Welcome to Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
I hope you and your loved ones are well and keeping safe, and wishing us all strength, patience and courage through this crisis!
In this work-from-home new normal, Making Sense of Cents recommends 24 best options to working from home and tips to avoid scams;
Is your home your new office? US News share work-life balance tips when you’re now working from home;
Got an old breast pump you’re no longer using? You can donate it to be turned into a ventilator for hospitals in need by this engineer mom;
Looking for a job during a recession? Business Insider shares a useful email template from a Linked In career expert;
Worried about your marriage during the coronavirus pandemic? The Corporate Sister shares tips on preserving your relationship in challenging times;
Working mamas alert! Working Mother shares exciting backyard games to keep the little ones busy and entertained at home;
Black Enterprise reveals AvaDuvernay’s launch of a $250,000 arts fund for women and minorities;
Looking for comfortable wear as you’re safe at home during this crisis? WhoWhatWear shares its ultimate work-from-home wardrobe capsule;
Virtual happy hour anyone? Buzzfeed share 16 cocktail recipes that feel like a vacation in a glass;
Leaning on your pantry to cook? Food52 shares 15 big little recipes leaning on your pantry items.
When what you can see on the outside is not exactly encouraging, or remotely aligned with your hopes and expectations, it’s hard to have faith, whatever you may call your own faith. When the gap between what you can see and what you desperately want to believe widens so much your vision of the future gets blurry, believing becomes a hard target to reach…Yet paradoxically enough, it’s the very faith that tends to be compromised in times of challenge that is acutely needed to go through these times…
Like many, I’ve certainly struggled with keeping my faith intact in times of trouble. As we currently face the coronavirus pandemic, keeping the faith is especially challenging, in light of the monumental threats to our health, both physical and mental, as well as our economic stability.
However, despite some of the impossible challenges we may face, keeping the faith is essential to not only surviving, but also thriving in times of crisis. I’ve also learnt that one of the keys to doing so is to believe beyond what you can see, and re-visit your faith in a positive, productive but also forgiving way:
What’s your faith anchored in?
Crisis forces us to question and re-focus on our core beliefs and assumptions about life. It stops us in our busy and familiar tracks, and stills us enough to consider what we’ve been anchoring ourselves, lives, careers, and ultimately faith in. I know I’ve struggled with this as I’ve had to seriously ask myself during this coronavirus pandemic when many are losing their jobs and others are working under different, remote circumstances, how much of my own faith is based on my own circumstances.
What’s your faith anchored in? Is it anchored in your own self-worth, your spirituality, your career, your current socio-economic condition, or any other factor? If so, how is your faith anchor holding up in times of crisis?
Re-direct the core of your faith
Questioning what your faith is anchored in also prompts you to re-direct it. For some, it may mean reinforcing its core and re-directing it towards your current circumstances. For others, it may mean taking an entirely new direction when it comes to your beliefs, and sometimes even doubting your faith. For me, it has been a matter of focusing on my inner belief process, as opposed to its outer manifestations.
How are you re-directing the core of your faith in times of crisis? How are you modifying or developing your key assumptions or beliefs when crisis hits?
Reframe your faith
You may have to re-frame your faith in a more practical way to address your current circumstances, especially during challenging times. What happens when you can no longer practice your faith as you are used to, when places of worship are closed and large regroupments of people are prohibited? What do you resort to when you have to worship and praise differently? How do you adjust to your faith looking and feeling different in the face of new events?
During this coronavirus crisis when large groupings are people are prohibited, what I’ve been used to in terms of gathering in common places to worship has been fundamentally changed. As a result, I’ve had to re-frame my faith in a more practical way, and find ways and spaces to worship in my own home with my family.
How are you experiencing your faith in times of crisis?
For better or worse, marriages can be wonderful, but they also require work. Lots of work, especially during challenging times. As we’re navigating the current coronavirus crisis, and entire families are safe at home together, many, if not most, marriage bonds are tested. As a matter of fact, a skyrocketing rate of divorces is being expected as a result of it.
