Do you have a vision for your life? Do you sense a higher purpose for yourself? Yet, are you finding that the various parts of your life, including your family, career, passions and interests pull you into too many directions to allow you to bring this vision to life? Maybe you always dreamt of opening your own gym, yet life seems to have taken you in a different direction, and now you feel stuck splitting your time between your job and family, even as you hustle to hold on to your dream. Or maybe you were aspiring to advance to the C-suite, yet your career progress so far and the limitations of your schedule as a working mom have you settling for way less than you deserve. If so, you certainly are not alone.
Pulled between the demands of motherhood, caregiving, and work, many, if not most working women and moms have a hard time even having a vision and focus for their lives, let alone nurture it and bring it to fruition. Many end up even giving up on their dreams and long-term vision, instead living with a sense of failure and regret. As time goes on, many wonder if they truly can achieve their dreams , or if they have to give up on them in part or completely to put food on the table, be good mothers, or fit into their communities and families. Despite the common refrains in the media touting the misleading message that we can do and have it all (certainly not at the same time), there are still too many of us left in the trenches of working womanhood and motherhood.
One of the biggest misconceptions out there is that your day job is incompatible with your day dream. Unless your dream is aligned with your career, and is to climb the elusive corporate ladder, break the proverbial “glass ceiling”, or shatter the “brick wall” for women of color, that is…
Yet, this could not be further from the truth. Research shows that even when it comes to jobs, women hold an average of 12.1 jobs in their lifetime (compared to 12.5 jobs for men), which suggests a myriad of changes and transitions professionally. Throughout these changes, as well as all the other transitions working women and moms go through, from getting married to giving birth and caring for older parents among others, many lose sight of the vision for their lives, the dreams and ambitions they had in their hearts when they first started out. Yet, what if it were possible to navigate these life transitions, and still hold on to our day dreams?
While it’s certainly far from being easy, it is possible, and here are a few ways to do it:
Clarify your vision and purpose
What did you want to be when you were younger? What was the dream in your heart back then? What is it now? How can you translate this dream into a vision for your life?
If you’ve lost sight of your dream and vision because you had to “grow up”, make money and become a responsible adult, it’s not too late to remember it and bring it back to life. Neither is it an exercise in futility or an indulgence. To the very contrary, it is oftentimes the motivation, drive and inspiration you need to keep being your best self and doing your best work.
Channel your dreams into action
Bringing your vision into life requires some action on your part. It doesn’t mean you necessarily have to overhaul your entire life and start from scratch. Most often, it simply means looking at what you already have going on, especially in your career, and look for ways to integrate your dream into the structure you already have in place. For some, it’s adding a dimension of service into their careers, or volunteering for a cause at work, or even making a lateral move or change companies or industries. I know a woman who is a survivor of breast cancer, whose dream is to spread the message of wellness and healing to as many women as possible, who brings her vision to life by volunteering through her company for instance.
Use your career to fuel your dream purpose and vice-versa
Last but not least, you can also use your actual day job and career as support for your dream and life vision. Financially, your career can help support your side hustle, or any other activities you may engage in to achieve your dreams. Having the peace of mind provided by a regular paycheck and health benefits can relieve a lot of the pressure associated with starting your own business, while giving you the opportunity to work on your dream during off-hours. What you learn in your career also can provide you with the skills you need to do so, from management skills to organizational and technical knowledge, within ethical limits of course. Lastly, the network you build in your career also comes in handy when it comes to promoting your business, book, venture or activities as well.
In the reverse, your side hustle and other activities you engage in to pursue the vision or purpose for your life, can bring added benefits to your career. Among these, are the invaluable leadership, management, and even technical skills you develop in the process. All in all, it’s a win-win situation, in addition to being a great way to add to your personal growth and fulfillment.
So no, you don’t have to give up on the vision and purpose for your life on account of being a mom, having a job, or being pulled in too many directions. To the contrary, you can combine what you have and what you aspire to, into the highest, most fulfilling expression of your potential for your benefit and that of those around you.
Want to know more about starting and growing your own side hustle? Check out my e-book and accompanying workbook: Girl, Get Your Side Hustle On!
How many times as a working mom have you felt a wave of resentment come up at the thought of everything you have to do day in and day out?
