There is no doubt that becoming a mom is a life-altering event. Your entire existence, from your schedule to your life plans, not to mention your surroundings, changes in the most drastic way. Nothing is ever the same again, in a good way. Not even your career…
I didn’t realize how much my independent life of an ambitious career woman would be thrown upside down before my babies came to the world. As much as I made sure to have the main logistical components covered, from the paint on the nursery to the babywear colors, there was still (and still is) a huge component that was left to chance, although I didn’t quite know it yet. As I sat in the doctor’s office a few weeks before each of my babies made their world entrance, I had specific plans laid out. How I was planning on giving birth, what I would do during my maternity leave, when I would return to work, my schedule after baby, etc….
Needless to say, nothing happened as planned, from emergency surgeries to being late for every doctor’s appointment thereafter. I still smile thinking about how little went according to plan, and how pretty much everything else just happened.
Yet what I wasn’t expecting as much was how motherhood was going to change my career in some of the deepest ways imaginable. It wasn’t until I left my first baby with the babysitter the first time around to head back to work after my maternity leave that the reality of this change started dawning on me. Months and years later, as I re-visited my perspective on work and what it meant to me, I could really grasp how much becoming a working mom had altered what work meant for me, mostly in these seven ways:
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I started asking myself about the purpose of my work
After becoming a mom, and contemplating the smallness of pretty much everything around as compared to the miracle of carrying and nurturing life, I started thinking about Purpose more and more. One morning, Dear Daughter asked me: “Mommy, why do you go to work?” I stopped in my (already late) tracks, foundation brush in hand, wet wipe in the other, contemplating if I should answer and lose my job due to excessive lateness.
After this morning interlude, one question that kept popping in the back of my mind was: “Why do we get up every single day to do what we do?” Yes, bills have to get paid, and one must work in life. Yet, there has to be more to life and work than simply checking the career box and making money. As we raise children who look at what we do more than they listen to what we say, how important is it to us that what we do inspires them in a good way when we’re not even sure why we do it?
For months afterwards, my answer was something along the lines of “To take care of you and the house.” Yet her reply was always: “But why?” It prompted me to think about why I was doing what I was doing, besides paying the bills. Which is how this small question also prompted me, without me even knowing, to change my career path to writing and teaching, because that is my purpose.
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It became important to teach my children about the meaning of work
Work occupies such an important part of our lives. From an early age on, I saw my mother work hard as a single mom, in and outside of the home. It was important to me to follow her example and build a successful career as well.
Yet, after having children, as they asked about the work we did as parents, it became important to share this part of ourselves with them. Growing up in conservative Senegal, West Africa, my parents never really told us much about work. It was just something you were supposed to do, along with taking daily showers and cleaning up after yourself. I didn’t really understand it, or questioned it, until I started working myself and the unanswered questions turned into personal and professional dilemmas.
As a parent, I make it a point to open the lines of communication with my children as a way to bond and share more with them. When it came to the question of work and career, interestingly enough, I didn’t know what to tell them. This is where I started re-evaluating my own understanding of my career and what it really meant for me. Only by understanding it better myself, could I share this meaning with them. It also forced me to make changes to the way I viewed my work, and the direction of my career path.
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Being fulfilled became more important than making money
Growing up in a single-parent family, it’s always been important for me to have financial security. While my mom was a hard worker and we never lacked of anything, I understood earlier on that the line between having and not having can be really thin. I made it a priority to always be financially secure as a woman, which directed me towards a career in finance and accounting. Making money and achieving financial freedom as I started my career was more important than getting married or even starting a family.
Fast-forward a few years, and motherhood managed to turn my priorities upside down. While financial security is still important to me, fulfillment takes a front seat. It became obvious that lack of fulfillment in my work would negatively impact me as an individual and a mom. That’s when being fulfilled and joyful in my work beat any amount of zeros on that bi-weekly paycheck…
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I had permission to chase my dreams
As I speak to many moms around me, it seemed as if motherhood is the signal to stop living for ourselves. Somehow, after becoming moms, it seems we ought to give up on our individuality and stop chasing our dreams to dedicate ourselves entirely to the task of raising our children. I was tempted to buy into it as well….
Until I remembered that you cannot give what you don’t have. How could I as a mom, give my kids the hope, joy, ambition and anticipation of going after their dreams if I abdicated mine? How would I explain to them someday that I didn’t live the life I wanted to because of them? Way to make them feel falsely indebted as opposed to joyfully equipped….
Interestingly enough, it wasn’t until I had children that I gave myself full permission to chase my dreams. Not just because I owed it to myself (because we do), but also because I owe it to them to at least try…
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The goal is more freedom
The first time I dropped off my baby at the babysitter’s to head to work post-maternity leave, one word popped into my mind: “Freedom”. In that case, the lack thereof. Like so many moms out there, I didn’t exactly have a choice. While many of us can now negotiate phased-in returns from maternity leaves and even work for home longer, most of us are not in a position to choose.
That’s when the pursuit of time and space freedom became a priority for me. Flexibility was now so much more important, and had to become a major part of any career I would be in. The goal became to create more freedom in my work, not just money or advancement.
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Being the best version of myself became crucial
I’ve secretly already planned Dear Daughter and Dear Son’s wedding, locale, outfits and all. Ok, I may be over-exaggerating, or maybe not. The point is, becoming a mother also made me gasp at the thought of missing my babies’ milestones. For someone who only got gym memberships because the exercise outfits were cute, and would rather go for a root canal than doing a set of abs, becoming the healthiest and most present version of myself was scary at first.
Even more than exercising and breaking up with bread and cheese, it also meant doing my best and most fulfilling work. Which also translated into letting go of so much professional stress, re-directing my work in a way that allowed me to be present, healthy, grateful and, ultimately, happy!
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Leaving a legacy is key
One of my favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 13:22 “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children.” As moms, and parents in general, most of us work to leave a legacy to our families, whether in monetary form, examples or memories.
Considering how much work occupies our existences, it forces us to think about the legacy we’re leaving our kids when it comes to our careers. What are we teaching them about work? What are not teaching them that we should? How are we impacting the important work they will be doing? It certainly pushed me to consider what I was leaving my babies to ponder upon when it came to work and careers, of which the most important: “To do work with purpose on purpose, and lead by serving.”
How has motherhood changed your career?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
