Dear Working Mom is our periodic love letter to working moms everywhere, where we deal with and unpack the challenges facing mothers and offer encouragement and support…
Dear Working Mom,
Are you doing too much?
If you’re reading this, you may feel a twinge of anger as you wonder if you really have a choice to do less. Wouldn’t you take the opportunity to lessen your burden if you could? Maybe, but then again, maybe not…
In this modern era, almost post-pandemic era of the “supermom”, the mother who can defiantly do it all, is it possible that working mothers have taken on too much, willingly or not? Is it possible that after all, mothers have resigned themselves to carry an excessive burden that was always too heavy for them? And most importantly, is it still possible to put some of this burden down?
If you could only open your to-do list, and look at it with fresher eyes, with eyes outside of the harsh, demanding, and ultra-competitive reality you’re accustomed to, maybe you could see that not everything on it is truly needed. If you could take the exhaustion you feel in your body and soul, the hint of resentment and anger you experience all too often, as serious signs of imbalance and excess, you could see that what you’ve come to consider as your normal pace is actually burning you out. If you could understand that what the world considers to be a superwoman, a “successful” working mom, is a grossly ridiculous modern exaggeration of women’s and mothers’ roles, then you may be inclined to consider that maybe, only maybe, you are doing way too much…
In between all the ultra-positive messages of female independence and #girlpower, the hyper-visibility of women’s accomplishments, and the transformation of motherhood into a competitive social media-fueled performance, it’s no wonder too many working moms are overwhelmed. It’s also no wonder you feel the all too heavy pressure to do it all at the same time, from breaking the glass ceiling, raising model children, keeping up a spicy partnership, to maintaining the perfect girl squad too…Even as you’re advocating for increased gender equity, adding more action items to your already packed to-do list, you’re carrying burdens that never belonged to you entirely. All the while, you’re signing up for more kids’ activities, volunteering for additional benevolent activities, and trying to keep up with a smile on your face and a paralyzing fear of failing in your heart…
While you certainly have a lot on the various plates you’re juggling, you’re still adding on more, for fear of saying no, disappointing your loved ones, or just not being up to par. The reality is, as much as you have to do, what you don’t have to do is slip into the dangerous trap of excess, whether it’s excessive commitments, demands or challenges…
It may be time to pause and listen to your body, soul and mind, as they first whisper, then start loudly yelling, warning you of impending crisis. These warnings are not a sign of weakness or calls to increase your stamina, as you compare yourself to other working mothers who seem to do it all at all times, in the most flattering Instagram filters too. Instead, they’re nudges to ask yourself: “Am I doing too much?”
Is that extra project absolutely necessary? Are the extra kids’ activities a must? Are the extra volunteering activities on three boards, two parent-teacher associations, plus the neighborhood council indispensable? Is taking on all the grand family holiday celebrations a must?
Are you doing too much? And if so, it’s ok to release all the extra, focus on what truly matters, and breathe again, even if imperfectly so…
The Corporate Sis.
