2020 has exposed racial trauma in a way no one could have predicted, especially as it was coupled with a global pandemic and a loss of much of our sense of normalcy. For mothers faced with the painful and public images of this racial trauma, it has certainly been gut-wrenching. Looking at one’s sons and daughters while wondering if the tragedy of race-related events could also affect them, is a weight no mother should have to bear. Yet, it has now become the reality for too many mothers…
Perusing social media pages, news channels or during conversations with fellow moms, it’s hard not to let fear, heartache and even anger, creep in. It’s also challenging, as working moms, to repress or even suppress these feelings, along with the inevitable associated trauma. It’s a trauma. Research shows each time a Black person is exposed to a killing of an unarmed Black person, its results in an additional 14 mental health days.
Learning to navigate racial trauma in the workplace as a working mom is a hard process, one that hits home more than anything else. Yet, it’s one that can also teach us to make more space for ourselves and others, and inspire positive change in companies and across society.
Here are a few ways to navigate racial trauma as a working mom in the workplace:
Check in with yourself
Sometimes, in the shuffle of our day-to-day activities, we may not give ourselves enough time or even permission to check in with ourselves. We may bury deep down the strong emotions and feelings experienced from racial trauma, not allowing ourselves to check in with ourselves. Taking some time to check in with the way we feel, through journaling or therapy for instance, can help.
Take some time to process traumatic experiences
Healing from trauma takes time. Yet, how often do we take time to process the painful images from racial discrimination or violence we may see on the news or on social media? How often do we truly allow ourselves to take a pause and grieve for the collective loss we’ve experienced? Not quite often enough…
Whether it’s taking a day off from work, or shutting off social media, taking time away to process racial trauma is not only necessary, it’s indispensable.
Find solace in affirming your culture
When racial trauma violates the boundaries of our identities, reclaiming and affirming our culture can bring much needed comfort and strength in times of crisis. Taking part in collective culture-affirming actions, or even re-committing to expressing our identities, can not only ease the pain, but also help in showing up more authentically at work.
Create and maintain healthy boundaries
As working moms, establishing healthy boundaries in and outside of the workplace can be difficult and go against our nurturing nature. However, it is so necessary in acknowledging and respecting our emotional, mental and physical capacity. In the aftermath of the recent racial crisis, many have committed or re-committed to diversity and inclusion efforts in the workplace. Yet, understanding the extent of our emotional, physical and mental bandwidth is crucial in helping us measure how much we can give of ourselves without completely depleting our precious resources and reserves.
Minimize code-switching
Code-switching is defined generally as an adjustment of one’s speech, appearance and/or behavior to bargain for better opportunities in exchange for making others more comfortable. While it may help increase the perception of professionalism for minorities, especially for Black people, and avoiding negative stereotypes, code-switching comes at a heavy cost. This cost includes social and psychological consequences, increasing the likelihood of more acute racial trauma.
Find safe spaces
Last but not least, finding safe spaces at work to process racial trauma is another way to effectively combat racial trauma. These safe spaces can take the form of Employee Resource Groups, Employee Assistance Programs, and/or diversity and inclusion trainings.
How do you navigate racial trauma in the workplace as a working mom?
As we hopefully near the end of the COVID-19 pandemic, the drastic changes it’s brought to the way we work, especially as working women and moms, are undeniable. From shifting the work dynamic for women and moms, resulting in countless job losses for women and the bulk of the pandemic “burden” on working moms faced with a childcare crisis and the majority of household chores, to negating decades of gender equity advances, its impact has been heavy to say the least. The “new” normal it’s created is pointing next to a hybrid post-COVID future for work.
According to a Stanford Institute for Economic Policy Research (SIEPR) survey, 55% of U.S. workers lean more towards a mixture of office and home work. While businesses are adjusting to the post-COVID world in different ways, from allowing employees to work remotely indefinitely to staggering their return to work, they’re also laying the foundation for an increasingly hybrid work future. For working mothers who have been dealing with a childcare crisis and a compounding of home and work responsibilities during the pandemic, this is a new adjustment that is certainly coming at a substantial cost. This is the cost of re-negotiating already precarious boundaries between work and home, solving the issue of childcare, and dealing with the mental load associated with it all.
While hybrid work arrangements may seem like the best of both worlds, with flexibility on one hand and socialization on the other, they represent yet another transition for working moms. Shifting from working from home to alternating between the office and the home requires not just a mental adjustment, but countless logistical changes that also come in play.
