout my journey. Have you taken the time to stop and re-assess, as a working mom, what your values, beliefs, talents and gifts are, and how you can best use them in your personal and professional life?
Use the opportunities in front of you
As an overwhelmed working mom and woman a few years back (and a few times a year now), I would mentally stop myself from growing and evolving, both personally and professionally. If you asked me back then, I didn’t have the right connections, the right background, the right education, the right look, the right “anything” really, to get ahead. What I did not consider was the plethora of opportunities in front of me, in my daily professional and personal life, that I could use to put into practice the very values, beliefs, gifts and talents that could serve me well. These were opportunities like this blog, or the networks I was part of, or the countless lessons my job at the time was paying me to learn, in areas such as management, people skills, writing, and so much more. Are you discounting the opportunities in front of and around you, that could serve your growth and evolution well? Are you waiting for the right time, the right degree, the right partner, the right “something” before you put yourself out there? If so, you may have to stop waiting and start leveraging the opportunities that are right in front of you, such as your current job, network, talents and gifts.
Expand!
You know that feeling of restlessness you may experience in the first hour you get to work, or as you perform the same repetitive tasks day in and day out? It’s not just frustrating, it’s also a warning sign that you’re stagnating into an occupation, a lifestyle, or a relationship that you may well have outgrown. It’s a sign that there is more out there, and that you’re deserving to expand and grow into your next level. Does it mean you should up and quit your job? Or that you should start over today? For some, it might. For most, it’s a sign that it’s time to expand, whether it’s into an extra project at work, another department or company, a new business model, or a side venture that will push you to your next level.
All in all, finding purpose in what you do as a working mom and a working woman, is less a matter of applying some magic, drastic change formula, than of starting where you are and using what you have. What are your values, beliefs, gifts and talents today, at your current personal and professional station? How can you use the opportunities that are in front of and around you to leverage your abilities and personality? Is it time to expand and stop stagnating? If so, what is the smallest step you can take in the direction of growth and expansion?
When you hear this phrase, you may picture someone at their desk, holding their cup of coffee, seemingly pumped at the prospect of a productive day ahead. Right? Well, not exactly for everyone, and certainly not for working moms…
By the time many, if not most working moms reach their place of employment, they would have been up for at least two hours, busying themselves to get the kids ready, lunches prepared, and other logistical details all set. This is before frantically jumping in the shower, swiping on a bit of lipstick while doing the kids’ hair, and rushing out the door to fight traffic and beat the clock for kids’ drop-off. Then, only then, do they finally get to make it to what I lovingly call our “second shift”, where we now are expected to conduct business as usual, as if we didn’t just wage a full-on war on time, roadways and the sheer meaning of life itself. The best part is that these same working moms get to do it all over again, in reverse this time, at the end of the day, braving questioning bosses, delays, and exhaustion to pick up tired kids, only to head to more work at home. And it starts all over the next day again…Are you tired reading this yet? I know I am…
As a working mom, like so many others, this is my life. When I consider the ordeal that some of my fellow sisters find themselves in, just to keep their family and work afloat, I consider myself lucky. One of my readers posted earlier today that she has to bring her kid in to work every day, before dropping her off in time increments, so as to be able to put in some hours at the office. One of my friends had to go part-time entirely, while another was forced to make the heart-wrenching decision to give up on the job of a lifetime. And there are so many other similar stories of working moms out there, whose unpaid labor is so costly, yet is not being acknowledged, appreciated or recorded for that matter.
In her book “Invisible Women: Data bias in a world designed for men”, author Caroline Criado Perez illustrates the real cost of unpaid labor for women, brought on by a society historically built for men and as such without women’s input, with staggering statistics that brought tears to my eyes and indignation to my heart. Not only is this unpaid labor, from childcare to elder care and household chores, literally killing women, it’s also destroying our economy. Studies have shown that if the cost of unpaid labor for women were properly accounted for, it would positively affect the GDP of many a country in amazingly positive ways. Most importantly, it would allow for better physical and social infrastructures for women, which in turn would create more opportunities for the latter to be more productive thus improving the performance of businesses and the economy as a whole. Can you talk about a ripple effect?
As working moms, this catastrophic, and worsening, unpaid labor, translates into high costs we should all be aware of, if we want to begin to turn the tide around:
Unpaid Labor for women means lost wages and a rising wage gap
Having to take care of children or elderly parents, which is often women and moms’ burden, translates into women having to decrease their working hours or leave their jobs altogether. This also means lost wages for these working women and moms, which in turn widens the wage gap in general. According to a recent Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) December 2014 survey, the gender pay gap is noted to be higher in countries where women spend more time on unpaid labor.
