40 is not the new 30, 40 is the new 40. For some women like Kourtney Kardashian, feeling anxious about turning the big 4-0 is par for the course ( see video excerpt below). For others, it’s a good thing, at least according to Tracee Ellis Ross, who unapologetically claims that not only did her career blossom at 40, she also feels in her prime at now nearly 50. For all the women who fear, negatively anticipate or flat-out dread this mid-life milestone, Ross’s testimony sends a glimmer of hope in an otherwise darker age-conscious society.
I remember hearing all about turning 40 and how it changes everything. There is more of a fear of turning 40 than there ever was about turning 30 or 20. At 30 or 20, you still have a foot, a curl, or a toe, into youth. Yet, upon turning 40, there is no doubt about the fact that you’re officially stepping into adulthood. My closest friends and I would joke about turning 40 as much, or actually more, than we did about the year 2000 becoming reality. When our turn started looming on the horizon, we held on to 39 for dear life. Yet, what we didn’t realize then, was that 40 is a magnificent age, one to look forward to more than it is to fear.
There’s so much pressure nowadays around aging, especially for women. It’s nothing new really. As a matter of fact, the whole “mid-life crisis” phrase was coined by Canadian psychologist Elliot Jacques in his paper entitled “Death and the mid-life crisis“, written in 1957 and subsequently published in the International Journal of Psycho-Analytics in 1965. As it appears, the new mid-life crisis is also now marked by extreme athleticism, while age discrimination is raging in professional environments. Ageism in the workplace starts as early as 40 for women, as opposed to 45 for men. Even more problematic, getting older also means a wider pay gap for working women.
However, despite the apparent downsides of aging for women, reaching certain birthday milestones is one of the most beautiful blessings life can afford us. As such, they should be celebrated, and the lessons learnt along the way acknowledged and shared. In honor of this, here are 40 lessons on turning 40 as a working woman:
- It all starts with you!
One of the most important lessons as you age is that everything starts with you, from your interactions to the daily choices you make. This is exactly why working on yourself is the single most important thing you can do for you and everyone else around you.
- Mindset is everything!
I wish I realized earlier how crucial mindset is to our lives. Once you realize your thoughts create your reality, you also understand how important it is to create as positive and fruitful a mindset as you can. Quiet time, meditation, prayer and self-care become a daily necessity rather than an occasional indulgence.
- It was never about the money, but about the purpose!
While purpose may seem to be a very trendy concept these days, it reveals itself as one of our most important life foundations. Without purpose, we cannot flourish, grow or develop to our optimal level. Discovering and living our purpose beats any amount of money or level of fame we may reach.
- You can have it all, on purpose!
Speaking of purpose, you can really have it all, according to your unique purpose in life. Being aligned with the purpose that is ultimately yours allows you to expand into the fullest, best version of yourself; which also means that whatever your “all” or the fullness of your potential is, is always accessible for you, on purpose.
- Enjoy the journey, not just the destination
According to society, you should have such and such milestones achieved by the time you turn 20, 30, and so on. There seems to be a never-ending list of to-do’s, year by year, decade by decade. However, as time goes by, you start realizing that it’s really more about the journey than the destination. The point is to enjoy the path.
- Self-care is never optional
You can’t pour from an empty cup, which is why self-care is never optional. Whether it’s some time to yourself, reading a book, or getting a pedicure, you must invest in your self-care.
- You can always change your mind
It’s never too late to change your mind, go on a different path or do something differently. You can always change your mind and build the life you’ve always wanted, whether it means starting a new career, exiting fruitless relationships, or moving out of town.
- Failure is opportunity
Failure is an opportunity to learn and move forward, not a death sentence. You can’t learn and grow unless you’re making mistakes. Growth is imperfectly perfect.
- Life works out for you
If you’ve made it to this point, it’s proof that life is working out for you. Even the least desirable of circumstances always carry a lesson to your benefit. Keep your mind on that!
- No one is responsible for your happiness.
No one is responsible for your happiness. Not your parents, not your spouse, not your colleagues, and certainly not your boss. You are. This one single realization can change how you perceive just about everything in life. So go on and be happy!
- You are the CEO of your life
There comes a time when you realize you are in charge of your life and your circumstances. It also means you can decide the kind of relationships you’d like to engage in and those you’d rather exit, without any guilt.
- Stop low-balling yourself
You may have underestimated yourself before, failed to negotiate what you were really worth, or settled for way less than you deserved, at work and in life. This is a reminder that it’s time to stop low-balling yourself and start asking for what you know you deserve.
