This question, coming from the mouth of young children, can be jarring for many, if not most parents, especially in a tense and heated election season like the one we’re currently in. How do you talk about politics with kids? Should you even talk about it, and invade their still innocent minds with details of political tactics and self-interest? As parents, shouldn’t we instead shield them from all the political talk? It seems most parents would agree with the latter… According to a 2016 survey by Care.com, 90% of parents revealed they don’t discuss politics with their kids because they are too young to understand.
The reality is, children have a sense of understanding as young as the age of 3 years old, as confirmed by Purdue University Professor Emeritus of Child Development Dr. Judith Myers-Wall. By the time they reach pre-schooling age, children sense the existence of a political world. At this point, because they are already aware of a fundamental need for justice, some conversations cam begin to take place. While each kid differs in what they know and learn, mostly from interactions with and exposure from adults, most kids can be involved in healthy political discussions that they can understand and wrap their minds around.
As a protective mama bear, my first inkling was to shield my kids from politics. However, as I watch them grow, and be more inquisitive and passionate about justice, it’s become evident how important it is to teach them to think for themselves about politics. Here are a few ground rules, backed by expert advice on how I’m starting and continuing to talk about politics with my kids, and how I encourage you to do so as well:
Start with questions
Kids may hear a lot about elections from other kids and adults around. They may also have unanswered questions and thoughts about the process and its implications. This is why it’s so important to lead with questions, if only to better understand what they know and what they are curious about.
Asking them questions about this may also give them permission to talk about a subject they may have considered taboo.
Focus on offices, NOT people
Politics are most effective when we focus on the office and the good work that can be done through it. Instead of dwelling on personal differences with people and actors on the political scene, switch the conversation to the importance of political offices and how these can help make a positive difference in people’s lives.
Additionally, instead of talking about “good or bad” people, choose to discuss instead good and not-so-good ideas. This reinforces the idea that disagreements and differences of opinions can be constructive, without alienating people in the process.
Don’t shove your views down their throats
As parents, while we may want to teach our kids our own sets of values, we must also allow them to be their own people. While most children tend to adopt their parents’ views, offering kids a stable environment that is not biased towards one view as opposed to another can go a long way.
Teach them not to believe all that they hear
As we all know, politics can be treacherous terrains to tread on, filled with fear-mongering, manipulation and deception. This is also the reason why so many parents steer clear of the “political talk” with their children.
However, not preparing kids to deal with the treacherous nature of politics is doing them a disservice. Instead, introduce them to its biased nature, point out important issues and teach them not to take everything they hear or see at face value.
Teach them respectful free speech
While it’s crucial to emphasize and support free speech, it’s even more important to teach kids to make use of it in a respectful and decent manner. This is especially relevant in light of the disrespectful tone that has been smearing the political scene recently.
Emphasizing the need to respect other people’s opinion is instrumental in this, and providing good examples of political figures using positive and encouraging speech.
Prepare them to deal with challenging situations
Tough conversations around politics are going to happen, and preparing children to face these is paramount. Empowering kids to handle differences of opinions in a loving and inquisitive manner can go a long way. Teaching them that they can also walk away from unsafe situations when it comes to political conversations is also paramount.
All in all, talking to kids about politics can be a scary prospect as a parent. However, it’s a process that is not only necessary, but empowering for children and families.
How are you talking to kids about politics in this season?
Who told you being ambitious made you less a good mom? Whether you heard it from a well-meaning friend or family member, or implicitly understood it from society’s not-so-silent silent messaging, you’ve consciously, or unconsciously, tried to contort yourself to adapt to it. So you’ve kept your ambition a secret, masking the hunger of your Purpose behind futile attempts at being accepted and fitting in with the others, the seemingly “good moms”…
So you changed your conversation to conform to the latest trend in disposable diapers and juiciest town gossip…
So you refrained from discussing your latest business venture, your crazy entrepreneurial ambitions, even your latest ideas, for fear of being cast away for sounding like a brag…
So you learnt to put up with the ridiculous disdain you felt at being perceived like a shallow, ambitious working mom who favors books rather pie baking…
Directly or indirectly, you’ve been spending so much of your time apologizing for being exactly who you are, doubting your own instincts, second-guessing your decisions, hiding from yourself and others…
Yet, all along, your daughter has been looking at you as a hero, as this superwoman going after her dreams…
All along, your son has been learning through your example that girls are brave, girls can go to work, girls can build companies and write words that change the world, and still kiss you on the forehead at night and make up fun, mismatched stories of African princesses and princes hiding in closets…
All along, your very difference has been inspiring others to honor their own difference, to live the lives they were made to live, and make the choices that only belong to them…
All along, you’ve been apologizing for the very thing that makes you you, that makes you unique, that makes you the force of nature you are…
All along, you’ve been feeling guilty for your dreams, but dear mama, your dreams never invalidated anyone’s, they were free to be yours all along…
Dear Working Mama,
If you’re reading this, folding laundry as you’re coming up with your next big business idea, your next crazy venture, I hope you keep being exactly who you were made to be. I hope you ditch the guilt, the disdain from those who gave up on their own dreams and want you to do the same, the hurt of rejection, and all the obstacles standing in your way…
I hope you keep going, you keep pushing, and you keep achieving your purpose….