Unpaid labor for working moms means declining physical health
Women in general work more than 40 hours a week, which takes a toll on their physical health. Although women tend to live longer, they tend to be sicker than men towards the end of their lives, which puts into question the number of hours working women and moms put into both paid and unpaid labor. A 2011 study published in Psychological Medicine reports that working more than 50 hours translates in heightened risks of anxiety and depression for women. Moreover, a 2016 U.S. study published in the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine found that women’s hospitalization and mortality rates increase with longer work hours.
Lastly, unpaid labor for women means lost time
How many hours would working women and moms gain if they could only recoup some of the precious time they spend on household chores, childcare and elderly care? This lost time can amount to days, weeks, months, and even years in the long run for women, creating a massive loss of time. Additionally, working women end up in occupations below their skill level in order to get the flexibility they need to carry out their unpaid care work, which also lengthens the time women spend progressing in their careers.
All in all, unpaid labor stands as a major obstacle for working women and moms. Ultimately, we have to be aware of it so as to make others aware of it, in order to turn this unfair share into a more equitable one.
2020 doesn’t just mark the start of a new year, but that of a decade. That’s 10 whole years of life, work and everything in between. Whether you’re eagerly looking to step into this new decade, or are nostalgically reminiscing over the highs and lows of the past few years, you can’t deny that whatever has happened during this time has taught many a valuable lesson, some more pleasant than others. For the bulk of the past decade, most of my life has been defined under the label of “working mom”. Granted, all mothers are working moms, from the stay-at-home mom who juggles household chores, homework and being her family’s moral anchor, to the executive who has to make tough choices between after-school pick-ups and late afternoon networking get-togethers at work. For many, if not most of us, our lives are defined along the ever-moving lines of self, motherhood, and work, whatever work may be made out of for each one of us. Along these lines, many hard lessons are learnt, some of which leave us with an indelible mark to be carried over the length of our lives.
As I reflect on this past decade, alternating between smiles, all-out laughter, and ugly cries, I’ve gathered a few of the main lessons I’ve had the opportunity, or rather I should say the privilege, to learn. Most of them were born out of adversity and struggle, as the best teachings are, and are also those that have made me grow the most, in the midst of frustration, tears, and also fun laughter. Some are simple, others took me a long time to learn, others I’m still working on. Yet, all of them have shaped my path, as I nostalgically and happily share them with you:
It was never about WHAT YOU DO, but the WHO YOU’RE BECOMING
One of the biggest lessons I’ve had the opportunity to learn has everything to do with what really matters when it comes to work and life as a working woman and working mom. The first half of my career was devoted to the WHAT in what I did professionally. After all, the barometer set for most of us is regulated in terms of degrees, certifications, accolades, promotions and other educational and professional achievements. Rarely do our own personal growth processes come into the equation of what is considered as “success” by the masses.
Yet, personal and professional growth go hand in hand and complement each other. One can never be truly successful if one of the two dimensions, either personal or professional, is left hanging by the threads of neglect and unfulfillment. This is especially true for working moms, for whom the definition of fulfillment is truly a holistic one, that not only encompasses professional achievements, but also a strong sense of integration of all the other areas of their lives. I learnt that true success is achieved from the inside out, from the personal growth journey that inevitably leads to professional fulfillment, and ultimately, success, as defined individually.
Your purpose is in what you love
Like many, it took me a while to understand that purpose is the guiding force behind true meaning and significance in our lives and work. Figuring out what purpose even meant, how to find it and what to ultimately do with it, was a whole can of worms I banged my head against for longer than I wished. Ultimately, it was in what I loved doing, in the gifts and talents I was born with, in the quirks and particularities that make me who I am, that I found it. After all, it didn’t matter as much what title I carried, or what organization I found myself in, as it did whether or not I got to practice and share my own gifts, talents and abilities, both natural and acquired.
As working moms, we often feel stifled in the expression of who we truly are, as we tend to wear so many hats that turn into the masks that ultimately hide our authenticity. We are women, wives, moms, employees, business owners, navigating the various spheres we’re called into and code-switching ourselves into the oblivion and neglect of what really sets us apart as individuals. That is exactly where it becomes crucial to awaken and re-awaken the purposes that have always been inside each and every one of us by simply focusing back on those things we love doing.