In my own experience, transitioning from working exclusively from home to a more hybrid schedule brought both a sense of relief at the prospect of more social time outside of the house; and also a sense of anxiety as to how to manage childcare, house duties and finding new ways to integrate this next normal. While it’s worked well so far, it hasn’t been without challenges, along with precious lessons in adaptability, flexibility and sheer human innovation.
If you’re ready to transition to a hybrid work environment as a working mom, here are 5 tips that can help:
Make the mental shift first
Most often, it’s not so much the physical, but the mental load that drives working mothers to exhaustion. As such, it’s crucial in any season of transition (which is pretty much the majority of time when you’re a working mom), to make the necessary mental shifts first.
Asking questions such as: “What is this new normal going to look like for me?”, “How do I feel about this change?”, “Why do I feel this way?”, or “What can I constructively do about this”, may seem unimportant at first. However, they are the catalysts of much needed exercises in self-regulation and self-assessment that are so important for working moms constantly having to think on their feet and respond to new situations on the go.
For me, it’s been a matter of rally taking the time to check in with myself to avoid feeling overwhelmed and making rash decisions. A simple time-out at the beginning or in the middle of the day can help, as can daily or frequent journaling and sharing with trusted friends.
Clarify and set clear expectations
Transitioning to a hybrid work environment also presents a set of new expectations. After a particularly traumatic pandemic year, these expectations may be quite different from pre-pandemic expectations. Hence, the importance of clarifying and setting clear expectations.
What hours and days will I be expected to be in the office? When at home, what is the expectation in terms of work hours? What does a more flexible schedule look like? What does a typical day look like? What norms of safety will be in place? There are examples of questions that can be part of the conversation to clarify expectations.
Define boundaries
Along with clarifying and setting expectations, defining boundaries is also paramount as the transition to a hybrid work environment involves a potential blurring of lines between work and home. As many, if not most working moms, found themselves lost in the shuffle of work and home during the pandemic, many more can also be disadvantaged by the lack of a clear line of professional and personal demarcation in a hybrid setting.
Am I expected to take calls at home after a certain time? Do I have to answer emails after-hours? On my days working from home, will I be expected to show up to the office in case of an urgent meeting or matter? These questions can serve as good examples of defining clearer boundaries in hybrid environments.
Discuss the ramifications for your career and your future career plans
Just as the concept of flexibility, while seemingly appearing to benefit working mothers, has actually added a layer of stigma to women’s career, a transition to a hybrid work setting can also have ramifications for women’s careers. As working mothers on flexible schedules have been in many instances stigmatized as less productive, working moms in hybrid work settings may also suffer from the same stigma.
One way to circumvent this stigma is to have a clear discussion and understanding of any possible ramifications for your career. Having an honest conversation with your manager can help alleviate these concerns, while opening the door to discuss the future of your career.
Would this hybrid schedule hurt my career? What are some new opportunities and challenges I can take advantage of? What would I have to do to reach the next level in my career? These questions can be asked in the course of a performance review as well as as part of a quick check-in with your management.
Adjust as you go
Last but not least, any transition requires a certain amount of experience and adjustment on-the-go. As you transition to a hybrid work setting, many of the moving pieces in your environment will also have to be re-calibrated. From adjusting your childcare schedule, to making new logistical arrangements and re-organizing your work priorities, some of the changes involved will not be perfectly aligned from the start.
Re-adjusting schedules, setting different expectations, and even considering a change in careers may come into play during this transition. Being flexible and adjusting as you go will go a long way towards reaching a better equilibrium.
How are you planning on transitioning to a hybrid work environment as a working mom?
Disclaimed: Please note this is a sponsored post. I may be compensated if you use the links in this post to make a purchase. Thank you for reading!
If you’re a working mom, and have ever gotten home after work, and stood in front of the fridge wondering what in the world of nutritious and tasty meals you could whip up in about 30 minutes, you’re certainly not alone…I’ve certainly been there, especially considering that I’m not the most creative or skilled cook out there…
I remember running to pick up the kids after work, only to face terrible traffic with cranky little ones in the back of the car, sometimes running to extracurricular activities and sports before getting home. This was all to get home just a short couple of hours or less before bed time, and squeeze family time, dinner, bath and bed time in a record amount of time. As African immigrants whose traditional recipes tend to be quite elaborate, cooking can be quite time-consuming.
