After we got married, hubby and I started a family tradition of talking about /writing down our goals at the start of every new year. As two consenting adults having recovered from excessive dessert consumption, we’d swap intentions for the next 365 days. Kinda like when we swapped vows, minus the white dress, the pricey venue, and that tight undergarment that threatened to choke me…
A few years and a few babies in, our intention-swapping process was met with little wondering eyes from the little people in our lives, who started asking us: “What’s a goal?” It was time to start including the little people in our family tradition…
But how do you explain the concept of goals to kids? How do you help kids set said goals too? Do they even have realistic dreams yet to nurture? And if they do, aren’t we running the risk to crush them under our rigid adult goals and intentions?
I mean, dear daughter wants to be a singer, and my little guy has his (stubborn) heart set on being a superhero. If we were back in my native Senegal, their sweet dreams would have been welcome with the rolling eyes and pursed lips of concerned parents. And following, the immediate admonition to quit dreaming and promptly start settling for a career in medicine or business. Or possibly finding a rich husband if you were female…
Back to my dear little people’s goals…I have some more thinking to do when it comes to the whole superhero thing…But for my future in-house Mariah Carey, while her goal is a very long-term one, it can help her to set benchmarks to attain it…Like little tiny steps she can accomplish every year to get there, or anywhere she sets her mind to really…
When we started realizing that we could actually let our kids safely express their dreams, and teach them to set benchmarks towards them while putting up with setbacks and roadblocks, the whole goal-setting process with kids became more of a fun adventure…
Here are seven imperfect but working principles every parent can use to help kids develop strong goals and start the new year (or new month/week/day) energized and confident (minus the occasional candy and sweet treats):
Ask Your Kids About their Goals/Dreams/Aspirations
The last time my mom was visiting from Senegal, we were discussing how little parents back home talk to their kids. And how little they know about their kids in the end…I mean, I still remember my friend (we’ll call her Aminata) telling her mom she wanted to skip out on college and become a writer instead…after they’ve put themselves in debt to send her to medical school. I let you image the amount of eye rolls and finger snapping coloring the rest of the conversation…
Start with getting used to asking your little ones about their dreams, goals and aspirations. Even if all you’ll hear about at first is superheroes and Shopkins…
Encourage your little people to have realistic goals.
Ok, so this part is a lot less pleasant than letting your son or daughter take you along La-La-Land on their dream adventures with Superman on the moon…But it’s also one of the most valuable lessons you may be teaching them…
Most times, kids come up with gigantic goals that are so far off reality you may have to take a deep breath. I mean, if dear daughter sings so out of tune the family cat runs and hides under her own litter box, it may be high time for a reality check. Like “baby, is this something you really want to do?”
But challenge them with just-out-of-reach goals.
As much as we may want our little people to have realistic goals, we also don’t want them to settle into Comfort Zone (or our basement) forever…If you don’t push them to challenge themselves, they may never leave their rooms…
That’s the great thing about setting goals that are attainable, but force them to reach. Goals that teach them to try. Goals that challenge them to push themselves.
Help them set specific goals.
A good goal is never so vague no one really knows what in the world you’re talking about. Like with the whole superhero thing, or being a star soccer player…
After allowing yourself to smile on the inside, motivate your little people to be more specific about their goals. Ask questions like: “What do you want to be a superhero?”, “How many goals do you want to score per game?”…
Brainstorm together to make these goals more specific, and turn it into a game to make it even more fun.
Do the Breakdown thing.
The next time dear daughter decides to create a worldwide line of beaded bracelets (hello entrepreneurial spirit), help her do the breakdown thing. Teach her to chop her goals off into small, manageable chunks. Like making a couple of bracelets that look like bracelets first. Then maybe find a client (or bribe Grandpa to buy them all)…
This way, they’ll know where to start, what to reach for, and the art of building a Beaded Bracelet Empire.
Map It Out.
Ok, I love mapping stuff out…There’s something about drawing little paths and checkpoints and goalposts that make me all warm inside…And doing it with my little ones as we set up goals at the beginning of the year multiplies the fun factor (plus the messes and graffiti everywhere)…
Help your little people build visual aids documenting their goals and the steps to reach them. Make it a fun exercise, and push them to check in on their goals every so often. That will help them in turn develop their own systems to set goals and crush them.
Turn It Into Family Fun.
Goal-setting is more fun when done in family…With all the mess, everyone speaking on top of each other, and the kids cleaning their sticky hands on the New Year’s vision board…That’s family fun for you…
But seriously, despite all the confusion, setting goals together as a family can help foster an environment of cooperation and support. Plus some good laughs in the process…
How do you help your kids set goals for the New Year?
To Your Success,
The Corporate Sis.
