As work is increasingly done remotely, especially in the face of the coronavirus pandemic, more meetings are being conducted online. While the general rules of an effective meeting apply remotely as well, the change in environment and setting does alter the way we run and perform in an online meeting. This change in environment can be especially challenging for working women and working moms, who may find thatremote meetings make it even harder for women to be heard and stand out.
According to this study by psychologist Victoria Brescoll, work meetings in general perpetuate gender inequities in the workplace, as men speaking up more often tend to be viewed as more competent while women would be rated less competent when speaking up more often. These inequities in turn tend be amplified in online environments. Additionally, women are largely in charge of household responsibilities, and as such are more likely to be preoccupied and distracted by sheer virtue of being home. As such, the same traditional gender roles that may overrule workplaces and households may also take over during online meetings.
As a working mom and introvert, switching from physical meetings to remote, online ones has certainly been an adjustment. First, the online etiquette is different from that of live meetings, which affects the way participants contribute and stand out. Second, the way an online meeting is run has significant repercussions on its effectiveness and outcome. Last but not least, the incidence of potential technical difficulties can discourage contributors as well.
So how do you stand out as a working woman in an online meeting, when you may be worried about your kids barging in the room at any moment, or preoccupied about dinner in addition to all your work deliverables? How do you manage all your competing priorities while still appearing professional and doing your best work? What do you make of less than ideal circumstances when your goal is to keep forging ahead successfully both personally and professionally? While the answers may vary from one woman to another, there are a few steps that may help:
Be intentional about the meeting: What are you bringing to the table and what are you hoping to get out of it?
Online meetings, just like meetings in general, can be huge time-wasters, especially considering the lessened physical interaction and remote environment, in which so many things can go under the radar and be unnoticed. It’s the reason why I’ve learnt to be more intentional about meetings in general, and about online meetings in particular.
What are you able to contribute to the meeting? What are you hoping to get out of the meeting? The clearer you are about your answers to these questions, the better the outcome.
Prepare ahead of time
Advance preparation for any meeting cannot be overemphasized. For online meetings, it’s even more crucial and includes more elements such as:
The appropriate online etiquette
The agenda of the meeting
The location of the files to be discussed, if any
The meeting participants
Any technical arrangements in case you have to present something for instance
Etc…
This also means testing the technology beforehand, to make sure you will not have any issues accessing the meeting or contributing to it. Also make sure you have additional options such as audio dial-in, in case your internet connection becomes unstable.
If possible, share your video
In the absence of physical interaction, picking up on facial and bodily cues becomes crucial during online meetings. While there are certainly instances when you’re not able to appear on video, as much as possible when you’re able to do so, allowing yourself to be seen makes a difference in the way you’re perceived and how your contribution to the meeting is received. This helps personalize the conversation, and adds another layer of professionalism and personality to your presence and contribution.
As such, showing up with a professional appearance is recommended. While it can be tempting to adopt a more laid-back style at home, a professional look while at work, even remotely, can go a long way towards maintaining and improving your professional reputation.
Don’t be afraid to speak up!
It may be intimidating and a bit cumbersome to speak up in an online environment. Actually, it may be quite tempting to hide behind one’s screen and lay low. However, this is where your capacity to adapt to changing circumstances and still be reliable and consistent is tested.
If online meetings are intimidating to you, consider rehearsing your potential remarks and contributions ahead of time. Jot down the ideas you intend to share, so you can rely back on your notes during the meeting. Additionally, consider using the chatting capabilities, if available, to share additional insights and remarks.
Prepare to deal with last-minute mishaps like a pro!
When working from home, especially as a working woman and mom, mishaps are bound to happen. I’ve had my kids pop up during online meetings, my phone accidentally go off or crash on the floor, or the doorbell ring off the hook in the middle of a virtual presentation…Things just happen!