And how many times has this resentment made you feel guilty as a result?
Further, let me ask you, how many times have you even dared talking about this feeling of resentment to anyone for fear of being negatively judged?
If you’re nodding at any of these questions, you’re certainly not alone.
Resentment is one of the best well-kept secrets about and among working moms. As working mothers are hailed, praised, and kept, by society as “sheroes”, they’re also not allowed to show weakness, and certainly not resentment. Instead, they are expected to hold up the sacred veil of motherhood, bravely (and flawlessly) handling all the responsibilities assigned to them without a complaint, murmur or negative feeling. Being resentful as a working mom is perceived as a threat to this picture-perfect idealization of womanhood, and as such, is considered a big no-no for many, if not most, working women.
Yet, the reality is, as we pick up dirty socks off the floor, wash dishes, run from work to kids’ activities, forgetting to fill this or that form, it’s virtually impossible for many, if not most working moms, to experience if only a touch of resentment at some point or another. This is especially true when there is a lack of gender equity in the home and at work, and women have to face a staggering lack of resources and support, from childcare to work flexibility.
So what do you do when resentment rears its ugly head in the midst of your unending to-do list and tired self? How do you address the subtle anger rising up in you as you consider one obstacle after another standing before you? Here are some tips that may help:
Stop and reflect!
Resentment is a clear indicator that there is a lack of balance somewhere. I’ve found over the years that our bodies and minds will give us distress signals. However, too often, we fail to listen. This is where pausing to listen to ourselves is important.
Why am I feeling so resentful? What is creating this feeling in me?
Identifying the root cause of resentment can go a long way towards addressing what the real issue is. Oftentimes, we feel resentful because of false beliefs, or because we’ve taken on too much, or we feel unappreciated in one or many areas of our lives and work.
What is making you feel resentful as a working mom?
Resentment is not a dirty secret to lug around and hide from everyone around us. Neither does it make us bad mothers. It simply makes us human, and allows us to heal what is festering inside us. This is where communication, effective communication that is, comes in handy.
Communicating how you feel, in a non-blaming way, whether it is to your partner, family or friends, can help them better understand where you’re coming from. It can also help in solving the imbalance you may be experiencing, whether it’s related to the lack of equity at home, or the stress in your career and/or relationships.
Who can you trust to talk it out and communicate how you’re feeling?
Readjust
Last but not least, while reflection and communication are important, action is indispensable to readjust the lack of balance causing the resentment you’re feeling. It may be readjusting the distribution of responsibilities and chores in the household, or looking to make positive changes in your career, or asking for more support in your relationships. It’s often also a matter of re-centering yourself and taking better care of yourself through self-care. Whatever the need may be, taking action on it can help reduce the feelings of resentment you’re experiencing.
How can you readjust your schedule, work and life to feel less resentful?
In conclusion, feeling resentful as a working mom is not a sign to blame yourself or others. It’s a powerful signal to re-establish more balance, joy and health in your work and life. Pausing to reflect, talking it out and readjusting as needed are three effective steps that can help tremendously in the process.
How are you dealing with feeling resentful as a working mom?
Question: My husband and I have been enjoying earning more over the years in our careers. However, our tax bill has also been going up. What can we do to avoid paying so much in taxes?
Signed, Overtaxed Mama
Hi Overtaxed Mama,
I so hear you! As we grow into our careers, so do our incomes over time. If we add to this being in relationships and counting our partners’ income jointly, chances are our earnings can grow even more as the years pass. However, with our incomes, also grows another less fun side-effect, that is the taxes we end up owing on our tax returns. After all, doesn’t the popular saying confirm only two things are certain, death and taxes?
As you may have watched your earnings grow, you may also have watched your tax bill get larger as you file taxes. Since you’re taxed on your raising income, it’s hard to avoid. However, there are ways to offset the tax increase that comes with earnings growth. I’ve grouped these in 3 categories, that you may remember under the mnemonic RED:
R is for the Retirement savings you should maximize:
One of the most effective ways to reduce your taxable income is to increase your retirement savings. You can do this by maximizing your contributions to your 401k employer-sponsored plan, up to $20,500 in 2022. Individuals 50 and olderSince these contributions are made before before tax, they directly reduce your income.
