2020 doesn’t just mark the start of a new year, but that of a decade. That’s 10 whole years of life, work and everything in between. Whether you’re eagerly looking to step into this new decade, or are nostalgically reminiscing over the highs and lows of the past few years, you can’t deny that whatever has happened during this time has taught many a valuable lesson, some more pleasant than others.
For the bulk of the past decade, most of my life has been defined under the label of “working mom”. Granted, all mothers are working moms, from the stay-at-home mom who juggles household chores, homework and being her family’s moral anchor, to the executive who has to make tough choices between after-school pick-ups and late afternoon networking get-togethers at work. For many, if not most of us, our lives are defined along the ever-moving lines of self, motherhood, and work, whatever work may be made out of for each one of us. Along these lines, many hard lessons are learnt, some of which leave us with an indelible mark to be carried over the length of our lives.
Related: 10 Daily Positive Affirmations for Working Moms
As I reflect on this past decade, alternating between smiles, all-out laughter, and ugly cries, I’ve gathered a few of the main lessons I’ve had the opportunity, or rather I should say the privilege, to learn. Most of them were born out of adversity and struggle, as the best teachings are, and are also those that have made me grow the most, in the midst of frustration, tears, and also fun laughter. Some are simple, others took me a long time to learn, others I’m still working on. Yet, all of them have shaped my path, as I nostalgically and happily share them with you:
- It was never about WHAT YOU DO, but the WHO YOU’RE BECOMING
One of the biggest lessons I’ve had the opportunity to learn has everything to do with what really matters when it comes to work and life as a working woman and working mom. The first half of my career was devoted to the WHAT in what I did professionally. After all, the barometer set for most of us is regulated in terms of degrees, certifications, accolades, promotions and other educational and professional achievements. Rarely do our own personal growth processes come into the equation of what is considered as “success” by the masses.
Yet, personal and professional growth go hand in hand and complement each other. One can never be truly successful if one of the two dimensions, either personal or professional, is left hanging by the threads of neglect and unfulfillment. This is especially true for working moms, for whom the definition of fulfillment is truly a holistic one, that not only encompasses professional achievements, but also a strong sense of integration of all the other areas of their lives. I learnt that true success is achieved from the inside out, from the personal growth journey that inevitably leads to professional fulfillment, and ultimately, success, as defined individually.
- Your purpose is in what you love
Like many, it took me a while to understand that purpose is the guiding force behind true meaning and significance in our lives and work. Figuring out what purpose even meant, how to find it and what to ultimately do with it, was a whole can of worms I banged my head against for longer than I wished. Ultimately, it was in what I loved doing, in the gifts and talents I was born with, in the quirks and particularities that make me who I am, that I found it. After all, it didn’t matter as much what title I carried, or what organization I found myself in, as it did whether or not I got to practice and share my own gifts, talents and abilities, both natural and acquired.
Related: How do I get there: 7 Principles to Work and Live on Purpose
As working moms, we often feel stifled in the expression of who we truly are, as we tend to wear so many hats that turn into the masks that ultimately hide our authenticity. We are women, wives, moms, employees, business owners, navigating the various spheres we’re called into and code-switching ourselves into the oblivion and neglect of what really sets us apart as individuals. That is exactly where it becomes crucial to awaken and re-awaken the purposes that have always been inside each and every one of us by simply focusing back on those things we love doing.
- Being a mom will change you for the better
Being a mom is a GIFT, and one that keeps on giving at that. Most of the precious lessons I’ve acquired through life have been through motherhood, when changing diapers, questioning my baking abilities, answering my kids’ questions, and building a life that would serve my children well. It’s after becoming a mom that the urge to follow my own purpose grew louder and louder, so my children would see through their parents that it’s ok to fight for your dreams, to be different, and to be beautifully flawed and imperfect.
Related: You can be a good mom and still follow your dreams
While one of the most prevalent misconceptions about motherhood is that many moms find themselves having to abandon their careers (which is true for many), I’ve also found that it also provides mothers with the gift of and desire for growth. I write, teach, cry, learn, stumble, get back up, and generally grow, so my daughter and son can see that while none of it is perfect, it’s ok for them to fight to become their best selves.
- You get to define your own brand of success
Success is an elusive concept elusively defined through elusive iterations of what popular culture considers to be the pinnacle of achievement. Yet, what does really success consist in for a working mom who juggles opposite worlds , from home to work, day in and day out? It can be quite complex, if you ask me, especially for working moms whose professional ambition may be frowned upon or misjudged.