Whereas busy dual-career couples may have barely passed each other like ships in the night before, they are now continuously sharing the same spaces day in and day out. Relationships which were already tense are bound to get even more tense, while decent, even happy marriages are now being put to the test of the mundane, while facing the harsh threats of disease, economic uncertainty and even death.
As a self-proclaimed “independent” working mom, like so many, going from being able to go about my daily life as I pleased, to having my freedom of movement restricted and being confined to the traditional home environment, has certainly been a huge shift, both mentally and practically. Before this, I already knew, and experienced, the unequal distribution of responsibilities between men and women in the household, as does the large majority of working women and moms. Yet, I was far from imagining how these harsh disparities would be brought to the forefront in these current circumstances. Even with partners who significantly contribute to the household’s management, as is the case with dear hubby, the majority of the household responsibilities and chores statistically predominantly falls on women’s shoulders. This can certainly lead to conflicts in the household, in addition to the pressure of the heightened stress, anxiety, and worry stemming from this crisis, not to mention dealing with childcare, kids’ homeschooling right along with business and career responsibilities.
As such, preserving your marriage in challenging times of crisis such as these can seem close to impossible. Truth is, these are unprecedented times that also call for unprecedented measures, and a drastically different approach to the way we view marriages and relationships in general. I’ve been learning a lot through these times, and much of this learning has been quite tough. Some of the lessons I’ve garnered about my own relationship, and through conversations with sister friends, can be summarized as below:
Ask: What do you need from me in this season?
The main problem in most relationships, romantic or otherwise, generally lies in lack of communication, especially as relationships and circumstances change. I know I’ve certainly been guilty of it, overestimating my own capacity to handle different situations and contexts. However, I’ve learnt at my own expense to have more honest and more frequent conversations with my spouse, not just in times of crisis, but as we both evolve as individuals in general and face new contexts like job changes, family losses, personal disappointments and victories, etc…
As I was listening to one of Sarah Jakes Roberts’ Woman Evolve podcast episodes, I was struck by her suggestion to check in periodically with one’s partner and ask: “What do you need from me in this season?”
As both partners evolve and situations and circumstances change, it becomes crucial to check in with each other through the inevitable change and growth. For me, it’s been about checking in as to what it means now to work from home together, homeschool our kids, and spend much more time in close quarters than we’ve been accustomed to.
What do you need from your partner in this season?
Re-frame your definition of your own marriage and commitment
As you and your partner evolve and learn to know each other better, your definition of commitment and marriage may change with time. I know it certainly did for me, from all love, butterflies and also senseless disagreements, to job changes, kids, financial obligations, and so much more… As we faced many a crisis together, we’ve certainly had to re-frame our own sense of commitment and marriage.
As you move through your own process of life, your own relationship may also be re-defined over and over again. As you face challenging times, its very foundation may be shaken and you may again have to re-delineate the boundaries and expectations of and about your relationship.
In this current coronavirus pandemic, for me it’s been about re-framing my own definition of partnership and caring for each other to partnering more on the small details of daily life that make a world of difference in our current stay-at-home arrangement, from who washes the dishes to how to give each other personal space.
How are you re-framing your definition of marriage and commitment in this crisis?
Learn as you go
The most beautiful thing about marriage and relationships is the endless potential for learning about oneself and others. I’ve learnt marriage really acts as a big, giant mirror reflecting who we truly are. Every disagreement, every conflict, every conversation, and definitely every change and crisis, is an opportunity to re-discover a side of oneself, and of the other, we may not have seen before. It takes a lifetime to know and grow into who we really are, into the best version of ourselves, and to really know others.
As we change, others change as well, because, really, the only constant is change, and without change in ourselves and others, we’re really keeping ourselves stuck and stagnating when the very process of Life consists in growing, evolving and flourishing.
