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One semester somewhere between middle school and my umpteenth serious acne crisis, my Chemistry teacher, this larger-than-life (literally) heavy-framed, smart beyond limits, lady, gave me my first failing grade ever on a major test. Ever. I was flabbergasted, shocked, in absolute disbelief. At 12 years old and four feet something, I was already failure-adverse. And it would take me decades to get over it…

Whether they admit it or not, most people are scared shitless of failing. Hence the whole concept of “faking it ’til you make it”. We’re afraid of messing up, picking our faces off the floor, all the while looking like total idiots, and moving on like nothing ever happened. So we try to perform better, work late nights, network more, get more degrees and certifications, and dress for the job we want. All that so we don’t look like we’re scared shitless of failing…until the day we fail again, and we have to do it all over. It sounds exhausting, because it is…

Truth is, most people are scared shitless of failing…

There are tons of lessons out there about failure, especially career failure. Some say it’s good for your career, others provide tips and tricks to overcome your fear of failure and make it big! Speak up, lean in, do the superhero pose, don’t talk too much, find your bliss, lay down, get up, start running…And the more we talk about it, the more scared we get. It’s like telling yourself you’re not going to trip over yourself so much you forget to tie your shoe laces…You’re going to be scared nonetheless, so you might as well ditch all the prep work and just do it:

1. Stop being attached to the outcome! it took me years to pass my CPA because all I wanted really was the piece of paper and the designation. As long as I didn’t strive for the process itself, I kept failing, and miserably so. One day I decided I was going to do it, whether it worked out or not…and it worked out! That’s the thing about desires, if you just want the end, you tend to stay stuck at the beginning. And that sucks!

2. Focus on the gains, not the losses! Why do you think you’re more taxed on your gains than your losses in business? Well, sometimes the obvious doesn’t hit us until we’re laying face down in our own mess. You cain’t fail if you’ve gained experience, wisdom, knowledge, and this tricky thing called perspective. You can mess up, yes, but as long as you’ve got something to take home with you, that ain’t failure!

3. It’s never black-and-white: Bad leaders will tell you there are only yes or no answers (that’s why they are bad leaders). It’s never black and white, not even when you’re dealing with different coffee roasts. The problem with the very concept of failure is that it’s definitive, it’s black-and-white and boring! It doesn’t leave you with anything but a large surface sting to deal with, and you don’t want that. You want to be able to learn something so you can pick your face up off the floor and keep moving. And if, when you find a leader who can tell you that, stick with them…

4. Enjoy the process! I know, the whole cliche of “it’s not the destination, it’s the journey” is pretty old. But it works. And so does Vaseline on chapped lips, it’s cheap, old as all hell, but it works. And when it works, even if it’s not fancy, or New Age, or 100% certified organic, you keep it somewhere in your back pocket. Enjoy the work, learn something, ask a question! If you think you can’t enjoy it, at least enjoy your paycheck, be grateful you can pay rent, and thank the Lord the reason you hate this job is so you can work out the guts to go do something you really enjoy…And get ready, because you will also have some pretty sucky days at that job you really love…

The Corporate Sis.