While the normative view of success, predicated upon the male bias around it, may look like the picture of a wealthy man at the top of his career, for working moms and women in general, it is quite different. Earlier this year (2019), Inc. magazine featured the first visibly pregnant CEO, Wing’s co-founder Audrey Gelman, on its cover, as a clear confirmation that the norms of success are quite different for men and women. Success for working moms may include the C-suite, but will also have at the front and center of it a healthy family and society, which is why it is so important for us to define what it means to our own existences. For me, success is growth, both personal and professional, and ensuring the well-being of my family and society. What is it for you?
- Stop trying to be like a man
If you’ve read any of my earlier articles, you may have caught on to the fact that earlier in my career, I was trying to apply one of the worst pieces of advice when applied to working women: “When in Rome, act like the Romans”. For working women like myself, it meant pulling all emotions aside, not showing up as attractive, and displaying masculine traits of achievement. As it’s been proven, not only does this approach not reduce the bias against women at work, it also deprives both working women and professional environments of the very gifts and talents, such as acute intuition and soft skills, that female personalities tend to bring to the workplace.
I’ve since learnt to not try to act like a man, or like anyone other than the best version of myself at the time being, which may or may not include a dark shade of red lipstick and a feminine dress.
- Being present is the best gift you can give yourself
One of the most shocking (and exhausting realizations ) I made when I became a mom, was the sheer number of hats we wear all throughout the day, from moms to leaders to servants, friends and so many more. The biggest downside to this (and to the inefficient art of multi-tasking) is that we end not being present much of the time. This means trying to answer emails instead of enjoying the kids at the park, thinking about dinner while at the board meeting, or leaving the baby in the car seat at home and driving away.
For me, being present has become the best gift of self-care and love I can offer myself and others. It means shutting off the phone sometimes, or leaving on time despite the flow of work piling up at the office. Most importantly, it means choosing quality over quantity for my life
- Your relationships will make or break you
Developing and nurturing healthy relationships as working women and working moms is a well-known challenge. In between all the obligations we attend to, the changes we go through, and the demands of our careers and personal lives, catering to relationships, both personal and professional, becomes a daunting task. Yet, it’s the same relationships we may neglect, or wrongfully choose, that can make or break us.
As a working mom, I learnt that whatever my definition of success may be, it can seldom be accomplished alone. Which means surrounding myself with like-minded people, and women in particular, whom I accept, love and support, and who reciprocate similar acceptance, love and support. It also means releasing relationships that I or the other party may have outgrown in order to make room for continuous and fruitful growth for all. Easier said than done in most cases, and certainly always a work in progress, but one that remains one of the most important processes of life…
- The point was never to remain the same!
“You have changed!” As I’ve grown and evolved, I’ve often, like many of you, heard this phrase. Like many, I’ve questioned it, felt guilty about it, pondered over it and am still making peace with it. Yet, in the beautiful mess that growth, both personal and professional, creates, one thing is certain; “The point of this thing called life was never to remain the same!” It is to grow, evolve and continue to become the best version of yourself.
As you go through your own evolution process, as you leave and start jobs and relationships, as you change your mind, release some and adopt other patterns, keep reminding yourself that the point was always to grow.
- You never start from scratch, you always start from experience
In the past decade I’ve had two careers, changes jobs, become a mom, failed and succeeded at the same time, and am still here to tell the story. What I’ve learnt through change, transition and failure, is that especially as working women and moms, we never start from scratch. One of the biggest advantages of wearing so many hats is that we’re constantly learning and acquiring new skills, from soft skills to management and leadership abilities.
As we tread on new paths or get exposed to new environments, we are able to re-purpose these skills and turn them into our ultimate competitive advantage. Working moms have been proven to have excellent management and leadership abilities, and most companies with women at their helm tend to be more successful. It wasn’t until I realized this that I’ve more confidently faced unknow territories and known fears on my own path.
- It’s never too late!
Last but not least, another great misconception of our times is that we’re all under some form of deadline to achieve or accomplish our goals in life. This is especially prevalent for working women and working moms, who are subjected to the pressures of having to have a career by a certain age, have families by another milestone, be part of this squad or that group by a certain time. This all contributes to a general sense of failure and discouragement, especially among working moms who are already so pressured both personally and professionally.
What I’ve learnt from starting a new career, speaking and writing, and going back to school in my late thirties and now early forties, is that it’s certainly never too late to begin anything. That we all have different paths and that honoring our divine timing and purpose is one of the best gifts we can offer ourselves and the world.
The past decade has been pretty amazing if you ask me! Here’s to another decade of lessons, joys, achievements, laughter, some (happy) tears and much more!
Thank you!
The Corporate Sis.
