Why you need a mental health day – Photo credit: http://blog.brazencareerist.com
Not sleeping well, or feeling frazzled after a long week-end? Snapping at the store cashier because they used plastic instead of paper bags? You may be in need of a mental health day. I know there were, and still are times when, as a mom, a wife, and a professional, I could literally feel my head about to explode with the weight of to-do’s, not-to-do’s, what-to-do’s and how-to-do’s…
Yet like many of us, I was always reluctant to take a day off to do a whole lot of…nothing. Days off were reserved for meticulously pre-planned vacation, running important errands I could not tackle after-hours or on the week-end, or shuttling the kids to doctors’ appointments. Resting, relaxing? Who needs that? According to a top UK doctor, our English fellow professionals need a 4-day workweek to combat stress. Yet considering how hesitant many of us are to even talk about health at work, let alone mental health, how do we even begin to request the time we need to take care of ourselves:
1. Plan for mental health days: Just as you plan for vacation, or doctors’ appointments, reserve at least a couple of days that are obligation-free. And no, your errand-filled, socially committed, packed-to-the-brim week-end calendar does not qualify….
2. Limit the number of to-do’s on your mental health day: The first time I took a so-called mental health day, I had about two notebook pages filled with things to do. After all, wouldn’t it be a great opportunity to clean the drain, change the draperies and catch up on laundry. End result: yet another stressful day, except at least at work I can sip on my cup of coffee in a more comfortable position than upside down looking into a nasty drain…
3. Stop feeling guilty! You know when you take a day off for no apparent, tangible reason other than to take care of yourself, you are going to feel a bit…guilty! Actually, a lot guilty! Chances are you will be thinking about what’s happening at work, what you could have done at work, and how much work you could have accomplished…Cut it out, the work will always be there, and you should want your health to do the same…
What do you think? Do you need a mental health day?
For the first time in my adult life, I took a month off. An entire month off, traveling, seeing new places, swimming in the ocean and mostly “being” as opposed to “doing”. And it shocked the entire heck out of my system, my overachieving, productivity-minded, A-type working woman system…
As someone who became an academic later in life, after over a decade in the corporate world, having extended periods of non-mandatory, daily work is a privilege I never take for granted. Yet, having the option to take some time off, I mean, really off, with the exception of writing and research work which I truly enjoy anyways, did not come easy and without resistance. You’d think this would be an opportunity anyone would chomp at the bit to take and relish in. Yet, to my surprise, this precious opportunity initially left me stressed, frazzled, and frankly speaking, scared…
According to a research study conducted by social psychologist Tim Wilson, about half of participants asked to take part in “thinking periods” during which they would not do anything, rated the experience as unpleasant. When given the option to shock themselves rather than sit quietly and think, 25% of women and 67% of men chose the first option. As a slight reminder, the first option is the one that consisted in inflicting themselves an electrical shock! Anything but sit in quietness and just be left with their own thoughts! Would I rather shock myself than sit in silence and think? Probably not, but I can’t deny the experience might make me want for a load of laundry or two. In general, as human beings, we just tend to feel uncomfortable doing nothing. As women, while sitting still for a bit may come as a welcome break at times, doing absolutely nothing might be downright dreadful in the long run!
This is despite the fact there is actually a science behind the art of doing nothing. I refer to it as an “art”, because in a society that overvalues busyness over intentionality, meaningful nothingness is indeed an art. Yet, recent research has demonstrated engaging in rest and relaxation promotes overall well-being, creativity, and yes, even the sacred productivity we worship at the altar of our daily, busy lives. So why is it then so hard for women to do nothing, and actually enjoy it?
Whether associated with the “not doing enough” syndrome, or linked to the “time anxiety” experienced by individuals leading meaning-driven lives, I strongly believe the answer boils down to the fact that it’s so difficult for women to feel good about ourselves. Much of it stems from society’s perceptions of women’s roles and abilities in life and at work. These perceptions, in my opinion, also lead to what I would call the “rest bias” for women, whereby women are implicitly expected (and expect themselves) to constantly be doing something for others instead of resting. When coupled with the worship of productivity in our modern society, and the various biases afflicting working women and moms, the “rest bias” becomes particularly pronounced against, and felt by women who dare to bask in their glorious right to do absolutely nothing.
