In this episode of The Corporate Sister podcast, I’m discussing the disproportionate impact and burden of the coronavirus pandemic on working moms.
From mental and physical to professional and economic consequences, working mothers are at the end of dire and quite serious repercussions of this pandemic. However, there are ways we can all help throughout and beyond this crisis!
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Welcome to Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
In hopeful news this week, Business Insider companies big and small are ramping up their efforts to support their employees’ childcare needs during this crisis;
The Glassdoor Blog lists 20 companies hiring for part-time work right now;
These companies are letting their employees work from home forever, and Fast Company is listing them here;
We knew it already, but Working Mother confirms working moms’ chores have doubled to over 65 hours a week during this pandemic;
Preparing for a video interview in these times of pandemic? Recruiting Blogs offers valuable advice from both candidate and recruiter’s perspective;
One of the most challenging parts of growth as an individual, and especially as a working woman and mom, is the part when you realize that not everybody will grow and go with you. It’s a daunting and saddening realization that can be heartbreaking at times. Yet, it’s the sometimes heart-wrenching reality of personal growth. The part when caring for yourself means letting go of people not mean to grow with you….
Very often, especially as women, we’re socialized into groups and relationships that are supposed to last a lifetime. These are the friendships from “back in the day”, the associations from “way back when”, that we’re too attached to release, even when it’s clear they are no longer working in our favor. So we stay and hang around, and suppress that little voice inside telling us it is time to move on. So we shrink a little more, and a little more, to fit into boxes we’ve outgrown, for the sake of not shaking the boat…Yet, despite all your best efforts, you find yourself stagnating, not just in that relationship, but in many if not all areas of your life.
Beyond weekly manicures and pedicures, self-care also means letting go of those not meant to grow with you. While being a complex process, this release process is all too often necessary. While certainly challenging, it doesn’t have to be a drastic or dramatic process. Often, it’s just a matter of re-classifying relationships in a way that truly reflects who you are and your process of growth, which may require a few steps:
Trust yourself
How many times have you gotten this sense in your gut that things weren’t quite right? And how many times have you silenced your own instincts, preferring to trust the comfort of old habits?
The first step to releasing relationships that are no longer meant for us (or were never meant for us) is to trust ourselves. Our bodies will tell us when something is not quite right. We’ll sense it in our gut. The key is to trust ourselves.
Release in peace
Letting go, be it of relationships, associations, or jobs, does not have to be a dramatic process. Being at peace as we release what is no longer meant for us helps us keep a clear mind and spirit as we move on to the next step in our lives, on purpose.
While there may be times when confrontation is unavoidable, as much as possible, keep your peace.
More acceptance, less resistance
The difficulty in letting go of what or who is not meant to grow with us is often a matter of resistance. It’s hard to accept that we’ve been used to for so long, whether it’s a friendship, a romantic relationship, or a career, is coming to an end. So we resist and struggle to maintain the status quo, instead of accepting things as they are.
Being accepting of what is does not mean being complacent and taking whatever comes at face value. It simply means believing you are provided for at all times, and something or someone leaving is only making room for better.
Working women’s value in the workplace and in society has been undervalued for the longest time. Unpaid carealone, accounts for $10.8 trillion per year, despite women not being paid for any of it. The gender wage gap, or the difference between men’s and women’s earnings, amounts to 82 cents for women of all races for every $1 earned by men of all races, according to the 2018 Census Bureau. With all this daunting under-valuation, defining and asserting one’s worth as a working woman can constitute quite the challenge…
Being valuable is one thing. Defining and asserting one’s value, especially as a working woman accustomed to being under-valued, is another. How do you define what you bring to the table of your career, business and life effectively? How do you assert your worth professionally and personally? And what does it take to not shrink in fear of judgment when doing so? These may sound like simple questions; yet for working women, they embody generations and layers of self-doubt, lack of confidence and gender inequity.
Start with YOU
It all starts with you! This is where self-awareness plays a crucial role. Being in touch with who you are, nurturing your self-esteem and self-worth is at the heart of being able to assert your value as a working woman.
This goes further than the usual weekly mani-pedi and self-care. It’s about taking the time to connect with oneself, whether through silence, meditation, therapy or another technique, to develop a stronger sense of self. The more aware you are of yourself, the easier it is to understand what you bring to the table in the different areas of your life.
What is your WHY: The Purpose Question
The biggest reward we get from our work and life in general is from the alignment of WHAT we do with WHY we do it. The more connected and aligned we are with our purpose, the stronger our impact, the more solid our value, and the more fulfilled we tend to be.
What do you want to be known for? How do you want to be seen? How is what you’re doing aligned with your purpose?
