3 Rules to manage your emotions at work as a working woman

Have you ever cried at work, whether hidden in a bathroom stall or flat out in front of your boss? Have you ever expressed your anger in an explosive way you wish you could take back? Or have you witnessed a co-worker or friend in similar situations? You may have experienced any of these situations which may have required you to manage your emotions at work, whether you or someone else was involved.

As working women, we’re often saddled with the reputation of being “too emotional”. Popular opinion has it that women at work wear their emotions on their sleeves, and for this reason, may not be able to aspire to or hold positions of leadership. As a working woman, I know the importance of managing our emotions at work. From speaking with fellow working women, I also know that many have experienced, either personally or through a relationship, the negative effects of emotions at work.

In the traditional sense, emotions have been heralded as not belonging in the workplace. You’re not supposed to show your emotions at work. Neither are you supposed to talk about them. However, considering that emotions are natural mechanisms of survival as embedded in our biological make-up, how realistic is it to be expected to show no to little emotion at work?

Truth is, both men and women react to emotional stimuli, albeit in different ways. While men tend to explode, women tend to cry. However, as explained by neurologist William Frey, women tend to also carry in their systems a hormone that makes them more prone to crying, also known as prolactin. Yet, women are blamed more at work for expressing their emotions and as such tend to be more emotionally constrained.

What are we then do to as working women to manage our emotions at work? While ignoring your emotions at work is counter-productive, there are ways to manage them so that they help and don’t hinder your career:

Know your emotional patterns

Being aware of how you emotionally react is the first step to effectively managing your emotions. What triggers you in and outside of work? How do you tend to react in certain situations? Who are the people who make you react in a more emotional way?

Learning to be mindful of your own emotional triggers and reactions can go a long way towards helping you manage them. It will also help you anticipate highly stressful and emotion-inducing situations or contexts so you can choose the most suitable reaction for yourself. For instance, faced with a colleaugue’s or boss’s demeaning remarks, knowing that this is a trigger will help you decide to step away and grab a coffee in order to calm yourself down first. Even in situations where you may cry or get upset, prepare to discuss the behavior that made you react this way and seek an amicable resolution rather than letting it fester.

Do not ignore your emotions

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is totally ignoring your emotions. Burying deep-seated feelings or delaying emotional responses may worsen them in the long run. Acknowledge that you’re experiencing certain emotional reactions and work to understand their roots and origins first. What is it about a certain setting, context or person that creates certain strong emotions in you? Does it relate to a time or experience that you may not have dealt with previously?

It requires strength to recognize your emotions, when you may be tempted to ignore them. Instead, acknowledge them, and consider sharing them with someone you trust as a way of release. You can use this knowledge to devise the best way to react rather than being taken by surprise and reacting out of character.

Develop habits that help you balance out your emotions

Experiencing a host of different emtions at work, or anywhere else for that matter, is normal. Additioanlly ,considering the large amount of time we spend at work, it can be hard to avoid our emotions. It’s important then to develop habits and rituals to balance out the impact of some of the storng emotions we may feel at work. Habits such as exercising, meditation, prayer can help instill more happiness and stability in your day-to-day, so as to bring more emotional balance overall.

Having outlets for your talents, skills and interests outside of work can greatly contribute to helping you manage your emotions without denying them. It will also expose you to different environments and various personalities which in turn will teach you the resilience and experience needed to handle other situations at work.

Overall, you must demystify the importance of emotions at work and learn to use these as actual compasses and indicators rather than enemies to be avoided at all costs.