You can also contribute to an Individual Retirement Account (IRA), up to $6,000 annually ($7,000 for 50 and older).
Another way to reduce your taxable income is to use flexible spending plans, offered by some employers. One of these is the Flexible Spending account (FSA), in which employees can contribute and set aside funds up to $2,850 in 2022 for medical expenses.
Similar to the FSA, the Health Savings account (HSA) is dedicated to employees with high-deductible health insurance plans, whose pre-tax contributions go toward healthcare costs.
Lastly, yet another way to bring your taxable income down is to deduct business-related expenses such as the home office deduction for instance. Other available business deductions include health insurance costs, as well as other deductible expenses.
These are all effective ways to reduce your taxable income, especially as it increases over time. Consider using one or a combination of these to lower your tax burden.
In this podcast episode, I am discussing running our careers as business women and/or moms, like successful, efficient and effective businesses. I chat about three(3) principles from accounting that can help us manage our own careers, and empower ourselves to make the best work, and by extension, life decisions.
Take a listen!
Thanks for Listening!
Thanks so much for tuning in and listening to this week’s episode! If you enjoyed this week’s episode, please share it by using the social media at the bottom of this post!
Also, leave me a review for the TCS podcast on Apple Podcasts !
What do the most successful businesses have in common? They’re run efficiently like well-oiled machines. Most importantly, they use systems and processes to create efficiencies and minimize time waste. As busy working women and moms, whose most precious commodity is time, that sounds pretty appealing.
At some point in your career as a working woman and/or mom, you may start asking yourself what the most efficient ways of running your career and life are. You also may begin to wonder how to get the most return out of the time, energy and resources you invest in your work. You’re not alone, I certainly did and still do every day to keep my various life and work ducks in a row. As an accountant by trade, I’ve had the opportunity to study and see what differentiates successful businesses from unsuccessful ones, and have thought of the many ways the same principles can be applied to our careers as business working women and moms.
After all, running our careers in the midst of all our other commitments and duties, from motherhood, marriage or partnership, to household management and relationships, is no easy feat. As work is an important part of our life, it becomes so important to set the appropriate foundation and systems to be successful on our own terms, without jeopardizing or sacrificing the rest of our lives.
In my experience, and from the strong tenets of managerial accounting (who knew you could mention accounting in your day-to-day life), here are three principles that may help:
Plan: Have a vision for your career
Successful businesses have one thing in common. They plan, and they plan well! This means having a solid, effective and feasible vision for the future. The same can be done in our work. How many of us begin careers without a solid plan, out of a vague belief that we may be successful at it, or at least make enough money to pay the bills? Without vision, our careers are doomed to fail, or at the very least fall short of our expectations.
What is the vision for your career for the next month, quarter, year or even a decade? Where do you see yourself in five years? How can you align this vision with your life?
Another thing effective businesses have in common, is the ability to monitor their progress and adjust as needed over time. Too often unfortunately, especially as busy working women and moms, we allow our careers to passively drift along, as we desperately try to pull the various pieces of our lives together. Ultimately, this makes up for growing dissatisfaction and even resentment in our work. Having checkpoints that go beyond performance reviews, such as personal self-evaluations, for instance, can help.
Do you monitor your career progress every so often? What are the career checkpoints you keep an eye for? What are your non-negotiables and other parameters you measure your career progress against?
Make the optimal decisions for your career
Last but not least, running your career effectively also requires you to make the optimal decisions for it. This means switching from a passive professional stance to a more active one, where you take control of your work and decide what is best for you. Too many working women and moms allow society, organizations, institutions or self-deprecating beliefs to take this power from them and make decisions on their behalf. These decisions can range from where to work, to the amount of flexibility you need, to even whether or not it’s time to change the course of your career.
Are you empowered to make the optimal decisions for your career? What are the best choices you can make for yourself when it comes to your work?
Overall, for working women and moms, running our careers as efficiently and effectively as possible is not an indulgence, but a necessity. To this end, having a solid career vision, monitoring your progress (or lack thereof), and being empowered enough to make the best decisions for yourself, are essential.
Are you running your career like a successful business?
