How many times as a working mom have you felt a wave of resentment come up at the thought of everything you have to do day in and day out?
And how many times has this resentment made you feel guilty as a result?
Further, let me ask you, how many times have you even dared talking about this feeling of resentment to anyone for fear of being negatively judged?
If you’re nodding at any of these questions, you’re certainly not alone.
Resentment is one of the best well-kept secrets about and among working moms. As working mothers are hailed, praised, and kept, by society as “sheroes”, they’re also not allowed to show weakness, and certainly not resentment. Instead, they are expected to hold up the sacred veil of motherhood, bravely (and flawlessly) handling all the responsibilities assigned to them without a complaint, murmur or negative feeling. Being resentful as a working mom is perceived as a threat to this picture-perfect idealization of womanhood, and as such, is considered a big no-no for many, if not most, working women.
Yet, the reality is, as we pick up dirty socks off the floor, wash dishes, run from work to kids’ activities, forgetting to fill this or that form, it’s virtually impossible for many, if not most working moms, to experience if only a touch of resentment at some point or another. This is especially true when there is a lack of gender equity in the home and at work, and women have to face a staggering lack of resources and support, from childcare to work flexibility.
So what do you do when resentment rears its ugly head in the midst of your unending to-do list and tired self? How do you address the subtle anger rising up in you as you consider one obstacle after another standing before you? Here are some tips that may help:
Stop and reflect!
Resentment is a clear indicator that there is a lack of balance somewhere. I’ve found over the years that our bodies and minds will give us distress signals. However, too often, we fail to listen. This is where pausing to listen to ourselves is important.
Why am I feeling so resentful? What is creating this feeling in me?
Identifying the root cause of resentment can go a long way towards addressing what the real issue is. Oftentimes, we feel resentful because of false beliefs, or because we’ve taken on too much, or we feel unappreciated in one or many areas of our lives and work.
What is making you feel resentful as a working mom?
Resentment is not a dirty secret to lug around and hide from everyone around us. Neither does it make us bad mothers. It simply makes us human, and allows us to heal what is festering inside us. This is where communication, effective communication that is, comes in handy.
Communicating how you feel, in a non-blaming way, whether it is to your partner, family or friends, can help them better understand where you’re coming from. It can also help in solving the imbalance you may be experiencing, whether it’s related to the lack of equity at home, or the stress in your career and/or relationships.
Who can you trust to talk it out and communicate how you’re feeling?
Readjust
Last but not least, while reflection and communication are important, action is indispensable to readjust the lack of balance causing the resentment you’re feeling. It may be readjusting the distribution of responsibilities and chores in the household, or looking to make positive changes in your career, or asking for more support in your relationships. It’s often also a matter of re-centering yourself and taking better care of yourself through self-care. Whatever the need may be, taking action on it can help reduce the feelings of resentment you’re experiencing.
How can you readjust your schedule, work and life to feel less resentful?
In conclusion, feeling resentful as a working mom is not a sign to blame yourself or others. It’s a powerful signal to re-establish more balance, joy and health in your work and life. Pausing to reflect, talking it out and readjusting as needed are three effective steps that can help tremendously in the process.
How are you dealing with feeling resentful as a working mom?
Question: My husband and I have been enjoying earning more over the years in our careers. However, our tax bill has also been going up. What can we do to avoid paying so much in taxes?
Signed, Overtaxed Mama
Hi Overtaxed Mama,
I so hear you! As we grow into our careers, so do our incomes over time. If we add to this being in relationships and counting our partners’ income jointly, chances are our earnings can grow even more as the years pass. However, with our incomes, also grows another less fun side-effect, that is the taxes we end up owing on our tax returns. After all, doesn’t the popular saying confirm only two things are certain, death and taxes?
As you may have watched your earnings grow, you may also have watched your tax bill get larger as you file taxes. Since you’re taxed on your raising income, it’s hard to avoid. However, there are ways to offset the tax increase that comes with earnings growth. I’ve grouped these in 3 categories, that you may remember under the mnemonic RED:
R is for the Retirement savings you should maximize:
One of the most effective ways to reduce your taxable income is to increase your retirement savings. You can do this by maximizing your contributions to your 401k employer-sponsored plan, up to $20,500 in 2022. Individuals 50 and olderSince these contributions are made before before tax, they directly reduce your income.