Mentally prepare for the possibility of mishaps, so as not to lose your focus and countenance when these occur (because they will happen). Even better, you may choose to forewarn the other participants, if you suspect an interruption during the meeting, and have some sort of a contingency plan in place, just in case. Whatever may happen, try and keep your cool. This is also how you demonstrate leadership and adaptability, and stand out as a true leader.
Keep the human touch!
Don’t forget to keep the human touch, even remotely! Smiling, being courteous and considerate never go out of style, even and especially in online environments. Showing respect and appreciation for others, while still bringing your contributions to the online table, are also signs of great leadership and personality.
All in all, standing out in an online work meeting may be far from easy for working women and moms, due to consistent gender inequities and the unequal distribution of responsibilities on the home front. However, positive change can be created with a few consistent steps and actions…
How are you managing and standing out in online meetings as a working woman and mom?
Dear Working Mom is our weekly letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
So often, the world tends to measure and glorify your worth by how much you do. How much you dedicate yourself to your family, how well you’re able to “balance” it all, be it career, life or relationships, and how good you are at making it look all easy and glamorous in the process. The more you can do, and add to your already full plate, the more you’re glorified and encouraged to take on even more.
With enough time, external and internal pressure, you may have come to value yourself as a working mom based on what you do. So you keep going, despite being exhausted and unsure at times, adding to your already overwhelming to-do list, running from work meetings to the kids’ extra-curricular activities, making time to answer texts and hang out with the girls, and still managing to look impeccable in the process…
Yet, no one really knows as much as you do how tired and in need of a break you are. Even when it seems you can take a break, life manages to fill it up with chores to catch up on, programs to devise, and something extra to do…At the end of the day, you feel that you are defined by what you do rather than simply by who you are…What if you were not around? What if you couldn’t do what you do? What if…
It would take something monumental to happen for you to stop and observe the much-needed pause you’ve been craving for so long…And even then, you may still have someone to help, someone to rescue, some task to carry out…While you may find it challenging to resist the temptation to define yourself and base your value on what you do, there are a few self-probing questions that may help you, and all of us in the process, move back to valuing who we are and not just what we do:
Who are you when you’re not doing?
How many times have you asked yourself who you really are when you’re not doing? When you’re not taking care of someone else, working towards a goal or for someone else, or striving to satisfy yours or others’ expectations? What are the passions, likes and dislikes at the core of yourself, that you may have neglected to instead carry out your various responsibilities and duties?
As you ask yourself these questions and others along the same lines, you may find out some pretty fascinating things about yourself. You may re-connect with past loves and interests, discover some parts of yourself you may have buried deep inside a long time ago, and fall back in love with the individual behind the overachieving, high-performing woman.
How would you re-define yourself outside of what you do?
If you could re-define yourself, what would you do more of? What would you do less of? How would you re-invent yourself? What would your ideal life and work look like?
When you take some time away from doing, achieving and performing, you may just find yourself ready to go in a different personal and professional direction. Or you may find that some aspects of the way you’ve been living and working should change, or at least be modified somewhat.
How can you protect the truth of who you are?
When there are so many demands on your person, time and energy, how can you protect your authenticity? How can you remain to your true desires and nature when you barely have time to stop and take a pause to even discover these? How can you draw healthy boundaries that allow you to preserve the truth of who you are, while allowing you to grow into the best version of yourself, at your own pace?
As you distance yourself from just what you do and get closer to who you are, you may start feeling the urge to protect your precious authenticity from society’s demands and impositions. You may begin to think of stricter boundaries on your time, what you devote your energy to, and where you choose to put your attention.
Because Dear Working Mom, you are not defined by what you do. You have value and worth simply because of who you are…
Welcome to Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
I hope you and your loved ones are well and keeping safe, and wishing us all strength, patience and courage through this crisis!
