As working women, the challenges facing us at work and in life are numerous. While many of these challenges come from external circumstances, some of them are very much internal. As a matter of fact, some of the most powerful obstacles that keep us trapped at work and in life stem from our own mindsets.
In my own experience and that of many working women I’ve had the privilege of talking to, there are lethal, self-limiting belief systems that stand in our way. I’ve struggled with these belief systems, and still do from time to time. The good part is, these thoughts have helped me realize crucial realities about myself that have in turn allowed me to grow and evolve. Like me, you may have dealt or may be dealing with these same negative belief systems. You may recognize some of these here, and how to use them as information and fuel rather than deterrents to our purpose:
- I’ve never done this before
How many times have you said this to yourself, when faced with a new task, a new job, or even a new relationship? Yet, it’s one of the biggest fallacies out there, preventing you from growing, evolving and challenging yourself and the status quo. Truth is, most of what is going to help you learn, grow and get to the next level, whether in your career or personal life, is going to be outside of your comfort zone. It will be something you’ve never done before, or imagined doing before.
As an introverted homebody who likes my comfortable spot on the couch with a comfortable book and cup of coffee, getting out of my comfort zone has been a stretch. Yet, it’s in unfamiliar environments, speaking to or teaching an audience that I have learnt the most. In the end, I’m learning to choose growth over comfort.
- I’m not enough/I shouldn’t be here/ I’m not qualified enough
Most negative self-beliefs are rooted in this one thought: “I’m not enough!” It may have been something said to you, or inferred by a well-meaning person early on in life, or a thought you believed in after a traumatic experience. Whatever its source, it may have transmuted into a major block in your work and life. In your career, it may manifest as impostor syndrome, rooted in a general low sense of self-esteem. As a woman, you may be particularly prone to it through society’s conditioning and negative messages around the false limitations of womanhood.
Related: 5 ways to fight impostor syndrome as a working woman
This is one belief I’ve had to learnt to re-wire in my mind and life. Learning to increase your sense of self-worth is not only possible, it’s one of the most generous gifts you can offer yourself as a working woman. It may require you to invest in therapy, self-care, and mindset work, but in the end, it will prove to be the best investment you’ve ever made.
- What are they going to think?
If like myself you’ve grown up in social settings where the opinions of others are highly valued, you may have asked yourself this question over and over again. As an African woman, community has always been important to me, and this in highly positive ways. Yet, the downside of this is that it may create a need to conform to others’ opinions of us, which may turn dangerous on our path to accomplishing our purpose.
Related: Sorry not sorry: How to stop caring about what people think about you
While caring about others is important, holding their opinions of us over our heads is a sure formula for disaster in all areas of our lives. Learning to detach ourselves from others’ opinions in a healthy and considerate way is absolutely necessary to allow oneself to evolve. For me, it means respecting others’ opinions while committing to pursuing my own path.
- It’s too late / It’s not the right time/I don’t have enough time
Change tends to happen at the most inconvenient times. Often, it feels like it’s too late, or it’s not the right time. Such beliefs end up keeping up from moving forward at work and/or in life. We think that we’ve missed our opportunity, that the door has closed for us, which is often misleading.
Deciding to back to school in my late thirties, I felt like it was way too late for what seemed like starting over again, especially after getting married and having kids. Yet, seizing the opportunity at an apparently inopportune time has proven to stretch and teach me in ways I could not have imagined. It is never too late, and the time is always right to do what’s right for you…
Have you been grappling with any of these negative belief systems or any other? How have you been dealing with these?
The Corporate Sister