You can also contribute to an Individual Retirement Account (IRA), up to $6,000 annually ($7,000 for 50 and older).
Another way to reduce your taxable income is to use flexible spending plans, offered by some employers. One of these is the Flexible Spending account (FSA), in which employees can contribute and set aside funds up to $2,850 in 2022 for medical expenses.
Similar to the FSA, the Health Savings account (HSA) is dedicated to employees with high-deductible health insurance plans, whose pre-tax contributions go toward healthcare costs.
Lastly, yet another way to bring your taxable income down is to deduct business-related expenses such as the home office deduction for instance. Other available business deductions include health insurance costs, as well as other deductible expenses.
These are all effective ways to reduce your taxable income, especially as it increases over time. Consider using one or a combination of these to lower your tax burden.
In this podcast episode, I am discussing running our careers as business women and/or moms, like successful, efficient and effective businesses. I chat about three(3) principles from accounting that can help us manage our own careers, and empower ourselves to make the best work, and by extension, life decisions.
Take a listen!
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
What do the most successful businesses have in common? They’re run efficiently like well-oiled machines. Most importantly, they use systems and processes to create efficiencies and minimize time waste. As busy working women and moms, whose most precious commodity is time, that sounds pretty appealing.
At some point in your career as a working woman and/or mom, you may start asking yourself what the most efficient ways of running your career and life are. You also may begin to wonder how to get the most return out of the time, energy and resources you invest in your work. You’re not alone, I certainly did and still do every day to keep my various life and work ducks in a row. As an accountant by trade, I’ve had the opportunity to study and see what differentiates successful businesses from unsuccessful ones, and have thought of the many ways the same principles can be applied to our careers as business working women and moms.
After all, running our careers in the midst of all our other commitments and duties, from motherhood, marriage or partnership, to household management and relationships, is no easy feat. As work is an important part of our life, it becomes so important to set the appropriate foundation and systems to be successful on our own terms, without jeopardizing or sacrificing the rest of our lives.
In my experience, and from the strong tenets of managerial accounting (who knew you could mention accounting in your day-to-day life), here are three principles that may help:
Plan: Have a vision for your career
Successful businesses have one thing in common. They plan, and they plan well! This means having a solid, effective and feasible vision for the future. The same can be done in our work. How many of us begin careers without a solid plan, out of a vague belief that we may be successful at it, or at least make enough money to pay the bills? Without vision, our careers are doomed to fail, or at the very least fall short of our expectations.
What is the vision for your career for the next month, quarter, year or even a decade? Where do you see yourself in five years? How can you align this vision with your life?
Another thing effective businesses have in common, is the ability to monitor their progress and adjust as needed over time. Too often unfortunately, especially as busy working women and moms, we allow our careers to passively drift along, as we desperately try to pull the various pieces of our lives together. Ultimately, this makes up for growing dissatisfaction and even resentment in our work. Having checkpoints that go beyond performance reviews, such as personal self-evaluations, for instance, can help.
Do you monitor your career progress every so often? What are the career checkpoints you keep an eye for? What are your non-negotiables and other parameters you measure your career progress against?
Make the optimal decisions for your career
Last but not least, running your career effectively also requires you to make the optimal decisions for it. This means switching from a passive professional stance to a more active one, where you take control of your work and decide what is best for you. Too many working women and moms allow society, organizations, institutions or self-deprecating beliefs to take this power from them and make decisions on their behalf. These decisions can range from where to work, to the amount of flexibility you need, to even whether or not it’s time to change the course of your career.
Are you empowered to make the optimal decisions for your career? What are the best choices you can make for yourself when it comes to your work?
Overall, for working women and moms, running our careers as efficiently and effectively as possible is not an indulgence, but a necessity. To this end, having a solid career vision, monitoring your progress (or lack thereof), and being empowered enough to make the best decisions for yourself, are essential.
Are you running your career like a successful business?
In this episode, I’m discussing steering away from the hustle in our careers as working women and moms, and instead towards more alignment in the work we do and by extension in the lives we live.
In the episode, I also discuss how this requires us to be self-aware and being willing to show as who we are.
Listen in!
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