Much of it, in my experience as well as so many other working women and moms’, stems from gender-based and sexist perceptions and opinions. As a Black woman especially, I’m acutely aware of the role of racism, beyond sexism and gender-based discrimination, in shaping many of the rest-related stereotypes and opinions.
What would the world think of women who do nothing?
How would our very existence as women be justified, if we just did nothing?
What if we did not bear the children, clean the houses, cook the foods, do the unpaid and invisible labor at home and at work…
What if we didn’t strive to do twice the work for half the pay?
What if we didn’t work, mother, live, love exceptionally?
What if we didn’t save the world, quietly though, with an extra dose of humility and deference, because… patriarchal society, right?
At the end of the day, it’s this “swim or sink” mentality that has us gasping for air from the home to the workplace, toeing the thin line between merit and self-worth, questioning our place (and fearing to lose it) at every turn. It’s the “what if” mindset pushing us to follow the current, even when we’re called to fight against it. It’s the ticking time bomb in our minds when we lay our heads down to rest but can’t stop thinking about tomorrow night’s dinner and the unfinished report for work.
But what is the alternative, if there is one?
Well, I, along so many other women, are discovering there may just be a powerful alternative that’s been left out of the patriarchal instruction book. An alternative that would introduce to the world women who are actually rested, women who are no longer depleted, burnt out and exhausted…
But instead, women who have tapped into the power, and the accompanying struggle, of doing nothing, intentionally, beautifully, regeneratively…
Women who are tapping into things like meditation, nature walks, creativity, rest, and no longer apologizing for it…
Because it’s harder to think more clearly when we’re exhausted…
Because creativity is stifled when we’re burnt out…
Because resistance is lessened when we’re depleted…
Because it benefits generations of outdated, antiquated patriarchal regime when women are not at liberty to think, create, and resist…
So that one day very soon, we may know, not just women who work hard, women who strive, women who are tired…
Women who wear the brilliant yet frayed inside, capes of super-sheroes earned at the cost of their health, sanity and potential… So that instead, we may know, experience, and enjoy women who are rested…
Women who are regenerated…
Women who are full, and giving out of their overflowing cups…
Women who are fully, unapologetically themselves…
How do you fight the “rest bias” as a working woman and mom?
For many, if not most working women and moms, back-to-school is quite the stressful time. New schedules to coordinate, childcare to secure, administrative duties to take care of, all the while juggling the rest of their commitments because life doesn’t stop because school is back in session. If anything, the intense post-summer rhythm ends up taking a toll on working women and moms, affecting their mental and physical well-being, as well as their careers and even personal relationships…This is especially more acute when working women and moms do not have the necessary support to handle all the related changes, from infrastructure to community support. Not to mention the financial toll that comes with the heightened school-related expenses for parents…
It’s no wonder then that, many working moms and parents in general, dread the back-to-school period. An Indeed survey reveals 84% of mothers and 85% of dads are taken by surprise by the back-to-school challenges. A majority of moms (94%) tend to feel that the chores and childcare are their responsibility, which also puts a strain on marriages and partnerships. In addition, moms also tend to deal with managing the desire to be present during daytime activities at school, welcome the kids home, and take advantage of social opportunities with fellow parents, along with the societal pressure that accompany these. Considering the number of dual-earning households where both parents have to work, this can pose serious problems in terms of coordinating schedules, leading successful careers and having harmony at home.
For many, if not most moms, these pressures directly conflict with getting back to a more intense work and family pace for the last months of the year. This adds itself to the pressure to finish the year well, and successfully meet deadlines and deliverables before the end of the year. While the COVID-19 pandemic may have opened a wider door to remote and flexible work arrangements, increasing the number of women in the workforce, it’s also created increased childcare issues and is burdening women with handling both the home and work front simultaneously.
As such, developing a back-to-school system that works best for each working mom can go a long way towards lessening the frustration, guilt, and even home and work issues that often arise at the end of the summer months. Here are three steps to consider:
Developing a vision and plan for the back-to-school season:
As mentioned earlier, the back-to-school season takes many parents by surprise. The sheer amount of tasks and coordination involved leaves many a working mom especially frazzled and stressed out. One of the main reasons for this is, as many tend to not give thought to it earlier in the summer, they underestimate the breadth of what is involved. If we add to it current childcare shortages, increasing inflation and other societal, political, and economic pressures, the whole thing can end up turning into the perfect parental and family storm.