Define your value
Developing self-awareness and understanding your WHY are the stepping stones to effectively defining your value. If you don’t know what you’re bringing to the negotiation table, you may end up going for whatever is offered to you and short-selling yourself. Adding some research to this, especially when you’re negotiating a salary or business investment, goes a long way in providing you with an edge as well.
What makes you unique? Your real value is in what makes you YOU. What are you good? What have your wins been historically? What makes you indispensable?
Set firm boundaries
Boundaries create value. When you set firm boundaries on your time, money, energy, and even expertise, you’re sending the message: “I have value, and I’m not willing to squander it unnecessarily.”
This also means saying yes for the right reasons and saying no when necessary.
How do you define and assert your value as a working woman?
Working from the same home you live in can easily blur the lines between work and life, especially as a working mom. While there are many arguments in favor of working from home, moving from your home life to your work life inside the home can actually constitute more a burden than a relief. This is why it’s so crucial for working moms, especially during this coronavirus pandemic, to set boundaries when working from home.
For working moms, working from home is not just about performing professional activities from the home. The reality is that it’s about compiling the already heavy burden of unpaid care to that of professional obligations, in the same environment and within the same time and space constraints. According to a report byOxfam,women and girls’ unpaid care is worth a whopping $10.8 trillion per year, which is the equivalent of three times the benefit of the technology industry. In the United States, women spend 37% more of their time on unpaid care work than men, according to this report by the Institute for Women’s Policy research. Globally, not one country is on target to achieve gender equality, and the biggest impact is felt by women.
At a time when working from home is becoming the new normal, it also threatens to perpetuate gender inequities from the office into the home. From a non-gender perspective, its impact on mental health on individuals in general, and on working moms in particular, can also be quite detrimental. This is the reason why it is so important for working women and moms to set firm boundaries when working remotely. Here are a few tips to get started:
Have an honest conversation with yourself
Setting boundaries starts with an honest process of self-introspection. Very often, especially as working moms, it can be excruciatingly hard to decide on which boundaries to set, let alone implement them effectively. I know for me, taking some time out to clearly think about what I need most, and what boundaries I would need to put in place is a must.
What is important to you in this season? What is preventing you from devoting the time, space and energy to your priorities? What boundaries can you set in place to allow yourself to be and do more of what matters to you?
Have honest conversations with others
The second step is to have honest conversations with others. By others, I mean those who are closest to you, and exert the most influence on your schedule and life in general. These would be your family members, your colleagues and managers. Communicating your needs and clarifying expectations coming from them can go a long way towards establishing mutually agreeable boundaries.
Can you honestly set some time to communicate to your spouse and children what you need in this season? Can you also set some time to discuss your needs and expectations with your work team and managers, and also hear about theirs?
Create a communication code with kids
When working with kids, setting firm and clear boundaries can seem impossible to achieve. It’s one thing to tell the kids to keep out of your room while you’re having yet another Zoom meeting. It’s another to physically prevent them from barging into your home office asking for their butts to be wiped (this literally happened on one of my Zoom calls). This is where creating a communication code with kids comes in handy. It may be through physical or handwritten signs, or by agreeing on a given schedule. I set up a calendar with my kids and spouse so we can all know which times are “untouchable” for each one of us.
What communication code will you set up with your kids so yours and their needs can be met in a more efficient way?
Protect your time and space
As a working mom, you may feel like when it comes to your time and space, it’s all fair game (at least until everyone goes to bed and you can finally breathe and binge on your favorite shows). Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way. Protecting your time and space is not only possible but it’s necessary when working from home. It’s also not selfish, but actually one of the best gifts you can offer your family when working remotely. By protecting your time and space, you are freer, both physically and mentally, to be more present outside of work because you’re not trying to do it all at once.
This may mean setting a separated workspace for you, even if that means a small corner of your bedroom. It may also mean setting a firm yet flexible schedule that includes a healthy morning routine (including some self-care and prepping for the day), and setting a strict time to put your pencil down and transition back to home life.
Be flexible
Working moms know all too well that a plan is not a plan unless it includes some level of flexibility. Things happen, juice gets spilled, kids scrape their knees, and life hardly ever proceeds as planned, especially between our four walls at home. This also means being flexible when setting firm yet malleable boundaries. For me, it’s a matter of remembering that nothing will be perfect, and building a buffer in my schedule (especially considering my notorious tendencies for lateness).
All in all, working from home can be much more challenging than it looks. While it may offer some advantages such as instance childcare, or economic and time savings to some extent, it also presents a host of difficulties for working moms now saddled with both unpaid and paid labor. Setting firm yet flexible boundaries can help in this process.
How are you setting boundaries when working from home as a working mom?