In this work-from-home new normal, Making Sense of Cents recommends 24 best options to working from home and tips to avoid scams;
Is your home your new office? US News share work-life balance tips when you’re now working from home;
Got an old breast pump you’re no longer using? You can donate it to be turned into a ventilator for hospitals in need by this engineer mom;
Looking for a job during a recession? Business Insider shares a useful email template from a Linked In career expert;
Worried about your marriage during the coronavirus pandemic? The Corporate Sister shares tips on preserving your relationship in challenging times;
Working mamas alert! Working Mother shares exciting backyard games to keep the little ones busy and entertained at home;
Black Enterprise reveals AvaDuvernay’s launch of a $250,000 arts fund for women and minorities;
Looking for comfortable wear as you’re safe at home during this crisis? WhoWhatWear shares its ultimate work-from-home wardrobe capsule;
Virtual happy hour anyone? Buzzfeed share 16 cocktail recipes that feel like a vacation in a glass;
Leaning on your pantry to cook? Food52 shares 15 big little recipes leaning on your pantry items.
When what you can see on the outside is not exactly encouraging, or remotely aligned with your hopes and expectations, it’s hard to have faith, whatever you may call your own faith. When the gap between what you can see and what you desperately want to believe widens so much your vision of the future gets blurry, believing becomes a hard target to reach…Yet paradoxically enough, it’s the very faith that tends to be compromised in times of challenge that is acutely needed to go through these times…
Like many, I’ve certainly struggled with keeping my faith intact in times of trouble. As we currently face the coronavirus pandemic, keeping the faith is especially challenging, in light of the monumental threats to our health, both physical and mental, as well as our economic stability.
However, despite some of the impossible challenges we may face, keeping the faith is essential to not only surviving, but also thriving in times of crisis. I’ve also learnt that one of the keys to doing so is to believe beyond what you can see, and re-visit your faith in a positive, productive but also forgiving way:
What’s your faith anchored in?
Crisis forces us to question and re-focus on our core beliefs and assumptions about life. It stops us in our busy and familiar tracks, and stills us enough to consider what we’ve been anchoring ourselves, lives, careers, and ultimately faith in. I know I’ve struggled with this as I’ve had to seriously ask myself during this coronavirus pandemic when many are losing their jobs and others are working under different, remote circumstances, how much of my own faith is based on my own circumstances.
What’s your faith anchored in? Is it anchored in your own self-worth, your spirituality, your career, your current socio-economic condition, or any other factor? If so, how is your faith anchor holding up in times of crisis?
Re-direct the core of your faith
Questioning what your faith is anchored in also prompts you to re-direct it. For some, it may mean reinforcing its core and re-directing it towards your current circumstances. For others, it may mean taking an entirely new direction when it comes to your beliefs, and sometimes even doubting your faith. For me, it has been a matter of focusing on my inner belief process, as opposed to its outer manifestations.
How are you re-directing the core of your faith in times of crisis? How are you modifying or developing your key assumptions or beliefs when crisis hits?
Reframe your faith
You may have to re-frame your faith in a more practical way to address your current circumstances, especially during challenging times. What happens when you can no longer practice your faith as you are used to, when places of worship are closed and large regroupments of people are prohibited? What do you resort to when you have to worship and praise differently? How do you adjust to your faith looking and feeling different in the face of new events?
During this coronavirus crisis when large groupings are people are prohibited, what I’ve been used to in terms of gathering in common places to worship has been fundamentally changed. As a result, I’ve had to re-frame my faith in a more practical way, and find ways and spaces to worship in my own home with my family.
How are you experiencing your faith in times of crisis?
For better or worse, marriages can be wonderful, but they also require work. Lots of work, especially during challenging times. As we’re navigating the current coronavirus crisis, and entire families are safe at home together, many, if not most, marriage bonds are tested. As a matter of fact, a skyrocketing rate of divorces is being expected as a result of it.
