7 things working women taught me about a real career

The first time I had to work in a team led by a female manager, I nearly broke in hives. Not because I dreaded the work, the team, or the fact that mice came out to play after-hours in the office. Not even because it was a new job, in an new industry, in an old building with limited parking and unlimited dust mites.

What I dreaded, even more than running into the Department Head without waterproof concealer on, was working for a woman. A living, breathing, woman with hormones, feelings and the power to punish me for the way I part my hair. 

Irrational? Biased? Unjust? Absolutely. Yet I didn’t know any better. I had been forewarned: women are hard to work with, more demanding, and infinitely harsher than the harshest man with the biggest professional ego out there. And judging from the way some of my friends’ female managers made them question their sanity (and every ounce of professional talent they thought they had), they might have been right…

And it was even worse for working moms out there. Apparently, working with or for women who do not understand or empathize with the fact that you are also responsible for little human beings who are not remotely controllable (or “schedulable”, or “plantable” for that matter) is the equivalent of a professional death sentence. And I happened to have two of these little people, with two different schedules, two different drop-off locations, and two very different set of astronomical needs.

I thought I was professionally doomed, but then again I needed health insurance…

And the unexpected happened…I met this woman. Straightforward, to the point, successful, with little people of her own, and the most amazing sense of professionalism and fairness I had ever witnessed in Big Corporate. I wanted to pinch her to make sure she was real, but I really needed to keep this job, so I kept my hands to myself…

For once in my career, I did not have to put on the heavy, masculine mask of professional ultra-resilience. I did not have to pretend I did not have a life outside of work. That I was perfectly comfortable spending the evening at the office while bribing some reticent family member to pick up my kids, yet again. That I knew it all, could do it all, all while keeping my hair frizz-free and my performance error-proof.

For once in my career, I could come as I was. A professional mom, with real competences, real talents, and a real life. No more bargaining advancement for unreasonably long (and unproductive) hours. No more pretending not to have a life outside of work. None of the unreal barriers to real, productive, honest work.

I did not have to lose my life to gain a career. Instead, I gained a more rewarding career, a better life, and less stress-induced wrinkles. 

Working with fellow supportive, empowering, powerful working moms has taught me that:

1. Authenticity gives work meaning. When working moms, and women in general, can bring their authentic selves to work, they can give it their all. The less energy we have to put into false pretenses, building a facade, and not being who we are, the more energy we can devote to the very reason we are here, to work!
2. Work is part of a whole! As working moms, and women at work in general, we perform better from integrating all the moving parts of our lives. It’s not about “having” it all, it’s about having the choice to “integrate” it all. That’s real power…
3. Be present! One of the most valuable lessons I learnt from this amazing manager was to be present. As I committed to checking my email while on vacation, she gently stopped me with these powerful words: “I believe in being present everywhere you are. If you are on vacation, then be on vacation.” And so it was, I went on vacation, and was actually all there, for once…
4. Power is contagious! Seeing other women in power is one of the most effective way for other women to be inspired to rise to the top. Working with Senior Managers, Directors and VPs who were also women, moms, wives (in addition to being the most bad-ass corporate players I had ever met), made me believe I could do it too.
5. You have the right to speak up! “I empower you to speak up”. These were my manager’s words after a particularly painful meeting with a particularly painful co-worker. Women instinctively understand the struggles other women face in Big Corporate. They get the anxiety, the push-backs, the internal fights we go through at work. They get it, and because they get it, they can help…
6. We are all mentors! Mentoring does not have to be this stuffy, organized process. It need not require extensive planning or elaborate meetings. It can just be as simple as a casual talk over coffee, a walk in crowded company halls, or a smart piece of advice wrapped into a simple, everyday conversation. Just like that…
7. Last but not least, I can do it! People learn from what they see others doing. The best incentive to have more women in board rooms is to show them other women in the board room. If they can do it, we can do it!

What lessons have you learnt from working with working moms?

Love,

The Corporate Sis.