Racism fatigue is real. It manifests as a sense of deep exhaustion constantly hovering at the surface of one’s emotions, threatening to spill over at any moment without any warning. Even more dangerous, is the deep effect its roots have on one’s mental, emotional and spiritual health. Yet, it’s a fatigue that as people of color, we’re asked to politely stand day in and day out, as our very minds, hearts and souls keep breaking at the sight of yet another murder headline, yet another senseless shooting, yet another injustice…
As Black working moms bravely standing at the intersection of race and gender, stretched thin between the inequities on both sides, gripped by both fear and despair for our sons, husbands, fathers, sisters, mothers, the weight can hardly be put into words. Instead, it gets hidden behind heroic facades of “strong black women” who appear to be invincible, strong beyond measure, unbreakable, all the while shattering inside into a million tiny pieces of anguished fatigue, deferred hope and untreated exhaustion that no amount of rest seems to make up for…
Eventually, racism fatigue has to be gutted out of the abysses of our minds and hearts, and honestly dealt with. Eventually, it has to be faced, as honestly and unequivocally as one can muster the strength to do. This is no easy feat when the media keeps bombarding us with images of murders in broad daylight in the middle of a global pandemic, and all our senses are on constant alert for fear of not being able to breathe. Dealing with this type of fatigue requires a conscious decision to act upon some of our most primal fears, and start or continue deliberate processes to help:
Identify places and people causing harm and find safe spaces
Being constantly exposed to racial trauma is the very thing that creates and amplifies racism fatigue. Identifying the places and people that cause such harm is then crucial to decrease or eliminate the incidences of experiencing race-related trauma. It may be avoiding social media, skipping certain topics of conversation with some people, or even express your frustration out loud.
In addition, finding safe spaces and people with no need to self-censor can go a long way. While it may take some experimentation, this step can help in building a community and sense of belonging.
Normalize the conversation about racism
In many settings, especially in most workplaces, racism is still a very taboo topic. We just don’t talk about race, or politics at work, for instance. This is where normalizing the conversation about race becomes so important, and a way to take away the threat of racism fatigue.
Many companies have started this process by acknowledging the racial trauma many of their employees experience, and facilitating talks around it through diversity training and other initiatives. While these are difficult conversations to navigate, they are crucial in helping not just employees of color,but all employees, overcome racism fatigue.
Whether it’s rest, therapy, or time away, pouring into oneself is another effective way to deal with racism fatigue.
Racism fatigue is real, and really needs to be dealt with, especially as Black working moms. It requires us to be willing to recognize ahnd face the trauma, and address it through difficult but necessary decisions and actions.
How are you fighting racism fatigue as a Black working mom?
Welcome to Let It Be Friday!, our weekly news roundup, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
It’s back to school time in these unusual times, and Working Mother is sharing experts’ advice on sending kids back to school;
CNN reports working mothers are having to quit their jobs to care for kids, and we’re calling for better structures and more equity through initiatives like Invest in Parents;
The Penny Hoarder lists 7 money mistakes you may be making during the pandemic;
Black Enterprise shares 11 tips to create work-life balance in a virtual environment;
Working from home? You don’t have to sacrifice your style as Corporette shares personal style tips when working from home;
It’s #treatyoselffriday, and it just so happens the Nordstrom Anniversary sale is on until August 31. And because I love me some beauty shopping, here are some of the best beauty and skincare deals via Business insider;
Laudry is not going away, and Food52 shares 7 eco-friendly ways to make it eco-friendly;
Last but not least, this week, we’re loving on working moms on the TCS blog and we’re declaring ourselves free from working mama guilt.
Anything you’d like us to add to this post? Please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com.
Dear Working Mom is our weekly love letter to working moms everywhere, where we talk about motherhood, life, work and everything in between…
Dear Working Mom,
First off, let me start by saying: We see you! We hear you! It’s been said over and over again that this pandemic has been particularly taxing for working moms. While for most of us, working from home during this pandemic is a saving grace, for many of us deprived of childcare, school and the help of our villages, it has been unbelievably hard. For those of us deemed essential workers, it’s been a matter of teetering at the edge of life and death on a daily basis. For all of us, it’s been one of the most, if not the most, challenging journeys of our lives. Hardest of all, has been the guilt we already feel continuously as working mothers, which only got amplified with the anxiety, stress and constant multi-tasking that became our new normal.
It’s the same guilt we, as working moms have been living with for decades, as the choice between work and family keeps being imposed to us by society and norms that still oppose gender equity. It’s the same guilt we feel when we seem to have it all, but constantly have to give one thing in exchange of satisfying another…A guilt that any crisis, especially one like the current pandemic, only serves to exacerbate in the worst way, as we painfully switch between professional focus and caregiver’s attentiveness to fulfill all our roles.