Whereas busy dual-career couples may have barely passed each other like ships in the night before, they are now continuously sharing the same spaces day in and day out. Relationships which were already tense are bound to get even more tense, while decent, even happy marriages are now being put to the test of the mundane, while facing the harsh threats of disease, economic uncertainty and even death.
As a self-proclaimed “independent” working mom, like so many, going from being able to go about my daily life as I pleased, to having my freedom of movement restricted and being confined to the traditional home environment, has certainly been a huge shift, both mentally and practically. Before this, I already knew, and experienced, the unequal distribution of responsibilities between men and women in the household, as does the large majority of working women and moms. Yet, I was far from imagining how these harsh disparities would be brought to the forefront in these current circumstances. Even with partners who significantly contribute to the household’s management, as is the case with dear hubby, the majority of the household responsibilities and chores statistically predominantly falls on women’s shoulders. This can certainly lead to conflicts in the household, in addition to the pressure of the heightened stress, anxiety, and worry stemming from this crisis, not to mention dealing with childcare, kids’ homeschooling right along with business and career responsibilities.
As such, preserving your marriage in challenging times of crisis such as these can seem close to impossible. Truth is, these are unprecedented times that also call for unprecedented measures, and a drastically different approach to the way we view marriages and relationships in general. I’ve been learning a lot through these times, and much of this learning has been quite tough. Some of the lessons I’ve garnered about my own relationship, and through conversations with sister friends, can be summarized as below:
Ask: What do you need from me in this season?
The main problem in most relationships, romantic or otherwise, generally lies in lack of communication, especially as relationships and circumstances change. I know I’ve certainly been guilty of it, overestimating my own capacity to handle different situations and contexts. However, I’ve learnt at my own expense to have more honest and more frequent conversations with my spouse, not just in times of crisis, but as we both evolve as individuals in general and face new contexts like job changes, family losses, personal disappointments and victories, etc…
As I was listening to one of Sarah Jakes Roberts’ Woman Evolve podcast episodes, I was struck by her suggestion to check in periodically with one’s partner and ask: “What do you need from me in this season?”
As both partners evolve and situations and circumstances change, it becomes crucial to check in with each other through the inevitable change and growth. For me, it’s been about checking in as to what it means now to work from home together, homeschool our kids, and spend much more time in close quarters than we’ve been accustomed to.
What do you need from your partner in this season?
Re-frame your definition of your own marriage and commitment
As you and your partner evolve and learn to know each other better, your definition of commitment and marriage may change with time. I know it certainly did for me, from all love, butterflies and also senseless disagreements, to job changes, kids, financial obligations, and so much more… As we faced many a crisis together, we’ve certainly had to re-frame our own sense of commitment and marriage.
As you move through your own process of life, your own relationship may also be re-defined over and over again. As you face challenging times, its very foundation may be shaken and you may again have to re-delineate the boundaries and expectations of and about your relationship.
In this current coronavirus pandemic, for me it’s been about re-framing my own definition of partnership and caring for each other to partnering more on the small details of daily life that make a world of difference in our current stay-at-home arrangement, from who washes the dishes to how to give each other personal space.
How are you re-framing your definition of marriage and commitment in this crisis?
Learn as you go
The most beautiful thing about marriage and relationships is the endless potential for learning about oneself and others. I’ve learnt marriage really acts as a big, giant mirror reflecting who we truly are. Every disagreement, every conflict, every conversation, and definitely every change and crisis, is an opportunity to re-discover a side of oneself, and of the other, we may not have seen before. It takes a lifetime to know and grow into who we really are, into the best version of ourselves, and to really know others.
As we change, others change as well, because, really, the only constant is change, and without change in ourselves and others, we’re really keeping ourselves stuck and stagnating when the very process of Life consists in growing, evolving and flourishing.
Throughout this crisis, I’m learning to identify my own triggers, cultivate some much-needed patience, and remind myself daily about these “for better or worse” vows, among other daily lessons I’m getting hit with…
What are you learning as you go in your relationship?