Hence the need to develop a vision and plan beforehand. This involves starting at least a couple of weeks earlier, considering all individuals involved, including parents and children, but also the communities around, the schools and workplaces involved as well. How do we want the back-to-school season to feel? What errors and mistakes do we want to avoid?
Putting together all the schedules of all individuals and places involved allows to spot and fill in the blanks, that is all those times, commitments and duties that may require assistance and support, and find ways to approach these.
Set up a communication plan:
Very often, especially as working moms, we fail to communicate our needs and expectations, especially during harsh seasons. Being so accustomed to literally doing it all, or doing most of it, has robbed many of the skill to ask for help. As a result, overwhelm, frustration, even burnout ensue, unfortunately leaving us depleted and drained. This is where setting up an effective communication plan is crucial.
This entails communicating personal and professional needs and expectations, as related to scheduling, administrative tasks, school and family events as well as finances to the units that make up our communities, including home, work, schools, and the villages we operate in. Some examples include asking for remote and flexible work arrangements, coordinating schedules with partners and family support, or asking for teachers’ assistance.
Take action!
Last but not least, the last part of this system is to take consistent and dedicated action towards making this back-to-school system work. Change requires preparation and consistent action, and back-to-school changes are no exception. This is where implementing small modifications to personal, professional and family habits come in handy, such as progressively modifying bedtimes and wake-up times or slowly reinforcing daily study habits. Stacking habits, whereby new habits are built upon already existing ones, such as scheduling study time right after breakfast, can also help.
Most importantly, maintain the consistency of small changes over time makes all the difference. Involving the whole family, setting up a rewards system, or regularly motivating everyone can go a long way to keep at it!
All in all, back-to-school, while being a busy time for working moms and working parents/families as a whole, doesn’t need to be a time of struggle, frustration and anxiety. Setting up a solid system based on a strong vision and plan, adequate communication and consistent action can help transform a usually dreaded time of year, into one of successful transition.
What are your tips for a successful back-to-school season?
In this episode of the TCS podcast, I’m chatting about the cruel summer ceiling for working moms (in my best Taylor Swift voice). By summer ceiling, I mean all the obstacles facing working moms during the summer months as they juggle increased childhood, caregiving, and household responsibilities due to school closures, with career and personal demands.
Although it is not a tax, the “pink tax” refers to a pricing structure favoring women’s goods and services. According to BALANCE, women pay around 13 percent more for personal care items like body wash, shampoo, lotions, and perfume than men. Even razors targeted at women were 9 percent more expensive. Pink is a common hue for packaging products for women , thus the term “pink tax.”
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, full-time American women earn 83 cents for every dollar earned by males. Women have been impacted by this discrepancy all of their lives, especially women of color, from the beginning of their professions until retirement. Women also earn less in Social Security and pensions due to lower lifetime incomes than males. This is compounded by the fact women are expected to pay much more for identical products during their lifetimes than males due to lower salaries and higher expenditures on personal care items.
As a result, women tend to make less money overall due to the gender wage gap, yet still pay more than their male counterparts for the same products due to the pink tax. The fact that women often live longer than males adds an even heavier weight to these statistics.
Indeed, the average lifespan for American women is 80.5 years compared to 75 years for men. As such, women are indeed being paid less and charged more. Additionally, they also routinely endure more significant levels of stress, anxiety, social inequity, and lower income than men. This creates massive problems for women, as they end up having fewer savings to pay off debt or build emergency savings.
Another compounding factor of this blatant inequity is that while men tend to accumulate more debt than women, their financial means allow them to take prompt action to pay off debt through debt consolidation or any other debt relief options. Yet, the same thing can’t be said about women who tend to have less savings and need to be more careful about their finances and tax.
The Pink Tax Repeal Act, which “prohibits the selling of equivalent products or services that are charged differently depending on gender,” was reintroduced by Rep. Jackie Speier in June 2021. Since reopening the dialogue, some states have started campaigns to eliminate discriminatory taxes. Twenty-four states have abolished the luxury tax on products used for period care. Gender-based pricing in services like dry cleaning and hair treatment is prohibited in New York City, Miami Dade County in Florida, and California. However, these states may charge higher fees if the service demands more significant time, effort, or expense.