Yet, we’re doing the best we can. As a matter of fact, we’re doing more than the best we can. We’re going above and beyond, at the risk of our sanity, equilibrium and even health. We’re even quitting our jobs out of necessity, and yes, out of guilt…Yet, it’s time to break up with this destructive guilt we’ve been conditioned to experience, and give ourselves the permission to live our lives more fully.
Does this mean we have to be incompetent at being mothers or incompetent at our jobs? Are we then just destined to be stuck between the rock of motherhood and family, and the hard place of having to abandon our personal dreams and ambitions? Did that just sound selfish? No. All it means is we have to do what is best for ourselves and our families. And that, contrary to popular opinion, does not have to involve letting of purpose and personal fulfillment at the altar of perfect service. Or nourish unhappiness and disappointment at the expense of being fully present and appreciative as a working mother.
Because our kids and families want full mothers, happy mothers, purposeful and fulfilled mothers. Mothers who don’t drift through life regretting their dead dreams. Mothers who don’t live burdened by the guilt of not being everything to everyone.Mothers who don’t end up resenting others because they did not get the shot they deserved. Mothers who simply are, instead of merely existing to tackle the next task, the next chore, the next appointment.
Because if we want our kids to live full lives, we must also serve as examples. We must dare to live and tell stories that teach, that inspire, that edify. And guilt has no place in those stories…
Are you dealing with guilt as a working mother? Please email us at corporate@thecorporatesister.com, as we share our stories and encourage each other through our journeys as working moms.
Yesterday, I heard of yet another story of yet another working mother handing in her resignation letter for lack of adequate childcare, as I myself was struggling to figure out school arrangements for my kids this coming Fall. . There are thousands of stories like these in these times of pandemic. Working mothers are being backed, yet again, against the age-old wall of the excruciating choice between work and family. Except this is 2020, and most of us thought we had won this battle a long time ago…Apparently not.
Working mothers are abandoning years of investment in their education and careers, along with their mental, physical and spiritual balance, to make up for societal weaknesses that should no longer exist. While these are dire, unprecedented times, they are also times that should prompt us to re-visit why we even have to ask this age-old question again. For many, if not most, it’s an impossible choice that takes food off of the table of honest, deserving working families. For all, it’s a sobering realization that there is so much more work to do for gender equity, which is at the core of our society’s stability.
At this point, the answer to this desperately cruel question is yes, for most working moms. While some may not have to up and leave the workforce entirely, most have to make painfully hard sacrifices to make it work, somehow. However, the future answer to this question does not have to remain so. Movements such as the Invest In Parents Pledge, a movement by working family advocates to support, protect and invest in working parents, especially during this period of pandemic, are helping to change the narrative. Employers and individuals who sign the Invest In Parents Pledge commit to advocating for and supporting working parents so they can remain in, and succeed in the workforce.
In general, a greater awareness, and willingness to address the staggering issues facing working mothers, and working parents overall, is needed. Meaningful action from organizations, companies and governments, is also crucial to effect positive change. This pandemic has been, and still is, a true wake-up call alerting and reminding us of the places in and outside of us in need of repair and even complete overhaul.
The not-so-new pandemic question for working moms is one that has spanned across centuries, and has reared its ugly head again in the wake of the current pandemic. It’s an old question that will not go away until we all make the conscious decision to create environments, organizations and societies that do not force working women to choose between their work and their family.
Welcome to Let It Be Friday!, where I say hello (and TGIF), and round up the lifestyle, career and business news that inspired, excited, made me smile (or laugh out loud).
This week commemorates 1 year since we lost novelist extraordinaire Toni Morrison, and NPR celebrates her visions of love;
Business Insider reveals Texas Democrat Candace Valenzuela could become the first Black Latina elected to Congress;
Depression is real, and there’s no shame about it! Michelle Obama opens up about suffering from lo-grade depression in Black Enterprise during these challenging times;
Entrepreneur introduces the 19th, a not-for-profit serving as a newsroom for politics and policy for women and by women;
Back-to-school season looks very different this year. Working Mother suggests considering daycare providers when schools close;
Not using your makeup? Corporette suggests ways to preserve it instead;
Recruiter shares how women can better support each other at work;
Wondering what to watch this weekend? Discover the Nigerian film industry, as Fast Company suggests 7 films to watch for a Netflix and Nollywood weekend;
Last but not least, a reminder by our very own The Corporate Sister for all working moms that your time is as valuable as your partner’s!