- Be open to change
Change, good, positive, fulfilling change is good. It’s the difference between quiet, lethal complacency and a life that makes you jump out of bed in the morning. Pick the latter.
- Believe the best in others
Too much energy is spent on negative relationships and interactions, in and outside of work. Instead, choose to believe the best in others. You will do yourself a favor.
- Be ok with releasing people and places that are no longer for you
Letting go can be a blessing. Know when it’s time to release people and places you’ve outgrown, from that toxic job to that oppressive neighborhood.
- Gratitude is the new rich
Nothing calls in more abundance than a deep, authentic sense of gratitude. Practice appreciating who you are, what you have and where you are, on the way to where you’re going. It will do wonders for you.
- Define success on your own terms
Society has defined success for women in many ways, most of which were inadequate and unfulfilling. Be willing to define your own brand of success, whether it’s raising a happy family, building a prosperous business, or climbing the corporate ladder.
- Ask for what you want
The worst thing anyone can say to you is no. So go ahead and ask for what you want, all of it!
- It’s ok to evolve
“You’ve changed!”. You’ll hear this a lot as you grow and evolve. Keep evolving anyways!
- Favor experiences over money
Financial security is certainly necessary. However, experiences that change your life make you appreciate the world in a way that money never could.
- Nurture your relationships
You cannot make it alone. Relationships are an integral part of life and success, however you may define success. Take time to nurture those relationships that matter to you the most. In the end, they will count more than prestige or economic prosperity.
- NO is a full sentence
Being your best self will require you to say no more often than you say yes. You don’t have to justify yourself either. Simply saying no should be enough.
- Be ok with spending time alone
Being comfortable with your own company is the greatest gift you can offer yourself. As time passes, I come to understand more and more that the most important relationship I will ever have, after God, is with myself.
- You are enough: Value yourself
If you don’t value yourself, no one else will. Embrace all that you are, and value who you are and what you bring to the table. It’s how you teach others to treat you.
- Follow your instincts
Your instincts are a gift. They can tell you what no other person, report, or statistic can. Trust them.
- Never stop learning
Learning is not only the secret to constant growth and evolution. It’s also one of the best tricks to staying young in spirit and mind, and continue growing into the best version of yourself.
- Do less but do it better
You don’t have to fill your schedule with a gazillion to-do’s. Instead, learning to focus on what really matters, what brings you joy and fulfillment, helps you do less, but do it so much better!
- Build a career you love
You will spend much, if not most of your life, at work. Build a career you love so you don’t have to run from it on Friday!
- When you learn, teach
Keep the door of opportunity open for others by giving back through teaching, whether formally or informally. Serve as a mentor, use your resources to help someone else, be an inspiration. When you learn, teach!
- Offer opportunity to others
Along with teaching others, offer opportunities to grow and develop to others, whether formally or informally. Create a business and jobs, promote career advancement, and ultimately, expand yourself so you can help others expand.
- Forget nice, be kind instead
Being nice is seeking to please through action or words, at the cost of falling out of alignment with yourself. Instead, be kind, speak your truth in love, and remain authentic to who you are, even if it feels lonely at times.
- Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you
If you would like others to treat you a certain way, check in with yourself that you’re also treating yourself with the same consideration and kindness you expect.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff
If it’s not going to matter in the next five minutes, days, weeks or years, don’t sweat it! Learning to let go o is one of the most precious tools you will ever have to live your best life.
- Faith it
Don’t just face it, but faith it! Believe that whatever happens, you will always come out better in the end. And you will…
- Remember where you came from
It’s one thing to know where you want to go in life, it’s another to remember where you came from. This is not just about the place you came from, but everything you bring to the table in terms of experiences, skills, and lessons. You are the expert of your own experience!
- Forgive yourself
Be willing to forgive yourself for any perceived failures or mistakes. Once you understand that there are really no mistakes, that everything is meant to put you on the right path for you, it gets easier to be less harsh on yourself. You’re doing the best you can!
- Forgive others
Along with forgiving yourself, forgive others as well. Unforgiveness is too heavy a burden to carry, so let it go!
- Be present
Give yourself the gift of being fully present in whatever circumstance you may be in, and experience the fullness of your life. Put the phone down, drop the to-do list, and enjoy every moment!
- The goal is freedom
The goal is to create a life of freedom and fulfillment. At the end of the day, is what you’re spending your time on creating more or less freedom and joy? Now that is the real question…
- Celebrate!
Don’t forget to celebrate yourself and others. We’re all doing the best we can with what we have at our disposal, so enjoy the process!
What lessons have you learnt when turning 40?
The Corporate Sister.