How to avoid paying too much on pink tax
Although the pink tax and inflation won’t go away soon, women may still take action to avoid paying too much on certain products. After all, a penny saved is a penny earned. Here are a few ways to avoid the pink tax:
Purchase gender-neutral goods
Depending on how much you favor nicely curved pink razors or flowery-scented deodorants, as well as how much math you have the time and energy to do when shopping at CVS after work, this may be simpler in principle than in practice. Since men’s and women’s items sometimes come in different sizes, you can’t always just compare costs. Instead, you should calculate the prices per ounce if it is not already stated and compare these.
Consider purchasing products that don’t require two different versions—one for men and one for women—such as shampoos, soaps, and razors. There are also several unscented men’s or gender-neutral bath products available on the market if you don’t want to “smell like a guy.”
Even certain perfumed goods for guys might appeal to ladies. Similar items are subject to the “pink tax,” although occasionally, brand or variety has a more significant impact on price. Many female-focused online merchants also provide pink tax-free personal-care goods via subscription programs if you’d rather stay with feminine alternatives. You may reduce pink tax costs with this method.
Purchase garments that don’t require dry cleaning
Purchase clothing that can be machine-washed, hand-washed, and line-dried, such as no-iron blouses. Even in states like California or Washington, DC, where it is illegal to discriminate against customers based on gender at establishments like hair salons or dry cleaners, you will still be charged extra if you want your long hair trimmed or a nice shirt cleaned.
However, it certainly isn’t easy to find apparel that is initially less expensive, especially if you’re plus-size. There is also limited recourse you have to stop certain shops from charging more for women’s clothing than men’s, other than to protest when you notice it happening.
Purchase reusable menstrual supplies
One of the most sinister aspects of the “pink tax” is that it forces women to purchase goods that men don’t need at higher prices, such as sanitary supplies for instance. While shops or manufacturers cannot legally be held responsible for this disparity, there certainly is a push out there to level the playing field in this regard. Indeed, there is a campaign to make menstruation products free for women, as well as a movement to outlaw sales taxes on tampons as they discriminate against women.
In the meantime, you may save money by utilizing reusable products like the Diva Cup, sea sponge tampons, reusable pads, or Thinx period underwear. In addition to being more environmentally friendly than single-use items, some of these goods could also be healthier to use.
Reduce your use of pricey makeup
This is likely something you already do if you feel at ease doing it. It’s also another example of how gender standards cost women more than males.
Complain against discrimination
Speak up if you see a particular manufacturer or merchant attempting to impose absurd gender pricing on unaware customers! Make a call to the corporate office or the manager. Post a review of the company on social media, contact the consumer protection office in your area, and inform your friends.
In practice, it could be more challenging to outlaw gender-based pricing for goods than services since so many variables are at play, such as packaging and marketing variations, that are acceptable justifications for corporations to charge more. Yet, businesses may change or modify some of their practices if customers cease purchasing particular goods or protest.
Develop greater discernment
It also helps being informed about price discrepancies, and going above and above to locate the most significant goods for the money, regardless of packaging. Speaking up if they notice unfair pricing is another alternative. A powerful way to voice dissatisfaction is to complain on social media, in consumer groups, to local lawmakers, and to the business as well. Consumer behavior can provide manufacturers with valuable information.
When shopping, check if there is a pricing difference between the women’s and men’s versions. If there is, check if the quantity and composition are similar. Take a photo of both goods and include the hashtag #AxThePinkTax if they are identical.
Conclusion
It’s important to remember that the pink tax is just one example of how women can be unfairly disadvantaged in the marketplace. By being aware of these issues and addressing them, we can work towards a more equitable society for everyone. It’s high time women set concrete financial goals and work on them.
Author Bio: Attorney Loretta Kilday has more than 36 years of litigation and transactional experience, specializing in business, collection, and family law. She frequently writes on various financial and legal matters. She is a graduate of DePaul University with a Juris Doctor degree and a spokesperson for Debt Consolidation Care (DebtCC) online debt relief forum. Please connect with her on LinkedIn for further information.
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