According to this U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics survey, women tend to handle the bulk of grocery shopping and cooking in the household. As a matter of fact, mothers are the household members usually in charge of meal preparation, compared to only 19% of men preparing meals. On average, moms spend 68 minutes a day cooking meals, as compared to 23 minutes for dads. This pattern is consistent among both households with children and childless couples.
As working moms, getting good food on the table on a daily basis while juggling work, house chores, administrative tasks and healthy relationships, not to mention our own self-care, is certainly an exercise in flexibility, resilience and creativity. Even for the most efficient of moms and parents our there, daily meal freshness is not always possible, as we can be tempted to batch otherwise healthy meals to save time and maintain some level of a sane schedule. As a result, mealtime can often turn into a stressful time, instead of allowing for the fun of togetherness and healthy nutrition. Considering how limited the time we spend together as working families is, reclaiming meal time is essential.
This is where Yumble Kids comes in. Created by Joanna Parker, a mom of three who, like the rest of us, understands the pressure of spending hours every day planning and cooking healthy and delicious meals for our kids. Like so many among us, she understood perfection as a mom is not only impossible, but unnecessary. So she came up with a solution. Nutritious, delicious and ready-to-heat and eat meal choices requiring zero cooking but making possible lots more quality family time…
To do this, Yumble strives to deliver meals right to your doorstep that combine the freshness of regionally-sourced ingredients, the sustainability of 100% recyclable packaging, and the balance of healthy and yummy recipes…All this freshly delivered in a refrigerated box with a fun and engaging packaging…Speaking of fun, Yumble also goes above and beyond by sending out kid-approved activity extras, such as table topics and sticker sheets so the whole family can be entertained…
The best part? All the meal subscriptions are flexible, so you can order when you need to, and cancel or snooze too. The prices are quite reasonable, ranging from $7.99 a meal for 6 meals a week, to $5.99 a meal for 12 meals a week. You basically select a plan based on the number of meals desired, and your kids can choose from the weekly menu. The food is cooked and delivered to your doorstep every week. All you have to do? Refrigerate and heat for 90 to 120 seconds before serving.
I have to say, my kids loved the options available, and so did I. Who here does not eat their kids’ food, seriously? Our favorites as a family include the Creamy Mac and Trees (mac’n cheese and broccoli), the Vegetarian Bean Burrito and the Cheesy Veggie Casserole.
Overall, we enjoyed the delicious and nutritious meals, and the break it gave us from having to come up with good, healthy and fresh food every day. While as a family, we will still be cooking at home and bonding over our traditional African recipes, mostly on weekends and holidays when we have more time, we definitely welcome the yummy break and extra quality meal time during otherwise packed weekdays…
Have you ever felt absolutely exhausted, even after getting a full night’s sleep? Do you feel like you can’t quite seem to recharge your batteries, no matter how many #selfcare threads you post on social media? Has the pandemic made it even worse, especially as a working mom juggling working from home, childcare and household chores? Not to mention new COVID strains, vaccine rollouts and an overall stressful “new normal”…
I was recently both surprised and relieved to discover we need more than a full night’s rest to actually recharge. While the common misconception around rest revolves around sleep, it’s a relief to learn there are other ways to recuperate from the strain and stress of daily life, especially as working women and moms during this pandemic.
If you’ve wondered about getting more quality rest, you may want to consider these seven types of rest:
If you happen to constantly juggle a flurry of thoughts in your mind, you may need more than just a good night’s sleep. You may also need some serious mental rest. Developing the habit to take short breaks throughout the day can go a long way toward helping you to recharge mentally.
I’ve learnt to take mental breaks throughout the day, and rewarding myself with a special treat such as a delicious cup of Simplicity tea.
Sensory Rest
If the COVID-19 pandemic has stolen one thing from us, it’s definitely our ability to get as much sensory rest as we need. Working from home and homeschooling kids has forced most of us into a daily habit of staring at screens, thus putting our senses at work constantly. Just allowing ourselves to close our eyes for a few moments every day can help.
After so much time spent in front of electronic devices during the pandemic, I’ve started shutting down and banning all laptops and phones at a specific time every day.
Creative Rest
Creativity is an amazing gift, but it also requires significant amounts of energy, which can leave us depleted and drained. Remembering to take a pause and doing absolutely nothing at times can not only provide us with the creative rest we need, but it can also let ideas marinate and mature.
Sundays are my creative rest days, when I try to do the least possible intellectual work and instead let my brain observe a break.