And I hope you take your kids along the way, and teach them it’s ok to go after thir dreams…
And I hope you take other women with you, and whisper in their ears it’s ok to accomplish your purpose, whether it’s being a stay-at-home mom or closing deal…
But most of all, I hope you stop apologizing for being a daring, earth-shattering, brave mama…
Being visible and heard as a working woman during meetings is already a challenge as it is. Between instances of “mainsplaining”, constant interruptions and the well-known imposter syndrome, the obstacles preventing women from being heard in meetings are numerous. The situation actually worsens during virtual meetings, which can be even more challenging, especially for working moms with children at home. This has been even more prevalent during the pandemic, as many, if not most companies, have resorted to having their employees work remotely.
In a recent Catalyst survey, 45% of women business leaders recognize it’s difficult for women to speak up during virtual meetings. One in five women admit to being overlooked or ignored by colleagues during video calls.
it is possible for working women to increase their visibility during virtual calls. Here are a few tips to get started:
Be clear about what you want to get out of the meeting
Identify at least one goal you may have as related to the meeting, and have a clear view as to what you hope to accomplish. This will help devise an approach in advance to accomplish this, including using some of the other available functions including private and group chat, as well as side-bar messages.
Use the technology to your advantage
Technology plays a critical role in virtual meetings. As a woman at work, you may use it to your advantage and to assert yourself by positioning the camera for easy and direct eye contact. Arranging your microphone so you can be heard more clearly can also help.
Develop non-verbal communication skills
Virtual meetings require different sets of skills than in-person meetings. Since non-verbal cues make up over half of online interactions, it becomes crucial to learn how to read and give non-verbal communication cues.
Wear formal business attire
Dressing professionally is not just for appearance’s sake. It also provides a mental boost, especially when working from home. On virtual calls as with in-person meetings, it also projects confidence and professionalism, and helps to stand out.
Stand through important video calls
Standing up when speaking or presenting not only helps in projecting your voice, but also helps boost one’s confidence and assuredness. This may come especially handy during online meetings where you’re presenting, or on calls you may be feeling nervous about.
Get your colleagues’ buy-in
Enlisting the support of your colleagues, especially for high-stake decisions, is not only an effective way of managing office politics, but also a powerful way of commanding attention during the meetings in which these are discussed. The more your colleagues may know about an issue you’ve consulted them on, the more attention you may be able to command.
All in all, virtual meetings may work to working women’s disadvantage, however they don’t have to. Using strategies like the ones listed above to increase your visibility during online calls can help in alleviating the structural and professional barriers standing in women’s careers’ way.
What has been your experience as a working woman during online calls?
In these times of pandemic and economic uncertainty, many, if not most workplaces, have resorted to remote interviews to hire employees. This also means that new criteria and different techniques are now being added onto the interviewing process, which can be intimidating and confusing for some. For working women, this adds an additional layer of complexity to a process that already tends to discriminate against and disadvantage female candidates. Whereas in-person interviews are unfortunately riddled with gender bias according to the research paper by Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, remote interviews can amplify this bias as a result of the distance and lack of personal touch in the process.
When recently coaching a student of mine prepping for an upcoming interview, it was clear that the interviewing process has changed from what it traditionally has been. For working women, this translates into yet more adjustments as we tackle a new work normal. This includes handling the technology appropriately, leveraging your environment, and maintaining the human touch:
Master the technology before-hand
One crucial and new part of interviewing remotely is the technology involved. At the time of scheduling, inquire of the video platform that will be used and test the link provided. It’s also wise to obtain the interviewer’s information if you have any questions as you test the technology, or encounter any issues prior to or during the process.