Throughout this crisis, I’m learning to identify my own triggers, cultivate some much-needed patience, and remind myself daily about these “for better or worse” vows, among other daily lessons I’m getting hit with…
What are you learning as you go in your relationship?
Times of crisis, whether personal or professional, may not exactly bring to mind more successful careers. As we’re navigating the coronavirus crisis at the moment, so many jobs are being moved online to be performed remotely, while many others are unfortunately being lost to a seemingly declining economic outlook. Additionally, this crisis is disproportionately affecting women, as a result of the already existing disparities between men and women at work.
As the future may appear gloomy, many, as a working woman and/or mom, you may be wondering what can be done to remedy the situation. While there are many elements outside of your control in times like the ones we’re currently facing, there are a few things you may be able to do, as challenging and counter-intuitive they may seem. One of these is to strengthen your career in times of crisis:
Re-center and re-focus!
Crisis have an uncanny ability to help bring us back to ourselves, as we re-center and re-focus o who we truly are, what is important to us, and what drives and motivates us. “What am I here for? What is my purpose? How is my current career aligning with who I am and my true purpose?” These are a few of the questions that may arise during challenging times.
The urge to re-center and re-focus in times of challenge is actually a gift, one that has the potential to help bring us increased clarity and strengthen us, thereby indirectly strengthening our careers.
Cultivate your adaptability to change
The only constant is change. More than intellectual ability or street smarts, it’s your adaptability to change that really determines whether you just get to survive, or thrive. As you re-center and re-focus on your priorities, you also free yourself to adapt to different, more challenging contexts.
It’s this same adaptability to change that constitutes one of the most vital skills for any long-term career, and can propel you from shaky economic ground to stable and positive professional re-invention.
Never stop learning!
Last but not least, times of crisis are also times of learning and tremendous growth hidden behind hardships and challenges. These are the lessons, insights and growth spurts that end up becoming your most precious competitive advantages, both on a personal and professional level.
All in all, strengthening your career in times of crisis may sound counter-intuitive, but is actually a by-product of challenging times. It’s when your career may seem the most strengthened that paradoxically, you may just be on the brink of discovering your best professional assets and strengths.
How are you managing your career in times of crisis?
Dear Working Mom is our weekly letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
As the coronavirus pandemic is beating our emotions and confining us home with our families, many of us may be tempted to think, more than ever, that we’re not enough. Much of it may stem from our own inadequacies, our insecurities, and society’s constant message that we have to constantly do more in order to be more, or at least to be perceived as more…
This crisis has probably stretched you to the maximum, increasing your daily to-do’s and confirming the heavy burden you were already carrying. It may have made you question your own sanity, and wonder if you can adapt to this new normal made up of homeschooling, remotely working, cooking, cleaning, and everything else in between.
As you worry about your family, elderly parents and grand-parents, and watch your children grow up in a world that looks like nothing you’ve ever experienced, you may fluctuate between hope and despair. As you consider the job you’ve lost, the bank account that is rapidly declining, the tragic news buzzing around on television and social media, you may be wondering if things will ever go back to normal…Add to this the guilt that you’re not doing enough, not protecting your family enough, not caring for your elderly parents and other family members, not caring enough for your friends and yourself, and an overwhelming sense of inadequacy may settle in…
Yet, you get up every day and manage to put a smile on your face. Despite it all, you’re still running a whole household, working through online meetings, teaching your kids, cooking, cleaning, and still keeping your sanity, or at least a sliver of it. You’re still getting back up on your feet after the layoff, the financial challenges, and the worry and anxiety that seem to invade your thoughts…
But although you may not feel this way, you’re enough, you’re doing the best you can with what you have, right where you’re at. You always have. It’s not business as usual, and it may not be for a while. Whatever may happen, you are always enough, as an individual, as a mother, as a friend, daughter, sister, and any other role you may be filling…