Emotional Rest
Emotions can be powerful. Yet, most of the time as working women and moms, we’re so accustomed to being strong that we fail to acknowledge the way we feel. As a result, we end up exhausted as we strive to wear a mask of perfectionism and constant self-reliance. Giving ourselves the space and time to take off the “strong woman” mask” and show up in our vulnerable authenticity can go a long way towards helping us feel more rested.
For me, getting some emotional rest has been using therapy as a healing and self-development tool, and allowing myself to rely on a group of trusted friends.
Social Rest
Social life is both fulfilling and draining. This is especially true for working women and moms who act as caretakers, and wear so many social hats. With the advent of social media, our social life has expanded into virtual spaces that pull us down into abysses of extra busyness and over-stimulation. This is where taking a break from social activities and social media is a powerful self-care and healing tool.
As an introvert, the need to take serious social breaks is very real. Cultivating relationships and developing a schedule that welcome these breaks has been key.
Spiritual Rest
Last but not least, we all need to be connected to something larger than us. Something that makes this life meaningful, and provides us with a deeper sense of purpose. As such, it’s crucial that we find time, in the midst of our busy everyday lives, to keep this spiritual connection alive. It may be through a walk in nature, a meditation practice, or just a few minutes of quiet every day.
Prayer is my favorite way to get some much-needed spiritual rest every day. Making it an integral part of my schedule has been instrumental to not losing touch with my spiritual side.
As working women and moms, unexplained exhaustion does not have to be our normal. Instead, better understanding the types of rest we need can help us acquire and practice the right habits to gain our energy, strength and motivation back.
Could you identify with any of the types of rest listed above? What can you do to increase the amount and type of rest you get?
How do you teach confidence when you have to learn it yourself?
How do you show up confidently in your personal life, especially as a mother, when you struggle with confidence in your career?
What do you do to fill up the gap between being your most confident self and teaching your kids to be confident as a working mom?
If you’re a working mom who’s ever struggled with a lack of confidence, you may have asked yourself one, or many, of these questions. You may especially be asking yourself these questions during current times plagued with a global pandemic, social justice and racial discrimination concerns. As a minority mom, modeling self-esteem can be even more of a process, as you’re trying to heal from the trauma of racial events happening across the world.
As a minority working woman, becoming a mom not only exposed me to my own lack of confidence at the time, but also encouraged me to address and work on it. Over the years, it has become a blessing in disguise, as I have had the opportunity to learn more about confidence, so I could in turn teach and pass it on to my own children.
Through my conversations with other working women and moms who have also struggled with confidence in and outside of work, as well as my own experience, here are 7 tips to teach confidence to kids as a working woman, even if you’re working on your confidence:
Be self-aware
Being self-aware is the first step to building and teaching confidence, especially to children. Children can see right through the human façade, which makes it even more important to better know yourself.
Work on your own mental health
Beyond being self-aware, working on one’s mental health and sense of self-esteem is crucial to building, and modeling a growing sense of confidence. From prioritizing self-care to investing in therapy, protecting and enhancing one’s mental health is central to raising confident and healthy children.
Allow your kids to be who they are
Being confident also means accepting yourself as you grow and evolve. It also means teaching our children to be exactly who they are instead of boxing them into an idea of who we want them to be.
Make love and acceptance the center
Modeling love and acceptance by accepting ourselves first, is at the center of educating children into being more confident. Motherhood is a road paved with mistakes, do-overs, failures, but also with incredibly fulfilling and rewarding opportunities to grow, learn and evolve.
Embrace imperfection
Through our own journey of motherhood, imperfection is par for the course. Embracing this imperfection, both on our part and that of our children, is key to passing along the message that the goal is not perfection but progress.
Show don’t tell
We teach our children confidence by modeling it, rather than telling them about. It’s through our actions, more than our words, than kids learn. Doing the work that allows us to show up as our most authentic selves is also the most effective, and powerful, way to teach our children to trust and esteem themselves.
Follow your own motherhood path
As working women often subject to society’s sexist and often antiquated messaging, learning to truly know, appreciate and trust ourselves is a process. It’s one that requires shedding many of the layers of conformism imposed by societal groups and the environments we are exposed to.
Overall, teaching confidence to our children starts with doing the work ourselves, and modeling it in the best way possible, especially when still struggling with it.
How are you managing to teach confidence to kids as a working mom still learning to be confident?