Being a mom will change you for the better
Being a mom is a GIFT, and one that keeps on giving at that. Most of the precious lessons I’ve acquired through life have been through motherhood, when changing diapers, questioning my baking abilities, answering my kids’ questions, and building a life that would serve my children well. It’s after becoming a mom that the urge to follow my own purpose grew louder and louder, so my children would see through their parents that it’s ok to fight for your dreams, to be different, and to be beautifully flawed and imperfect.
While one of the most prevalent misconceptions about motherhood is that many moms find themselves having to abandon their careers (which is true for many), I’ve also found that it also provides mothers with the gift of and desire for growth. I write, teach, cry, learn, stumble, get back up, and generally grow, so my daughter and son can see that while none of it is perfect, it’s ok for them to fight to become their best selves.
You get to define your own brand of success
Success is an elusive concept elusively defined through elusive iterations of what popular culture considers to be the pinnacle of achievement. Yet, what does really success consist in for a working mom who juggles opposite worlds , from home to work, day in and day out? It can be quite complex, if you ask me, especially for working moms whose professional ambition may be frowned upon or misjudged.
While the normative view of success, predicated upon the male bias around it, may look like the picture of a wealthy man at the top of his career, for working moms and women in general, it is quite different. Earlier this year (2019), Inc. magazine featured the first visibly pregnant CEO, Wing’s co-founder Audrey Gelman, on its cover, as a clear confirmation that the norms of success are quite different for men and women. Success for working moms may include the C-suite, but will also have at the front and center of it a healthy family and society, which is why it is so important for us to define what it means to our own existences. For me, success is growth, both personal and professional, and ensuring the well-being of my family and society. What is it for you?
Stop trying to be like a man
If you’ve read any of my earlier articles, you may have caught on to the fact that earlier in my career, I was trying to apply one of the worst pieces of advice when applied to working women: “When in Rome, act like the Romans”. For working women like myself, it meant pulling all emotions aside, not showing up as attractive, and displaying masculine traits of achievement. As it’s been proven, not only does this approach not reduce the bias against women at work, it also deprives both working women and professional environments of the very gifts and talents, such as acute intuition and soft skills, that female personalities tend to bring to the workplace.
I’ve since learnt to not try to act like a man, or like anyone other than the best version of myself at the time being, which may or may not include a dark shade of red lipstick and a feminine dress.
Being present is the best gift you can give yourself
One of the most shocking (and exhausting realizations ) I made when I became a mom, was the sheer number of hats we wear all throughout the day, from moms to leaders to servants, friends and so many more. The biggest downside to this (and to the inefficient art of multi-tasking) is that we end not being present much of the time. This means trying to answer emails instead of enjoying the kids at the park, thinking about dinner while at the board meeting, or leaving the baby in the car seat at home and driving away.
For me, being present has become the best gift of self-care and love I can offer myself and others. It means shutting off the phone sometimes, or leaving on time despite the flow of work piling up at the office. Most importantly, it means choosing quality over quantity for my life
Your relationships will make or break you
Developing and nurturing healthy relationships as working women and working moms is a well-known challenge. In between all the obligations we attend to, the changes we go through, and the demands of our careers and personal lives, catering to relationships, both personal and professional, becomes a daunting task. Yet, it’s the same relationships we may neglect, or wrongfully choose, that can make or break us.
As a working mom, I learnt that whatever my definition of success may be, it can seldom be accomplished alone. Which means surrounding myself with like-minded people, and women in particular, whom I accept, love and support, and who reciprocate similar acceptance, love and support. It also means releasing relationships that I or the other party may have outgrown in order to make room for continuous and fruitful growth for all. Easier said than done in most cases, and certainly always a work in progress, but one that remains one of the most important processes of life…
The point was never to remain the same!
“You have changed!” As I’ve grown and evolved, I’ve often, like many of you, heard this phrase. Like many, I’ve questioned it, felt guilty about it, pondered over it and am still making peace with it. Yet, in the beautiful mess that growth, both personal and professional, creates, one thing is certain; “The point of this thing called life was never to remain the same!” It is to grow, evolve and continue to become the best version of yourself.
As you go through your own evolution process, as you leave and start jobs and relationships, as you change your mind, release some and adopt other patterns, keep reminding yourself that the point was always to grow.