Whether it all happens on Zoom or on a different platform, you want to make sure that you are prepared accordingly . This means testing your technology before-hand by ensuring your camera is ready and your audio is working, ensuring that your tools are available, charged and ready for the set time, and confirming all logistical details with the interviewer. Rehearse before-hand and if necessary, ask a loved one or friend to help you practice, so they can provide you with feedback as to your appearance and how you sound.
The more technologically prepared you are, the more chances you have at lessening some of the gender bias that inevitably gets perpetuated during remote interviews.
Leverage your environment
Since you will be appearing on camera, your environment is bound to play a crucial role. Start with your appearance first, and ensure you look professional without being awkward. While you may not necessarily need to wear a suit jacket, you may want to show up with a professional attire. While I suggest avoiding distracting details such as dangling earrings or noisy accessories, you should nevertheless not shrink from showing your own style and personality as authentically as possible.
Consider your background next. In most cases, a neutral background works best. As much as you can, try to avoid virtual backgrounds that may look inappropriate or distort your image in the camera. While you may prefer sitting down, you may consider standing up as you’re being interviewed, as it will allow for your voice to project better, and will help you sound and look more energetic and engaged. Last but not least, inform other members of your household, especially children, about your upcoming interview so they don’t barge onto the screen unannounced.
Maintain the human touch
Remote interviews can feel quite impersonal. This is why it is so important to maintain the human touch through the entire process. Begin with your own mindset, and mentally prepare to have a positive outlook and mindset. As there are less non-verbal cues to build up on during remote interviews, it can be easy to feel and show some discouragement. However, mentally equipping yourself for a positive outcome, whether by using affirmations, mantras, or meditating prior, can make a world of difference.
Another way to show much needed humanity during a remote interview is to inquire of the interviewer on a personal level. This is not about getting too personal or inquisitive. Instead, and especially in the current pandemic and dire economic circumstances we’re facing, it’s about showing some concern and warmth during difficult times.
Last but not least, add a touch of humor to the process. We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. So what if one of your kids runs across the room in the middle of the interview? Or if your camera stops working for a few seconds? Life happens, and we’re only human…
What other tips would you recommend for working women to ace remote interviews?
As working moms, there is so much depending on us at the family, personal and professional level. It can also mean carrying oodles of responsibilities that sometimes end up hurting us more than help us. For those of us who may have perfectionist tendencies, this can also translate into struggling to let go of control, especially as working moms. This is all the more acute lately as so many of us are facing unprecedented circumstances in light of the current COVID-19 pandemic and dire economic situation.
This is something that like many other working moms, I have had to struggle with in my own journey. It’s so tempting to want to have a solid handle on most, if not all aspects, of our lives and work. However, as I quickly realized and as you may have as well, there is only so much we can control, especially when other humans are involved. Parenting and marriage especially have taught me, very often the hard way, that holding on to control can actually be more destructive than helpful. As a matter of fact, the longer I’ve been a working mom, the more acutely I’ve realized that relinquishing control is a blessing. It’s also an art that requires a solid sense of self, as well as conscious practice and skills over time.
Through conversations and resource-sharing with other working moms, as well as trial and error in my own experience, here are three of the most effective strategies I’ve learnt to let go of control as a working mom:
Pinpoint the source of your need for control
One of my working mom friends once asked me: “Have you ever asked yourself why you feel the need to control certain aspects of your life and work?” This was a wake-up call for me. We often fail to identify the why behind the way we feel or act, looking for solutions outside of ourselves instead of starting by looking within.
Have you ever asked yourself why it is so important for you to be in control? It may be stemming from childhood, or maybe from past disappointment, or from a sense of fear or anxiety about the future. Working on identifying the source of our need for control can go a long way towards helping us heal, and relieve some of the heavy pressure so many of us are under.
Get help
Sometimes, dealing with the pressure of having to hold all the pieces of our lives and work together can simply be too much. This is where asking for, and getting the help we need, can prove invaluable. It may simply be asking for help with kids’ pickup, or delegating a task to someone else at work, or even hiring a housekeeper periodically.
What can help you relieve some of the pressure you’re under and let go of some of the control that may be crushing you?
Invest in self-care
Self-care is vital for working moms, especially in the days we live in and the constant stress we face. It’s not just about bubble baths and mani-pedis, but about healing and restoring ourselves as often as possible.
Some of this self-care may take the form of therapy for some, or time away for others. Whichever form of self-care you choose, it should help you replenish yourself and let go of some of the crushing pressure you may be facing as a working mom nowadays.
How have you managed to let go of the need for control as a working mom?