You never start from scratch, you always start from experience
In the past decade I’ve had two careers, changes jobs, become a mom, failed and succeeded at the same time, and am still here to tell the story. What I’ve learnt through change, transition and failure, is that especially as working women and moms, we never start from scratch. One of the biggest advantages of wearing so many hats is that we’re constantly learning and acquiring new skills, from soft skills to management and leadership abilities.
As we tread on new paths or get exposed to new environments, we are able to re-purpose these skills and turn them into our ultimate competitive advantage. Working moms have been proven to have excellent management and leadership abilities, and most companies with women at their helm tend to be more successful. It wasn’t until I realized this that I’ve more confidently faced unknow territories and known fears on my own path.
It’s never too late!
Last but not least, another great misconception of our times is that we’re all under some form of deadline to achieve or accomplish our goals in life. This is especially prevalent for working women and working moms, who are subjected to the pressures of having to have a career by a certain age, have families by another milestone, be part of this squad or that group by a certain time. This all contributes to a general sense of failure and discouragement, especially among working moms who are already so pressured both personally and professionally.
What I’ve learnt from starting a new career, speaking and writing, and going back to school in my late thirties and now early forties, is that it’s certainly never too late to begin anything. That we all have different paths and that honoring our divine timing and purpose is one of the best gifts we can offer ourselves and the world.
The past decade has been pretty amazing if you ask me! Here’s to another decade of lessons, joys, achievements, laughter, some (happy) tears and much more!
‘Tis the season to be merry and jolly….and also to be under serious financial pressure in general, especially as a working woman and working mom in particular. In between holiday shopping and other financial obligations of all kinds, it can be easy to overlook our finances and some basic yet crucial accounting tips that can save you and I a lot of headaches before, during and after the holidays.
As a working woman who happens to also serve as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA), I’ve not only experienced this, but also have had the opportunity to learn and teach about and from it. While there’s a lot of talk about saving money over the holidays, what is less talked about are the real financial and accounting concerns everyone faces over this busy time of year and the tips anyone can use to circumvent them:
PROTECT YOURSELF AGAIN IDENTITY THEFT AND FRAUD
As a busy working mom, shopping online has become my go-to. While most of us are thinking about tackling our shopping lists, criminals are thinking about, well…stealing your identity, money and any tax and financial data available. This information is especially useful as it can be used to file fraudulent tax returns as the new year opens. This is one of the main reasons why the National Tax Security Awareness Week produced by the IRS, tax industry, and state tax agencies, takes place every year in early December to provide basic guidelines for consumers to avoid identity theft, such as:
Shopping at sites with web addresses starting with “https”
Avoiding unsecured wi-fi in public places
Securing home wi-fi with strong passwords
Using two-factor authentication and strong passwords whenever possible
Making sure to regularly back up files and computers.
DON’T LOSE OUT ON CHARITABLE GIVING!
Many of you may consider cleaning up your kids’ closets (as well as your own), pulling out your bank accounts, and helping others by making donations this season. Keep in mind that charitable giving during the holidays especially can contribute to reducing your overall tax bill, however this only applies if you choose to itemize your taxes. It’s important to pick the right charity for you, in terms of whether or not it aligns with your vision and has a decent track record. A good source to consult for this is Guidestar, which provides a list of every IRS-registered non-profit organization.
When planning your charity giving during the holidays, you must consider first what you are giving, as different rules apply to cash, household items and/or long-term gain property. While you can deduct up to 60% of your adjusted gross income when you donate cash to public charities (30% for long-term appreciated assets held for more than a year), you would get a write-off for donations of household items in good condition. If you donate long-term gain property such as bonds and publicly traded stocks, you’re allowed to deduct their fair market value. This is even more relevant for small business owners who can significantly reduce their taxable income this way.
DON’T LET YOUR SMALL BUSINESS ACCOUNTING GO BY THE WAYSIDE!
For all the working women and moms who also happen to run a business, this season can be especially challenging. Not to mention that the holidays are also one of the most critical and busiest times for many small businesses. This is when keeping track of your business inventory as a small business owner, your expenses and sales, as well as creating a solid marketing strategy.
An efficient way to do this is through the use of productivity apps, as well as by leveraging social media. Most importantly, it’s crucial to keep a close eye on cash flow and prepare for the upcoming tax season.
All in all, the holidays are already a busy time of year and a financially heavy one as well. Keeping these accounting tips in mind can help the transition from one year to the other, as well as one’s personal and financial balance, in check.
